Defeated.

[ohno89]

I woke up with a very strange feeling thing morning... I felt completely defeated by my break up after 4 whole months.

 

I had to get up early this morning to attend an engagement function-type thing, and after another sleepless night, my ex being on my mind right before I fell asleep and right when I woke up, I just started crying... I didn't want to go an celebrate another engagement (I'm nowhere near wanting to be engaged but it's still a little sucky!); I felt saddened by happy couples because of what my ex did. I can't sleep at night because of what my ex did. I've lost a huge amount of weight and hate how skinny I've got, because of what my ex did. I feel like I've aged from all the stress and my skin looks tired. I was tired of putting on a brave face and pretending I was okay because everyone thinks I must be over it by now but I'm still hurting... I just hate being seen as weak, I don't wanna be that person...

 

I felt sheer anger towards my ex. Not because of what he did to me anymore, but the control he still indirectly seems to have on me... I'm becoming physically sick because of this guy while he's happy living his life with his new g/f.. I just felt completely defeated. Like, game's over, I need to stop pretending I'm okay because I'm not...how long can I keep this up for?

 

Anyone else felt like this? I was hoping, when I eventually got out of bed that I'd feel a sense of "okay, I refuse to let this thing take over me anymore than it has, I am done!" I don't know if I'm there yet though....

[leftfield]

You're having a down day, hardly surprising when you have to go to an engagement party *hugs*.

 

It's OK to admit you're struggling, there's no time limit on how long it takes to get over a breakup, and everyone (most) people here at LS are in a similar boat - venting, pouring their hearts out, feeling defeated, washed up, crushed - it goes on!

 

The sleepless nights don't help your mood at all, remember that. Feeling tired is a sure fire way to put you in a sh*tty mood so recognise that. I've been sleeping really badly lately and have felt like I'm sliding backwards, but even if I wasn't feeling depressed I think I'd feel awful trying to function on 3-4 hours sleep.

 

Lean on us, lean on your friends and don't be too hard on yourself for still feeling the weight of this 'defeat', even after 4 months. Remember, your ex is not the guy you thought he was, so 'in time' (yes I hate that cliché as well) you will heal and find that this defeat was actually a victory for your freedom to enjoy the rest of your life.

 

Incidentally, I still feel very defeated by my breakup too, but I've recognised I have some other issues as well so I'm trying to sort out the wasps in my head, and I'm hoping that will eventually help me to cope better and get over her. I hope your day goes well.

[ShannonMI]

I woke up with a very strange feeling thing morning... I felt completely defeated by my break up after 4 whole months.

 

I had to get up early this morning to attend an engagement function-type thing, and after another sleepless night, my ex being on my mind right before I fell asleep and right when I woke up, I just started crying... I didn't want to go an celebrate another engagement (I'm nowhere near wanting to be engaged but it's still a little sucky!); I felt saddened by happy couples because of what my ex did. I can't sleep at night because of what my ex did. I've lost a huge amount of weight and hate how skinny I've got, because of what my ex did. I feel like I've aged from all the stress and my skin looks tired. I was tired of putting on a brave face and pretending I was okay because everyone thinks I must be over it by now but I'm still hurting... I just hate being seen as weak, I don't wanna be that person...

 

I felt sheer anger towards my ex. Not because of what he did to me anymore, but the control he still indirectly seems to have on me... I'm becoming physically sick because of this guy while he's happy living his life with his new g/f.. I just felt completely defeated. Like, game's over, I need to stop pretending I'm okay because I'm not...how long can I keep this up for?

 

Anyone else felt like this? I was hoping, when I eventually got out of bed that I'd feel a sense of "okay, I refuse to let this thing take over me anymore than it has, I am done!" I don't know if I'm there yet though....

I'm angry too that my ex has such control over my emotions. I want so badly to just be OK WITH IT ALL! It's been 4 months for me as well and I still think about him non-stop. I feel down a lot of the time. I feel like I'm not living my life the way I should be. I should be going out and having fun and just being free. I just don't have the heart or the energy for it right now. You have to be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for not getting over this sooner. It takes time. Some people take longer then others. Go talk to someone if you can. I've suggested that to you before, I think. You are waiting to go to school to talk to the therapist there, right? I feel for you because I'm going through the same thing, as is everyone on this forum. It's tough, but in time you will get over this piece of sh*t. And yes, he is a piece of sh*t, just like my ex. They don't deserve to have us thinking about them, but unfortunately we do. I think about my ex because I was with him for 8 years and it's hard NOT to think about him. He was a huge part of my life. Our breakup was so sudden and unexpected that I am still stuggling with it. And he cheated. That in itself is something that will take time to get over. In time I will move on, as will you. Stay strong and keep posting:)

[LoveTruthChaos]

I was tired of putting on a brave face and pretending I was okay because everyone thinks I must be over it by now but I'm still hurting... I just hate being seen as weak, I don't wanna be that person...

 

I felt sheer anger towards my ex. Not because of what he did to me anymore, but the control he still indirectly seems to have on me... I'm becoming physically sick because of this guy while he's happy living his life with his new g/f.. I just felt completely defeated. Like, game's over, I need to stop pretending I'm okay because I'm not...how long can I keep this up for?

 

I'm with you.

 

I feel it, I'm tired of it, I don't think of him anymore, only the betrayal of him being with the girl he cheated on me with. I don't understand why he gets to be happy with someone else. It's so bad, that when I walked into my favourite underwear store today...I remembered that not only do I have no one to buy cute underwear for anymore, but he's now seeing hers! I almost threw up right there. How he has betrayed me actually makes me physically sick, which can't be healthy at all.

 

It's been just over 5 months for me. I turned to Mum today and I asked her if this was going to last forever. I thought I was doing so well at one point, but it feels like I'm going backwards. It's horrible. I should be over it by now. It's spring for heaven's sake! I should be out there shagging like a rabbit LOL

 

Not really, that's not my nature at all. But you get my drift

 

Hang in there love. I think it's gonna be a long and tough ride.

[ohno89]

Yup, I hear each and every one of you! And thank you all for replying, you are wonderful people

 

Leftfield - I definitely was having a down day / a down week or two! Funnily enough, I was fine at the wedding today (yes another, they're everywhere!) but then I snapped at my mum on the way home which I'm kinda putting down to pent up anger/sadness and me just taking it out on her.. I thought about my ex a few times at the wedding and how I could so seethat being me and the OLD him in the future...again, I got sad about what he's thrown away for a bit of drugs and a bit of fun... he even pretty much made out that his new relationship wouldn't last and "maybe in a few years we could...." maybe if he hadn't cheated and left me, that would still be a frickin' option...!

 

And yes, the sleepless nights are getting silly, I'm definitely going to the doctors for more sleeping pills i think, only thing that works unfortunately, besides alcohol...!

 

And thank you Shannon, how are you doing at the moment? And yes, I will still be seeing a counsellor when I get back to university hopefully, can't do any harm right?! I think maybe I am being a little hard on myself; I think because I knew I had these 4 months of complete NC over summer, I wanted to be as over him as I could before I had to go back to uni and see him but I can't really rush that... if the saying's true about it taking half the time of your relationship to get over someone, I've still got another 5 miserable months ahead of me!

 

LTC - yup, with you on the going backwards, the betrayal and the silly, irrelevant little thoughts... I'm sure that same one's probably crossed my mind too! Everything little thing does.. I made the mistake initially of finding out exactly who this girl was and went as far as looking at their "holiday" pictures on FB - I know not much and yet, FAR TOO MUCH about this chick and their relationship than I ever, ever needed to, so now, things even remind me of HER, which is AWFUL!!!

 

Funny you should mention the spring thing... do you think us not meeting new guys/girls/hooking up might actually be slowing down our healing process..?! I'm in no way condoning hooking up with people and feeling awful the next morning if you're not ready/into that (I wouldn't wanna do that myself) but...I dunno, maybe we need to start seeing what else is out there and get out of this rut..?! You can tell I'm being a little impatient!

Edited September 20, 2010 by ohno89

[marigo]

Hi ohno89,

 

It's hard to not feel sad and hurt whenever you see happy couples around because it reminds you of the old times you and your ex had. Especially going to an engagement function, id be crying my eyes out the entire time coz id be hurting the entire time. Id be jealous that mine is over. Id be sad that it didnt work out and all these negative emotions. So dont beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

 

On my other post, we talked about how similar our situations and feelings are. After reading your post, i feel like we're the same person coz thats exactly how im feeling right now. I am angry at my ex because of the control he has over me and my emotions. Just like you, i lost weight, and basically ruined my life because of the break up. I got sick, failed school, and just recently, i had a skin disease caused by stress and now its all over my legs and could possibly be permanent scars. But the final straw came when i turned down the first guy i ever liked after my ex because i was too hung up on my ex to really open up to anyone. I was still too emotionally all over the place to even date. I felt like i rejected someone that i ended up really liking in the end but now he backed off. For all these things, i am mad at my ex. Its unfair to feel that we're always the ones hurting, while they seem to have their happy ending.

 

4 months is not a long time. So i say take your time. Theres no rush in moving on. Take it one step at a time but trust me when i say it does get better over time. I cried every single day for 5 months. I felt everyone got tired of listening to me vent or cry. i felt everyone around me was frustrated that im still not okay. But one day, the pain will become too much that you wont even feel anything anymore. You wont have to pretend to be happy because the day will come when realize you're just happy with your life with or without him. I know im pretending to be happy a lot but i must say there had been times where i felt like i am really happy even without my ex in my life. I know you would have these happy moments too. You may not realize it when it happens but like i said, everything will come into place in time. Its been almost 7 months for me and it wasnt long ago when i started feeling happy and okay again. Im not lying when i said, i just woke up one day and i felt numb, nothing, not even seeing his changed relationship status made me cry. So trust me when i say, it does get better. You would have your good days and your bad days. I havent cried in a while. I started crying again recently like right now, but after the tears, i know i will be okay again. So cry and be sad if you must, but just know that it will pass.

[ohno89]

Hi ohno89,

 

It's hard to not feel sad and hurt whenever you see happy couples around because it reminds you of the old times you and your ex had. Especially going to an engagement function, id be crying my eyes out the entire time coz id be hurting the entire time. Id be jealous that mine is over. Id be sad that it didnt work out and all these negative emotions. So dont beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

 

On my other post, we talked about how similar our situations and feelings are. After reading your post, i feel like we're the same person coz thats exactly how im feeling right now. I am angry at my ex because of the control he has over me and my emotions. Just like you, i lost weight, and basically ruined my life because of the break up. I got sick, failed school, and just recently, i had a skin disease caused by stress and now its all over my legs and could possibly be permanent scars. But the final straw came when i turned down the first guy i ever liked after my ex because i was too hung up on my ex to really open up to anyone. I was still too emotionally all over the place to even date. I felt like i rejected someone that i ended up really liking in the end but now he backed off. For all these things, i am mad at my ex. Its unfair to feel that we're always the ones hurting, while they seem to have their happy ending.

 

4 months is not a long time. So i say take your time. Theres no rush in moving on. Take it one step at a time but trust me when i say it does get better over time. I cried every single day for 5 months. I felt everyone got tired of listening to me vent or cry. i felt everyone around me was frustrated that im still not okay. But one day, the pain will become too much that you wont even feel anything anymore. You wont have to pretend to be happy because the day will come when realize you're just happy with your life with or without him. I know im pretending to be happy a lot but i must say there had been times where i felt like i am really happy even without my ex in my life. I know you would have these happy moments too. You may not realize it when it happens but like i said, everything will come into place in time. Its been almost 7 months for me and it wasnt long ago when i started feeling happy and okay again. Im not lying when i said, i just woke up one day and i felt numb, nothing, not even seeing his changed relationship status made me cry. So trust me when i say, it does get better. You would have your good days and your bad days. I havent cried in a while. I started crying again recently like right now, but after the tears, i know i will be okay again. So cry and be sad if you must, but just know that it will pass.

 

Hello again Marigo!

 

Yeah I know... speaking to my cousins, a lot of them met their partners at university and it made me SO sad that that's how I pictured my life to be as well...and so did my ex for most the time! It would've been such a nice little story to tell the kids lol but...he's not the same person anymore. He shattered that dream in the space of like a week without even thinking..

 

Marigo I'm so sorry to hear how much you've suffered since the break up, failing school, the skin disease and the other guy.. literally, all I urge you to do now is please let all of those things - because they are pretty serious - please let them all just now motivate you to get better and turn those things around. Like I mentioned in my other post, you will not wanna look back at your final year at college and only have bad memories and bad grades because of some guy...because believe me, he will eventually just be "THAT" guy and that guy is certainly not worth anymore months of your life or any of those things you mentioned...I do really hope you feel better..

 

And thank you for your words in the last paragraph... it's funny because I know all these things but sometimes you just need to be told again.. I really do think - in our situations and how we've only recently started being low again - it surely MUST just be anxiety over seeing our ex's again after so long... I'm really hoping it won't be that bad and in time, we'll become so immune to it, that it won't even bother us...

 

It's funny, I don't really know how much I or you guys read into dreams and stuff but last night, I had 2 dreams about my ex. In the first one, I was at a club or somewhere, watching my ex fall in love with this new girl. Like, I could see in his face when he looked at her, that he was in love. And in the second dream, one of my ex's friends was crying to me because she said she hadn't seen him in a long time and she feared he might be dead. Neither of these dreams made me feel the emotions they should've. I actually - for the first time in forever - actually woke up in a GOOD mood?! Given that - thinking about the first one mainly - does still make me feel a tiny tinge of awkwardness, I just had no emotions towards these dreams at all. I really don't wanna get too ahead of myself or jinx it, but I wonder if this was somehow, my subconscious FINALLY catching up with my consciousness and letting go of my ex. Of accepting that yes, he's with someone else now and yes, he probably still will always be in my heart, he is pretty much dead to me now...it's time to move on from this.

 

I'm sure I'll probably have another relapse in a couple weeks time and rant about it again on here (honestly hope I don't!) but it was nice to feel what I did today, kind of nothingness....kind of... 'i'm happy for him...' I can't wait til I can finally say that ALL the time and know I'll never feel any different...

[LoveTruthChaos]

I made the mistake initially of finding out exactly who this girl was and went as far as looking at their "holiday" pictures on FB - I know not much and yet, FAR TOO MUCH about this chick and their relationship than I ever, ever needed to, so now, things even remind me of HER, which is AWFUL!!!

 

 

YES ME TOO.

And it's horrible. I didn't see much at all before I blocked my ex, but I saw a picture of the two of them (that was taken while we were still together!), and it's burned in my memory. She's not even his 'type'! And she nearly ruined THREE of my favourite bands. She makes me sick just as much as he does *shudder*

 

I definitely need to get out there just to meet new people, but I'm moving house for the next few months (the whole process), and it's just plain not the right time for me now. Which could actually be a good thing, coz then I can heal completely.

 

I miss the affection so very much though...

[LoveTruthChaos]

It's funny, I don't really know how much I or you guys read into dreams and stuff but last night, I had 2 dreams about my ex. In the first one, I was at a club or somewhere, watching my ex fall in love with this new girl. Like, I could see in his face when he looked at her, that he was in love.

 

I read a lot into dreams. I dream in opposites (not sure if many people do, but I do). So, if i had've had your dream, it would mean they were breaking/had broken up. But that's just me.

 

My dreams have NEVER lied to me

[Leandro]

Yea I sorta believe in my dreams. At the start of the year I had a dream my ex would leave me for one of my friends. What happen? she did. All the dreams I had of her were her leaving me or be forced to leave me. I really never had sweet dreams of her. She had all the dreams of us together. Don't know if they will come true.

[ohno89]

YES ME TOO.

And it's horrible. I didn't see much at all before I blocked my ex, but I saw a picture of the two of them (that was taken while we were still together!), and it's burned in my memory. She's not even his 'type'! And she nearly ruined THREE of my favourite bands. She makes me sick just as much as he does *shudder*

 

I definitely need to get out there just to meet new people, but I'm moving house for the next few months (the whole process), and it's just plain not the right time for me now. Which could actually be a good thing, coz then I can heal completely.

 

I miss the affection so very much though...

 

Gosh, it's awful isn't it?! I have a whole 2 photo albums burned in my memory and yes, like you, including their first picture while me and him were still together... I just picture it and think "....so had you already started scheming away and coming onto my bf at this point..?!" Even every time I say, like a shirt similar to one I know she's worn, I just think "do people think I'm trying to be her?!?" It's CRAZY! She's not typically his "type" either - tattoos and piercings everywhere...but I still can't help but think if that's a good thing for him like he just wanted a change seeing as his "type" hasn't worked out for him so far...

 

I do think the extra time can work in your favour; get your new house sorted so you can be in a better frame of mind for a complete fresh start! But yeah, the affection part sucks...it's crazy that some people take years to find their perfect partner and won't settle for anything less, whereas some people had someone great then managed to find another "great" person and left for another...how do they fall for people and replace people so easily?!

 

The thing about the dreams...I guess evidently, everyone is different. LTC, I would LOVE to think I had the same pattern as you but sadly, I don't think I do.....as you can probably tell, not doing as great as I was y'day after having those dreams....damnit!

[marigo]

Hello again Marigo!

 

Yeah I know... speaking to my cousins, a lot of them met their partners at university and it made me SO sad that that's how I pictured my life to be as well...and so did my ex for most the time! It would've been such a nice little story to tell the kids lol but...he's not the same person anymore. He shattered that dream in the space of like a week without even thinking..

 

Marigo I'm so sorry to hear how much you've suffered since the break up, failing school, the skin disease and the other guy.. literally, all I urge you to do now is please let all of those things - because they are pretty serious - please let them all just now motivate you to get better and turn those things around. Like I mentioned in my other post, you will not wanna look back at your final year at college and only have bad memories and bad grades because of some guy...because believe me, he will eventually just be "THAT" guy and that guy is certainly not worth anymore months of your life or any of those things you mentioned...I do really hope you feel better..

 

And thank you for your words in the last paragraph... it's funny because I know all these things but sometimes you just need to be told again.. I really do think - in our situations and how we've only recently started being low again - it surely MUST just be anxiety over seeing our ex's again after so long... I'm really hoping it won't be that bad and in time, we'll become so immune to it, that it won't even bother us...

 

It's funny, I don't really know how much I or you guys read into dreams and stuff but last night, I had 2 dreams about my ex. In the first one, I was at a club or somewhere, watching my ex fall in love with this new girl. Like, I could see in his face when he looked at her, that he was in love. And in the second dream, one of my ex's friends was crying to me because she said she hadn't seen him in a long time and she feared he might be dead. Neither of these dreams made me feel the emotions they should've. I actually - for the first time in forever - actually woke up in a GOOD mood?! Given that - thinking about the first one mainly - does still make me feel a tiny tinge of awkwardness, I just had no emotions towards these dreams at all. I really don't wanna get too ahead of myself or jinx it, but I wonder if this was somehow, my subconscious FINALLY catching up with my consciousness and letting go of my ex. Of accepting that yes, he's with someone else now and yes, he probably still will always be in my heart, he is pretty much dead to me now...it's time to move on from this.

 

I'm sure I'll probably have another relapse in a couple weeks time and rant about it again on here (honestly hope I don't!) but it was nice to feel what I did today, kind of nothingness....kind of... 'i'm happy for him...' I can't wait til I can finally say that ALL the time and know I'll never feel any different...

 

Hi Ohno89,

 

Oh yes definitely, im def gonna use all those things that happened to me to motivate me to finally move on and completely let go. I think ive ruined my life enough for someone who was able to let me go so easily after two years of being together. Sometimes when i feel like im at my weakest moments, i try to get mad. The anger of course goes away, but i keep thinking, all these things happened to me while hes having the time of his life with somebody else. This isnt fair, i deserve to be happy too. Just keep fighting. I remember talking to my sister the other day while i was crying and i asked her, "howcome im the one who keeps getting hurt? While he keeps getting the happy ending?" and she said to me "thats why you need to try your best to move on. because the more you let him affect you with your life, the more you're stopping yourself from getting that happy ending. what if you meet someone again and you're still hung up on your ex, its not gonna work out again just like this last guy. just think of it as you learning a lot from your break up because you're the one who got hurt. you're ex, he got with someone a few months after the break up, what did he learn?" i remember crying after she said this coz i know what she said is true. Thats why whenever i get sad, i try to be angry and tell myself to keep fighting because i deserve to be happy. So thank you for the kind words!

 

And about the dreams that uve had, i am happy to hear that u woke up in a good mood!! Of course one way or another ud feel sumthin but not like how it used to be. Not like how u thought ud feel when u get those dreams and i feel so proud of you for feeling that way!! Reminds me of the first time i saw my ex changed his relationship status to "in a relationship" i didnt feel anything. So maybe we're both numbed to it? We both hurt too much to the point that its really nothing new anymore. Its the feeling that nothing could really hurt you as much as it did the first time it happened. Remember when i said one day you'd wake up and you probably wont feel anything anymore. Or ud suddenly just feel strong like ur so ready to move on. I think it just happened to you. So yes, i think you're finally at the point of ready to let him go or wanting to let him go. Of course, in the process, you'd still get hurt by sumthin somehow. You'd start crying for no reason or a memory of sumthin will pop out of you're head and ud get emotional. But we're all human. We get tired of the pain somehow, and one day you realize you cant let yourself keep getting hurt by the same person over and over.

 

Just stay strong dear!!

[ohno89]

Hi Ohno89,

 

Oh yes definitely, im def gonna use all those things that happened to me to motivate me to finally move on and completely let go. I think ive ruined my life enough for someone who was able to let me go so easily after two years of being together. Sometimes when i feel like im at my weakest moments, i try to get mad. The anger of course goes away, but i keep thinking, all these things happened to me while hes having the time of his life with somebody else. This isnt fair, i deserve to be happy too. Just keep fighting. I remember talking to my sister the other day while i was crying and i asked her, "howcome im the one who keeps getting hurt? While he keeps getting the happy ending?" and she said to me "thats why you need to try your best to move on. because the more you let him affect you with your life, the more you're stopping yourself from getting that happy ending. what if you meet someone again and you're still hung up on your ex, its not gonna work out again just like this last guy. just think of it as you learning a lot from your break up because you're the one who got hurt. you're ex, he got with someone a few months after the break up, what did he learn?" i remember crying after she said this coz i know what she said is true. Thats why whenever i get sad, i try to be angry and tell myself to keep fighting because i deserve to be happy. So thank you for the kind words!

 

And about the dreams that uve had, i am happy to hear that u woke up in a good mood!! Of course one way or another ud feel sumthin but not like how it used to be. Not like how u thought ud feel when u get those dreams and i feel so proud of you for feeling that way!! Reminds me of the first time i saw my ex changed his relationship status to "in a relationship" i didnt feel anything. So maybe we're both numbed to it? We both hurt too much to the point that its really nothing new anymore. Its the feeling that nothing could really hurt you as much as it did the first time it happened. Remember when i said one day you'd wake up and you probably wont feel anything anymore. Or ud suddenly just feel strong like ur so ready to move on. I think it just happened to you. So yes, i think you're finally at the point of ready to let him go or wanting to let him go. Of course, in the process, you'd still get hurt by sumthin somehow. You'd start crying for no reason or a memory of sumthin will pop out of you're head and ud get emotional. But we're all human. We get tired of the pain somehow, and one day you realize you cant let yourself keep getting hurt by the same person over and over.

 

Just stay strong dear!!

 

Hi Marigo, how are you doing?

 

I'm glad you're gonna carry on like a fighter and not let these things bring you down further. I know at times, it's hard and you feel like giving up, but those moments usually pass when you're reminded that you've got so much going for you and so much to look forward to - easier said than done but no point wasting so much precious time on the past.

 

And what your sister said is true - I don't know about your ex but mine has been in relationships consistantly since he was 14 and more than one has overlapped the last..even when he's been single for a while, he's always still kept in touch with his last ex because he needs that, he needs that emotional stability and validation....it's kinda sad really. But I always try and remind myself of this if I'm down - there is no way someone can come out of such an intense, serious, loving relationship and just move straight on to the next one; I don't see how it can be good for them even if they appear to be completely happy. They haven't mourned, they haven't learnt anything, they've just covered up their emotions and replaced what they had with a shiny new person to give them those "butterfly" feelings again but....people aren't objects. Each person and each relationship is special and unique in it's own way...if they loved you enough to be with you for a substantial amount of time in the first place, you can never really be replaced so easily...you will always have a place in their hearts....probably in the back of their head somewhere and always on their conscious.

 

And thank you for the encouragement! Sadly I think the dream thing was probably a one-off, like I have been thinking about him quite a bit since but I do believe that morning was some kind of breakthrough; I'm getting a little better and dismissing him from my thoughts but I do get a little sad at the whole thing at times....more just sad that it had to end like that with us and what's been lost will never be found again...hmmm.

Edited September 23, 2010 by ohno89

[ohno89]

So I was half-way through packing for uni and i laid down for a rest and just started crying...I was coming across so many things that reminded me of my ex and I just got so upset thinking how sad I am packing for my final year because of what's in store for me...I've got a year of having avoid/bump into my ex, put up with the bs he told his friends, seeing him and the girl he cheated on me with around campus... I thought back to the first and only time I saw them together leaving the supermarket before we finished for the summer and I remember how awful that was and the way he looked at me... I can't believe what has come of my university life and what has come of my relationship with that boy. I never in a million years saw this coming, I never thought he could do such a thing...I resorted back to blaming myself for a second and then switched off again... last summer, he broke my heart when he went travelling and we "had to" split up...this summer, he completely just ripped it into pieces..... how can he break this little girl's heart so many times?

[Leandro]

It's ok to have a little cry from time to time. I wake up sometimes and just start crying but I stop it pretty fast. Like everyone else says on here, focus on yourself. Don't worry about him, you will find someone better. It's his loss so don't beat yourself up over it.

[LoveAintEverything]

You should seriously go talk to someone

[james3232]

It's ok to be angry, it's part of the healing process. It's ok to cry, it's also part of the healing process. Channel the anger and frustration into something creative/constructive. Personally, I went to the gym and went nuts on the weights and treadmills for a good three months.........definitely helped both with the fact that I just wanted to explode and also helped tire me out enough to sleep.

[marigo]

Hi Marigo, how are you doing?

 

I'm glad you're gonna carry on like a fighter and not let these things bring you down further. I know at times, it's hard and you feel like giving up, but those moments usually pass when you're reminded that you've got so much going for you and so much to look forward to - easier said than done but no point wasting so much precious time on the past.

 

And what your sister said is true - I don't know about your ex but mine has been in relationships consistantly since he was 14 and more than one has overlapped the last..even when he's been single for a while, he's always still kept in touch with his last ex because he needs that, he needs that emotional stability and validation....it's kinda sad really. But I always try and remind myself of this if I'm down - there is no way someone can come out of such an intense, serious, loving relationship and just move straight on to the next one; I don't see how it can be good for them even if they appear to be completely happy. They haven't mourned, they haven't learnt anything, they've just covered up their emotions and replaced what they had with a shiny new person to give them those "butterfly" feelings again but....people aren't objects. Each person and each relationship is special and unique in it's own way...if they loved you enough to be with you for a substantial amount of time in the first place, you can never really be replaced so easily...you will always have a place in their hearts....probably in the back of their head somewhere and always on their conscious.

 

And thank you for the encouragement! Sadly I think the dream thing was probably a one-off, like I have been thinking about him quite a bit since but I do believe that morning was some kind of breakthrough; I'm getting a little better and dismissing him from my thoughts but I do get a little sad at the whole thing at times....more just sad that it had to end like that with us and what's been lost will never be found again...hmmm.

 

Hey ohno89,

 

I just read your post about packing for the university made you really emotional. I was too. Because you realized that you're about to go back to reality and see him again and possibly her too. Not only are you suffering from the pain of going through senior year completely different from how you thought it would be, the fact that you have to see him with another person makes it ten times worse. Also, packing and going back to school reminds you of how things used to be. How you used to pack and you know he'll be there and you guys will hang out and do all these things together. Now its different. It is very tough. And like i said, you will have ur good days and ur bad days. I know that when you go back to the university, you'd be super emotional as well because then ud realize, ur really back to reality without him there. And its gonna hurt a lot. Itll be a tough beginning of the year for the both of us. As you saw what happened to me earlier, which i do have an update for you. Even the fact that i used to stay on weekends on campus just to be with him, i dont think id be doing dat at all this year and its our last year. Its hard to accept the things we planned are not gonna happen anymore. I hate to be cliche but you have to really try your best to stay strong because it will be a tough year. How are you feeling now?

 

The update i was talking to you about. Well, after i bumped into my ex and that whole awkward thing, he actually approached me a few hours later and we talked for a bit. But i work on the front desk so a lot of people kept coming in. I had to leave and we never finished our conversation. That made me sad because when he left, i was at the restroom and he didnt get to say bye. Something I am def not used to and it hurts a lot. The fact that he doesnt wait or text me anymore to ask me if im still there, everything has changed. I had this temptation to text me and ask him to dinner to talk, just to kinda clear the air because there really is so much tension between us. I mean, i tried my best to pretend to be happy talking to him but i dont know if he can see that im still hurting. It was normal when i was talking to him, i wasnt even hurting. I knew he wouldnt bring up about the new girl but i wish i could open up to him again. Do you think itd be a good idea to have a talk with him outside work?? I know he wouldnt ask me just coz if his new gf finds out he initiated, it would cause trouble. I dont want to cause trouble with their relationship. Im not gonna talk to him to beg him or chase him, I just feel like we have an unfinished business since we were fighting the last time we talked and then today, we dont even know how to act around each other.

 

Just like you, i dont understand how people can do that. Move on from a very serious relationship to the next. You're ex has been in a relationship since he was 14 and it reminded me of some friends i have and i keep thinking, do you guys still know how to live on ur own? Coz its def a different feeling to always have someone there and it seems that ur ex is one of those who always has to have a gf. Sad to say, like my ex, i dont know if they learned anything from the past relationships. They havent had the time to cry, think, or even reevaluate themselves. Like i said on my other post, i am my ex's second gf but his first love and first serious relationship. But i do know that he's constantly liking girls. Thats why im not surprised he moved on to this new girl right away. I mean he did wait 5 months to start a new relationship but after 2 years, i still think thats pretty fast.

 

How are you doing today??

[ohno89]

Lol, okay so one person think's I should talk to someone and another two say it's okay to be feeling like this...hmmm, I'll take both into account, thanks guys

 

And hello again Marigo! Thank you ever so much for your input again, you pretty much summarized everything I am scared but am probably gonna have to face up to feeling in a weeks time...funnily enough, I was meant to be moving today but our new flat's not ready yet so we've gotta wait...little annoyed but hey, the less time I have to spend at uni and therefore near my ex, the better!

 

As I said, everything you said is everything I'm scared of. I guess coz you're already in that place, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I'm sorry you're having to go through this too...as for how I'm doing, well....it appears there is more to my story than I even I thought! After feeling so down that day, I got a text from a friend of mine who said he was looking forward to seeing me at uni and I felt better hearing from him. Funnily enough though, this is same guy who was at the party who my ex hated and used as an excuse to stop talking to me and turned things around on me.

 

Just to refresh, this guy was someone who I used to hook up with TWO years ago, before I even knew my ex existed. It was only over the space of like a month, only when we were drunk and nothing ever came of it. I didn't sleep with him, I never really spent time with him sober; it was literally two friends, hooking up at the end of the night when we were both drunk. Nothing emotional was really there and we remained friends because he's a cool guy and friends with a lot of my friends and it was never awkward. The first year I was with my ex, he never liked the guy, and although I didn't appreciate my ex just waltzing into my life and telling me to stop speaking to this guy, it was never worth the arguements so I would avoid this guy, really for no reason. This year round, our group of friends got closer and my ex even started speaking to this kid so I thought things were cool, I mean, if I were to just cut this guy out of my life, it would be more weird than staying friends with him, he'd literally had been like "wtf, nothing even happened with us and we're friends, what's his problem?" I also hated that my ex didn't trust me enough with this guy, or others for that matter.

 

Anywho, when this kid found out what my ex did, he basically said that he couldn't believe I ever even got back with him in the first place months before, after what he did to me (hooking up with a "friend" of mine) and the rest of that stuff.... I guess maybe this guy always had a thing for me but it was never reciprocated; when I was with my ex, NO ONE came close to him...not once...even after everything; he was literally my everything.

 

So after my ex cheats on me and goes off on his little drug-filled holiday, I'm at home trying my best to keep distracted, have fun, go out and me and this guy - after like a year of us having to tip toe around each other for nothing - we become friendly again and I can honestly say that he's the only guy I could spend time with after my break-up and it NOT be because of my ex, to get back at him, or to distract myself or whatever. There have been other guys this summer but I've always known in the back of my head, they're merely distractions for me and I've no intentions of leading them on or anything. Now I KNOW to anyone, it seems like I'm being spiteful towards my ex or whatever for picking the one guy my ex hates but I can't help it if he's the ONE guy I think I can actually start have feelings for besides my ex.... this kid in question is NOT stupid, in fact, not only does he have my ex on FB, but he has my ex's new g/f on there too so he certainly know's what's going on now and he knows about my past with my ex. And I care about this guy far too much as a friend firstly, to ever wanna play him like that, I'd never do that to him, or anyone. If I wanted to just hook up with guys, or people my ex knew so it would get back to him, trust me, I would've.

 

Now....if this is the only guy I can actually have fun and seem to move forwards with......is that wrong?! Why does the thought of anything happening with this guy make me feel guilty about my ex hating him even after everything he'd done to me?!

 

This is what's on my mind atm....the thoughts of seeing him and being scared have subsided a little as - receiving one little text from this guy - made me realise that there are people looking forward to see me at uni, and I can have fun and that I deserve to... I'm hoping the friends, the fun and the work will outshine the hurt and worry of seeing my ex.

 

Marigo, I've seen you posted a thread regarding your recent situation so I will reply there... I hope you're doing okay chick! As for the last paragraph....well, your ex took 5 months, mine took like 5minutes....it really doesn't justify anything...5months does seem soon after a 2year R and if your ex is like mine - jumping from one R to another - then I really think, it's their problem. I wonder who these people will eventually end up marrying...who will have the power to tame these people and get them to "commit for life" if they do this so often....I dunno... sadly Marigo... I think we have to stop caring. Stop caring how they could do this, how they could do it so soon, are they gonna apologise.....there're questons we'll never know the answers to and all they do is make us dwell more...SIGH! x

[ohno89]

Felt a little down again today, not entirely sure why....the 'high' I seemed to have the other day when I last posted didn't last long... I also happened to come across a couple posts from my ex on a mutual friends wall and as soon as I saw his name, my heart fast-forwarded a little. Couldn't help but read them but thankfully, he managed a couple posts WITHOUT mentioned his new g/f for once so that was okay at least. I also had hopes that MAYBE, just maybe by some miracle, he wouldn't be around uni next year...that he wouldn't have passed him exams or would decide to take out a year like he'd originally planned but nope, he's definately gonna be around so I better get used to it. It's silly but I noticed he doesn't... "type" the same anymore...silly I know, to notice such a little thing but he spells certain words different and talks all weird and it made me sad, like....gosh, he really has changed...he's probably picking up on stuff from his new gf/homewrecker (whatever, let me be a little bitter!)

 

I KNOW he's "not the same person as he used to be" and I probably wouldn't like the new him as much anyway...well I definately don't if the new him had it in him to do what he did to me! But it doesn't make it any less painful, the fact that I've completely lost someone I knew like the back of my hand...he doesn't even exist anymore and never will again...the boy I knew and loved was wonderful....this new guy seems like he's brainwashed.....awful feeling....

[ohno89]

Urgh, I HATE Facebook! I hate it, I hate it!!!

 

So I was casually browsing on a friends photo album on FB and guess who comes up on my handy little 'People you may know'? My ex's new girlfriend. Yes, the "homewrecker." Now obviously I've seen her profile before but I have made a conscious effort to avoid even the tiny little picture that comes up on the you mutual friends or whatever of both my ex and her because I don't wanna see anything related to them. Hence my previous post about my heart dropping even seeing my ex's name on FB because it's been so long and I no longer hurt myself anymore with that crap. Well, until now.

 

I saw her picture had changed, it was only one of herself but I HAD to click on it. I don't know why, I just did. And even that manage to make me cry my eyes out. Literally because I can see my ex's shoes in the background and a picture of hers stuck on the wall behind her so she it was clearly taken in his new apartment. I am distraught. Literally gone from "who cares if he's gonna be around uni, you have your friends, you've got work to do, rise above it" to "I don't wanna go back to uni, I don't wanna see them, why is this happening to me, etc etc."

 

I think the reason it made me so upset was because I pictured that to be me in his final year apartment. We talked about where we were each gonna live and how we'd have really nice apartments and could hang at each others all the time and to actually see pictures of that taken away from me......its crushed me. I feel like I'm...okay not square 1 but maybe 5. Why did this girl have to swoop in and literally take my future away? That was meant to be me.....

 

All of a sudden, all my hard work of taking my ex off that pedestal and thinking "who cares, she can have him, he's not all that great", all of that's gone again. I want that to be me in his apartment...I can't believe I'm back here....

 

I can't believe that earlier, when I was ordering tickets for a gig at uni this Friday, I had to contemplate it for a good 20 minutes even tho I love the DJ, my friends are gonna be there and it's the first night out of my final year.......I had to question whether or not I'm gonna be able to face seeing my ex there and better yet, seeing her there.

 

Any motivational thoughts I had in me to keep me going and keep my self-esteem up like "maybe the grass isn't greener for him" have vanished.....I feel awful in myself. why would he miss me when he's got her now? She's shiny and new and pretty and quirky with all her tattoos and pictures she takes of herself...she can get him free drugs, they can go out and get smashed together...why would he ever look back?

 

(Okay, evidently, I'm now using this as my coping log....hopefully I won't feel like this in a couple ays time..x)

 

Edit: well if I'd known blocking someone would hide that stupid little picture of em too, I would've done it a loooong time ago. I hate her.

Edited September 27, 2010 by ohno89

[Leandro]

She may be shiny and new, but she won't stay that way for ever. She will get dull and old. The drugs she uses will make that happen faster too. When that happens he will look back and regret leaving you, but you would have moved on by then.

 

You should go to the gig on Friday. Yea you might see them together but if you don't go he'll probably think you're still depressed and all. That will probably make him happy. Go have fun with your friends and meet new people.

[marigo]

Lol, okay so one person think's I should talk to someone and another two say it's okay to be feeling like this...hmmm, I'll take both into account, thanks guys

 

And hello again Marigo! Thank you ever so much for your input again, you pretty much summarized everything I am scared but am probably gonna have to face up to feeling in a weeks time...funnily enough, I was meant to be moving today but our new flat's not ready yet so we've gotta wait...little annoyed but hey, the less time I have to spend at uni and therefore near my ex, the better!

 

As I said, everything you said is everything I'm scared of. I guess coz you're already in that place, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And I'm sorry you're having to go through this too...as for how I'm doing, well....it appears there is more to my story than I even I thought! After feeling so down that day, I got a text from a friend of mine who said he was looking forward to seeing me at uni and I felt better hearing from him. Funnily enough though, this is same guy who was at the party who my ex hated and used as an excuse to stop talking to me and turned things around on me.

 

Just to refresh, this guy was someone who I used to hook up with TWO years ago, before I even knew my ex existed. It was only over the space of like a month, only when we were drunk and nothing ever came of it. I didn't sleep with him, I never really spent time with him sober; it was literally two friends, hooking up at the end of the night when we were both drunk. Nothing emotional was really there and we remained friends because he's a cool guy and friends with a lot of my friends and it was never awkward. The first year I was with my ex, he never liked the guy, and although I didn't appreciate my ex just waltzing into my life and telling me to stop speaking to this guy, it was never worth the arguements so I would avoid this guy, really for no reason. This year round, our group of friends got closer and my ex even started speaking to this kid so I thought things were cool, I mean, if I were to just cut this guy out of my life, it would be more weird than staying friends with him, he'd literally had been like "wtf, nothing even happened with us and we're friends, what's his problem?" I also hated that my ex didn't trust me enough with this guy, or others for that matter.

 

Anywho, when this kid found out what my ex did, he basically said that he couldn't believe I ever even got back with him in the first place months before, after what he did to me (hooking up with a "friend" of mine) and the rest of that stuff.... I guess maybe this guy always had a thing for me but it was never reciprocated; when I was with my ex, NO ONE came close to him...not once...even after everything; he was literally my everything.

 

So after my ex cheats on me and goes off on his little drug-filled holiday, I'm at home trying my best to keep distracted, have fun, go out and me and this guy - after like a year of us having to tip toe around each other for nothing - we become friendly again and I can honestly say that he's the only guy I could spend time with after my break-up and it NOT be because of my ex, to get back at him, or to distract myself or whatever. There have been other guys this summer but I've always known in the back of my head, they're merely distractions for me and I've no intentions of leading them on or anything. Now I KNOW to anyone, it seems like I'm being spiteful towards my ex or whatever for picking the one guy my ex hates but I can't help it if he's the ONE guy I think I can actually start have feelings for besides my ex.... this kid in question is NOT stupid, in fact, not only does he have my ex on FB, but he has my ex's new g/f on there too so he certainly know's what's going on now and he knows about my past with my ex. And I care about this guy far too much as a friend firstly, to ever wanna play him like that, I'd never do that to him, or anyone. If I wanted to just hook up with guys, or people my ex knew so it would get back to him, trust me, I would've.

 

Now....if this is the only guy I can actually have fun and seem to move forwards with......is that wrong?! Why does the thought of anything happening with this guy make me feel guilty about my ex hating him even after everything he'd done to me?!

 

This is what's on my mind atm....the thoughts of seeing him and being scared have subsided a little as - receiving one little text from this guy - made me realise that there are people looking forward to see me at uni, and I can have fun and that I deserve to... I'm hoping the friends, the fun and the work will outshine the hurt and worry of seeing my ex.

 

Marigo, I've seen you posted a thread regarding your recent situation so I will reply there... I hope you're doing okay chick! As for the last paragraph....well, your ex took 5 months, mine took like 5minutes....it really doesn't justify anything...5months does seem soon after a 2year R and if your ex is like mine - jumping from one R to another - then I really think, it's their problem. I wonder who these people will eventually end up marrying...who will have the power to tame these people and get them to "commit for life" if they do this so often....I dunno... sadly Marigo... I think we have to stop caring. Stop caring how they could do this, how they could do it so soon, are they gonna apologise.....there're questons we'll never know the answers to and all they do is make us dwell more...SIGH! x

 

Hey Ohno89,

 

WOW, I AM PISSED! I just wrote a super long response but Loveshack logged me out. Ugh.

 

Anyway, sorry if i havent been able to respond to your posts. I have been depressed and whenever i try to write sumthin, i end up crying so i thought id wait till im a bit better to respond. Im guessing you're back at the uni now? How are you feeling? Have you bumped into him yet? Or the homewrecker?

 

The part about this guy that your ex hates is coming into the picture. I completely understand that its hard not to feel guilty and not to worry about what your ex would feel or how other people would see it as. You were the one whos been cheated on so naturally, you have a tendency to be bitter and thats why its natural for people to think that you might be using this guy to get back at your ex. But i do believe that this isnt what you're doing to him. Honestly, you're ex hates him because you hooked up with this guy even before you and your ex met. You guys hooked up more than once. So im guessing, there has been a physical attraction right from the start. I mean i dont think you wouldve hooked up with this guy if you werent attracted to him even in the slightest bit you know? The reason your ex hates him is that i think we all have a tendency to feel awkward or to feel a little hatred with someone that our boyfriend/girlfriend hooked up with and thats why your ex is hating on this guy. You said you and this guy never really talked when hes sober, so when he finally contacted you and was ACTUALLY talking to you, you probably felt an emotional connection as well. Something you guys never really had. I mean like i said, the physical attraction was there but this time, you guys are connecting emotionally. So i wont be surprised if you end up liking this guy and i really dont see anything wrong with that. Let the people think what they want to think as long as you know thats not what you're trying to do. So what are they gonna say if you end up liking this guy? If your ex never hated this guy then you're allowed to be with him but since your ex hated this guy then you cant because you're just using him? People judge and generalize. I completely understand the guilty feeling though as i had that as well with the new guy i was talking to you about (i'll share a short story in the next paragraph) because even tho you are angry with your ex, you still have feelings for him. Just because you're angry doesnt make the feelings go away. You still care about him and thats why you feel guilty. You care about how hes gonna react when he finds out. You're probably afraid to hurt him, to see his reaction, or for it to affect him. And i think the reason we feel like this is that we still think of our exes as "OUR" guy. But dear, you cant get this guilty feeling get in the way of any possibilities you might have with this guy. He might turn out to be WAYYYY BETTER than your ex. Im not saying force it with this guy. Let it happen naturally. But dont stop yourself from liking him if your heart wants to.

 

As for the short story i was telling you about. The new guy and i met at the time when i wasnt really ready to date or to even open up to anybody. So meeting this new guy completely caught me off guard. I was still healing and crying over my ex, basically, still hung up on my ex. Thats why i felt so confused and guilty because i thought, how could i still be in love with someone and start liking another person? This new guy knew about my ex and im not sure how. Hes the one who brought up the topic about my ex. Anyway, the moment this guy and i met, we hit it off right away. There was a point he admitted to me that he likes me, however, i was just lost and confused at the time and i couldnt respond back to him. I knew i was interested in him but i didnt want to say anything until i was sure. There was also a point where he asked if he could kiss me but i turned him down. The biggest regret of the century im telling you. I wanted to kiss this guy so badly, however, i let the guilty get in the way. I told this new guy that i felt guilty. I told him even though im single, i feel like im cheating on my ex. Dumb huh? Anyway, this guy is similar to ur new guy as well. Theyre both not stupid. This guy told a mutual friend that he wanted to ask for my # but was hesitant because he didnt want to be a rebound. He ended up asking for my # and we hung out but nothing really came out of it. I dont really know if it was something that i did that turned him off. But i know its the possibility that i didnt show enough interest or he mightve been convinced that im still not over my ex. Sad to say, he is right, at the time at least. This guy backed off and thats when i realize how much i really like him but i think ive ruined my chances. This is why im mad at my ex because i let him, the guilt, and my feelings for him get in the way with this new guy. Thats why im telling you, its normal to feel guilty, but dont let it take over you because you might regret it like i did. The bolded part is also my defense about this new guy. I was not gonna use him for a rebound because if i only want a distraction, there have been guys. However, i would never use someone just to make me get over my ex. Im only gonna go on a date with someone i can see myself being with someday. So i totally understand how you're feeling. The only thing making your situation harder is that your "new" guy happened to be the guy your ex hates but sometimes, thats how things come around you know? Also, the reason im telling you not to feel too guilty is that at the time the new guy asked if he could kiss me, i kept thinking "what if my ex finds out? it will hurt him? what if he wants to get back with me and he finds out i kissed someone else? he might not take it back." im mad at myself now because while i was thinking about these things, he already has a girl and probably got realy intimate with her. So im telling you, while we're thinking about our exes, theyre probably not even thinking about us.

 

I also read your 2 posts after this, and omg!!! i totally feel the same way!!! you said you see the difference about everything with your ex even the way he write or spells things. My ex never used "lol" with me before but after we broke up, he started using that with me and it actually pissed me off. I also see him use terms and talk to other people the way i never saw him talk before. My ex told me that i changed a lot throughout the relationship. But sadly, he changed too, thats why his feelings for me changed. In your position, your ex changed as well and as hurtful as it is, theyre no longer the guy we first fell in love with. Have you heard of the saying that goes something like "he's supposed to love you for the person that you are and the person you become"? We loved them the way they are and even if they changed we still loved them, but they didnt when we changed thats why theyre feelings changed.

 

I ALSO HATE FACEBOOOK!!! i hate it so much yet i cant get myself to stop looking and checking it. I am proud of you though because you really did make extra efforts just to avoid seeing things that might hurt you. Sadly, dumb facebook has its way to still make you feel the pain. I totally understand how you felt when you saw the pic of the homewrecker at your ex's new apartment. You know thats what ive been crying about a lot. I keep imagining that even tho my ex's new girl doesnt go to the same uni, she's gonna come down and visit one of these days and she'll stay over there and its supposed to be me!!! Im the one whos supposed to be over there, not her! Just earlier today, i was crying because i started thinking about graduation. We were supposed to graduate together. Im the one whos supposed to be there at his graduation and be next to him in the pictures and not her. Im supposed to be that special girl who helped him get through everything when he throws a graduation party but no, its not me whos gonna be there but her! Trust me, being back in school, you would have a lot more moments like these ones. With halloween coming up, i imagined going to the halloween concert with him on our last year but we cant anymore. We were supposed to go to welcome week together for the first and last time this senior year because we never went before. But that didnt happen.

 

I do think you should go to the gig on Friday though. If your ex is there, it might actually be good for you because it will get rid of the fear and anxiety of POSSIBLY seeing him. Thats how i felt when i saw my ex on thursday. I dont have to wonder anymore how its gonna feel when i see him because it already happened. So if you do see him there, i think it might be good for you. But no, dont just go there for the possibility of seeing him. Make Friday about YOU! Do it for YOU! Its your senior year too. You have to have fun. You said to me many times before to not let my ex get in the way of enjoying my senior year, so i think its the same for you. I know its hard not to feel that "im supposed to be with my boyfriend here right now" and i know you'd get that feeling. But just let it. In the future, at least you can look back and say, i still went and i was able to experience it. I didnt leave college without doing anything.

[ohno89]

She may be shiny and new, but she won't stay that way for ever. She will get dull and old. The drugs she uses will make that happen faster too. When that happens he will look back and regret leaving you, but you would have moved on by then.

 

You should go to the gig on Friday. Yea you might see them together but if you don't go he'll probably think you're still depressed and all. That will probably make him happy. Go have fun with your friends and meet new people.

 

Leandro, thank you for your kind words... I do always try to tell myself things like that to feel better lol, like her tattoos all down her arm are gonna look awful on her wedding day! It's just awful coz stupidly, I thought I was different...they way he'd talk about our future, anyone would think we were set and I think even he was a little in shock after he cheated coz he kept saying "I can't believe I've done this to YOU". He obviously regarded me pretty highly until she came along and I don't think he would've even considered leaving me if he wasn't sure that the new person was worth it, so it's just natural but AWFUL for me to assume that she's obviously better..but I guess she was just what he wanted at this point in his life....which sucks coz he honestly thought he could put us on hold coz he couldn't possibly miss the "oppotunity" to be with her..

 

And about the gig...I DID end up getting tickets, mainly coz - altho my closest friends know how I'm feeling - I don't wanna have to tell other people I'm not going coz of him, that's just pathetic...I just need to get back to the idea I had in my head of going and having an amazing time. It can surely only be a slap in the face for him to see me still having a good time while him and his new thing are there..right?

 

Marigo, thank you so much for coming on here and replying even though you're not feeling the best yourself, I've missed you! How you holding up? I was actually gonna PM you y'day but like you, all I could do was cry while I was on here and I was just exhausted, I just carried on crying but in bed! And I'm sorry about the whole comment thing as well, I might just copy all this now just in case!

 

I'm not back at uni just yet no, I should be going tomorrow and this thing's on Friday and then we start properly on Monday... I just hate how this is an issue for us Marigo! I hate bitchin' and moaning all the time, I even feel like a brat for my last two posts coz people are probably going through so much worse but..it just sucks that we have to face this you know? I just feel a little hard done by that people actually up and move to a different city to get away from something like that but we HAVE TO go back to that same place we spent time with our ex's at, face everything, and keep a smile on our face and keep our grades up at the same time...it's just hard.

 

Thank you for all your input with the other guy situation and thank you for believing that it's not just me being shi**y to my ex but you're absolutely right; I'm not gonna force it...I mean I don't even know how into me he even is so if it happens then it does, if it doesn't then it doesn't and we can still remain friends. I think it kinda just opened my eyes a little like, in 1.5yrs, me and my ex have broken up 3 times in total so my ex has questioned his R with me that many times, but then here's a guy who's liked me for about 3yrs now (he's had R's inbetween) but I always played it off like him being goofy and so not R material, I always just thought I was drawn to him coz he was a cool guy, like he's so funny and that's always attractive to me even if you're bald and hairy! But I've always been so quick to dismiss him (and obviously rightfully so because I was in a R) but now that I'm not, why can't I give him a go...it's just unfortunate that we had that bit of history which my ex would and now will always be able to use against me like "I was right all along" but....fact it, he cheated on me and already made plans to go away with this girl while he was STILL in a R with me and BEFORE he knew that I'd gone to this guy's party.. I could've just not gone out with my friends at all and sat at home pining over him for the 2 weeks he literally told me to "leave him alone" with no explanation and it wouldn't have changed the fact that he went behind my back and cheated. There, guilt over! (I think!)

 

Marigo I can completely sympathise with you there. Same thing happened to me last summer when my ex went travelling and I met a great guy at home but my ex and I were still very much in contact and I think we knew we'd get back together eventually. Which we did. This other guy then got a gf and they were totally in love and then when my ex told me "you'll find someone better than me, someone that won't hurt you", I screamed in anger at him that "I did and I frickin' gave him up for you?!" It really made me think about what my life would've been like if I went for this guy...but guess who I heard from a couple weeks ago? That same guy from last summer. He's not with him gf anymore and probably noticed that I wasn't with my ex so he got back in touch. Granted that I'm not looking for anything serious atm at all, he did come back. What I'm trying to say is, I really don't think you should beat yourself up too much about this guy; it's shi**y that your ex had to be the reason for it, but if you're not ready, than you're not; you did the right thing. And if this guy is genuine enough and it's meant to be, maybe it could still work out in the future when you're ready. You'd probably be kicking yourself more had you rushed into this not being ready and ended up really hurting this guy and yourself.

 

And you're totally right on the "not thinking about us" thing...my ex sure wasn't thinking about me - his gf at the time - when he had his tongue down some other girls throat! I just would hate for my ex to be right about this other guy and have seen a connection with us before even before I did! Even still, at least I can safely say I remained 100% faithful during the R whereas he didn't.

 

And lol, I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices crap like that..it's awful isn't it? I seem to have a hard time understanding how much and why he changed so much...my ex made me feel awful when we were breaking up but before he told me he cheated; he started saying that he felt like he couldn't be himself around me and I make him feel bad about the way he is....he was literally talking about the drugs. He'd always tell me how much he loved the fact that he COULD be himself around me completely and I still loved him all the same, etc etc...but I think he started to believe that him under the influence of drugs, was who he "actually" was. Although I never really had an issue with him doing drugs, I think he felt that because he wasn't so into them when he first met me, he thought I wouldn't like who he was on drugs and he felt like he needed to hide stuff from me coz I didn't do drugs and wouldn't understand. So that obviously turned into me not "letting him be himself" which was complete BS. I know I met my ex when he'd literally just started uni and people grow and change and "find themselves" in that time but.....I guess I was just naive in thinking we would grow and change together and not apart...

 

Marigo, as well as us losing our bfs, we've also lost what we thought would be our future and I think that's definately adding to us not being able to let go, coz it's not just about letting go of that person but that future we had set out for us....maybe we need to just accept that that's not our life anymore and thing's aren't gonna pan out the way we hoped but it doesn't mean they're gonna be awful. I know I'm trying to give you advice when I'm suffering from the same thoughts, but what if we started looking forward to graduating with all our amazing friends who have helped us through this....start looking forward to an alternative but still exciting future. I was very much there before this stupid little FB setback... I know that there's so much I wanna do and see in this world while I'm still young - and although it would've been great to share these experiences with my ex - that's not gonna happen anymore but that's okay; we can do it alone. to be honest, I didn't realise how much I did wanna do before me and my ex broke up... I guess I saw him having this standard life of moving in together and working and getting married and having kids but...who wants a standard life?!

 

The world is full of many possibilities, many oppotunities and so many people....I'm sure the right one will just fall into our arms one day! Marigo keep your head up and keep posting on here if it makes you feel better, it'd be good to see how you're doing x

Edited September 28, 2010 by ohno89

[Leandro]

Leandro, thank you for your kind words... I do always try to tell myself things like that to feel better lol, like her tattoos all down her arm are gonna look awful on her wedding day! It's just awful coz stupidly, I thought I was different...they way he'd talk about our future, anyone would think we were set and I think even he was a little in shock after he cheated coz he kept saying "I can't believe I've done this to YOU". He obviously regarded me pretty highly until she came along and I don't think he would've even considered leaving me if he wasn't sure that the new person was worth it, so it's just natural but AWFUL for me to assume that she's obviously better..but I guess she was just what he wanted at this point in his life....which sucks coz he honestly thought he could put us on hold coz he couldn't possibly miss the "oppotunity" to be with her..

 

And about the gig...I DID end up getting tickets, mainly coz - altho my closest friends know how I'm feeling - I don't wanna have to tell other people I'm not going coz of him, that's just pathetic...I just need to get back to the idea I had in my head of going and having an amazing time. It can surely only be a slap in the face for him to see me still having a good time while him and his new thing are there..right?

 

Lol yea the wedding day will be weird. That's if they make it that far.

 

Yea he might want her at this point in his life, but when its time to settle down and start a family or whatever he's probably going to prefer you.

 

Yea it would be a slap to his face. You will be showing him that you don't need him to make you happy. If I was him that would hurt my ego.

 

Do the new girl go to the uni as well?