dealingwithit Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 My husband of 4 years cheated on me with a girl he knew back in high school and then this year reconnected with her on Facebook. She even helped us move to our new home. They met in June and slept together in July. We have decided to work things out, but my question is when does all the range of emotions start. It has been two months and not really any emotions. Of course I had them when I found out, but since then not really anything. Another thing is when does all the obsession of checking everything slow down or stop? It is like a daily ritual for me and I hate it, but cannot stop.
FryFish Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 lol... My obsession stopped when I ended the relationship.
YellowShark Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Another thing is when does all the obsession of checking everything slow down or stop? It is like a daily ritual for me and I hate it, but cannot stop.lol... My obsession stopped when I ended the relationship. Same here. The obsession stopped when I ended the relationship dealingwithit. Sorry to tell you that.
2sunny Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 unless your spouse is doing EVERYTHING under the sun that you need to feel is necessary to earn your trust back with words and actions (especially, they must match) - then there is nothing to work on. the cheating spouse must be completely willing to right what they have wronged.
painfullyobvious Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I agree with the other posters here. I had to move out of our apartment so I did not rummage through everything looking for clues of more infidelity. The obsessing did not stop but at least I did not have to see her and be reminded of what she did in our apartment with my own eyes everyday.
eeyore1981 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 My husband of 4 years cheated on me with a girl he knew back in high school and then this year reconnected with her on Facebook. She even helped us move to our new home. They met in June and slept together in July. We have decided to work things out, but my question is when does all the range of emotions start. It has been two months and not really any emotions. Of course I had them when I found out, but since then not really anything. Another thing is when does all the obsession of checking everything slow down or stop? It is like a daily ritual for me and I hate it, but cannot stop. I went through the same thing. The way I stopped (and it took me at least a year) was to 100% understand and 100% believe no matter how much I looked and how many ways I thought of to check and snoop, etc., etc., there was no way for me to ever check everything. Even though I was doing it for reassurance, it was a false sense of security. So I made the decision to go with he was no longer cheating, but if anything ever happens again to make me think he is, I'm out of here. No questioning, no discussion, no nothing. Just gone. This made it more about me and my needs, what I could live with and what I couldn't, and like you, the obsessing was driving me nuts. So, if something comes up that makes me suspect, it doesn't matter if he is or not, what matters is me not willing to go through all those feelings again.
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