carissalime Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Need advice and courage... i cant seem to get my mind off the fact that i made the horrible choice to have a first trimester abortion. I do believe in a womens right to choose, however, i made the wrong choice. I had visions of this child as a young boy, and a young man. I feel horrible. I cannot look into my boyfriends eyes without thinking of the baby I terminated. We both made the desicion to end the pregancy, but now i regret it fully. He doenst want any kids.... i am 39 and he is 45. Yes, getting up there in age, it played a major factor in the choice i made. But i cant stop crying. It was over a year ago. How do i let go?
Billie The Puppet Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Sounds to me like he made your choice. From your text it seems like you want a kid or kids so you need to decide if that is more important than your relationship. It's a hard choice to make but you can't compromise your values for a relationship no matter how much you love someone. You'll always have the second guessings like this thread. How to cope will be hard but read what I just wrote and ask yourself if you want kids. If you do you need to move on which will be tremendously hard because you need to go back to fishing in the sea yet still be attached to one ago does not share the same values as you. It's kind of like you chose your relationship over having kids. Now your not even able to look in your bfs eyes, how hard is the relationship going to be now. I think you have these thoughts and visions because you were not set on the abortion 100%. Try not to be saddened over these take them as a little sign as motherhood. The little boy you see life is not lost, it's just that he is not here. He is with you and heart and mind. Take it as a little glimpse of who you wanted him to be and you as a mother. If you really want to be a mother you should chase your dreams and if you can not have one naturally in a reasonable amount of time adoption is always an option.
mickleb Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Sounds to me like he made your choice. From your text it seems like you want a kid or kids so you need to decide if that is more important than your relationship. It's a hard choice to make but you can't compromise your values for a relationship no matter how much you love someone. You'll always have the second guessings like this thread. How to cope will be hard but read what I just wrote and ask yourself if you want kids. If you do you need to move on which will be tremendously hard because you need to go back to fishing in the sea yet still be attached to one ago does not share the same values as you. It's kind of like you chose your relationship over having kids. Now your not even able to look in your bfs eyes, how hard is the relationship going to be now. I think you have these thoughts and visions because you were not set on the abortion 100%. Try not to be saddened over these take them as a little sign as motherhood. The little boy you see life is not lost, it's just that he is not here. He is with you and heart and mind. Take it as a little glimpse of who you wanted him to be and you as a mother. If you really want to be a mother you should chase your dreams and if you can not have one naturally in a reasonable amount of time adoption is always an option. Great advice, here. I'm sorry for your loss, carissa. It is important that you grieve properly for it. Take a look at this website and see if you find it useful: http://www.afterabortion.com/ When you have the strength, think about what Billie is saying. Take care. x
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