drmrid13 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Your Resolved Question Show me another » My Boyfriend just broke up with me because it's better for "us"? Hi everyone, So here's the deal, my boyfriend of almost a year called me to break up with me (a week ago.) We had been having some issues where I felt like he went off and did his own thing and left me in the dust and I wasn't ever afraid to tell him that it bothered me. I would have to make plans with him in advance in order to get quality time with him on his two days off work. He works a whole ton and hates his job, I feel like going out and drinking with his friends is a way for him to escape from stress. I would come over to his house on the days he had work in the A.M and hang out for bit. Its just that when it seemed like he had a day off where he didn't have to wake up early he would be hanging with his friends. He would invite me to party too but usually I would say no because he can be annoying when he's drunk. Anyway when he broke up with me I told him it was wrong of him to do it over the phone and that he's doing it because all his friends are single and he started crying and said it's like I don't even know him. He was crying when I brought up how he used to call me kitten and that he wanted to marry me, he cried so much I could barely understand him but he said he's scared that he's making the worst decition of his life. He has called me since the breakup and we were having a normal phone convo I didn't bring up anything sad and he was going to let me go on the phone because he had made it home and was going to go inside and I said goodbye and he brought up being scared again. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to even think about any other girls hes doing this because WE need it for US. I'm so beyond confused I thought I might add that he thinks that I have been loosing myself and he is making me miserable and in turn we are both unhappy. In our phone convo I told him that I have been out with my friends and he told me he was so happy to hear that I'm going out. He texted me this wed (4 days after the breakup) asking how I was. I told him I was good and was studying for a quiz before class. I asked how he was. He said he was OK and just working. He said that him and his brother were working on putting shocks in his truck. I told him good luck, not that he needs it because he is good with cars, and that I hoped he would get it running nice and smooth. He said thank you m'am, among other flirty exlimations and ended up saying maybe I can go for a ride with him soon. I jokingly replied sure, and that I can use my mechanical expertise to tell him if its running properly he liked that and said, thanks boss, I knew I could count on you! I said no problem, the advice is free of charge, and speaking of free I got seven bucks worth of parking for free because the machine was broken. IDK why I texted this, just small talk but he didn't reply after that text. The next day, he texted me about this owl at his work that he wanted to buy me when we were dating but kept forgetting to. He said it was only 9 "doll hairs" now. I thought he texted this to be sentimental, and just that day I had been thinking about this owl he got me and I told him that it was silly and made me smile. I sent another text saying that I liked him saying "doll hairs" and that he was silly. Weird coincidence about the owls, but I realize I'm looking really deep into this but he didn't text me back yesterday about the owls, which makes me super sad. IDK what he's trying to do, I know I should just let all this roll off me but I'm hurt and still terribly deep in love.
Ajax Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Well it's definately a rough patch you're going to be going through. I'm sorry he broke up with you, but you've come to the right place. It sounds like he's been having doubts about the relationship. My ex did too. And maybe it was the worst decision of his life, but the bottom line is that he made it. The continuing contact may make you feel better briefly, but it's really only going to hurt you. Right now you need to heal, and the only way to do that is to break off contact. Until he figures out what he wants and comes to you wanting to reconcile, you need to let each other go.
charliecharlie Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I think that is actually good advice Ajax gave you here. Now you tell us that you are deeply in love but also that he makes you feel miserable. Plus, he's drinking. Doesn't sound like he's a stable guy that can support you. Sounds more like an addiction than love to me. I know it's hard to focus on the long run when you are emotionally wounded, but that is exactly what you need to do here. Give yourself time to heal your wounds and see how things go from there. Do not contact him for casual chit chat when casual chit chat is not what you want from him. Who are you fooling? It just keeps you feeling miserable much longer because you don't get what you want. Casual chit chat is what you do with friends, not with the one who dumped you. Again, think about the long run, is he the one that makes you happy and will continue to make you happy? Or does he still have things to work on, like fear of commitment. This is not something you can help him with, he needs to come clear with that on his own. Sure he misses you and he needs you, but for what reasons? I think this man needs help, and being there for him will only drag you in deeper. Do yourself a favour and don't be there for him for a while. See how you feel in a little while and see how it goes from there.
Don Ho Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Cut your loses now and go NC. Do not respond to his texts or calls. He cried like a baby with you and he's out drinking with his friends. He's a basket case. Nothing good is going to come out of this for you .... just more misery and anguish. Best to cut off your finger NOW so you don't have to cut off your arm later. Get it? Move on Sista and don't look back.
DavidWhite Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Cut your loses now and go NC. Do not respond to his texts or calls. He cried like a baby with you and he's out drinking with his friends. He's a basket case. Nothing good is going to come out of this for you .... just more misery and anguish. Best to cut off your finger NOW so you don't have to cut off your arm later. Get it? Move on Sista and don't look back. Damn.. I'll have to remember that one
Don Ho Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 What? "Move on Sista and don't look back?"
Author drmrid13 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 So, I haven't contacted him since that last message and he hasn't contacted me. I totally agree that the NC thing is the way to go, the only problem is that he has my bike, a really expensive bike, and I am dread having to go over and get it. Idk when I should tell him I'm coming to get it because I really don't think I am strong enough to go get it. It has only been two weeks since the breakup.
Recommended Posts