purplelily1013 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I am a single mother of a 1 year old daughter and raising her on my own with no child support. Back in July my girlfriend introduced me to a friend of hers that felt we would get along and like each other. I am not a mushy romantic person, but I fell hard for this man. I tried to keep dates seperate from my home life/child. But he was so insistent that we include my daughter and he adored her. For the first time since she was born I felt I had a "family". He also introduced me to his family and other friends. He was an average looking man, but I thought he was wonderful and gorgeous and perfect. He met my family and they loved him. Things seemed to be on the right track and going smoothly. Then after a month, he pulled back and I didnt hear from him much, but he still made some contact and said things in reference to the future. But he stopped making plans like he did in the beginning. Then one night after we all went out with his friends (he drank a bit that night) he confessed he suffered from depression/bipolar and he is struggling with bringing me & my daughter into that world. He was on meds and he tends to disappear etc. I was concerned. (we had dated about 2 months and had not slept together yet) He said I was everything he wanted and he loved my daughter like his own. I told him he needs to do some thinking about what he wants. The next day we had dinner plans. I didnt hear from him all day, till he sent me a text that night saying he was sorry wasnt feeling well and that he needed to reschedule. I was very hurt and responded that to him. I have not heard from him since. I was devastated..what happened? if he didnt want to see us anymore why not end it on good terms.. (and i cant believe i did this) i became THAT girl..texting, calling,,begging him to talk to me..end on good terms,,i didnt care if he had issues i still wanted to be with him...finally after a week of trying to get him to talk to me for closure he sends me a text that said "leave me alone!!!" i have no clue what happened and why he chose this method esp since we had mutual friends and met family etc.. the first month he talked about how amazing i was, how being with us was perfect..etc.. i know my child is too young to know..but why take advantage of my vulnerability and tease me with the act of wanting to be a father? i know its over, i am embarrassed i actually chased him down like that...i never done that before.. im hurt, humiliated, and feel very very stupid... any advice would be great...did he disappear because he couldnt man up? he was such a great guy and the friends who introduced us said nothing but wonderful things about him..is it his illness or is he just a jerk or did he just lose interest? im trying to move on...but also trying to figure things out so i dont make this mistake again.
JamieA Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Hi, from our community guidelines: We ask that community participants separate long posts into paragraphs, leaving a blank line between each block of text similar to the style used in this document. We have found that posters who follow this suggestion not only improve the readability of the post, but also tend to receive a greater number of responses. You may get responses if you re-post using paragraphs.
lvixen Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 There are some possibilities here: He can't man up and be a father to your child, he simply lost interest in you (it happens) or he was telling the truth and he really is bipolar. But you know what? I'm bipolar too (under control with medication) and when I'm interested in someone I don't act like that, same with other people I know who are bipolar. You said he said he's taking medication, otherwise I'd be concerned? People with bipolar disorder are just as capable as anyone else of forming long lasting relationships, even getting married. So it sounds like one of the first two to me. Seriously though, he already gave you closure when he said he was bipolar and he didn't want to involve you or your daughter. It may not be the closure YOU want, but he did give it to you, even if it is a straight up lie. Especially when he said "leave me alone", he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, that is painfully clear. Now is the time for you to heal. Go NC with this man, do not contact him under any circumstances and if he tries to contact you and it is not to reconcile simply don't respond. NC (no contact) is the only way to heal. Good luck to you.
9Lives Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 yeah is is Mr. Zing and Zang. Real sweet and real sour. I know your hurt but he did YOU a favor. be thankful. you don't want a bipolar man. you don't want mr magic man who disappears in mid life. you don't want someone who can't keep his word. be glad its over so you can meet a REAL man that you and your daughter can hae a good life with. let him deal with is ugly ways! you don't need that
YellowShark Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Here's the statistic purplelily1013. 90% of relationships with a bipolar person involved fail. After dating a Bipolar person I can assure you it is fraught with pain, disappointment, and TONS of drama. It's not about anything you did, it's about their mental illness. Be strong and walk away with your head held high, you did nothing wrong.
JamieA Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Here's the statistic purplelily1013. 90% of relationships with a bipolar person involved fail. After dating a Bipolar person I can assure you it is fraught with pain, disappointment, and TONS of drama. It's not about anything you did, it's about their mental illness. Be strong and walk away with your head held high, you did nothing wrong. Could you back that up with some evidence? I don't know the disease well and I'm curious for personal reasons.
Ajax Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Here's the statistic purplelily1013. 90% of relationships with a bipolar person involved fail. After dating a Bipolar person I can assure you it is fraught with pain, disappointment, and TONS of drama. It's not about anything you did, it's about their mental illness. Be strong and walk away with your head held high, you did nothing wrong. I've suspected that my ex may be bipolar, and some of my friends have asked me if she is. I'm not sure that statistic is relevant, or maybe it's just not explained properly. I think that if you look at relationships in general you could say that 90% of all relationships fail. Most people date many people before finding someone to marry, and then 50% of those end in divorce. Add the possibility that in those relationships in which someone is bipolar and it ends, that it ends for another reason unrelated to the disease. Bipolar or not, I would have stuck with my ex through thick or thin. When things were good they were amazing. When they were bad, I was fully capable of handling it. She just wasn't.
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