rainman1974 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 hi, i don't know if this is going to help but i feel i need to tell someone about my depression.. i'm going to fill you in on a brief history of the turbulent last 6 months.. I dated a girl from my office who sits at the same desk as me. We have been officially seperated for 6 months. In that time we have gone out for dinner, had sex, kissed and generally hung out a lot.. And on a couple of occasions declared love for each other. So there was always a good chance of us getting back together (in my mind).. My problem is this, we keep hooking up yet she's dating other guys. Where the hell does that leave me? We try to not hook up but we just keep doing so. Two nights ago in fact.. The next day at work she will just ignore me and go all cold again. and i get all hurt and start chasing her more.. If i don't instigate the conversation she wont say anything to me and we ignore each other all day.. which is just horrible..
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 The only way to break the cycle is to break it. All this bull of "we can't help it, it just happens" is completely ridiculous, and a damn lie. You're a FWB. A good lay. A ph*ukkbuddy. You're far more attached than she is. You're history. Except between the sheets, that is. you still have some uses..... All you have to do, is say, 'hasta la vista baby', and mean it. or just carry on as you are, and see where that gets you. roundandroundandround.......
Author rainman1974 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 yes i am being used, it feels like that anyway. She of course says not. But to say all i have to do is say "hasta la vista baby" is easier said than done. Like i said i sit 2 seats away from her and it's hard to just cut her off. i have genuine feelings for her and i think she must know that. I try to ignore her but she sits too damn close. I get jealous when i see her texting and when she talks about her plans for the evening or weekend with coleagues. I even put headphones on so i don't have to hear. I actually love her for some reason and really want to spend time with her. That's why for my part why i go on these dates. I live in hope and think she might realise that she does want me. I can't seem to stop trying with her and i really should. Right now i imagine she is on a date and it's driving me crazy!!
Ajax Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 A few years ago I was in a very similar situation where I started dating a girl at work who sat a couple desks down from me. She'd broken up with her ex a couple months before and for a while we had a good thing going. Then I found out she was still seeing her ex behind my back. It made going to work ****. For the next year she toyed with me, told me she didn't want to be with her ex (now current) boyfriend. She'd break up with him and get back with me. Repeat process three times. Eventually she brought another dude into the fray and I said **** it. I stopped talking to her at work, cut her off. A few weeks later she quit, and that's when I really started to move on. Yes, it's a vicious cycle that needs to end. Having her there everyday is only going to make it that much harder. I don't know your job situation, but you might want to look for a new one, or at least get transfered to another department. Either way, you have to stop letting her use you, which is going to take pure willpower on your part. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
YellowShark Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Never fish of the company pier because when it goes bad you can't escape the pain at home OR at work. And never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option. Those are my two cliches for you to process today.
TaraMaiden Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 yes i am being used, it feels like that anyway. She of course says not. Well you - and the consensus of opinion on here - says she is bullsheeting you. But to say all i have to do is say "hasta la vista baby" is easier said than done. Like i said i sit 2 seats away from her and it's hard to just cut her off. i have genuine feelings for her and i think she must know that. I try to ignore her but she sits too damn close. You see my signature link, titled "Caliguy's No Contact Guide"...? This guy is the master of cutting off your ex. And he too worked alongside his ex, and he managed it really well. You talk to her about Nothing but professional work stuff. As for all the remaining personal stuff - ignore it, make like it's non-existent, and show her you could give a damn, frankly. he can do it? So can you. Read - nay memorise the guide, and use it 100%.
pureinheart Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 hi, i don't know if this is going to help but i feel i need to tell someone about my depression.. i'm going to fill you in on a brief history of the turbulent last 6 months.. I dated a girl from my office who sits at the same desk as me. We have been officially seperated for 6 months. In that time we have gone out for dinner, had sex, kissed and generally hung out a lot.. And on a couple of occasions declared love for each other. So there was always a good chance of us getting back together (in my mind).. My problem is this, we keep hooking up yet she's dating other guys. Where the hell does that leave me? We try to not hook up but we just keep doing so. Two nights ago in fact.. The next day at work she will just ignore me and go all cold again. and i get all hurt and start chasing her more.. If i don't instigate the conversation she wont say anything to me and we ignore each other all day.. which is just horrible.. You got some right on the money advice here...I would suggest doing what Tara said, and Alex, that's called flip-flopping. If you want a non serious go nowhere relationship, then stay with her or continue to think there is a "her" to stay with...if you are looking for what's real then roll and roll fast:D, I would! BTW YS, you got some excellent cliches'....never be anyones option.
Author rainman1974 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 Thanks for the advice guys but i'm sure you are all aware it's not that easy. I mean to be honest i was hoping someone would say that yes i still had a chance of getting a normal relationship with her again if i did this or that. But no one has said that .. Unfortunately for me i can't leave my job. I have looked but the wage decrease would be too much to lose. So i am stuck there, seeing her every day and hearing what she's been up to. I am so tempted to text her now and have a go but will gain nothing from it. It really sucks being me right now as it seems clear the only thing i can do is ignore her and try and move on. But it really really is not that easy.. I do like the cliche 'never be anyones option' but.. i can't seem to stop myself from wanting to be with this girl and it's driving me crazy..
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