bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. When their feelings are reciprocated by WS they are happy. When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. Putting aside moral arguments on the decision to have an EMA, fault of each party etc. Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought?
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They each began the R on such vastly different planes that I can't agree. But you are most certainly entitled to your opinion.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. When their feelings are reciprocated by WS they are happy. When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. Putting aside moral arguments on the decision to have an EMA, fault of each party etc. Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought? Are you willing to try again?
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Are you willing to try again?Nothing related to morality in my post. Are you willing to try again? And I TOLD you that you were entitled to your opinion. Apparently you don't feel anyone else is entitled to theirs.
2sure Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I would think that the WS and the AP have much more in common. They both know more of the truth than BS They both are comfortable with infidelity They both are happy with a part time relationship Neither one of them minds if WS lies to BS They both know each other exists
Silly_Girl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Seems like Generalisation of the Year. Having said that, it probably can fit many scenarios.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 It read like a morality judgement to ME because you did not put your post into any context that I understood. The obvious danger with one liners, although I know you weren't trying to be sassy. "They begin the relationship on different planes" didn't connect IMO with how they feel about the WS. Also, I cannot see where I said that you could not express an opinion.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It read like a morality judgement to ME because you did not put your post into any context that I understood. The obvious danger with one liners, although I know you weren't trying to be sassy. "They begin the relationship on different planes" didn't connect IMO with how they feel about the WS. Also, I cannot see where I said that you could not express an opinion.If it read that way, that's on you not me. Folks, did anyone else read my post that way? As for the bolded, comparing how they FEEL about the WS wasn't the topic of this thread.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 I would think that the WS and the AP have much more in common. They both know more of the truth than BS They both are comfortable with infidelity They both are happy with a part time relationship Neither one of them minds if WS lies to BS They both know each other exists 1. AP is in the dark too. 2. Not all AP are comfortable with infidelity. Some BS cheat too. 3. Not all AP want a p/t relationship. 4. Some BS know that the AP exists. Some AP do not know the BS exists initially.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. not for alot of BS. once an affair is found out, alot of BS don't want a thing from the cheater except to be history When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. well ya...but then, for me and others like me anyway, they no longer become the object of affection once we learn why we can't trust them When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. but the AP is in no way logically able to claim betrayal. Putting aside moral arguments on the decision to have an EMA, fault of each party etc. Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought? no
jennie-jennie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They each began the R on such vastly different planes that I can't agree. But you are most certainly entitled to your opinion. They each began the R in the same way: being in love with the WS. Anything else is moralistic.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 1. AP is in the dark too. 2. Not all AP are comfortable with infidelity. Some BS cheat too. 3. Not all AP want a p/t relationship. 4. Some BS know that the AP exists. Some AP do not know the BS exists initially. 1. WHAT?! So in each and every A situation, the WS lied about being married? 2. If they are involved in a cheating situation, they must be comfortable with it. 3. They may not want a p/t R, but that's what they're signing up for when they agree to an A. 4. Initially, NO BS knows that the AP exists. That doesn't happen until D Day.
jennie-jennie Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I would think that the WS and the AP have much more in common. They both know more of the truth than BS They both are comfortable with infidelity They both are happy with a part time relationship Neither one of them minds if WS lies to BS They both know each other exists 1. AP is in the dark too. 2. Not all AP are comfortable with infidelity. Some BS cheat too. 3. Not all AP want a p/t relationship. 4. Some BS know that the AP exists. Some AP do not know the BS exists initially. Just want to add, that many AP are not comfortable with the lies to the BS.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 If it read that way, that's on you not me. Folks, did anyone else read my post that way? As for the bolded, comparing how they FEEL about the WS wasn't the topic of this thread. The topic of the thread is about commonality between the BS and AP. You disagree that is your choice. I was just asking for more detail because you appeared to ME (I cannot and do not speak for anyone else)to go off on a tangent and I could not follow. You are apt to do so.
donnamaybe Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 The topic of the thread is about commonality between the BS and AP. You disagree that is your choice. I was just asking for more detail because you appeared to ME (I cannot and do not speak for anyone else)to go off on a tangent and I could not follow. You are apt to do so. Anyone else have trouble following my first post in this thread? Seemed pretty simple to me.
YellowShark Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought? Nope. The BS is getting totally shafted. While the AP is an accomplice in throwing the betrayed spouse under a bus. IMHO you're simply trying to level the playing field. It's apples and oranges.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. When their feelings are reciprocated by WS they are happy. When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. Putting aside moral arguments on the decision to have an EMA, fault of each party etc. Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought? So what is your real purpose in posting this? Its like saying, "if you or an AP here a funny joke, do you not both laugh?" I realize you are an OW, so what is your purpose of posting this in infidelity? I think you know people won't want to associate themselves with OM/OW, or cheaters. There are always going to be human similarities in all people, thats not debatable. But there are alot of BS who wouldn't bed down someone elses spouse, or cheat. That in itself is enough to be completely different from someone who isn't impartial to doing such things.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It read like a morality judgement to ME because you did not put your post into any context that I understood.. then maybe you'd be happier in the OW/OM forum. And people who are in this forum for particular reasons might be happy with that arrangement too.
xxoo Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. When their feelings are reciprocated by WS they are happy. When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. Does the AP always love the WS? Does the BS always love the WS? I'm not sure either of those is always true. Some APs (and WSs) will realize it was never truly love a few months into the affair. Are all BSs and APs happy when their WS reciprocates their love? What about the roller-coaster nature of a rocky relationship--big ups and downs? Is that truly "happiness" on the top, or a fleeting high until the next big dip? If one is on the roller coaster (BS or AP), are both? Too many factors to draw any generalizations between the generic BS and AP.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 I didn't read your post as moral judgment, just a frank observation that is very true in these relationships. In debating commonality, differences have to be considered, and this is just one of them. It simply didn't jive with the OP's POV IMO. The OP is a sweeping generalization and cannot begin to take into account the individuality of people involved in an A, in a M, or any other type of relationship. While I agree that OVERALL, the people involved have these same traits, feelings, and desires...they are feelings and traits etc., that are common to the majority of the population. If you want to start looking at true commonality, knowledge of each person involved in a specific triangle would be necessary. It's like saying we all bleed when we're cut. Okay, I suppose that is true The ironic part, although I believe for discussion purposes some generalizations are necessary, this is the same poster who admonishes people regularly for make generalizations about anything to do with her situation LOL. Of course this is a general post!!! Sometimes being too analytical can backfire.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 then maybe you'd be happier in the OW/OM forum. And people who are in this forum for particular reasons might be happy with that arrangement too. I know that you could not possibly be telling me where to post.
Author bohogirl Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 So what is your real purpose in posting this? Its like saying, "if you or an AP here a funny joke, do you not both laugh?" I realize you are an OW, so what is your purpose of posting this in infidelity? I think you know people won't want to associate themselves with OM/OW, or cheaters. There are always going to be human similarities in all people, thats not debatable. But there are alot of BS who wouldn't bed down someone elses spouse, or cheat. That in itself is enough to be completely different from someone who isn't impartial to doing such things. EX OW, for your information. I felt like posting in this forum so I did.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I know that you could not possibly be telling me where to post. nope, just that this forum is mainly people that have been wronged by people like you, and therefore would naturally question your motives for posting here. just said you'd be happier in OW/OM, not that you can't post here, but don't be surprised or offended when you get the reactions you do.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Whoa, she said EX. Like that matters. I think you're getting a kick out of posting this in the Infidelity forum. that was my take on it as well.
bentnotbroken Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 They both love the same person and desperately want that person to love them too. When their feelings are reciprocated by WS they are happy. When they begin to distrust the object of their affection they are sad. When betrayed by WS they go to pieces. Putting aside moral arguments on the decision to have an EMA, fault of each party etc. Do you agree that the BS and AP have a lot more in common than you initially thought? I live my life according to my morals, so I won't be putting those aside at all. And no I don't agree they have a more in common than I initially thought. I think the emotions end up being the same at some point.
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