aeion Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 i got really drunk last night and texted her. Surprisingly the convo on my side was very curt and polite, although i am pissed that i broke NC. it went like this: me: hey sorry for not hiting you back up. I was preoccupied, thank you for the microwave, and ur right its great. I hope things are goin well with you. her: no worries, im glad ur enjoing and using it. I hope your doing well also. me: can we talk at some point? I do want us to be ok her: of course. i do too. whenever your ready and find time. me: but lets meet though. No phone. Her: yes agreed. at that point i blacked out... haha i dont know if im glad i broke NC or not. I DO want us to be ok, but i guess im still wondering if it was cuz i was drunk and feeling good for a min or its because i REALLy want to see her. i think i might give myself the rest of my break and initiate contact again (unless she does first) when i see her in class. No point taking it back i guess, seeing as i didnt say anything that regret, which i think may be a good sign that im moving on once again i turn to you guys for advice.
Sheppy99 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Well ordinarily I would say let her be the one to contact you regarding the meet up and than wait a bit and reply back and set a time but since you did it drunk and she obviously knows this (the time you contacted her and i'm sure you were slurring if you blacked out) She's probably wondering if you were for real or if it was drunk talk. So I can't guarantee you she'll contact you at all. She's probably waiting on confirmation of your sober feelings. So I would wait until next week sometime and just drop her a message saying "hey I was thinking this time for a coffee and a chat, what do you think?" If she says yes than great, if she says no this time would be better. Politely decline and say actually that time doesn't work for me and suggest another amicable time for both of you. Don't make it look like you're going out of your way for her. Make yourself look busy and hard to get a hold of. Now only do these things if you want a chance at getting back together. If you want to be just friends than fine. Do whatever. But you need to ask yourself why you broke up, who broke up with who and what were the reasons of the break up and why its going to be different this time around. If you get to the point of the reconcile, you need to have a serious talk about what the problems were for the break up initially and why this time is going to be different from both sides. Good luck.
Author aeion Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 i can say i would never consider asking her back, but i would be open to working things out...waaaay down the line. I kinda want this as a way to clear the air so we can at least be friendly to one another, i hate awkwardness. and i cant stand it when things go unsaid. we are going to the same school and we have the same major so seeing her isnt something i really have control of. in fact, we have a class together this semester. She dumped me for someone else, after a year and half being together. "isnt IN love with me anymore...blah blah blah. It was pretty ugly, mostly since it was on the phone (this wasnt LDR). I was also texting her, so she couldnt gage my voice at all, and i contacted her at a time that wasnt completely unheard of. Especially in college (it was before midnight). I told myself, (since your right, i broke NC i cant take that back.) to not contact her again until school starts, funnily enough i actually dont have time until then anyway. is that a good call? or should i conirm my sobreity
Sheppy99 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Ok well texting is a bit better than a drunk call. BUT considering you were doing the NC for a while and the first time you contact her is on a fri or sat night? Girls are pretty perceptive and would see that as being a time when you could of been drinking which lead to the contact. She is going to be curious though so what I would do is give it till maybe Thursday to see if she contacts you first. If she does, that's good cause it puts your in the driver seat even more. Wait a day to reply and arrange a meet up so you don't look like you've been waiting by your phone/ computer for her reply. If she doesn't contact you back, chalk it up to her probably thinking it was you being drunk and that you don't even remember doing it so she may be a little self conscious to contact you and have you go "what i don't remember that" So Thursday I would send her a small message saying "Hey was nice to talk to you Friday night, it's been a busy week but I was wondering if sometime this weekend we could still get together for that chat, maybe Sunday" (Sunday is a less threatening day and you'll have a better chance for her to say yes. It's less likely to feel threatening like a saturday night meet up and you won't have to hear an excuse like "oh i have a date saturday, sorry" which may throw you off)
Author aeion Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 it was a thursday night so i dont think that seems as coincidental... and she knows my work sometimes keeps me up until the late hours. and the thing is, we have class together on thursday, which means im going to see her anyway, so figured it would seem less "out of my way" and make it look like i just remembered when i saw her. Sunday is a perfect idea as a "safe day" though. any other suggestions?
Sheppy99 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Well in that case since it was a Thursday night and you stay up late on occasion. Give it some time to see if she messages you first for confirmation of the hang out. If she doesn't, make the move but keep in mind you want to seem to a certain extent non caring and that you didn't over think it. If you come across as this meet up being on your mind for the past week and you've thought out every single detail, it could freak her out a bit and make her feel like she has all the power. You want to give her the sense of scarcity of you. That is how value is determined in life is how scarce something is. The more scarce it is the more value we place upon it. If you remember that, I think you'll be fine.
VeveCakes Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 She left you for someone else and you are the one making effort to "clear the air" and be civil? Hmmm... I should think it should be the other way around.
brainblox Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 VeveCakes is right ! Get some self respect back ! She must feel like royalty the way your letting her win win ! Take your **** back and move on to the next or your be in limbo while she's moved on !
Author aeion Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 (edited) This is more for me than her. and also... i may be very naive when it comes to ppl but i realize alot of us are hurt and alot of us are the dumpee. so alot of us are so shocked about what the ex did, as am i, but thats what happens. PEOPLE do that not just our exes. im not taking the blame away from her, but there is some stuff i need to get off my chest before i can just let this go. Im not looking to get back together. Im not looking to even be a great force in her life. Im looking to bury this hatchet and move on, since i AM going to see her. Thats the thing, i have to see her, so i want it to be as least awkward as possible when that comes around. Ok, so lets say that i want pretend that never happened (my breaking NC)? how do i do that without looking weak? Or am i just being stupid? hard to tell these days Edited September 18, 2010 by aeion
Author aeion Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 update: She contacted me to confirm. "If you wanted to talk before classes start. I think my only free time will be tuesday evening. Just wanted to let you know" I think im going to wait a day to respond. But monday doesnt work so i guess thats not going to happen until school starts. thoughts?
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