Sonolumino Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I thought I was getting over my ex and then her new boyfriend wrote on fb "You better rest up for tonight!". I don't think I've ever felt more worthless. And I know, it's facebook and I shouldn't look at it, but I did. I feel like I'm back to square one right now. What should I do besides never look at facebook again? It's such a great pain.
BeagleGal Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Delete yourself off f'n FB. You dont need to be checking her profile. I'm telling you, FB is a no good tool for us who have been dumped. I deactivated my profile a couple of weeks after I was dumped because I knew I'd try to look my ex up. And the last time I did was the first clue I got that he had left me for someone else. Stop checking on her, redirect that focus on you to get out of this pain. You're only hurting yourself further by checking on her.
leal10 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 wooow...i can't imagine how it must hurt...but the only thing you can do is NOT to look on FB...i am sure it is killing you now that you read it...but one day it will be better...when you don't know it doesnt hurt...so don't look and it wont hurt you again...every day will be better!!!
Buccaneer55 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I thought I was getting over my ex and then her new boyfriend wrote on fb "You better rest up for tonight!". I don't think I've ever felt more worthless. And I know, it's facebook and I shouldn't look at it, but I did. I feel like I'm back to square one right now. What should I do besides never look at facebook again? It's such a great pain. Looking at Facebook can be a killer, and it can go both ways. If you don't want to delete her then you can always hide her profile to where you don't get anymore updates about her, but you still have to stop yourself from going to her page. That's what I did, and I haven't been to her page in 3 weeks now, but the downside is she still comments on mine sometime. The other day she wrote "I hope you had a good day" on my wall, and that sucked to be honest. Do yourself a huge favor though, and either delete her or hide her profile. I promise it won't help at all, I know because I was doing the same thing.
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 If you shoot yourself in the foot, it's going to hurt right? So, don't do it. For someone to write something on her wall like that is classless. Take the high road, focus on yourself and on your needs OUTSIDE of the relationship. There's no reason to feel worthless. You were around before her and you'll be around AFTER her. You just can't let anyone else define who you are....make your OWN path.
Author Sonolumino Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Thank you all. I never realized how LS could be a huge help through this. I'm trying to regain my self control, but it's very difficult. I went over house today to pick up some of my things and I basically told her this: "Alright look, I'm in love with you, and I wish I wasn't, but I can't help it. I don't know what it is, but I think you and I both know we're never going to be 'just friends'. Maybe if the timing was different, who knows what would've happened. You know, now you're dating that guy now, and trying to get me out of your life as best you can, and that's fine, that's what YOU have to do, this is what I have to do. I drove past the store the other day coming home, and I looked over and saw you for about two seconds, and I felt like I did a few years ago when things were going great. I was speechless for 20 minutes about it. Everytime we went out in public, I loved showing you off, like I couldn't believe you were mine. You don't know how many countless times I spent late at night thinking about you, our futures together, how I could be a better person towards you. Or how many times I called you, and just hearing your voicemail made me feel better about whatever was going on. You don't know how many times I thought about transferring just to be closer to you. I'm not going to get over you because I don't like you anymore, I'm going to get over you because I know that you're never going to feel about me the way I do about you. And that's very sad, but that's life. Sometimes THIS is all we're left with. So, goodbye, I love you." She interjected when I said the last part and said "I'm sorry but I just can't help it". At least now I have true closure and can begin the arduous process of moving on. My personal life is truly hilarious.
Ajax Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It's not hilarious, and it will get better. By telling her what you told her you gave up all of the power. Now she has it. But since she is with someone else it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway and may in fact have been theraputic for you. I told my ex similar things too. As far as I know there's nobody new in her life, so in my case giving her the power may have hurt my future chances. But it's been 2+ weeks of NC, so who knows. For your own sake, cut her out of your life. She cut you out of hers. I know it's not easy. We reach for the phone when it rings hoping its them. We reach for them at night only to realize we're alone. We pray that they'll change their mind or that we'll wake up one day to find it was all just a bad dream. But it's not going to happen. Focus on being you. Improve yourself. Join a gym or a club. Learn something new. Enjoy being alive and everything will fall into place.
Author Sonolumino Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Those were my thoughts exactly. I went over and told her those things for me, not for her. I told her how I felt so there is now no confusion. It helps the more I think about it. I didn't beg or ask to get back together, or even mention it. I just wanted her to know that I love her, and that I'm going to get over her because she doesn't love me. Was it slightly selfish? Yes, but I've been a wreck these past few months, I needed some absolute closure. As far as new experiences, I plan on trying many. Thanks for your advice
Ajax Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Don't feel it was selfish, you have the right to say what you need to say. And maybe now you planted an idea in her head that will someday benefit you. Just don't count on it.
Red Shift Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I had the same thing happen to me at the beginning of this week. After looking at my ex-gf's facebook, I came to the conclusion from her recent comments and stuff that she had already hooked up with another guy since we broke up. We broke up a little over a month ago and she was with the guy about 3 weeks after we broke up. It ruined me for several days, and now I feel like I hate her. I felt like I had been cheated on, worthless, and that the relationship meant nothing to her. I know I made the right decision about breaking up with her, but the feelings I have for her aren't controlled by a switch (unfortunately). Knowing that she was already intimate with another person sucks, and says a lot about how she valued our relationship, but it also says a lot about who she is and reinforces the reasons that I broke up with her. I'm still trying to get over this void in my life that used to be filled with her, but it gets just a little bit better every day. I need to stop looking at my ex-gf's facebook just like you do, because it only slows the recovery.
Author Sonolumino Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 Apparently RedShift, you and I dated similar people. My ex handled this situation like an honest-to-God 5 year old. 4 years of my life, totally forgotten by her. It's bad enough dealing with the heartache, a douche-bag guy in the picture just throws gas on the fire. I don't understand how it's so easy for her when I'm struggling this much. Maybe they're just running from the problem, and it will bite them in the ass one day. When I went over my ex's house for the final time to pick up my things, she almost seemed annoyed that I told her how I felt. I'm at a loss for words. I feel like I never knew her at all.
Red Shift Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Yeah it definitely sounds similar. Some other stuff happened with a different guy about 3 months before I broke up with her. She was talking to this guy behind my back and I found out. I felt sick for 2 weeks, lost 10 pounds, slept no more than 4 hours every night, and she would not put out the effort to reassure me that she wanted to be with me. Instead of being mad I ran back to her because I didn't want to be alone, giving her all the power. 2 months later I looked back on it and decided I didn't deserve any of that stuff and needed to move on. This didn't make breaking up with her any easier, but I knew that I needed to or I would be stuck in an unhealthy relationship that I was not happy with. I had my roommate delete her off my facebook yesterday (I couldn't make myself do it) because she got mad at me for hanging out with another girl. I found this hypocritical and decided that she doesn't need to know what is happening in my life and I don't want to know what is happening in her life. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel right now, and I sympathize for you. I think deleting her off my facebook was one of the better decisions I made, maybe it'll help you too.
blueline Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Just delete and block her. If you can, block her phone number, too. AT&T has a nice smart limits for wireless program that allows you to do it. I mean, some of you may be hoping your ex gets back to you, but in my case, no I'd really like to not have any avenues of communication open for her to get back to me.
br0ken_w0lf Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Definitely just remove her from Facebook altogether, it just makes things far worse and I (as well as many others) know from experience! I think FB friend removal should just be a standard part of the break-up process, seriously. Post-breakup: say what needs to be said, exchange personal items, discuss boundaries, remove each other from Facebook. It is such a horrible little app for situations like this; it's semi-useful for some things but poison after a break-up... And I think it's fine what you said and I can see why you said it and why you feel better as a result. It will be a tough road but you sound like you're well on your way. If it seems like you didn't know her at all, it's because she's not the same person she was and is currently in infatuation mode with the new guy. Anyway, focus on yourself and stay off Facebook. Good luck!
w.e. Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I got the facebook bomb, too. It started out while we were still together. Some douche was posting some inappropriate stuff on her page and I said something about it. "just friends, this" "just friends, that...." "it's not fair to say that i shouldn't talk to my friends." I wasn't controlling, I simply stated how it made me feel, not "Don't talk to this person" Then, she bailed...for him. I found out through pictures that someone else had posted with her and this other dude not even 2 weeks after she split. Her new friends immediately 'friended' him. Eventually, once more stuff started to get posted, she deleted me and 90% of our mutual friends from her page. Even her family, at one point. She then deleted her entire FB account. I know it's self-destructive behavior, but I scoped dude's page out a while back...and the guy had a picture of him and her as his profile picture (talk about classless). Her and I are still married, so I find it completely lacking tact. I think it makes her look really ****ty and it's quite humiliating to me, as well. Anyway, moral of the story; FB is the devil.
Author Sonolumino Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 I understand. My ex took the "lying about me all over town" route as well. She kept telling people how crazy and obsessed I was, when I went NC for 4 weeks, then we got together for coffee once, and NC again right after that. Apparently she's doing this to make herself feel better, rationalize the break up, etc.. I confronted her about it, and she was pretty much speechless. I probably shouldn't have, but I needed to for me. I needed that closure and now I got it. Everything she does just proves to me that I never want to be with her again. It's a sad ending to a good, long term relationship. I had my faults, but I was willing to work on whatever was wrong. She just plain got tired of me and didn't have the guts to tell me, so lying to everyone and to me about it was her ingenious way of doing things. Pathetic.
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