flow15 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago and I decided to go NC a week ago...and I swear it's been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I miss him soo much, I really want to talk to him, I just want him to contact me and tell me how much he misses me (but I know he won't do that seeing as he broke up with me because he was apparently bored). He goes back to uni next week and I'm so scared he's going to meet someone else and fall more in love with her than he did with me, and completely forget about me. By the way on Monday it will be a year since we met.. it's so horrible to think that all the good times and happy memories will all be coming up to 'this time last year...' I wish I could turn back time and go back to those happy memories.... Love sucks, this whole experience has just made me never want to meet a guy again, cos I'll be so scared to end up hurt again like I am now. Edited September 17, 2010 by flow15 missed something out
Leandro Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I know it hurts. My ex (of 13 months) left me for another man even though she said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship (lied to my face). She never told me that I was a good bf, if she was happy with me or not, and if she would ever remember me. I was her first love. She hasn't contacted me since she is with him. I too just want her to tell me that she misses me, but I have a feeling she doesn't. It sucks .
Buccaneer55 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago and I decided to go NC a week ago...and I swear it's been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I miss him soo much, I really want to talk to him, I just want him to contact me and tell me how much he misses me (but I know he won't do that seeing as he broke up with me because he was apparently bored). He goes back to uni next week and I'm so scared he's going to meet someone else and fall more in love with her than he did with me, and completely forget about me. By the way on Monday it will be a year since we met.. it's so horrible to think that all the good times and happy memories will all be coming up to 'this time last year...' I wish I could turn back time and go back to those happy memories.... Love sucks, this whole experience has just made me never want to meet a guy again, cos I'll be so scared to end up hurt again like I am now. I know how this feels as I'm going through most of the same thing. I must say don't contact him first, always let them come to you. As for the memories that's really hard, lately all I can think about is the good times me and her had for so long, hopefully over time you'll start to think of them less. Love doesn't suck though. It's the most amazing feeling someone can have when things are going good. I firmly believe in the quote "It's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all" Unfortunately time is yours and my biggest friend and enemy. It's going to help you start to move on, but at the same time every day just feels like forever. Just take it day by day.
Sheppy99 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I know it's hard. I was feeling the same way with my first week of NC. I'm on week 3 now and each day is getting easier and easier and bare in mind I have to see my ex everyday at work which makes it worse x 100. My best advice to you if you want him back is to 100 percent focus on moving on. I know it sounds strange but you need to do it. He isn't going to want back a person who is in emotional agony. You need to make yourself look of value and how you do that is #1 moving on with your life and #2 continuing no contact. No contact is sooooooooooo important. How do we as people dictate value? We dictate it by scarcity of something and if you make yourself scarce he will learn to appreciate you more. To move on, do things like joining a gym, finding a new hobby etc. You'd be surprised how much working out will make you feel better. It produces positive chemicals in your body and will relieve stress. It's done wonders for me. I go almost everyday for the past 3 weeks and pants are loser and I feel better about myself so it's a win win. Even google moving on. There's plenty of great tips out there to get you started. I know it sounds counter intuitive but it's the truth on how to get someone back. I can't guarantee you it will 100 percent work but if you focus on moving on and it doesn't work than you'll be way ahead of the game than not trying to move on and wallowing in self pity for the next month or 2. Focus on yourself and realize that you are a great person and there are plenty of guys out there who would want to date you. That attitude will show and it will also make your ex rethink his decision. Don't break the NC until you can be strong when you talk to him and again let him come to you.
Author flow15 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 Thanks for the replies. Hopefully with time it will get better.. At the beginning of the week I was fine because I just felt so angry with him for hurting me and betraying me, but now I am just sad... I miss him, I dream about him every night (I dream we are back together- which is just awful because I wake up and I get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and realise we are not). There is not a minute that goes by in the day that he is not on my mind... People say that if you no contact you should contact them after a month or so to prevent them from moving on, does this work?? The thing is I don't want to chase after him anymore, I want him to be the one to contact me first... but if he doesn't I'm scared of him moving on and forgetting about me. I want him to miss me and want me back
Author flow15 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I just don't understand how someone can tell you they love you so much and don't want anyone else, and all they want is you... and then 2 weeks later completely change their mind!
Leandro Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Yea my ex use to tell me all that stuff. She left me for another boy that she only knew for like a week or two (she told me she wasn't ready for a serious relationship.). She hasn't said a word since than and if I make contact she is very cold. We dated almost 14 months. She threw me out of her life like yesterday's trash. I'm on day 14 of NC. You should do NC for YOU! I don't know about the whole "contacting them after a month" thing. Do you really want to know how he is doing after a month without you? what if he's already seeing someone else? I'm not going to contact my ex unless she says she made a huge mistake and wants to give us another try. You should do the same. Don't hurt yourself! Let him contact you! The dumpee doesn't chase, the dumper does! If he doesn't come back? oh well! You can get better and deserve better! Imagine being with someone who will never be "bored" with you?
Sheppy99 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Thanks for the replies. Hopefully with time it will get better.. At the beginning of the week I was fine because I just felt so angry with him for hurting me and betraying me, but now I am just sad... I miss him, I dream about him every night (I dream we are back together- which is just awful because I wake up and I get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and realise we are not). There is not a minute that goes by in the day that he is not on my mind... People say that if you no contact you should contact them after a month or so to prevent them from moving on, does this work?? The thing is I don't want to chase after him anymore, I want him to be the one to contact me first... but if he doesn't I'm scared of him moving on and forgetting about me. I want him to miss me and want me back You can't contact your ex unless you can be ok with being friends with him. That means you're not still an emotional mess and one simple comment about him going out on a date will NOT send you into a whirlwind of hurt thus putting you back into day 1 of your recovery. The other thing is he'll sense off of you immediately that you still want him back which won't make him miss you anymore, he'll then know you're still there whenever he wants. As manipulative as this saying is, it's very true "He/she who cares least controls the relationship" You need to focus on moving on yourself and let things happen. You can't force him to come back to you and you are in no position to act strong and give the impression that you're moving on and I highly doubt you'd be in that position even a month from now. So don't contact him, any progress that you may be making through NC of him missing you will be lost. You need to force yourself into think about life without him. Than once you can see that and that it's not the end of the world. Than you will have a better chance at the possibility of him coming back. People gravitate towards strong independent people not needy emotional messes. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel to you but sometimes the truth is a little bit cruel. Get mad if you have too, get mad at him for putting you in this state, get mad that if he genuinely cared about you he wouldn't of done this to you. Do whatever it takes to get you into the mindset of thinking about life without him.
Rooooob Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I know it hurts. My ex (of 13 months) left me for another man even though she said she wasn't ready for a serious relationship (lied to my face). She never told me that I was a good bf, if she was happy with me or not, and if she would ever remember me. I was her first love. She hasn't contacted me since she is with him. I too just want her to tell me that she misses me, but I have a feeling she doesn't. It sucks . I feel your pain, man. I really do. I'm going through the exact same thing right now with my ex. Only difference is that we were together for 7-years, and had plans of getting married next summer. To say the least, the past 30-days haven't been very easy.
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