Jacqueline_Dez Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Hi everyone.. This afternoon I was in the livingroom folding laundry while my husband was in the bedroom sleeping, he works nights, and my son who is 11 months old kept dive bombing into the folded laundry and rolling around in it. I had to keep giving him stern "NO's" , then my husband comes out of the room and says to me " Its really hard to sleep when you're yelling all the time you know" and I tried to explain to him what was happening. He started to say how I cant watch my son and how Im a ****ty mom and partner. How the house is always a mess. I think explained how Its always a mess because hes like a second child and I cannot keep up with cleaning up after the both of them, while watching my crawling and NEW walker of a baby who is all over the place, meanwhile I am a full time university student.. He kept pushing my buttons.. all day. Anyways.. I kept warning him to stop, stop talking to me.. dont say anything to me just leave me alone. but he wouldnt. I told him that i was going to lose it on him if he didnt.. then I lost it. I screamed louder than i have ever screamed before ... got in his face screamed at the top of my lungs to never treat me like im his house wife/maid or mother because im none of the above.. MEANWHILE I have my son on my hip. I also threw the car seat at him, then while screaming about how its BS that I have to pick up after him when he is a grown man who knows how to himself, Im flinging things off the counter. Then I broke down crying and went into the babies room with him and locked the door until I calmed down, then I came out afterwards cleaned up my mess.. and put my son down to play then went into the bathroom to cry, my Husband opened the door , well pushed it open really.. and apologized. I feel horrible for freaking out infront of my son like that, I dont feel bad for losing it on my husband though, I feel like he deserved it. He knew how far he could push me and he did it anyways to get a reaction then when he got it, he certainly did not expect what he got. He shouldnt be able to push me like that, It has been building up for months.. he talked down to me in a store last week, yelled at me and said to HURRY THE F*CK up, this is a store where i go on a daily basis to get drinks and fill up my car... it was so embaressing.. He is on some weird power trip right now and i will not be there to go along for the ride. I feel like a piece of garbage though.... but like I said, only because I let him get to me and because I lost it in front of my kid. Any Advice?
DazednConfused Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 It's actually good you did that... perhaps husband saw a little of the way he's treating you. We teach the people in our lives how to treat us... you only stood up to what was perhaps becoming a true bully situation. Your little one is far too young to be traumatized by your actions, so I wouldn't worry about that too much either. Now, keep your spine! -Dazed
Author Jacqueline_Dez Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Yes, You're right. I head the same from a few friends, it is just so hard not to feel guilty especially when I even scared myself in the process. He is truly lucky that I didnt kill him and that I had the sense to go to the room and lock myself in.
WowReally Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Your little one is far too young to be traumatized by your actions, so I wouldn't worry about that too much either. There are sooo many things wrong with this statement I can't even begin to rip into it!!!
laRubiaBonita Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 There are sooo many things wrong with this statement I can't even begin to rip into it!!! really? how much do you remember from when you were 11 months old?
DazednConfused Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 There are sooo many things wrong with this statement I can't even begin to rip into it!!! Yeah, you're right... it was very late; what was I thinking? Perhaps I should have said you're eleven month old son saw and understood everything you said and did and is now destined for a lifetime of therapy and stunted development because he saw mommy get angry. By the same token, he has all these mixed messages now about how it's NOT okay to treat women like servants after watching daddy disrespect mommy for weeks leading up to this incident. Yes, you're absolutely right, he saw, understood, and processed the whole thing and has concluded that mommy and daddy actually despise each other. His formative years are now corrupted in pain and anguish and he will definitely never understand that there is conflict, confrontation, and resolution in real life because mommy once lost her cool and decided not to let daddy treat her like his personal doormat. He's doomed to paying psychiatrists for the rest of his life; he's doomed to complete failure in all his interactions w/ other human beings, perhaps ending up alone, lonely, and angry forever more. Because after all, without this incident... it would have all been sunshine, roses, chocolate candy, and bunny rabbits for his entire existence. Please, get over yourself.
WowReally Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Yeah, you're right... it was very late; what was I thinking? Perhaps I should have said you're eleven month old son saw and understood everything you said and did and is now destined for a lifetime of therapy and stunted development because he saw mommy get angry. By the same token, he has all these mixed messages now about how it's NOT okay to treat women like servants after watching daddy disrespect mommy for weeks leading up to this incident. Yes, you're absolutely right, he saw, understood, and processed the whole thing and has concluded that mommy and daddy actually despise each other. His formative years are now corrupted in pain and anguish and he will definitely never understand that there is conflict, confrontation, and resolution in real life because mommy once lost her cool and decided not to let daddy treat her like his personal doormat. He's doomed to paying psychiatrists for the rest of his life; he's doomed to complete failure in all his interactions w/ other human beings, perhaps ending up alone, lonely, and angry forever more. Because after all, without this incident... it would have all been sunshine, roses, chocolate candy, and bunny rabbits for his entire existence. Please, get over yourself. How do you not understand that what you did was not right with a child in your arms?
laRubiaBonita Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 How do you not understand that what you did was not right with a child in your arms? why not explain your POV a little more?
2sure Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Obviously freaking out and losing control is not something anyone should ever do. OK And its easy to not do that when you were not a full time student, and a new mother , to a now walking toddler, with a partner who has to sleep during the day while you parent, clean the house, and pick up after one toddler and one grown man. It was easy to not lose control and freak out before all of that. Since having your son changed all of that...its harder now. You have found, as many stressed out parents do...your breaking point. This apparently is your new breaking point. Thats all. Its OK. So now you know. Yes, it happened while your son was with you. It was a mistake. One you will correct. And then you will make another different mistake as all parents do. Parenting , more than any other experience in life is a learning process, a humbling one. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself, expect change from your spouse as well as yourself....and move on. Oh, and all the advice you may receive from people who do not have children or have them but are not also students or working full time....toss it.
Author Jacqueline_Dez Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 How do you not understand that what you did was not right with a child in your arms? Who are you talking to exactly? I think that "I" said quite clearly that there was something wrong with what I did otherwise I wouldn't have felt guilty about it, you're reading someone else's post and confusing it. Pay more attention please before you throw out your judgments. Thanks
DazednConfused Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Who are you talking to exactly? I think that "I" said quite clearly that there was something wrong with what I did otherwise I wouldn't have felt guilty about it, you're reading someone else's post and confusing it. Pay more attention please before you throw out your judgments. Thanks It was my post, and I did not condone anyone's actions either... i simply said it was unlikely to have permanently traumatized the boy... Yes, i have raised a child; yes, said child was witness to more than one melt-down over the years... she is a happy, confident, well-adjusted adult. My effort was to assure the OP that she had not caused any permanent harm and that she had overall done a good thing by standing up for herself. Bleh, same old message board mentality, forget the reason and the intent, find something to pick at and appear the intellectual humanitarian. Anyway Jaqueline, I hope you know you did the right things.... was it "perfect" no; but reality seldom is. I'll quit the thread now; tho I wish you the best. -Dazed
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