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I need some serious assistance

Cyrus_F

By Cyrus_F
in The Other Man / Woman

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Cyrus_F New Member

Cyrus_F

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Okay so I am a young male, 22. The other woman is a little older than me and she is married. I'm getting hints that she's interested in me, but I am not actively pursuing these interests out of respect for the relationship. I'll explain some things to see if someone can confirm if she's interested or just being extra friendly.

 

Also, to get started, technically I met her on a video game, but it was a string of friends in real life that got me to first meet her.

 

  • She keeps throwing compliments about how "I'm awesome" and stuff like that
  • She devulged very personal issues with me without me asking
  • She has been separated from her husband at the moment while she is working out some issues (not related to the marriage)
  • She was talking about how she has "changed" and doesn't know how her husband would deal with it
  • She has mentioned to me that she was close to divorce before
  • She's an avid gamer and always asks me to get on
  • Knowing her for about a month, she invited me to her housewarming party, and almost insisted i stay the night there
  • She hinted at them possibly needing a roommate when she moves back to their apartment

 

I'm not familiar with a deep commitment personally, so I need some advice on what to do. I don't want to make her look like a fool if she tries to pursue me (I'm naturally unwilling to hurt anyone's feelings and sometimes get walked on because of it). I also don't want to just cut communications because she is at least a friend to me, and I couldn't just bring myself to shut someone out that is my friend. I'm just at a loss at what to do, other than sitting here, hoping that what I think is happening, isn't.

TigerCub Established Member

TigerCub

Posted
Posted
Okay so I am a young male, 22. The other woman is a little older than me and she is married. I'm getting hints that she's interested in me, but I am not actively pursuing these interests out of respect for the relationship. I'll explain some things to see if someone can confirm if she's interested or just being extra friendly.

I'll give it a shot - I may not know what I'm talking about, but I'll just call it like I see it

 

She keeps throwing compliments about how "I'm awesome" and stuff like that

Are those "You're awesome" compliments given during the online games? Cuz maybe she just thinks you play awesome

 

She devulged very personal issues with me without me asking

Not everyone takes a long time to open up, some people (like me) are just an open book and say almost everything about themselves

 

She has been separated from her husband at the moment while she is working out some issues (not related to the marriage)

I think this point is important, if she's separated from her husband because she needs to work on her own issues, that alone should tell you that she's no in any state to have a real relationship with anyone, So...if she's attracted to you, you'd just be a comfort and a bootie call and it could be something she later uses the excuse "OMG, I was in such a weird place mentally, I don't know what I was doing"

 

She's an avid gamer and always asks me to get on

She obviously enjoys your company and you have the game in common, she likes it when you play cuz you play "awesome" ;)

 

Knowing her for about a month, she invited me to her housewarming party, and almost insisted i stay the night there

 

She hinted at them possibly needing a roommate when she moves back to their apartment

k, this woman obviously enjoys having you around, she also probably is attracted to you and stuff, but if she's at a place where she needs to work on her own issues, and she's married and all that stuff, honestly, I don't see what good would come of her.

 

 

 

I'm not familiar with a deep commitment personally, so I need some advice on what to do. I don't want to make her look like a fool if she tries to pursue me (I'm naturally unwilling to hurt anyone's feelings and sometimes get walked on because of it). I also don't want to just cut communications because she is at least a friend to me, and I couldn't just bring myself to shut someone out that is my friend. I'm just at a loss at what to do, other than sitting here, hoping that what I think is happening, isn't.

 

Well, from what I understand is that you DON'T want anything to happen with her and you're just asking for a nice way to put a stop to whatever advances she's making.

 

I think its very nice that you're considerate of other people's feelings, that's a great quality.

Honestly, the only thing I could think of right now, is to just bring up the mention of a girl you're starting to date.

 

It seems like you and this woman chat and all that, as far as she knows right now you're oblivious to her advances, so if she asks you what you're doing some night or weekend or whatever, in random chat, just mention how you're going out on a date with this girl you met and blah blah blah, don't say it in a way that would rub it in her face, but if you just mention that you're starting to date someone, hopefully she'll back off.

 

Hope some of that helped :)

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

My suggestion...why don't you cool down your interaction with her on your side?

 

When she asks you to game with her...have other plans. Stop engaging in any personal conversations with her, in game or out. Stick ONLY to conversation that is relevent to the game...and ignore anything else. Just don't respond. If she asks...be blunt and honest. Tell her "You're married, and I'm not comfortable discussing anything personal with a married women. Can we just stick to the game, and enjoy that rather than anything else?".

 

Set boundaries in the conversation on your side....to prevent yourself from being drug into the middle of a situation you don't want to be part of.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

She's bored in her marriage and looking for someone to make things more interesting.

 

It really isn't worth your time to be honest.

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Cyrus_F New Member

Cyrus_F

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'll give it a shot - I may not know what I'm talking about, but I'll just call it like I see it

 

 

Are those "You're awesome" compliments given during the online games? Cuz maybe she just thinks you play awesome

 

No, these are general you're awesome type compliments on my personality and such.

 

 

Not everyone takes a long time to open up, some people (like me) are just an open book and say almost everything about themselves

 

This is one of the things I was iffy on, I just added it in to see if it could have been an issue.

 

 

I think this point is important, if she's separated from her husband because she needs to work on her own issues, that alone should tell you that she's no in any state to have a real relationship with anyone, So...if she's attracted to you, you'd just be a comfort and a bootie call and it could be something she later uses the excuse "OMG, I was in such a weird place mentally, I don't know what I was doing"

 

This is what first made me think something was up, and I was thinking the same thing that she was separated and just missing the comfort of someone being there.

 

 

She obviously enjoys your company and you have the game in common, she likes it when you play cuz you play "awesome" ;)

 

I equated this to her asking me to spend time together, because when I say avid gamer, I mean that's what she does with A LOT of her free time, not that it's a bad thing (although her husband thinks so).

 

k, this woman obviously enjoys having you around, she also probably is attracted to you and stuff, but if she's at a place where she needs to work on her own issues, and she's married and all that stuff, honestly, I don't see what good would come of her.

 

Yeah, I'm aware of this going very bad, very fast. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and accidentally go down the wrong road by saying something she might want to hear. I don't know if she's one of those clingy types but I know how they can get once you say the key phrase they wanna hear, whether you mean it to attract them or not.

 

 

 

 

 

Well, from what I understand is that you DON'T want anything to happen with her and you're just asking for a nice way to put a stop to whatever advances she's making.

 

I think its very nice that you're considerate of other people's feelings, that's a great quality.

Honestly, the only thing I could think of right now, is to just bring up the mention of a girl you're starting to date.

 

 

This seems like my best bet right here.

 

It seems like you and this woman chat and all that, as far as she knows right now you're oblivious to her advances, so if she asks you what you're doing some night or weekend or whatever, in random chat, just mention how you're going out on a date with this girl you met and blah blah blah, don't say it in a way that would rub it in her face, but if you just mention that you're starting to date someone, hopefully she'll back off.

 

Yeah I'm going to play it safe when it comes to that. I'm going to go to her housewarming party because I already told her I'd go, but her husband will be there so nothing should happen... hopefully (I don't wanna end up being a point of conflict at a party)

TigerCub Established Member

TigerCub

Posted
Posted

This is what first made me think something was up, and I was thinking the same thing that she was separated and just missing the comfort of someone being there.

 

Honestly, that would be my bet. That doesn't mean that you're not really awesome, are great company and attractive to her, but she's obviously not in a place where she can offer you anything real.

 

She's most likely lonely and confused about herself and her marriage and you'd be the perfect person that would make her feel good about her self/life.

 

But @ the end of the day - honestly hun, that's not your job.

 

Edit - ooooh, just thought of this - when you go to the housewarming, just tell her you appreciate the invite, but have to leave early because you have a date - ooooh!!! problem solved :)

 

Be nice to her and go to the house warming as you planned, but yeah I'd say try to bring up a "new girl" in the conversation at some point so that she'd get the hint, without you having to reject her or hurt her feelings.

 

If she doesn't get the hint, and at some point makes it obvious and comes onto you, then you'd need to tell her that you're not interested in getting involved with a married woman. and that'll be that.

 

Good luck :)

  • Author
Cyrus_F New Member

Cyrus_F

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yep, that's my plan, thanks for the help!

TigerCub Established Member

TigerCub

Posted
Posted
Yep, that's my plan, thanks for the help!

 

Happy to help :)

 

 

oh I tried to edit my post with this suggestion, but it didn't work (the edit - that is) :)

 

I was suggesting that when you go to the housewarming, you tell her you appreciate the invite, but that you're leaving early because you have a date - problem solved :cool:

 

 

haha- just noticed that my edit was stuck somewhere in the middle of my last post - disregard this entry :p

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