dreamyluv7 Posted February 24, 2004 Posted February 24, 2004 I believe I am dating the guy I hope to be my future husband. But I have been facing some tough personal issues. I was in a unhealthy relationship before I met current boyfriend and I promised myself if I didn't prepose to me within 2 years of dating that he probaly wasn't worth my time, because I just don't want to get stuck in a relationship where it seems like it is forever stuck in the dating phase. It has been 2 and half years and brought up the subject in the beginning of the relationship that I didn't want to be in a relationship after 2 years without an engagement ring. His response that he wasn't ready and that I should be patient for, but he does really want to marry me. He is a very good boyfriend, never lies, cheats or anything and has held every promise he has ever made! Still, I would like to keep going forward and I feel like I am trapt. I understand that he is not ready, and that is okay, but how long do I have to wait and devote my time and effort to him if our future is uncertain. Part of me wants to get of the relationship because I feel that it is going nowhere. I really don't know what to do, because I love him so much and would like to spend of my life with him, but I don't feel content on waiting forever for him to propose.
carla Posted February 24, 2004 Posted February 24, 2004 Ask yourself this: If you broke up with him tommorrow b/c he won't propose now, how would you feel? Are you willing to throw way a good relationship b/c of no committment in 2 years for the unknown? 2 years is not a long time. He could be MR. PERFECT and b/c you don't want to wait for him you are willing to face the unknown. Hypotheticly speaking: 1 1/2 years from now you are with a guy he seems like a nice guy but you still wonder about your ex. This new guy proposes and you end up married once you live together and have a couple of kids,you find out the he is a drunken, cheating woman beater. HMMMM...... waiting for MR. PERFECT to be ready doesn't seem so bad. My bf comment: It's leap year and women are suppost to propose to men this year. (I think this comment was to be another hint for me. This is about the 4th time he's said this in about 2 weeks.HE HE)
dyermaker Posted February 24, 2004 Posted February 24, 2004 I think it's unfair that you're punishing a perfectly good guy because you've had a bad history. Nevertheless, you feel how you feel. I think Carla's examples are a bit dramatic on both spectrums. There's no such thing as mister perfect. Perfection is an illusion by which humanity measures their inadequacies. The two-year promise to yourself was one you made because you felt like it would help you avoid an unhealthy relationsihp. Now you're in a healthy relationship, but your standard is holding you back. Kinda ironic? You're very young. As I've pointed out twice already today, marriage is not what it used to be, it doesn't gaurantee you'll be together forever. What is it about marriage that appeals to you? Are you not familiar with the divorce proccess? Times have changed, there's no way to ~catch~ a man forever. What about married life is different from single life? Don't think a little bit of paperwork is enough to keep him with you forever, that's not how things work. Why don't you just enjoy your life as a young person, and let him decide when he's ready to get you some jewelry and change your last name?
spencer Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 wait somethings are worth waiting for. take the pressure off your bf, tell him that it's ok that he has not proposed. explain to him how you were misled in your previous relationship and waited around for something that was not going to happen. Now, your a little skittish, thats understandable, you don't want to spend more years of your life waiting around. Ask him to reassure you that your efforts aren't going to waste, and you are building for a future. men view marriage much more intense than us women do IMHO. I have found that if a man does not feel secure financially to support a wife (whether you make 6 figures or not) and children they will wait till they feel more confident. or you can tell him that you have decided to become celibate till marriage, you'll fly by the alter so fast you wont know what hit ya.
Marty_McFly Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 If you're pressuring him, think of what he could very well be thinking: "I would love to propose to her and marry her, but with all this pressure, I'm afraid if I do she will always think we're only married because I caved to her pressure and didn't really want to do it." He very well could be thinking that, because that's a big part of why I waited (and waited too long, because she let herself fall out of love with me thinking I didn't care). He probably does also probably think that he's not ready yet. There's nothing wrong with him feeling that way. It suggests he has the wisdom to make sure everything is right before making a decision that will affect two lives forever. An awesome mate is EXTREMELY hard to find. If he really is so great, just enjoy being with him and don't worry about the future. Like someone else said, you know he's awesome, and you have no idea if you'll meet someone as good again.
dolphinsunshyn Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Take it from me. You don't want to push things. I married my high school sweetheart. We dated 7 years before we finally got married. A part of him felt like he wasn't ready and that I pushed him into the marriage. He sat and suffered in silence for 7 years in marriage before he finally cheated on me. We ended up divorced because of it. We didn't allow ourselves the time to grow as INDIVIDUALS and became dependant on each other and the relationship. It was no way to live and although things appeared to be good you can never be truly happy with someone until you feel like you have lived your life and have done everything you want to do before taking the "plunge" into marriage. Make sure you have dated enough and have experienced everything you need to. Give it time and make sure it is right for both of you. I KNOW it is frustrating but you have to be paitent. If it is meant to be it will happen. You probably both need to grow first. Enjoy this time together. Marriage changes everything and you what to be sure you are ready; otherwise, you may be married, but not truly happy together.
amcpah4eva Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 I say this in experince. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years and no ring yet. But I believe in my heart that he will do it sooner than I think. His issue is money problems, and I understand that. I mean I do want the ring and all but I got to wait until that day comes. I know that may seem hard, but you have to wait. The time will come. Also, I know that in my heart that God has a plan for us in the future, and you have to think that way too. If God wants it to happen, it will happen!
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