Hello, I think I'm crazy

[sroberts]

Hi all -

 

I'm a mostly happy MW, on my second marriage. So, a couple years ago I reconnected with an old BF. We "liked" each other when we were in highschool but never got physical b/c we were too young. We both had kinda messed up childhoods, so we were really there for each other. Fast forward 15 years - he has a live-in GF and is divorced. I'm a long ways away from him. We both have children. We've been chatting online for a couple of years now but recently it took a turn towards the way sexual. He has told me he wants to meet me in person, he wants to get me pregnant (a big, recurring theme), that we should have never lost touch. We've discussed meeting in our old hometown and spending time together, which we all know would end in bed. He hung onto some of our letters and other suveners for years, and a couple of times he's said that he wished he had marreid me. And that if we ended up sleeping together, and I got pregnant, he'd stay with me forever.

 

I'm so confused. What does it mean when a man says over and over that he fantasizes about getting you pregnant? I don't want to mess up my marriage and I don't want to lose my friendship either. But at the same time I feel real close to him - he was my best friend at a dark tiem in my life. I'm not sure whether he caers about me, or whether he's just trying to talk me into something. His relationship with his GF isn't great now, and I tihnk he likes me, but I just don't know how to take this. I know I know I know that I'm a MW and it's wrong just for that reason, ok, so please don't judge me. I just am trying to understand whether he's just horny or whehter he cares about me.

[TaraMaiden]

It doesn't matter what he thinks.

It doesn't matter whether he's horny or whether he cares about you.

 

You are married.

He isn't.

You are unavailable.

You are committed.

you made vows and promises to your husband.

Do yourself and him a favour:

Either keep them, and cut this man out of your life for good -

 

or -

 

Tell your H something is derailing in your relationship and it needs addressing, because otherwise you can see it crashing.

 

Because trust me - it's the way it's going.

It's the way it always goes.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What does it mean when a man says over and over that he fantasizes about getting you pregnant?

 

It is a pretty common thing - there is something about planting a seed inside a woman and marking her as yours with your offspring that some men just respond to strongly. It is a longing for the deepest connection you can have.

 

Unfortunately, that rarely if ever carries over into reality in affairs. Wanting that connection and actually living with the consequences of it are two entirely different things.

 

The same man who begs to get you pregnant will beg you to get an abortion, and in the event that you don't - they will simply try to find a way to find the solution that works best for them while remaining married/involved.

 

In a case like yours where you are married - if you were to get pregnant and leave your husband you will find yourself pretty much on your own because the chances of him leaving too would be remote.

 

There is little doubt he cares deeply for you, but if you are hoping that it means he wants you both to leave and be together and start a family together you may be sorely disappointed.

 

When he leaves, gets his own place, and invites you to start a life with him then you can start to think in that direction. Otherwise, as long as he is nesting with someone else, there really isn't much of a point to think about things like getting pregnant or starting a new life with him.

 

Basically, he just wants an affair.

[bestplayer]

Hi all -

 

I'm a mostly happy MW, on my second marriage. So, a couple years ago I reconnected with an old BF. We "liked" each other when we were in highschool but never got physical b/c we were too young. We both had kinda messed up childhoods, so we were really there for each other. Fast forward 15 years - he has a live-in GF and is divorced. I'm a long ways away from him. We both have children. We've been chatting online for a couple of years now but recently it took a turn towards the way sexual. He has told me he wants to meet me in person, he wants to get me pregnant (a big, recurring theme), that we should have never lost touch. We've discussed meeting in our old hometown and spending time together, which we all know would end in bed. He hung onto some of our letters and other suveners for years, and a couple of times he's said that he wished he had marreid me. And that if we ended up sleeping together, and I got pregnant, he'd stay with me forever.

 

I'm so confused. What does it mean when a man says over and over that he fantasizes about getting you pregnant? I don't want to mess up my marriage and I don't want to lose my friendship either. But at the same time I feel real close to him - he was my best friend at a dark tiem in my life. I'm not sure whether he caers about me, or whether he's just trying to talk me into something. His relationship with his GF isn't great now, and I tihnk he likes me, but I just don't know how to take this. I know I know I know that I'm a MW and it's wrong just for that reason, ok, so please don't judge me. I just am trying to understand whether he's just horny or whehter he cares about me.

 

...I don't want to mess up my marriage and I don't want to lose my friendship either....

 

but you are already doing that by planning to meet your friend which you know will lead to sex or probably he will fulfill his fantasy of getting you pregnant . Are you sure your H will be ok with that ?

[fooled once]

It doesn't matter what he thinks.

It doesn't matter whether he's horny or whether he cares about you.

 

You are married.

He isn't.

You are unavailable.

You are committed.

you made vows and promises to your husband.

Do yourself and him a favour:

Either keep them, and cut this man out of your life for good -

 

or -

 

Tell your H something is derailing in your relationship and it needs addressing, because otherwise you can see it crashing.

 

Because trust me - it's the way it's going.

It's the way it always goes.

 

Ditto .....

[whichwayisup]

Stop living in the past!!!! This man is NO GOOD for you in your life now! Can't you see this?

I don't want to mess up my marriage and I don't want to lose my friendship either.

 

Don't be selfish. You cannot have both. It's either this man from your past or your husband.

 

You need to decide who is more important. The man you said vows to, created a life with, or someone from your past who hasn't been in your life in years.

 

Do you have children with your husband? If so, THINK of them.

 

A man who is already in a relationship and seeking out someone from his past, wants to get them pregnant has issues. Sorry, but if you can't see the red flags here, there's something very wrong.

[bentnotbroken]

Is this dude still in HS. Get somebody pregnant so he can stay with them forever:eek:. Come on my kids don't even talk or think like that. How much more immaturity has to happen between the two of you before you see this for what it is....a huge mess about to explode.

[Sham WOW]

Nothing lovey dovey about it. It's about male competition with the hubby.

This will not have a good ending.

[LifesontheUp]

You and he have already been divorced once. You are on your 2nd marriage and he has live in gf.

 

Do you want to have a 2nd divorce on the CHANCE that a past relationship may work for you? The past is the past, I really think you and the OM are living in fantasy land. Why not work on your marriage and not make it to a 3rd.

[jennie-jennie]

You and he have already been divorced once. You are on your 2nd marriage and he has live in gf.

 

Do you want to have a 2nd divorce on the CHANCE that a past relationship may work for you? The past is the past, I really think you and the OM are living in fantasy land. Why not work on your marriage and not make it to a 3rd.

 

Rekindled love relationships have a much higher success rate than any other love relationships.

[Minnie09]

Question:

 

When was the last time you saw / spoke to him in person?Do I get that right, you are just communicating through e-mail/messenger and such, but have not seen each other since HS? Leave it at that. You both seem rather immature. Immature for long-distant flirting, being secretive and falling for a fantasy.

 

The pregnancy talk doesn't mean dick. He's bored at home and wants to lure you in with something that he thinks sounds attractive to you. I don't think it is attractive. Do you?

Reality check, please!

[witabix]

You are unhappy, maybe, with your lot at the moment.

 

This man sounds like he is seriously falling off his trolley. Get you pregnant, stay with you forever, looney tunes. He has kids, why hasn't he stayed with their mother?

 

Steer well clear, this barking person will destroy your life.

[2sure]

Wrong for you, wrong for the children you have, wrong for your husband...of course you know that.

 

But you also know this guy sounds like a lunatic right?

[LifesontheUp]

Rekindled love relationships have a much higher success rate than any other love relationships.

 

Really? You can't be talking from your perspective because you've been the OW for over 5 years......I don't call that success, I call it someone i.e. MM is having his cake and well and truly eating it.

 

Now OP, the point I am making is that you are already onto your 2nd marriage, do you really want to get divorce again for someone from your past? Someone who clearly isn't thinking with anything other than his d$ck.....wants to get you pregnant! Come on, do you want bring another child into this world under these circumstances

[BB07]

Hi all -

 

I'm a mostly happy MW, on my second marriage. So, a couple years ago I reconnected with an old BF. We "liked" each other when we were in highschool but never got physical b/c we were too young. We both had kinda messed up childhoods, so we were really there for each other. Fast forward 15 years - he has a live-in GF and is divorced. I'm a long ways away from him. We both have children. We've been chatting online for a couple of years now but recently it took a turn towards the way sexual. He has told me he wants to meet me in person, he wants to get me pregnant (a big, recurring theme), that we should have never lost touch. We've discussed meeting in our old hometown and spending time together, which we all know would end in bed. He hung onto some of our letters and other suveners for years, and a couple of times he's said that he wished he had marreid me. And that if we ended up sleeping together, and I got pregnant, he'd stay with me forever.

 

The above, that sounds like something a 16 year old would say who is on their first crush. Do you realize how immature and silly that sounds? Actually not just immature and silly, but I'd wonder if he has a screw loose somewhere.

 

I'm so confused. What does it mean when a man says over and over that he fantasizes about getting you pregnant? I don't want to mess up my marriage and I don't want to lose my friendship either. But at the same time I feel real close to him - he was my best friend at a dark tiem in my life. I'm not sure whether he caers about me, or whether he's just trying to talk me into something. His relationship with his GF isn't great now, and I tihnk he likes me, but I just don't know how to take this. I know I know I know that I'm a MW and it's wrong just for that reason, ok, so please don't judge me. I just am trying to understand whether he's just horny or whehter he cares about me.

 

You are deluding yourself if you think he is such a great friend to you, he is getting his rocks off on the attention and so are you. You both are playing fantasyland games with each other and overlooking the fact that you ARE playing very dangerous games with your REAL life. The best friend stuff, that was a long time ago and he isn't your best friend now or he wouldn't be endangering your marriage or saying things to you about getting you pregnant. From the information you gave us in your post, my BS meter is really, really off the charts. This man sounds unhinged and you are probably thinking oh you people here at LS don't understand, but the thing is, yes we get it and sometimes you need a reality check from the outside looking in.

 

Please for your sake and your marriages sake, lose the looser. He is big trouble for you and he isn't your friend.

 

[YellowShark]

You are deluding yourself if you think he is such a great friend to you, he is getting his rocks off on the attention and so are you. You both are playing fantasyland games with each other and overlooking the fact that you ARE playing very dangerous games with your REAL life. The best friend stuff, that was a long time ago and he isn't your best friend now or he wouldn't be endangering your marriage or saying things to you about getting you pregnant.

EXACTLY. You are playing very dangerous games with your REAL life sroberts. Say goodbye to creepy Mr. "I want to get you pregnant."

[SidLyon]

Rekindled love relationships have a much higher success rate than any other love relationships.

 

That's good news for me and my fWH as that is what we are doing with our marriage.

 

It's also good news for your MM and his BW if they decide to re-kindle too.

[TaraMaiden]

Rekindled love relationships have a much higher success rate than any other love relationships.

 

This is complete and utter baloney.

 

A good search across this board will tell you that 'second chance' attempts at 'rekindling a love relationship' is far from as successful as you deem it to be.

Never go back to that.

It's broken.

Either on your own, or through the interference and interjection of a third factor, but in any way you want to look at it, there is damage, because there is inevitably deceit, miscommunication, reproach, and mistrust.

 

What do you base such a wildly statement on, exactly, J-J? Where's the evidence to back you up?

[SidLyon]

Originally Posted by jennie-jennie

Rekindled love relationships have a much higher success rate than any other love relationships.

This is complete and utter baloney.

 

A good search across this board will tell you that 'second chance' attempts at 'rekindling a love relationship' is far from as successful as you deem it to be.

Never go back to that.

It's broken.

Either on your own, or through the interference and interjection of a third factor, but in any way you want to look at it, there is damage, because there is inevitably deceit, miscommunication, reproach, and mistrust.

 

What do you base such a wildly statement on, exactly, J-J? Where's the evidence to back you up?

 

Oh bummer - just when my hopes got raised you went and dashed them to pieces Tara!

[TaraMaiden]

It's like buying a brand new, state-of-the-art, designer woollen jacket, by Armani or Dolce & Gabbana. Hot piece! brilliant, wow, look at me everyone!

 

Unfortunately, one day, you snag a thread, pull it, and make a hole.

 

And much as you expertly repair it, the garment is now inexorably flawed, damaged and never as good as it was in the first place.

You can even have it expertly mended, but you know the damage is done, and no matter how many people admire it, you know that it's not as good as it used to be....

 

See....?

[Fieldsofgold]

It's like buying a brand new, state-of-the-art, designer woollen jacket, by Armani or Dolce & Gabbana. Hot piece! brilliant, wow, look at me everyone!

 

Unfortunately, one day, you snag a thread, pull it, and make a hole.

 

And much as you expertly repair it, the garment is now inexorably flawed, damaged and never as good as it was in the first place.

You can even have it expertly mended, but you know the damage is done, and no matter how many people admire it, you know that it's not as good as it used to be....

 

See....?

 

So true.

 

In my personal experience relationships (not A's, but dating, marriage, and friendships with both women and men) I have found this to be true to the extent that I eventually made it one of my personal "universal laws."

 

There were times when I ended a significant relationship, then later found myself missing the relationship and pining away for the person. When I rekindled the relationship, at some point I realized anew why it didn't work out the first time. I have never had a re-kindled relationship, whether romantic or platonic in nature, that "worked," long term.

 

I am a slow learner, an eternal optimist and all that, but at some point I figured out that when I began missing and yearning for a person, to let it go. It didn't work the first time, we are the same people, why would I think it will work the second time? That is just crazy thinking. Like doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results . . .