my story

[nc2nv]

long story gunna try to make this short.

 

okay back in july my wife had like to me about one of her male friend being in the car with her she claimed it was the real estate agent and she brought him lunch. i knew she was going to see him cause he had a hookup with a painter. cause her car got keyed. so she lied about it to me and told me she was going to stop talking to him. and she did. i noticed after that she became very distant and was treating me like crap it was like an emotional switch just shut off its been that way ever sense. firefox saves passwords for any website you goto so i used this to check her cell phone account. anyways she has been texting one of her "friends" for months i mean like 3000 texts in a few weeks time. i asked her about it and shes flat out lied to me about it. not knowing i have been keeping an eye out on it. so she woke up one morning to meet contacters to look out our new house and she got a dressed up and the first thing she did was text him i dropped by the house and she was in fact meeting with the contactors and she had a funny look on her face. so i dropped off my things and left on the way out her car was open, and i looked at her phone. there was a partical thred of text messages from her and him witch she had deleted most of and what was there was HIM: "ive got a silly grin on my face now" her: "oh yeah?" him "im kinda flattered" her: "lol ok". so im like wtf? so i called the guy on my phone and told him who i was he had no clue... i asked him what my wife was saying to him to put a silly grin on his face and why hes so flattered? he said i dont want to be in the middle of this, your going to have to ask her about it. and i asked him if he knew me and her were married and he said "i cant say that i did". so i hang out with him and she calls me back 20 mins later saying "im packing your things, i want you out." so i packed up my things and moved back to cali where i am now and she wants a divorce. she said nothing was going on... she said he sent her a picture of him wakeboarding and she said he looks badass. i checked the phone records and there was never a picture sent from him. she lied AGAIN! i just dont understand what the deal is can anyone make heads or tails of this? the facts are shes been lying to me for months about him she said they are just friends and shes been deleting texts from her phone. so i dont know what to belive.

[TaraMaiden]

Oh....I don't believe that for a minute.

I think you just don't want to face the obvious.

[nc2nv]

i honestly feel in my gut she was looking for a replacement. and that she gave up on our marriage months ago. i gave up my life in california for her my job, my home, my friends and family and she does this to me? i cant belive it. what a slap ion the face!

[HopelessinDTW]

long story gunna try to make this short.

 

okay back in july my wife had like to me about one of her male friend being in the car with her she claimed it was the real estate agent and she brought him lunch. i knew she was going to see him cause he had a hookup with a painter. cause her car got keyed. so she lied about it to me and told me she was going to stop talking to him. and she did. i noticed after that she became very distant and was treating me like crap it was like an emotional switch just shut off its been that way ever sense. firefox saves passwords for any website you goto so i used this to check her cell phone account. anyways she has been texting one of her "friends" for months i mean like 3000 texts in a few weeks time. i asked her about it and shes flat out lied to me about it. not knowing i have been keeping an eye out on it. so she woke up one morning to meet contacters to look out our new house and she got a dressed up and the first thing she did was text him i dropped by the house and she was in fact meeting with the contactors and she had a funny look on her face. so i dropped off my things and left on the way out her car was open, and i looked at her phone. there was a partical thred of text messages from her and him witch she had deleted most of and what was there was HIM: "ive got a silly grin on my face now" her: "oh yeah?" him "im kinda flattered" her: "lol ok". so im like wtf? so i called the guy on my phone and told him who i was he had no clue... i asked him what my wife was saying to him to put a silly grin on his face and why hes so flattered? he said i dont want to be in the middle of this, your going to have to ask her about it. and i asked him if he knew me and her were married and he said "i cant say that i did". so i hang out with him and she calls me back 20 mins later saying "im packing your things, i want you out." so i packed up my things and moved back to cali where i am now and she wants a divorce. she said nothing was going on... she said he sent her a picture of him wakeboarding and she said he looks badass. i checked the phone records and there was never a picture sent from him. she lied AGAIN! i just dont understand what the deal is can anyone make heads or tails of this? the facts are shes been lying to me for months about him she said they are just friends and shes been deleting texts from her phone. so i dont know what to belive.

 

Why are you leaving?? She's the one having the affair. Have her pack her bags, and kick her a** out!! What the hell is wrong with you? she's lying, and will be lying about everything/anything. Stop contact with her, do a 180...read about it. If you have no kids...even better/easier. unfortunately, this is all about you now...take care of yourself...don't count on her coming back to you. Most likely outcome is that it's over and you will get a divorce. Keep on posting

[nc2nv]

what did i do to deserve this?

[HopelessinDTW]

what did i do to deserve this?

nobody deserves this. The problem is with her...she's the the one having the affair. I know how you feel my friend. This is going to be one of the toughest things to deal with...but think about it. Do you really want to be with someone like that. Do you think she'll ever change, and become what you thought she was? In reality, she was not what you thought. She has probably been living a lie the whole time you were together. This is just the outcome of all that. Please take care of yourself, and try to realize what I'm telling you. Talk to your family, friends, anyone...and get your feelings out.

[GorillaTheater]

what did i do to deserve this?

 

You didn't do anything to deserve this, and you don't deserve this. What she's done is all about who she is, not you.

 

But. Looking over your posts, you had plenty of warning signs if your wife is the same chick who was your gf back in December. I'd chalk her off as a loss, but learn from this hard lesson. Stay the hell away from soul-sucking people like this.

[nc2nv]

not the same girl as back in dec.

[GorillaTheater]

Oh. How long have you been married?

[nc2nv]

it lasted a whopping 8 months...

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Why are you leaving?? She's the one having the affair. Have her pack her bags, and kick her a** out!! What the hell is wrong with you?

 

I would be very interested if you could answer HopelessinDTW's questions! I am very interested to see the answers. Something about everything you told us, for me, there's something "a-miss" to the story. It just might be me, but I feel there's a gap somewhere, something we might not being told here. I just don't understand!......

 

She was the one flirting with someone other than her Husband, you pack up and move to California. She was the one having inappropriate phone text messages with someone other than her Husband, you pack up and move to California. She's the one, as you like to say, "Lying to you" all the time, but you pack up and move to California. Your the one through basic detective skills to find her phone, investigate, prove there's another man at the other end, but you pack up and move to California. You are the one who accessed your wife's phone, secure the number to the "other guy" and call to either confirm or confront things, you did, you completed you goal and you pack up and move to California.

 

This just doesn't make sense to me, she is the one supposedly lying, cheating, talking to other men, flirting with other men ect. ect. ect. and you at a drop of a dime pack up and move, what's up with that? Don't you think that it might have been better for her to move out and move on with her life? Wasn't the house you shared worthy of fighting for, not the relationship that dwelled inside it, but the physical house, wasn't it worth having? Were you employed at the time of this? Did you pack up and move out on your job as well? Wasn't there both your house and job to stay and fight for, to keep both as so that you could at least have something of some normality in this situation?

 

I don't know, everything you told us was "so opposite" in my case, I kept the most expensive car out of the three, I was able to keep the house, I held onto my job and got 50/50 custody, she cheated on me, why pack up on everything that was mine and move out and away from it. Don't you think it might have been smarter to have her "pack up and move out and move on"? After all she was the one doing the evil deeds, not you! Why leave your life behind and move away due to her twisted ways? Why not keep at least a certain level of sanctity to your house, by you staying in it and living a good healthy life?

 

I don't know, this story to me is "A** Backwards" if you ask me! Oh well, maybe it's just little ole me, that isn't quite seeing the light of your story.

Edited September 16, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[nc2nv]

heres the deal, i moved from cali to be with her. i gave up everything for her. she told me when i asked about him and lied to me. and said if i made her pick between me and him she would pick him. i contacted him she she packed up my things and told me to get out handing me $1,000 to make it home with my things. we were living in an apartment together witch was hers. i had nowhere to go. and no reason to stay other then a job. her words after i contacted him "im packing your things i want you out". this house isn't move in ready its all in her name and i have no part of it. very little of my money was in the house. nothing i can fight for. friends have told me the only reason she kicked you out is cause you cought her talking to some one else. and she wont admit to anything. when i have proved she was lying to me over and over.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

heres the deal, i moved from cali to be with her. i gave up everything for her. she told me when i asked about him and lied to me. and said if i made her pick between me and him she would pick him. i contacted him she she packed up my things and told me to get out handing me $1,000 to make it home with my things. we were living in an apartment together witch was hers. i had nowhere to go. and no reason to stay other then a job. her words after i contacted him "im packing your things i want you out". this house isn't move in ready its all in her name and i have no part of it. very little of my money was in the house. nothing i can fight for. friends have told me the only reason she kicked you out is cause you cought her talking to some one else. and she wont admit to anything. when i have proved she was lying to me over and over.

 

Alright, now we are getting somewhere! This little "blurp" about your situation kind of punched some holes of light through the darkness of the confusion of it all. Now I understand more clearly, you moved to California basically to be with your wife, you shared an apartment with her, she got caught and you get the boot! Well at least you made it out the door with $1000.00 walking money, some people don't even get two penny's to rub together as they are on their way out the door.

 

Sounds like the only true thing in your life at the time that really suffered a blow from this situation was your job. I do find it a bit "odd" how one can share an apartment, condo, duplex or house with a spouse and it not being in both their names.

 

Well keep the post's coming, keep sharing, for I am sensing that there is a bit more for you to get off your chest and vent about, your not done.....not by a long shot! Maybe I can start the ball rolling here by asking one basic simple question, other than answering with things we have already heard, maybe respond back with the emotions felt!

 

Question: How did this all make you feel?

[nc2nv]

to clear something up i moved from cali to phoenix. and im back home in cali now. i feel like all of this is a big slap in the face after everything i gave up to be there with her. we started dating back in jan we both were in love so much we decided to get married in feb! we did the long distance thing for a few months then i moved to phoenix in her apartment. i stayed in this 800sqfoot hell hole for 4 months with no job! it was hell and to tell you the truth it drove me nuts! i got an awesome job a bit over a month ago working for a medical imaging company its like as soon as i started to feel like everything was going to work out and i was no longer home sick she did a 180 and started treating me like poop! everything i said and did made her mad, she didnt want me to touch her she didnt want anything to do with me pushing me away.... and i tried so hard to show her i loved her and that i wanted to be there! but she kept pushing me away! and kept texting the OM and i kept watching it and checking her phone as she deleted all the text from him! and this just drove me nuts! so i finally said f*ck it and called the guy and acted on my gut! and you know the rest i just feel like a fool! shes going around telling some of our friends that im crazy and im a stalker and all this stuff about me going thru her things and its just getting me upset... on one hand i love her cause shes the one im supposed to spend the rest of my life with and on the other it makes me hate her for doing this to me and not saying hey "i dont think things are working out and i think its time for you to go back to california" i would have respected that! however she did this to me!

[The-Zen-Warrior]

to clear something up i moved from cali to phoenix. and im back home in cali now. i feel like all of this is a big slap in the face after everything i gave up to be there with her. we started dating back in jan we both were in love so much we decided to get married in feb! we did the long distance thing for a few months then i moved to phoenix in her apartment. i stayed in this 800sqfoot hell hole for 4 months with no job! it was hell and to tell you the truth it drove me nuts! i got an awesome job a bit over a month ago working for a medical imaging company its like as soon as i started to feel like everything was going to work out and i was no longer home sick she did a 180 and started treating me like poop! everything i said and did made her mad, she didnt want me to touch her she didnt want anything to do with me pushing me away.... and i tried so hard to show her i loved her and that i wanted to be there! but she kept pushing me away! and kept texting the OM and i kept watching it and checking her phone as she deleted all the text from him! and this just drove me nuts! so i finally said f*ck it and called the guy and acted on my gut! and you know the rest i just feel like a fool! shes going around telling some of our friends that im crazy and im a stalker and all this stuff about me going thru her things and its just getting me upset... on one hand i love her cause shes the one im supposed to spend the rest of my life with and on the other it makes me hate her for doing this to me and not saying hey "i dont think things are working out and i think its time for you to go back to california" i would have respected that! however she did this to me!

 

First off let me say that I really don't think you are some sort of a "Stalker", I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Next, what ever she is telling people about you means nothing. Right now she is trying to stack all the friends on her side, this is a little game she's playing called "stack the deck"! My ex-wife in a round about way did the same thing to me, tried to coax our friends into thinking "her way", she was telling lies, half truths and rumor mill stuff. I just learned to let all of that roll off my back. For the friends that don't jump to her side, or those who don't want to get in the middle of it are your true friends.

 

Also your story in another way is very similar to mine. You stated how you were dating in the month of January and were married within the month of February. Believe it or not, I only knew my ex-wife for approx. 2-3 weeks, which there after we decided to elope and run to Lake Tahoe and tie the knot. I don't look at this being a very bad thing, I loved her, wanted to spend my life with her, why not elope and get married. Heck for only knowing someone 2-3 weeks and getting married, we got 14 years or mileage out of it before it fell.

 

Also, don't invest a whole lot of "brain power" trying to wonder why your old lady didn't want you to touch her, kiss her, hug on her, or maybe even talk to her. I learned real hard and real fast, that when my ex-wife put on the brakes on anything in regards to our physical relationship, that was it, we were done touching, no sex, no hugs, no gropes, no nothing! When the woman puts her foot down on that sort of stuff, what ever the reasons, we are just sh#t out of luck. It hurts, it feels bad and your imagination might go on "over load" trying to wonder or create hypothetical scenarios as to why she is doing this. To be honest with you, my ex-wife and I didn't even kiss or hug each other within year #14, we were a non physical, almost non talking married couple in that last year. Drove me nut's, drove me crazy, made me think up a lot of crazy crap as to why. But in the end it all boiled down to her, what she wanted, what type of touching she wanted, ect. ect. ect.

 

One thing you should know, through the craziness, through the hurt and through the pain, you just have to remember something, an old saying of "this to shall pass"! What your going through and what your feeling will not last forever. Now don't get me wrong here, this might not be true for all, but it was very true for me, that no one ever truly escapes "unscaved" from a divorce. The feelings and hurt that you feel now, will in the distant future get less. For me my feelings of the divorce are not gone, not by a long shot, only after two years have they gotten to a point that I'm comfortable with them. Everyones "time line" is different, in regards how they deal with and feel after periods of time after their divorce. Who knows, you might wake up sometime next months and tell yourself "what the hell was I tripping on, it's not that bad" and you will smile and be happy. It might be 2 years down the road that you realize that your "ok" and things are to a point that you can deal with them without going apes balls nuts about it.

 

I would suggest looking within these forums for the COPING section. Go through there and read up on how people coped with their separations and divorces. In there you might find yourself some new things you can do on your end, as to help soften the blow.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Sorry about "double posts" being back to back, some forums don't like it when people do this. But I thought before I log off, turn of my computer and call it a night, that I would make my prior post easy on you, for at the end I told you to look for the COPING section, well I did it for you.

 

Here it is, just click the link and look for ways to cope!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f41/

 

Hope this helps....