abust1 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I’ve been NC for about 1.5 months, although I received a text from my ex last weekend, which has had me reeling. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t245846/) I know I’m just playing games with myself; it’s inevitable that I will contact her again. I just don’t see myself not talking to her ever again for the rest of my life. Has anyone else ever felt this way?
leal10 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 hi...i dont speak and write perfect english but i think you will understand it please don't do it...you will go back to square 1...remember how much power you have invested into NC for 1,5months... accept she hold on for 1,5 month without talking to you...if the last time she wrote to you she said to you she wants to be back with you...then ok...call her and talk about issues you have/had...but if she wrote you anything else...please don't reply to her...you will end up hurt even more...and your coping process will begin from stage 1...don't do it...be proud that you managed for 1,5months...and if she wants to be with you...she will ask you for another chance or something...if she doesnt do it...she will just mess your head,you will still be without her...and you will end up even more broke... dont do it...do something for yourself...something that makes you happy and go on with your life...if she wants you...she will do what is necessary to get you...if she doesnt do...SHE IS NOT WORTH...AND YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL FIGHT HARD FOR YOU be strong!!
Lost Fish Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I know what you're talking about man. Although many here will argue tooth and nail that once it's over, it's over - I also know that there are those of us who just can't simply let that hope die in their hearts - and they have to truly experience the loss of their ex totally and completely. Whether this means you continue communicating with her and constantly become disappointed as you realize there is just no interest from her or you try again and drive her away by trying to cling and fight for the relationship - while losing all self respect and independence. Well, it's your choice. I think the advice to stay NC is sound because even though it sounds harsh, in the long run it can save you so much extra pain and allow for faster healing so you can move forward to other things (and people) in your life. In the end, this board is just for advice. There are no rules. Do what you think is best for you. The plus side here is that people don't really judge your actions or choices - you can do what you feel is best and everyone at LS will still offer invaluable insight and perspective even if you make every mistake in the book.
Lost Fish Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I also have to say that I did read your other thread. I am going to go against what a lot of people say here - because I think in your particular case you do show that you have changed and now have a willingness to commit to this woman - get married, have babies - etc. Where as before you didn't. People here are so quick to say "stay NC and never look back." But you also have to realize that this is a board for people with broken hearts. There is a TON of bitterness floating around these forums, so take everything you read with that in mind as well. The fact that she is still texting you - even if they are mean and meant to get a rise out of you - show that she feels something still. Anger is a side-effect of pain. And she is in pain over you still. I think if you honestly and totally tell her exactly how you feel - just like you have done here, you may have a real chance to reconcile. The question is - have you truly changed? Will you still want to be with her forever 6 months after reconciliation? Make sure you aren't getting back with her simply because you are lonely. I think you have a shot and no matter what you do we support you man. Best of luck and let us know what happens.
Author abust1 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Leal and Lost Fish.. thanks for the replies. This board is great for me. I know keeping with NC is the safest thing I can do, but if I’m still agonizing over her then I’m not really moving on, even with NC. I’m definitely going to need another painful push. I know I won’t have to start from square 1 if I do it right and avoid humiliating myself. I’ve changed, but it’s a work in progress. For it to ever work out we would have to start slow, nanobits, see how it goes, convince each other we are better people. It’s frustrating that I’ll think I’m on the straight path to getting over her, I feel a bunch of pain, I have different thoughts on life (i.e. change), and then I go back to missing what could have been. This changing season isn’t helping either. I was overly narcissistic in the past, but empathy is something I’ve been embracing. Our relationship wasn’t exactly healthy; we were caught in the “love addiction” cycle and I was the one avoiding. I see people, especially her, in a whole new light. Well, I guess with her it’s really new light on old memories, because I haven’t known her for a few months. For all I know she could be moved on with someone else, but getting that message on Saturday does tell me she still has SOME feelings for me. I know the common advice: Use what you’ve learned and move on, be better in the next relationship. Well, I’ve dated around this summer, and it’s very likely that finding the next relationship is going to take a LONG time. Especially if I don’t finish getting over my ex. So here goes. My friend’s fiancé is one of her good friends, so I’m sure I could find out what her status is through him. I don’t really want to know though. I could also tell him what I’ve been feeling and ask him to pass the word if the time is right.. seems kind of cowardly though. Or I could just put it out there and write something to her. Coming up with what to write.. ugh. Any thoughts?
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