strawberrysprinkles Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 She is a teenager 16. I do not think this is the best place for her but she is choosing him. He cheated and we are divorcing. I don't think he really wants her to live with him since that would cramp his lifestyle. He just wants DD to prefer him. I don't know what to do. If I should let her find out for herself. I am worried about what kind of supervision she will have. I want her with me. I think he is doing this to try to get me to take less in the divorce, shows what a great dad he is. I haven't seen a laywer yet because H took allot of money out of the accounts to move out.
You Go Girl Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 She is a teenager 16. I do not think this is the best place for her but she is choosing him. He cheated and we are divorcing. I don't think he really wants her to live with him since that would cramp his lifestyle. He just wants DD to prefer him. I don't know what to do. If I should let her find out for herself. I am worried about what kind of supervision she will have. I want her with me. I think he is doing this to try to get me to take less in the divorce, shows what a great dad he is. I haven't seen a laywer yet because H took allot of money out of the accounts to move out. Are you saying that your daughter doesn't know he had an affair? You are the mother. It is up to you to bond with your daughter. If she wants to live with her dad at this point, then you have work to do to make a stronger bond with your daughter. Work on that, regardless of where she lives in the future. You love her. She's your daughter. There is no higher calling for a woman but to raise a daughter with strong self-esteem.
Author strawberrysprinkles Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 No, DD does not know about his affair. He said if I told her, he will make things very difficult. I am not affraid of him making the divorce difficult, but I am affraid I will loose my DD in the process. She thinks the lying scum walks on water. He's her dad so I get that, but it's happening at my expense.
trippi1432 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Hi SS - I can relate to how you feel on many levels and I have friends who are divorced that I offer this same advice to as well. When children get to the age your daughter is, you have to let them find out things for themselves sometimes. (Remember back when we knew everything?) That motherly bond does not just go away if you have established it with her early on, it will always be there. It's probably better that you do not tell her, while he is lying scum to you (my dad was lying scum to my mother too when they divorced), you will alienate her from you by telling her any of this. My father was my hero, my playmate (since he was the kid in my parent's marriage) and my best friend. He walked on water and more. Having said this, I can also tell you that I left home at 16 because both of my parents were too busy "living their lives" and had no room in their lives for me. I didn't go out and get in trouble, drugs or any of that stuff that parents fear because I had a good foundation with instilled morals and values. The only thing you can really do to make a healthy environment for her is to let her go live with him, with the full understanding that you have the parental right to drop in at any time you deem necessary. Explain to her that you want to maintain consistent contact with her and stick to that. Once she sees that you are making the effort and dad is suddenly "busy" with his new life, she will want to be with the person who cares most about her. Today, I am finally blessed with four parents who I love very much.
whichwayisup Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Talk to a lawyer. And, do not tell your daughter about the affair. She will find out on her own, if she is choosing to live with her dad, don't you think he is going to spend time with the OW, have phone calls etc? Your daughter isn't stupid, once she realizes that her daddy has a girlfriend, she's going to want to come to you and be with you. Tell your daughter it's OK. She can live with him, for a little while and she can come back to you anytime she likes. Be supportive of her choices, even if it kills you inside, this way she feels secure in her decision and knows she can come to you, day or night. Your soon to be xH shouldn't be taking money out of the accounts, definately see a lawyer asap! He's being a craphead by doing this, hoping you won't react or go after him. Know your rights, get a lawyer!!
Recommended Posts