onthebrinkofitall Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 .. we met for coffee and signed what we could, then went to a bank to get things notarized.. we're doing a very simple divorce.. no lawyers or anything like that. We're each paying for half.. so I followed him to his bank so he could get the money and when he handed me the envelope, I had a complete meltdown. I bawled my eyes out right in front of him.. which is exactly what I didn't want to do. And there I was, asking all those stupid questions.. "What did I do wrong?.. Do you still love me?.. Is there someone else?" He just hugged me and told me it was over and that he didn't love me anymore.. which made me lose it even more. I feel like the walking dead. We've split up before but he's never told me that he stopped loving me. I had even went through the trouble of wearing my hair the way he always liked it.. wearing an outfit that I knew he loved me in. I must've looked so stupid to him. All that's left to do is go up to the courthouse, turn in the papers, pay the filing fees, and wait for a court date. And that's it.. then my marriage is over. This is not how I pictured my life.
2sure Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 And that's it.. then my marriage is over. This is not how I pictured my life. I know. Thats where I'm at right now too. Your post brought tears to my eyes because the underlined is literally what I wake up thinking every morning. My divorce has not yet been final for 30 days. I dont know, maybe I have something to offer you. I know of course, and so do you, that in time it will get better. But those words you know...what a bunch of garbage, hard to believe, dont get me anywhere...etc etc. But they are true and I know 100% positively from all of my past experience that this will pass, I will be happy again. The thing that makes me feel so desolate and sad most is just what you said: This is not how I pictured my life. Thats a literal and important statement. A visual of ones life and goals is very important. When you dont have one..is an uncertain, fearful , lost place to be in. Start working on your new visual. You dont have to do or have anything more than that right now. Thats good enough.
br0ken_w0lf Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Yes, the realization that having a divorce was never part of my plans did cause me a lot of grief as well so I know what you're feeling. It's been 3 years since mine (or at least the start of everything leading up to it) and I always used to say that I never imagined myself using the words "my ex-wife". It just didn't enter my mind (sometimes jokingly, sometimes not). And, agreed, all those things people say about things getting better with time annoyed the hell out of me, I did not believe it at the time but - it does and it did. And it will for you. And everyone is different in terms of how long that takes. A divorce is a hugely emotional process and you need support; be sure to leverage friends as much as you can. I speak from experience - because I didn't and it took me a long time to get to the point where I no longer hurt about what happened. And don't beat yourself up at getting emotional at that very instant - it's a very emotional thing when the divorce is final and it's perfectly natural to do so. Hey, if not then, when, right? It *is* a rough and bumpy ride but hang on, you'll make it to the end!
1/2moon Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I feel your pain. Sending hugs...... You are not stupid, don't even think it. What you are is a human being with feelings and this was a huge day. A day that changed your life. Right now, it seems insurmountable and very sad that life has turned out (for the moment) not as you planned. Feels like kick in the teeth. Let the emotions run over you....don't repress....let them come and go. You have a right to feel sad and emotional. My saving grace, was merely to take things one day at a time.
Recommended Posts