elmerfudd2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hello, After being together for over 20 + years, spouse underwent Gastric Bypass surgery, now, almost two years later she wants a seperation. She swears the surgery has nothing to do with it. I think she's wrong and the surgery has everything to do with it. I would like other thoughts on this issue and if anyone else out there is in this situation, please feel free to drop me a line. Thanks
LittleTiger Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) Her operation has been the catalyst for change. So how have things changed in the two years since her surgery? Presumably, she has lost weight, but what else? Has she changed? Has her personality changed? Has her behaviour changed? Have the dynamics of your relationship changed? Have your feelings for her changed? Have you changed? If you drop a stone in calm waters, there will be ripples that are obvious for all to see. Edited September 16, 2010 by LittleTiger
quankanne Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 sounds like the surgery was just the catalyst – that she was unhappy before but now that she's happier about her body (and therefore her chances to attract someone), she's comfortable with the idea of putting herself back on the market so to speak. my sister and I both had the procedure, and she said her doctor spoke with her AND her husband about why they were looking into LBS, and what their expectations were. My husband came with me, but interestingly enough, the subject didn't come up with the surgeon, though the psychologist I spoke with prior to surgery did approach that subject. a high school classmate had bariatric surgery about 15 years ago, and was more like your wife, from what I've heard: She was not happy with the marriage, was secretive about her behavior after the surgery and had been looking for someone else while her husband was in the dark. I think the surgery "allowed" her to give herself permission to leave what she felt was an unhappy situation, though she never addressed the issue with her husband!
carhill Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Stbx's sister had the procedure a couple years before stbx and I married, so about 13 years ago. She lost about 150 lbs (I've only known her as average sized) and she and her H celebrated 30 years together a couple years ago. She was 15 and he 17 when they married. One positive anecdote I think, like acquiring money, being or becoming attractive gives people freedom to be who they naturally are. It's really good information
Barby Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hi there...I'm sorry to hear this....I had the gastric bypass surgery in 2005 and though it did cause me to change in a lot of ways...weight, self esteem, self worth, ect... IMHO I would think she had some issues all along...maybe your relationship was her security blanket...now that she's shed the weight maybe she feels that she no longer needs that security anymore.... Is this fair....? No...not at all....but honestly she probably needs to go out and see what life's about now outside of the prison that was her body.... I'm sorry you're being hurt but truth be told maybe this is best...would you want her to stay with you knowing that she probably would be feeling restless and feeling the "itch" to get out there and experience new things and new people?
Recommended Posts