siuys Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hi all, I have read time and time again that the MM and the OW (or MW and OM) seem to have this amazing connection, and the relationships seem so special, soul-mates etc etc. I feel the same way with my MM and I just wonder why. Is it because we cannot be together that makes it more special? Is it because of the challenge? I ask myself and I truly believe we are a really good fit. but I also wonder sometimes, if it's because we cannot have a normal relationship, and thus never go past the honeymoon phase so to speak, so it always seems special. Anyone else have a different experience? I would love to hear from those who actually ended up with their MP and managed to build a normal relationship, and what that is like?
desertIslandCactus Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hi all, I have read time and time again that the MM and the OW (or MW and OM) seem to have this amazing connection, and the relationships seem so special, soul-mates etc etc. I feel the same way with my MM and I just wonder why. Is it because we cannot be together that makes it more special? Is it because of the challenge? I ask myself and I truly believe we are a really good fit. but I also wonder sometimes, if it's because we cannot have a normal relationship, and thus never go past the honeymoon phase so to speak, so it always seems special. Anyone else have a different experience? I would love to hear from those who actually ended up with their MP and managed to build a normal relationship, and what that is like? I personally don't believe that once one has broken up a M that there can be a normal relationship to follow. The husband and wife belong together. If one or the other feels that the M vows have been broken, it is for them to D before entering into adultery. And regarding "amazing", "special", or "soul-mate" connections .. I have heard that one of the main attractions is that the married person tries harder to keep the relationship with the OW/OM. Better communication, etc.
OWoman Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I personally don't believe that once one has broken up a M that there can be a normal relationship to follow. I might personally choose to believe that the moon is made of purple cheese, but that doesn't make it so. And I'm delighted to report that my lived experience and your "personal belief" are completely at odds with each other :love: :love: Another triumph of love over prejudice I would love to hear from those who actually ended up with their MP and managed to build a normal relationship, and what that is like? It just gets better and better!
Silly_Girl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hi all, I have read time and time again that the MM and the OW (or MW and OM) seem to have this amazing connection, and the relationships seem so special, soul-mates etc etc. I feel the same way with my MM and I just wonder why. Is it because we cannot be together that makes it more special? Is it because of the challenge? I ask myself and I truly believe we are a really good fit. but I also wonder sometimes, if it's because we cannot have a normal relationship, and thus never go past the honeymoon phase so to speak, so it always seems special. For me, the method of becoming close helped a lot in building the bond. So rather than being introduced to someone's colleague/brother in a busy, noisy pub, we only communicated via email at first, then msn. And we only ended up in contact sort of by accident, so there were absolutely NO expectations. I wanted to live alone, enjoy the time with my son, focus on my work etc. So we became friends and never planned to meet but could open up fully, without risk of... well, anything. I didn't feel vulnerable in any way and didn't feel a need to hide anything. Some things I kept back for a while, naturally, but a fantastic friendship grew and hasn't stopped growing. It felt like we sort of got to know each other from the inside out. So we knew some of the deepest thoughts and feelings each other had, but on a day to day basis there were things we really had no clue about (and that will still be the case to some extent). For example, but he didn't know about my road rage and I didn't know about his almost narcoleptic sleeping habits I feel the 'honeymoon' description is half-right, but also so wrong. Some of the issues we've talked over and dealt with are heavy, and distressing and wouldn't be there in your average joe set-up and that is hard to deal with sometimes; but in other ways... yes, maybe - the time together need to be used wisely, and some of the small things that perhaps I would hear my best friend moan about with regards her boyfriend... they just don't matter to me. I'm yet to find out whether that's because he is who he is to me, or because of the set-up and how we came to be together.
desertIslandCactus Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I might personally choose to believe that the moon is made of purple cheese, but that doesn't make it so. And I'm delighted to report that my lived experience and your "personal belief" are completely at odds with each other :love: :love: Another triumph of love over prejudice ! A triumph most likely. Not prejudice, just in search of righteousness .. and for the sake of decency and truth.
fooled once Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hi all, I have read time and time again that the MM and the OW (or MW and OM) seem to have this amazing connection, and the relationships seem so special, soul-mates etc etc. I feel the same way with my MM and I just wonder why. Is it because we cannot be together that makes it more special? Is it because of the challenge? I ask myself and I truly believe we are a really good fit. but I also wonder sometimes, if it's because we cannot have a normal relationship, and thus never go past the honeymoon phase so to speak, so it always seems special. Anyone else have a different experience? I would love to hear from those who actually ended up with their MP and managed to build a normal relationship, and what that is like? I felt all those amazing special connections to a man, and I married him. He is my H. To me, those feelings are what accompany love. Could you have love without those? Not in my view. Are the feelings only with married persons? Nope. I do believe some women like the challenge, which is why they go after, on purpose, MM. I also believe that some women will take what they can get - and if they get a MM, that becomes okay, because it is better than no one. I think anyone can find that special connection with a single person; if they allowed told themselves NO to an affair. Just my thoughts.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 its not special. you just aren't the same old, same old woman he has been having sex with for so many years. if he were to end up with you....give it a few years and he'd grow tired of sleeping with you too.
20Seconds Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 It felt like we sort of got to know each other from the inside out. So we knew some of the deepest thoughts and feelings each other had, but on a day to day basis there were things we really had no clue about (and that will still be the case to some extent). For example, but he didn't know about my road rage and I didn't know about his almost narcoleptic sleeping habits That's exactly how it feels inside an affair and it is different to the way a normal relationship might develop. I've been involved with a MM for 14 months now but he only came to my home for the first time about 3 months ago, and it suddenly dawned on me that despite the deep physical and emotional intimacy that had developed over several months, I had no idea how he took his coffee. We both had to at that. In fact, I discovered that finding out more "personal" things about him - and he me (he spent ages looking through all my books the first time he came over) has been one of the nicest things, but it does feel like it has happened the wrong way round. I have no idea if our relationship would survive in the ^real^ world, and suspect he doesn't either. Initially for lots of reasons I think we both held back from that "personal" bit...especially me. I wouldn;t stay over or let him round to my place...it was a defensive move so that if he decided in the end not to leave his marriage I would feel less like it had been a "proper" relationship. Who was I kidding
Author siuys Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Interesting posts and opinions so far. My MM is separated and initially after I came back from overseas I stayed with him for 2-3 weeks while I looked for my place so we did get a glimpse of what it might be like living together e.g. cooking, running, sleeping, talking, watching a movie whatever. Then I moved out and our relationship was a bit like two separate people 'dating'. Now because of him needing to 'sort out his mess' we no longer visit each other or stay over, and we just have LC. Yes, so I do know what you mean by doing things backward. MM said he wants to date me proper and thus wants to sort his crap out first before re-entering the relationship properly. I wonder if it will really happen but I am cautiously optimistic.
lilbunny Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I suppose we had an EA for an awfully long time, I just didn't know it, I didn't even know they existed. The idea of anything ever happening between us never crossed my mind so I was just myself, no front, no bs, no trying to impress anyone. I let my guard down and let him in completely, something I wouldn't do if I was dating someone, I never, ever let them see they can hurt me. We became close because we intially shared a lot of opinions and interests, then found quite a few more personal things we had in common, some very difficult and unpleasant life experiences that we didn't have anyone else to talk to about. While I am generally perceived as being quite hard faced in the real world (an absolute triumph of bs by the way) he is seen as being very happy go lucky and without a care in the world. Just like me this is a facade for the general public. It really was a friendship that turned into something else. We can barely look at each other at the moment. I said not so long back I didn't want that friendship anymore. I hope we can have it back one day, because I think that was what was really special and at times I wish we had never done anything to ruin that.
Recommended Posts