TearsofHope Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 If after NO CONTACT for weeks, your ex decides to call you numerous times and texting by begging you to answer. Is it okay to answer when they intiate the call? I don't want to answer b/c I am scared hes going to just say "hey how are you, hope everything is well, take care" .. or I am worried this may can be a sign of reconcilation. He just keeps calling not leaving voicemails and texting me saying "please call me, please" Its been 2 months since the breakup, but just recently I went no contact and vanish from him for 2 weeks. Now, hes acting very strange and texting me he is having a extremely hard week and sleepless nights. I don't find NC as a game and I am not trying to play a game, but this guy left me hanging by me crying alone at night so why should I be his safety net when he needs me. I sorta feel sad for not trying to be there for him *he is calling me right now over and over*. but I cannot allow myself for anymore disappointments.. HOWEVER, When is it okay to answer? Should I call him back?
bboy Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Ask yourself several times what you want and what he wants. If you want to walk away from him permanently, send him an e-mail and tell him nicely that you need to move on and that he should stop contacting you. If you have interests to get him back, you can be stubborn a few times but not more. Eventually he will "get the message" and stop contacting you. Then you might have burned your bridges. I contacted my ex two times, after that my pride took over and we've not spoken since.
Am4Real Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 If after NO CONTACT for weeks, your ex decides to call you numerous times and texting by begging you to answer. Is it okay to answer when they intiate the call? I don't want to answer b/c I am scared hes going to just say "hey how are you, hope everything is well, take care" .. or I am worried this may can be a sign of reconcilation. He just keeps calling not leaving voicemails and texting me saying "please call me, please" Its been 2 months since the breakup, but just recently I went no contact and vanish from him for 2 weeks. Now, hes acting very strange and texting me he is having a extremely hard week and sleepless nights. I don't find NC as a game and I am not trying to play a game, but this guy left me hanging by me crying alone at night so why should I be his safety net when he needs me. I sorta feel sad for not trying to be there for him *he is calling me right now over and over*. but I cannot allow myself for anymore disappointments.. HOWEVER, When is it okay to answer? Should I call him back? Hello Tears, Generally when asked for advice regarding this question I mention two things: Before you ever answer a communication form an EX you should always have anticipated it as a possibility and already know exactly what you want. In other words if an advance was made by an EX would you be considering answering it (your question now) or would you flat out reject it, etc. You must be prepared so that his/her sweet talk does not lead you to a path you have not given good consideration beforehand. Like the breakup, you do not want to be guided by emotions (been there done that, right?) Secondly, you have progressed well under NO CONTACT from what you’re telling us here in the forum. Excellent and congratulations! It also sounds like you have your head on straight and understand that NC is a healing tool first and foremost. Assuming you agree with my advice in the former bullet and you would be receptive to reconciliation under some conditions, I suppose, then DO NOT ANSWER his contact unless he is VERY specific about why he is contacting you. You were correct in your fear of him just checking up on you or wanting to discuss some trivial topic. Sometimes DUMPERS think a period of extended NC means the DUMPEE has mended and it’s okay to call them (clueless they are), however most of not they are just curious and feeding their egos by wanting to know why you’ve dropped off “their” earth (I'm betting when Limited Contact turned to No Contact he is missing the occasional conversation with you and that's all it is). Don’t take any bait unless he is very specific in one of his communications. By then and if it occurs again you’ll have thought your way through the first bullet and be ready to deal with it.Best wishes.
lightning Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I agree with Am4Real. If you feel like you've made progress and are slowly letting him go then don't let this rattle you but if you are seriously suffering and can handle that him making contact might not be to try and get you back, answer or ask him what his intentions are. It is the worst feeling when you've come so far, give in, have a chat then they say ok bye for now and you're back to square one feeling like you've been broken up with all over again while they go on their merry have with no guilt and happy knowing you don't hate them and will still talk to them! I have decided I will only respond to I've made a mistake, I regret it, I love you and I want to work things out. If they have the balls to be that direct then goodridence coz seriously after dumping your ass they should be banging the door down saying they can't live without you if they want another chance!
bboy Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 If they have the balls to be that direct then goodridence coz seriously after dumping your ass they should be banging the door down saying they can't live without you if they want another chance! The no.1 fear for a dumper who wants to get back together is to get reverse dumped. I don't know any case where people got back together and the case was above. NONE.
benB Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 My ex once called me about 20 times in a span of an hour. I didnt answer any of them and she hasnt done anything like that since. She must of been bored or something, it was obviously for selfish reasons and not for fixing things with me.
Am4Real Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 My ex once called me about 20 times in a span of an hour. I didnt answer any of them and she hasnt done anything like that since. She must of been bored or something, it was obviously for selfish reasons and not for fixing things with me. Or a "drunk dial"
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