Need feed back from the guys who lost their virginity older than usual

[darnia]

So I met a guy a while back through a mutual acquaintance who lives in another city about an hour away. We hit it off after discovering we had much in common. Like me, he is a little on the geeky/nerdy side. He confided in me not long after his 40th birthday that he was still a virgin. I emailed him and told him that I was planning on having sex with him the next time we got together. It was maybe a week or two later that we slept together. We have since done it a few more times just to make sure it "stuck" ha!

 

Now, I get how women work and I know that this is a Big Deal for us women... but I don't really understand guys.

 

So all you guys who waited to lose your virginity - how big a deal is it? Do you think that this guy thinks of me in a special way? Do guys have a 'special place in their hearts' for their firsts? It is likely I may be his only due to his shyness.

 

I'm not looking for a relationship with this guy, firstly because of the distance we live apart, and secondly because of my long work hours make relationships too difficult, but do you think after having sex with someone, it elevates a friendship to something else?

[Dad_of_2_great_boys]

My story- If you consider 23 late in life for a guy.

 

I made through high school and college focused on academics. I wasn't a total geek: I played rugby, football, and other sports. I like backpacking and camping but would also go out drinking and hanging out in bars.

I had a serious puppy love crush through high school but as she was moving away for college, it went no further than three years of dating. There were a few girls in college that got me excited and went as far as heavy petting but again for some reason ( I know - the answer your searching for) I never would push further. Emotionally I wasn't as attached as to my high school sweetheart.

 

THEN it happened. I skipped out on some friends going to a B52's concert to pick up a sale item at the mall. I am 23. I stop by the shoe department and see her. I was smitten. I passed on one clerk offering her services and waited till she caught my attention and came over. She helped me out, smiling and flirting back. I was shy and nervous. After buying one pair of shoes I strolled into the men's department. Where I over heard her talking to a coworker who asked if she got my number, Jokingly she relpied no but she got my charge plate. I looked over and our eyes met. She blushed and ran to the stock room. I meandered the mall for 40 minutes until closing time, summoning the courage to ask her out. When I asked her to go for coffee, (I wasn't sure she was 21) and she turned me down (doesn't drink coffee) for a brief moment before suggesting a local bar. I was on cloud nine.

 

We had a week of fun dating, talking, phone calls, and visits to work. During a stroll in the park I told her how incredible she made me feel and that how much I wanted her to be my first. I knew I she had a few before both long term and one night stands. We went to watch a friends band at a bar that weekend and ended up making love in my car. It was awkward and clumsy, probably not as romantic as I had fantasized, but it was so incredible on the emotional level and got better each time after. I was commissioned as a Naval officer and deployed for six months, devoted to her and three years after meeting we married and she has been my one and only. It has been something I treasured and shared with her alone. I was glad I waited. It wasn't religion then but I have grown spiritually and see the act as a gift from god shared between spouses.

 

Fast forward another 17 years from the wedding, and with two kids (6 & 11). I am now crushed by her recent infidelity.

It makes me wonder how I will raise my sons?

Did the sex blind me into finding the wrong person?

Did I put to much value on the gift I shared?

Where will I go from here?

Will I sell out my value for a few one night stands to try and forget?

Or will I again wait for the next one I treasure?

I would like to believe it will be the second but after 6 months with no sex I really miss the special feeling it aroused.

Sorry if that adds only more confusion to your thread.

I would be happy to share and explore your questions further. Feel free to comment on mine. I still have issues to resolve obviously.

[Westy]

I was 19, I dont know if that counts.

 

Most guys I knew lost it in the 17-19 age range.

 

To answer your question, I dont have any special place in my heart for the person I lost my virginity to. It was some girl I met at a party in college and I never saw her again.

[USMCHokie]

So all you guys who waited to lose your virginity - how big a deal is it? Do you think that this guy thinks of me in a special way? Do guys have a 'special place in their hearts' for their firsts? It is likely I may be his only due to his shyness.

 

I lost it when I was 25. It was not by choice. It was a drunken hookup while I was on vacation with one of my friends from college. At the time, I became attached to the girl and thought I could make something of it, even though she lived 1000 miles away. I was sad for about a week, and then I got over it. She does not have any place in my heart. It isn't that big of a deal after the fact.