BeatrixKiddo Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) The ex and I talked last night over text messaging. After some light chatting, he started to say he missed me. I asked him if this past month has been the relief he was seeking. He said he misses me a lot but this has been what he needed. I said, if it was due to my insecurities and neediness, I don’t blame he felt he had to get away from that. His reply was he thinks it’s mostly he likes having so much time to himself, and every night that he comes home he knows he has the rest of the night to do whatever he wants. And that he misses me and wishes we were still together, but he just likes being single more and wishes he could have both. To that I said, “But we’re not”. I really was insecure the duration of the relationship (in myself...I deal with self esteem issues). Our relationship became increasingly strained the last three or four months, I would pick arguments because of insecurity I was feeling. I had thought, perhaps if I bettered myself, for me, and he eventually saw that, that maybe it would affect him. I haven't actually seen him in three weeks (my choice), and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile. Now I'm thinking, it probably wouldn't make any difference. He must not care for me enough if he'd rather just spend every night alone than to see me at all, right? When I saw him write those things yesterday, I felt like my heart was breaking all over again, but I'm better today. Background: He broke up with me a month ago. We were together a year plus a couple of months. We're in our mid twenties, he's a couple of years younger than me. Edited September 15, 2010 by BeatrixKiddo
Lost Fish Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Hey Beatrix, Not a lot to say to your post - I think you show the right attitude. I would be a bit more careful with communication right now as it can be a setback when you are still healing and they again show they don't wish to be with you. It is why the no contact rule is so vital. I would stop blaming yourself for the break up. He obviously needs time alone and whether he was dating you or someone else before, I think this roadblock in him would still present itself. Be good to yourself and continue to focus your energy on you. Do things that make you happy. It will get better! Hugs!
TearsofHope Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) Wish to be single and wish to be with someone? Okay, when a person starts to feel that way, honestly, I will suggest NC. Sounds wishy washy. I don't know what I want kind of people. My ex is doing the same thing with me, but I went NC. Seriously, think about it. We all want to have everything, but most of the time we can only have 1. So we look at the bigger picture, make a rational decision and go from there. He doesn't want the relationship and needs time to think. In no way should you be in the middle because he can't make up his mind. You deserve someone who wants what you want. Let MR. EX be a big boy on his own. Don't talk to him to help him get thru things. That is not honestly fair for you. Did he want to stay in the relationship to help you with your insecurities? NO, so why should you help him let him live his life and talk to you at the same time. If he needs a friend, tell him to call his buddies. Don't do this to yourself. I did the same thing and realize how my ex is probably thinking to himself "Yay, my ex is still in the picture, and I get to have fun too". 2 FOR 1! Don't let him feel that way. He probably doesn't think that way, but it certainly looks that way. Edited September 16, 2010 by TearsofHope
Author BeatrixKiddo Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 (edited) I would stop blaming yourself for the break up. He obviously needs time alone and whether he was dating you or someone else before, I think this roadblock in him would still present itself. I often felt it was me, that he would meet someone else that made him feel that he'd want to be with them more than be single, I just didn't make him feel it. However, I think what you said is right. Don't do this to yourself. I did the same thing and realize how my ex is probably thinking to himself "Yay, my ex is still in the picture, and I get to have fun too". 2 FOR 1! Don't let him feel that way. He probably doesn't think that way, but it certainly looks that way. He has expressed he wants to remain friends, and that he understands if I can't be friends right away. However, during the break up I told him it's possible I wouldn't be in his life anymore at all, not to be spiteful but it might be better for me that way (and he began to cry a little after that, and he *never* cries). It's hard to keep away when you know they still want to see you as well. Thanks for the responses. I've not been in this situation before. When I've broken up or been broken up with, we went our separate ways completely and always at least one of us didn't want to stay in contact. So it's good to read some encouraging words and wisdom. Edited September 16, 2010 by BeatrixKiddo
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