Can a person really forget 5 years like it never happened?

[thatsonlyme]

We had a great realtionship for first 4 years. We loved each other so much and it was obvious to everyone around us. We were very compatible and enjoyed doing everything together.

Then a year ago we were faced with very difficult life problems, something we could do nothing about but sit and wait for the outcome. Subconsciously she blamed me for that even though she knew it was not my fault. It wasn't related to our relationship or love, there was no infidelity involved.

That was when she asked me to be her best friend in the first place. And I was always there for her, we lived together and our life continued as before, but she became closed into herself and distant, wouldn't talk to me about her feelings. We still had great time together though. We planned our future best we could and everything seemed normal on the surface. I guess she was fighting inner battle with her feelings. We were not having sex as often as before, she complained about me being fat (even though I'm not, have some belly just like most people) and started bringing up money issues that never really existed. We had fights about those issues sometimes but she wouldn't discuss it or talk about it.

 

She was hanging out with some people who were unable to maintain relationships but I didn't mind because I trusted her. Then she met someone who obviously made her feel better about herself. Even though guys were always hitting on her before, she never lowered her guard until now. We broke up a month ago on good terms. I offered her to try to work on our relationship but she didn't want to. Only later I found out it was because she had someone on her mind already. To make it even worse, this guy was in town only for few weeks.

She said she wasn't ready to lose a great friend because she still loved me as a friend, she just didn't feel in love anymore. Initially I agreed, later I told her I'm not sure I can pull it off and asked her to give me some time.

The very same day she stayed all night with another guy and came back home late in the morning.

 

I stayed in our apartment for next 10 days while I was looking for a new place. We still shared the same bed and slept naked as if nothing happened but there was no physical touch. One night she slept on a couch because she said she doesn't wanna sleep in the same bed with me anymore. Next day she came back to our bed again.

She was obviously suffering, got sick and doctor told her it was because of stress. She started acting cold towards me but few times she showed her sensitivity hugging me for no apparent reason. I caught her looking at me like she misses me few times. Last night of my stay there I was sitting on the rooftop alone and she came looking for me. We had a nice chat and agreed how great it was being with each other.

 

Then I moved out and decided to break the contact. She called me few times because she needed help but I didn't pick up the phone. She texted me and I texted her back asking to give me some time. I let her use my car because she needed it but I just left the key in the gas tank without seeing her. Later she asked some friends why I'm acting like a five year old and not picking up the phone. She told another friend that this was coming for a while and I should have known that. I honestly didn't. I heard when this friend asked her if she would consider getting back together and she was like "f**ck no I want to be single for a while".

 

Few days later She saw me at the gym and approached. We joked for a bit then she asked why I'm not picking up the phone. I explained her again that I need some space and I gave her space when she needed it. She was understanding. Few days later she texted me that my mom was calling on skype and she thinks I should call her back.

Few days ago I texted her asking her to leave my mail in the mailbox for me to pick it up until I find permanent place so I can forward my mail. She said sure, I'm on the plane to California so I won't be home anyway.

Her new bf (or rebound) lives there. She'll probably be back in a week or so because of her job.

 

Now I understand she has strong feeling for this guy but I'm wondering how she feels about me. I was hoping that once her honey moon phase is over she might start remembering things we had together. I'm still ready to try and re-ignite the spark we had. I know there is no guarantee but I'm still hoping that her love for me is not completely dead. It seems like she's trying to replace old feelings with new ones. Then again I'm probably subjective and see things the way I want to see them.

 

In the meantime, I'm restoring my social life, meeting new people, I feel comfortable about new girls and I can make them laugh. There is one girl interested in me but I won't go for her if she's looking for anything serious. I feel like I'm capable of moving on but I'm still more than willing to give her another shot. We had a great realtionship overall and I think it's worth saving if there is a chance.

 

Any help is appreciated. Especially girls take on this situation and how to understand what she really feels.

[TearsofHope]

Honestly, coming from a 5 year relationship whose ex boyfriend broke up with me.. I do feel like we buy into every little thing that the other mate says or do when all in the end, it does not matter to them anymore. ANYMORE is the word I repeat to myself over and over because it is certainly beyond unimagineable to believe someone can just toss you out without giving it a second try (only because of the comfort of already knowing the person/ I mean, who really wants to start from scratch by getting to know someone new alllll over again?). I don't care how good of a person the "NEW potential date" may seem like, it does not constitute the fact that because the person is so "nice and sweet" in the beginning, that they are that way all day every day. Even I was at a very low point just like your ex, and thru my friends, I met this guy who very nice to me, he was like prince charming. It made me second guess my relationship with my ex, only to realize the guy vanished and never seen him since. (So, glad I didn't end my relationship over some random new dude)! I don't see why exes take that risk of getting to know someone knew, toss a 3-5 year relationship out, only to find themselves burying their emotions knowing damn well they still think of you.

 

I find it very sick and seriously, if I were you, I would stick with NO CONTACT and take life day by day with coping. It's just pathetic to see threads by threads of seeing vulnerable people hurt over ex boyfriends/girlfriends who live life taking risks without remorse or accountability for their actions. I mean, people can do whatever the hell they want, but contacting a ex after ending things like nothing happened, letting her borrow your car, all that sh*t and her acting like "ohh, this is life, I don't care about no one else because I am to warped on my own feelings and emotions to care about you". I would of had more respect of her as a person if she would of took the bus and not involved you because she "distant herself and closed in from the relationship".

 

Seriously, she deserves a good ol kick of NC unless their is any bills, mortgage/business relations involved, until she clearly gets a dose of not having you in HER life, I will suggest you don't bother. You are looking so vulnerable to her, would hate to see you get toss around back and forth till she either moves on or is willing to give the relationship another try.

 

I am not going to tell you to move on because believe me, I know how you feel. It is not easy to tell someone to move on, but it is easy to gain some form of control and sense by going NO CONTACT on her. Vanish from her life.

Edited September 15, 2010 by TearsofHope

[TearsofHope]

Oh another thing, when you vanish from her life.. let her get a good of what if glimpse torture that she will put on herself. She would think "okay, maybe I pushed my freedom rights a bit to far, damn, I sure need to talk to someone about my "money/car" issues, oh shyt, I cannot tell my new potential date this issue because maybe he would think its too much in the beginning, OHH no, thatsonlyme no longer is in my life"

 

becausee you have no obligation to be worrying about her anymore, this is not a game, its reality. She is not your girl, she is just a "friend". Unless you see her as a friend and hope to get back with her. I would end it. Look, I had to end a 5 year friendship to commitment relationship. I rather risk the loss of never seeing them again, than to be feeling hurt about this person every single day of my life and dread the worst if they are with someone or maybe even getting engaged/married. YIKES, the thought of ex doing that, I freakin QUIT the game and went straight to NC! So think about what you really want?

[thatsonlyme]

Thanks tearsofhope. I know that I really want to move on. I wish I could just turn off my feelings the way she did. Still somewhere deep inside I want her back and I'm afraid of being alone because then I can't think about anything else but her! I'm still secretly hoping that she'll realize her mistake, then again she made it very clear to me and our mutual friends that she doesn't love me anymore. As stupid as it sounds her acting made me believe that she's acting so tough just to eliminate any possibility of reconciliation by trying to convince everyone including herself that she doesn't love me. I need to figure out if that's the case if I want to be able to love ever again! I don't see how could any other relationship ever work if this one didn't! The thing is, we were not only in a relationship, we started out as friends, two foreign students from different countries, cultures and languages. Yet we had so much in common. We stayed in this country because of each other, we've built everything together. We have no family here or anybody else to rely or fall back on. We were each others family! In my mind that was much higher level of commitment than any piece of paper with our signatures on it could give! Our relationship was nearly perfect. We had so much in common but little differences gave us some time for ourselves too. She loved clubbing and I didn't. I had no problem with her going to clubs without me, I wasn't even concerned about it, that's how much I trusted her. We even invested money in our business together few months ago!

Now how am I supposed to believe that she just stopped loving me? It seems like she just let it happen without thinking about it seriously. Someone was at the right place in the right moment and she just went for it.

I'm not even sure if she was ready for break up or she was going to cheat on me. The day we broke up we had a little unrelated argument and I started pushing her to tell me what's really wrong! Ultimately I said that we need to talk about it and figure it out or we'll end up breaking up. She accepted break up as an option! I was stunned! I thought she was just playing with me! She's very stubborn and wouldn't back off no matter what!

The same day she ended up with another guy!

Another thing that might explain her behavior is that I found out from pretty reliable source about her taking ecstasy and cocaine in clubs. She fell under bad influence of one of her friends who she started hanging out lately. At first she couldn't stand this girl because she's a little slut in a real meaning of that word. TO make things worse, she's her roommate now! She broke up with her bf the very same day my gf broke up with me!

 

This weekend I have planned some good time with friends, there will be a lot new people there and it will be fun. The worst thing is surviving the rest of the week! I drive for work and I'm constantly in the city we both loved so much. Every street, every place brings back memories. And I have no other memories in this city except with her. We walked down every god damn street and I just can't escape it!

 

I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but writing about it makes me feel better. I know this pain will fade away I'm just afraid if I'll ever be the same person again. I really want to give someone a chance, but how can I? If she came back I'd be able to accept it as a mistake and we all do mistakes. But deep inside I know she's not coming back.

The next thing I know is she'll probably come back from California with decision to move there. That's what she always wanted and we planned it together. She'll screw me up even more because we have a lease on our apartment for another 9 months (just signed a new lease few months before break up) and I'm getting a new lease in my name now. It will ruin my credit, the only thing I have left now. And she promised she's not going to move. I believed her foolishly but she admitted that she has no plans about her future or even a general idea. She just wanted her space and to be single and independent. Yeah right. Next thing I know she'll marry a guy she met a month ago!

[shayan]

I am so sorry, this girl is no good. You may think she is. But she is no good! You may be fooled for another couple of months, but you will realize slowly that you have to let go, once you are ready. Good luck, you seem like you have a long way to go in the mourning process, please for the love of god no contact. And don't treat her well either, she does not deserve it, **** her to the moon, let her go man please. Focus on rebuilding your life and meeting new girls. She does not deserve your friendship dont do it **** her!

[pandagirl]

You say that your relationship was great until something came up that caused her to withdraw from you. I don't know what that was, but if this was the first big obstacle your relationship had, she obviously couldn't deal with it and in the long run, you don't want to be with someone who runs away from problems, because a committed relationship is all about sticking through things thick and thin.

 

She ran away. Who wants that?

[thatsonlyme]

I know she's no good. She's just not the same person I fell in love with. I long for THAT person and I miss her. I even told her that straight into her face, few days after breakup. She wanted to stay friends and I told her it's not going to happen because I don't know her anymore. We have nothing in common, nothing to talk about and I don't like her new behavior (not just towards me, most of our mutual friends noticed that too). Even they told her that she's going to lose real friends who were always there for her because some random people from clubs who'll just look at her as a piece of a**.

She doesn't care though, she's ignoring their texts and calls.

 

I still have some unfinished business with her, joint phone bill, joint accounts that we need to split and I have to transfer car into her name because it was mutual car but my name is on the title. I don't want to be responsible for whatever she does with it. I still have to pick up some stuff from my old apartment and I hope she doesn't screw me up with lease. Business we started together is also in both names, I'll have to figure out what to do with it because i'll keep it. I kept everything I could in both names just in case if something happens to one of us I didn't want the other one to get screwed or lose what we've built together.

As you can see, I planned to spend the rest of my life with her, we were just not really into marriage.

 

And you're absolutely right pandagirl, that was the first BIG obstacle in our life and she just gave up! She is unable to control her emotions and wasn't ready to talk to me or look for professional help.

 

Now the hardest part will be trusting someone else after all this. I feel betrayed and I obviously failed to see her for who she really was. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Do you guys think it's possible that she has really changed so much or I was wrong about her all along? Can a loving and caring person really become cold, stuck up b***h almost overnight?

[freestyle]

Hey OP......

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you're going through.

 

One thing caught my attention in one of your posts----you mentioned that she was clubbing (nothing wrong with that,in & of itself) but also, that she had started doing ecstasy and cocaine..........

 

That could have an awful lot to do with her personality 180. More than you realize, perhaps.

 

In my experiences, I had friends who started doing coke.....they became completely different people. Who I no longer recognized. Even the ones I'd known for years.

 

If she's starting to do this regularly----it's only going to get worse. You can try to talk to her about it, but it she's already in too deep--she may have to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. There's nothing you can do, even though you might want to help, because you care.......

 

She's going to have to pull herself out of this. And yes, if the car is still in your name----get that changed ASAP..........

 

I wish you my best.........

[Sambo]

Sad Story !

 

The truth of the matter is this is just another story of what I call the Grass Is Always Greener epidemic going around the world these days.

 

Nobody wants to work to keep love alive and everyone just wants to move on to the next person.

 

Pretty soon marriages will be obsolete.

 

It's inevitable !

[pandagirl]

And you're absolutely right pandagirl, that was the first BIG obstacle in our life and she just gave up! She is unable to control her emotions and wasn't ready to talk to me or look for professional help.

 

Now the hardest part will be trusting someone else after all this. I feel betrayed and I obviously failed to see her for who she really was. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Do you guys think it's possible that she has really changed so much or I was wrong about her all along? Can a loving and caring person really become cold, stuck up b***h almost overnight?

 

What was this obstacle exactly?

 

I dont know your girlfriend, but a person who is emotionally healthy should be able to cope and deal with things in life, without shutting down, or turning to drugs.

[thatsonlyme]

I didn't wanna mention the source of the problem because most people would judge me because of that, but it doesn't really matter, I'll open up, just to give you clear picture how much we screwed each others life just to be with each other.

As I mentioned earlier, we met as exchange students, we had one year visa with an option to extend for a second year. By the end of the first year we were already crazily in love with each other, thinking about ways to work on our immigration status so we can stay here together. Then somehow the company who provided us with visas screwed up on her renewal and she was supposed to leave the country. We were low on cash at the moment and couldn't afford a lawyer. She overstayed her visa because of me, without any plan to do next. Even though I was approved an extension I dropped out of program out of solidarity with her. Stupid move I know but now it's to late.

 

We lived like that for 3 years, saving money and hoping that in future some window of opportunity would open so we can fix our status. We had our ssn'n, worked and paid taxes.

 

One day immigration agents came to our apartment looking for me. They were looking for ME but since she was in the same apartment they arested her too. Just for the record, they saw how much love was in our home, it was obvious for everyone who entered and they felt almost bad for doing their jobs. They were almost apologetic to her when they said they'll have to take her in. They helped us get out of the custody on a minimum bail the very next day, while most people were stuck there for months!

 

When we got back home a lot of our friends came over to show their support. She was crying on a shoulder of her best gay friend and it was hurting me because she wasn't looking for my support. When I asked her about that later she told me "please, don't be my boyfriend now, be just my best friend" or something along those lines. She admitted many times that she blamed me because MY name popped in their computer and they came for me, not her. She felt it in her heart and even though she knew it didn't make any sense there was no way to reason with her.

The life continued as usual though, we found immigration lawyer who was ready to help us with our case. I applied for withholding of removal because of messed up situation in my country. We even got married so she could stay with me and share the same fate. We still didn't called each other husband and wife because marriage was kind of forced on us.

Our sexual life had changed as she didn't seem that interested anymore and she was very sexually active person before. Still we had sex from time to time and sometimes it was really passionate but most of the time it was bland. She started finding my flaws, blamed me that I'm fat and convinced herself how fat she is too. That was nonsense because she was very skinny actually. She started working out like crazy, doing yoga, running... Over the course of this year we even stopped cooking together that often (which we always loved) and she was just eating salads and such. It became very hard to get "I love you" out of her, she wouldn't cuddle unless I initiated it. Then she started complaining about money issues although we were in very stable financial situation.

I believe she became emotionally very unstable. I was hoping it will pass once we figure everything out.

Still we planed our future together. We were planing to try to move to Canada if everything else fails. We were basically looking for any English speaking country where we could live because we didn't speak each others language and It would be very hard to live in one of our native countries.

We still had some good time together though, we still loved each other but I guess her love was fading away or she was confused about her feelings.

 

Then she started clubbing more, hanging out with her new best friend who was very bad news. I'm not sure how deep she got into drugs but I know she did try at least. When we broke up I told her I knew about drugs and asked her to think about it. She swore that she's not into it. I found out in browser history later that she was googling and reading about effects of ecstasy on human brain. I guess my words did get to her.

 

That's the story and that's why it's so hard to let her go and move on. If she just stopped loving me I could accept it, but this... To make things worse, this didn't solve her immigration problem. It actually made it worse because her immigration court date is in August next year and she has no grounds to fight her case. Marrying someone else is also a very bad option now and wouldn't fly with immigration judge.

So basically we f***d up our lives because of each other and now it all seems pointless.

Yep, it's not a typical "she just stopped loving me" story. Is she still worth fighting for?

[thatsonlyme]

Also our 5th anniversary is coming up at the end of October. I'm hoping it may trigger some nostalgic memories in her I know it does in me...

Gosh I wish I had some bad memories about her it would help me forget.

[AmysHeart]

Also our 5th anniversary is coming up at the end of October. I'm hoping it may trigger some nostalgic memories in her I know it does in me...

Gosh I wish I had some bad memories about her it would help me forget.

 

 

Your story is so very VERY layered. It has made me cry.... While I do not have any advice to give- and while I also do not wish this upon you or your wife- I must say- It was nice for a change to step outside of my own pain and truly experience someone else's pain. I do not mean that in any ill fashion and I so hope that did not come out wrong.....

 

WOW! I haven't a clue as to what to tell you- except for what my gut tells me. I think that she absolutely is worth fighting for. I think that you should continue to stay strong. The two of you have a bond like no other. You have experiences that not a single other person will ever be able to truly appreciate.

 

Please keep us updated. Your story is touching and heartwrenching. I am wishing you the very best. My heart and my thoughts shall be with you daily.

 

Amy

[Caradavine]

No, your relationship together is not something that can be forgotten, but it can be neglected, shunned, or pushed away. In this case, you can do better, and that is something I am trying to learn right now, too. She doesn't want it, whatever it is, with you. I'm sorry she's being this way about it, but it seems that she may just want you to be available while she is not. She is not ready, most likely, which sucks because it makes a person wonder if he/she had just popped up when he/she was ready, then would it have a chance? Only God knows for sure, I guess.

[thatsonlyme]

I know exactly what you mean amysheart and it didn't come out wrong. I've tried to help some people on other forums with everything I've learned from all this because it makes me feel better.

Do you have any suggestions how to approach her? What to do to make her understand and open up her heart? It seems like her feeling of anger and blame towards me took over other feelings because she was unable to cope with it. but still, she gave up without even trying to fix it! What scares me the most is that she had the whole year to shut her feeling down and this could really be her final decision. I can't change what happened and I have no control of the outcome of this issue so I can't possibly eliminate the source of the problem before trying to get her back. It could take years for something to happen and meanwhile both of us could get deported and separated for good! We will be barred from entering US for at least 10 years and in reality it's more like forever. Getting visa for any other country will be very difficult for both of us and our lives are screwed for nothing. If we stayed together at least everything would make sense and paying for our mistakes would have a purpose.

 

She seems very determined about her decision and all mutual friends are under impression that she would not change her mind. They all agree how much she's changed too. She still left lines for communication open, she offered to help me with the business we started but I declined. She was surprised that I'm not picking up the phone when she's calling and told our mutual friend that I'm acting like a 5 year old. The friend told her that I'm hurt and she should understand that but she was like "wtf, he knew it was coming"! Even if I did it wouldn't make any difference, I'd still feel the same pain! Does she really think that I can just get over it? She even tried to put it as a mutual agreement about break up to some people. Nonsense! I did accept it it and kept things civil, but I never agreed with her about it!

 

I'm not sure if she's really enjoying her life now to its fullest or she's just trying to keep herself busy to make this whole thing easier on her, but she's partying like crazy, she took a vacation and she seems happy. I know I should probably just give up, but I'll wait for a while and see what happens. I'll try to give her some space, then maybe try to take her out and have fun time like we did when we just met. I'll avoid any relationship talk and I'll show her that I can do good without her. I don't have to pretend, I'm already moving on, I made some changes in my life, I'm meeting some new people, I'm signing a lease for my new place and I'm planning to buy a car I always wanted. I'm working out and have lost weight, women find me attractive and I can make them laugh. If she won't budge at least I won't be stuck in a limbo, but I really need to give it another try. Otherwise I will always feel guilty for letting her go so easy.

 

In some moments I can convince myself that she's not worth it and she doesn't deserve me because she gave up on me so easy, then again I realize that she's just a human being, she has feelings and those feelings took control over her.

 

What gives me hope although very little is that the real reason for our break up was not that she stopped loving me. It was just a cause. Something out of our control was a reason that caused her to stop loving me. Love, trust or respect was never an issue.

[Sambo]

Gosh I wish I had some bad memories about her it would help me forget.

 

Look harder !

 

Trust me when I tell you that you are in a state of shock and your mind is playing tricks on you.

 

EVERYONE and EVERY relationship that breaks up, breaks up for a reason.

 

Try hard to remember all the bad things because they are there.

[thatsonlyme]

Bad things were not a reason for our break up and no matter how hard I try I'll not find anything. I can't blame her for how she felt and I do understand what she went through. Again, I wish our relationship ended because of lies or cheating or incompatibility, those all legit reasons to move on in my book.

I know my posts were long to read but in short, our reasons had nothing to do with our relationship, it was psychological issue she wasn't able to deal with and I didn't know how serious it was.

 

She seems to have a valid reason to text me every few days. how to make this no contact work? we still have things together and we need to discuss them!

[Sambo]

Bad things were not a reason for our break up and no matter how hard I try I'll not find anything. I can't blame her for how she felt and I do understand what she went through. Again, I wish our relationship ended because of lies or cheating or incompatibility, those all legit reasons to move on in my book.

I know my posts were long to read but in short, our reasons had nothing to do with our relationship, it was psychological issue she wasn't able to deal with and I didn't know how serious it was.

 

She seems to have a valid reason to text me every few days. how to make this no contact work? we still have things together and we need to discuss them!

 

I'm sorry but that sounds like bs to me.

 

What the H are psychological reasons ?

 

There is something else going on here my friend and your too close to see that right now but the truth always ends up coming out sooner or later.

 

I wish you all the best but it seems like she's just messing with your head right now but I know you won't believe that.

 

Cheers

[thatsonlyme]

I explained earlier what the reason was, how it all started.

And yes, she is messing with my head I'm fully aware of it.

I love her and I miss her and I'm trying to figure out what she really feels. I think she was not ready for break up and was probably just gonna cheat on me, but when I brought the subject up she felt bad and decided to go all the way.

She's been acting so cold like nothing happened in front of everybody. So I decided to do a little spying on her and see how she really feels when alone. you can agree or disagree with my methods but if there is any feelings left in her I will try to make it work.

Last night she came back from her 4 day vacation in Cali. Tonight I parked my car in front of my old apartment while she was at work and logged into her computer via wireless network. I checked recent documents and found what I expected. She was home last night watching our photos! And I mean she was watching photos from our very beginning, 2006 when we had great time together, our favorite road trip, then photos of our last vacation in Miami when we also had a blast! She watched our videos too, and listened to some heartbreaking love songs on you tube!

 

Now I know what many of you will say, but from my experience, when a person comes from vacation where she had a great time she should be watching photos from that vacation! We hardly ever watched our old photos because we have tens of thousands on a computer. Usually we'd watch photos shortly after taking them and then once in a long while.

The only time when I watch my old photos is when I get melancholic and remember the past. I guess under her cold surface there is still a person with feelings. I'm not saying she's falling back in love with me again, but she's got some feelings. she's nostalgic going down memory lane. I believe ANY feelings is better than no feelings at all, and that was the way she presented herself since our break up.

 

I'm in dilemma right now, continue with NC and wait until she calls or just drop her a simple "how are you doing" call? It may be a good time to remind her that I still exist and try to slowly work on rebuilding our relationship. By this I mean showing her that we can still enjoy time together and if there is any spark of our love left in her I could try to turn it into flame.

 

Dunno, any advice is welcome. By then I'm moving on according to plan. I have plans for the weekend and I'm sure I'll have great time.

[Sambo]

Well my first advise would be to get some help because it sounds to me like your obsessed and have obsessive behavioral problems and maybe that's the behavior she was running from or the reason she needed the break BUT I doubt you will listen to me so my 2nd piece of advise is to tell her you love her and you will always be there for her but you need space to date other women and find out if she was truly the one. If she's lamenting over you that thought alone should drive her right back into your arms after a few months of NC. The problem with that is you will never really uncover what the true problems are and they will only resurface again later but at least you can have some more temporary happiness.

 

The real truth is that not all love is made to last forever:

 

Some love lasts for a week, some for a season and some for several years but all love between a man and a women must ultimately end. That's just the way it is and it's like death, it's inevitable.

Edited September 18, 2010 by Sambo

[thatsonlyme]

I have to agree with you, I am obsessed right now, for a reason and I've never had any behavioral problems in past. The only help I need right now is time and resolution: I either need her back or I need closure.

I'm not sure if that would be considered obsessive behavior but was very attached to her and so she was attached to me, all until we started having immigration issues and she changed. She was the one who needed help because she was unable to control her negative emotions ever since.

 

She's also very proud and stubborn, even if she gets to the point where she can't get me out of her head, she'd rather suffer for the rest of her life than come back and beg for forgiveness. That's why I'm trying to figure out what she really feels and I'm using everything I can. I don't think my little spying is any worse than checking someone's messages on the phone, which during our relationship I never did. I trusted her without any doubt. Instead of cheating on me she decided to leave and I respect her for that. It takes special person to do something like that. Our love life wasn't that great lately because of her emotional issues and she needed somebody else. She was never a cheater.

I'm fully aware that even if she comes back it may not work out, especially because the root of the problem is still there and we can't do anything about it. It will eventually sort itself out and then we'll see where are we standing. Maybe the damage is irreparable, I don't know, all I want is to give it another shot. After losing her I've changed priorities in my life and I believe she might realize what matters the most to her. If that's me, I'll be there for her, if not, I wish her luck and I'll let her go.

 

Nothing lasts forever and even though I still love her I'm definitely not in love like I was in the beginning. It's foolish to expect butterflies for the rest of your life. I was committed though and it made me happy.

 

As for the NC of several months, that seems like a really long time. No matter how bad she may feel at the moment she will try to move on and eventually succeed.

 

As for the dating advice, I'm working on it and there is this girl who's really interested in me. I do feel attracted to her but I have no other feelings. I need to make sure she's on the same page because I'd hate to brake somebody's heart just because I'm heartbroken. I've done it once and hated myself for that! This girls fell in love with me and I've never given her a chance!