jamie2002 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I have been with my husband almost a year now and i feel that the in love feeing just isn't there. I mean the feeling of wanting him as a romantic partner. I feel like he is my best friend and i care for him very deeply but not in a romantic way. When we first dated things were great and the chemistry was not mind blowing but good. He is a great person all the qualities you would want in a partner on paper. Our relationship took a turn after dating only six months and he wanted to move in together. So we were living together only a month and he got really really sick and almost died. He got brain lyme from a tick bite when we were camping. So our whole relationship changed. I stayed with him and took care of him and it was very hard seeing him on his death bed for almost a year. Everyday was a new challenge to face. When he felt better at times we were intamite but it wasn't the same. When he was well again we had a long talk about things and how i was feeling about how our relationship had changed into more of a friendship but he told me that with time that we would get back to where we were. He was still sick and i held onto hope that over time it would get better. He told me I was his angel by sticking by him through this horrible time. He started talking about wanting to get married and apart of me wanted to and apart of me wasn’t sure. So I had a talk with my mom who I am very close to and let her know my concerns about what was missing. She told me that what we have is a great foundation and a great friendship and he would be a great father and husband. She said that in time the intimacy fades and the passion dies and that I need to look past that because in the long run the best friend is what matters. So I decided to marry him and try to look at all the positives with him as a partner. The passion and intimacy is still not there and I am trying to come to terms with it might just not ever be there. But inside I feel something is missing. I love him and I feel he is my family but the emotional connection is not there. Now we just started trying for a baby the last few months and our s –x life is more of a job.. a mission to have a baby because I am 37. I try to want him and feel that connection with him. For example I planned a picnic at his favorite spot and we had music in the background and wine and I tried to make it the perfect romantic situation to add the spark but even in that situation I felt like I was with my best friend. I am not sure how to get past this empty feeling inside. I know he feels it from me and it makes me sad. I guess I am curious how other people would deal with this situation. I want us both to be happy and fulfilled but I don’t know how to get there. Any advice would be great…
TheLastHonestGuy Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 The best advice I can give you concerning your relationship is to think really deep and determine what it would take for you to be sexually attracted to him. Really say to yourself, If he was _____ (fill in the blank) I would just throw myself at him. What is it? Sometimes it can be looks. Is he good looking? is he out of shape? or maybe he's not creative in bed? Which one is it? These are all problems that can be solved. If it's the good figure he's missing, just try to motivate him to get in shape, cook healthy foods, and most importantly do the same things yourself. Nobody likes to be with some one who is out of shape when they're not. So, if this also applies to you, just get in shape together with him. Believe it or not sometimes that has a lot to do with a man's appetite for sex. On the other hand if he's just not good in bed it might be because he's not creative and therefor needs to get ideas from somewhere. There's no handbook on how to do this but there is a good way I know to get some ideas. Watch porn! yes that's the solution. most people learn this stuff from experience with other people who are more experienced and teach them, but when that's not an option porn can be your best friend. Watch some videos together and try some of those things. It will also recommend having some drinks while your at it. it will help both of you relax a little more and become more willing to try some of those things. I hope this helps. cheers!
Author jamie2002 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 Yes my husband is good looking and a bit out of shape but he is working out and trying to get more fit. I am a size 3 and petite so i am in good shape and he thinks i am very beautiful. We have tried the porn and drinking and it feels more forced than natural. We have tried different things in bed but no changes.. the emotional connection is just not there:(
TigerCub Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Hi Jamie, Sorry you're going through this uncertainty and that you're not really feeling a connection with your husband. Unfortunately, I don't really have much to offer in terms of how you can deal with it But, I strongly urge you to really think carefully about having a baby. I'm sorry if its not my place to say this, but if you're already not that fulfilled in the relationship with your husband, adding a child to the mix would greatly complicate things (in terms of being further entangled). I wish you all the best, and I hope you don't think I was out of line by my pov on the baby situation.
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