piscis Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Why do we allow (I know not of us, some cases are evry differente) I will rephrase why do I allow him to make me feel miserable. For me I had it (or at least I hope I have had it) I think I am really prepared to end this R I am angry but not sad for the very first time in a long time I am angry with myself for believeing what everybody could easily see was not going to happend, his lies. I am just writing here to thank you all because all your stories have made a huge impact in me and in my situation and to say that I know I will have tough days infront of me and that I will need your feedback more than ever. I must say that I never really understood when lots of you write me back posts when you told me that he will get on with this because I let him till this last days and I cried because yes I allowed him to do, say and act as he did and it really hit me, I put myself in that situation and I just had it.
TigerCub Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I cried because yes I allowed him to do, say and act as he did and it really hit me, I put myself in that situation and I just had it. Hey Piscis, I completely understand what its like to make that realization. I'm there now too - and it is sad, to realize that you allowed such treatment of yourself, (when normally, you probably wouldn't have). The important thing is that you see it now, and that should give you the strength you need to finally put a stop to it all. It just sucks that things don't work out like we'd hoped, and that (in a lot of cases), the MMs have us blinded for as long as they do. Best of luck to you
Golon Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I too am reaching breaking point. I really love my MM but the last few days have been hell, been told I am his soulmate/everything to him, then not seen him all weekend as he is with his wife, then back to snappy/ I don't understand/ he tries his best/ work is tough right now and I am not understanding, then back to I am everything/ precious/ loves me so much back to tonight where I am told I am too demanding, he has a lot on, I ought to be more supportive. I wrote a list of six small steps I am going to take. I tried and failed at NC due to lack of resolve and have decided to change gradually- see a friend at least once a week and stick to it and do something nice, exercIse like swim once a week, every day do something small for me or someone else, like do my nails or get a friend a gift, but nothing for him. Do not chase him at work, not to show him any visable signs of upset so not to cry and lastly not ask to see him, let him do the asking. I am hoping this will help me gain emotional control a bit more and strength and also begin to regain my life so it is about me and not all about him. It is small steps and once I feel stronger I hope to take bigger steps. This past five days have been hell and I need to rebuild. I do wish you luck. You sound much stronger than me.
jj33 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Sorry you are hurting. An A can bring a lot of joy to your life while you are happy with the parameters you both set. But when you are no longer happy with the parameters of the relationship, its painful. If you arent happy with it, its like any other relationshp. Get out. If he were single and the relationship wasnt what you wanted to be youd get out right? No difference here.
Ellin Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 The truth is that people treat us only in the way we allow them to treat us. Sometimes we are not able to see that or even if we do see that we are unable to set the boundaries - for different reasons: fear, lack of self-esteem, needs we want to be fulfilled by someone, traumas from the past etc. Once we realised our mistake we shouldn't continue to mistreat ourselves by beating ourselves up over it. Just move on and start acting differently, never forgetting the lesson we've learnt from the experience. That means we're now stronger.
lilbunny Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Why did/do I allow it? Because I love him, no other reason. There is no rationalising it (tried and failed). He is the only human being who is not a close relative I have ever truly loved, without conditions or change, that I still love even at times when I do not like them very much, that I would lie down on the M1 at rush hour for if it saved them from having to do it. Does he deserve that? Probably not. Does that make me an idiot? Probably
Star_Bright Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I totally understand what you mean. I feel like I could have written your post! I did just write one a lot like it before I even saw yours. I look back and think, is this what I wanted for myself, when I was little? Two years ago? Now? Is this what I would want for one of my sisters or friends? No!! So why was I doing it? Like you I am done. Just done. I feel like we are in the same emotional place. It's nice to read something from someone who's there, although I'm sorry you're there, because it's a crummy place to be.
blizzard Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 piscis: "why do I allow him to make me feel miserable" May I please sticky note this on my fridge? It's simple...but speaks volumes. It's hard to take the drivers seat, but it's what you have to do in order to gain control back in your court. ((hugs))
pureinheart Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Why do we allow (I know not of us, some cases are evry differente) I will rephrase why do I allow him to make me feel miserable. For me I had it (or at least I hope I have had it) I think I am really prepared to end this R I am angry but not sad for the very first time in a long time I am angry with myself for believeing what everybody could easily see was not going to happend, his lies. I am just writing here to thank you all because all your stories have made a huge impact in me and in my situation and to say that I know I will have tough days infront of me and that I will need your feedback more than ever. I must say that I never really understood when lots of you write me back posts when you told me that he will get on with this because I let him till this last days and I cried because yes I allowed him to do, say and act as he did and it really hit me, I put myself in that situation and I just had it. When you are not happy and possibly being abused...it's time to roll...hey we all allow certain things in our lives that are not good for us. The important thing is is that now you CAN be happy...YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!
lilbunny Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 piscis: "why do I allow him to make me feel miserable" May I please sticky note this on my fridge? It's simple...but speaks volumes. It's hard to take the drivers seat, but it's what you have to do in order to gain control back in your court. ((hugs)) I really need to do the same!
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