irc333 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 There's some people I know from Conventions that I sometimes attend. And some local ladies I know have boyfriends in other parts of the country. One I know of, met this guy completely on the other coast from a weeklong convention there, you'd think it'd be just a "summer romance" but you'd be surpised at the price they pay for airline tickets to see each other. This is not one of those LDR's where "I'll be in college for a couple of years, then back home with my lovely" or "I'm doing a term over seas, I'll see you soon" Where the geographic location is only temporary. But I'm talking about 2 people that are still firmly rooted in both areas. The woman I know is a single mother with 2-5 year old kids (of course the father is around, so there are laws in regards to keeping the kids in the same area as the spouse) And the boyfriend which is firmly rooted in his career on the other side of the country. No talks of really relocating for one another. I asked her how she's able to deal with such an arrangement, and she says, "We work at it" Mean while, local yokels are always trying to get her to go out with them...some don't see the sense in staying faithful either, and to just explore more options. I've had a guy said (and I don't necessarily agree with him) that if the guy is THAT far away, it's not considered "cheating". Interesting. SO anyhow, any of you in this kind of NON-Temporary LDR?
aerogurl87 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 You mean a LDR with no end in sight? I couldn't do that, and I'm not doing that. My boyfriend and I are going to be together the first chance we get and we're hoping that will be next spring, and even if it isn't he still wants me to move to be with him for a few months.
Omei Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) I am a single mother 1 child (without the father around) in a LDR with a man from another country doing 3 more years of college and then he wants to do UNI. I am grounded right now and so is he. We visit as much as possible and hope we will last the next 3 years with visits every 2-3 months for a week or so and then 1 three month visit in the summer. As grounded as we are we love each other very much and hope for the future. I hope he will transfer here for Uni. Or the plan is for me to spend 6 months wheres hes at once he finishes college. Right now our goal is to stay together till we can try living together nor I or him wants to move till we have tried a temporary living arrangement to test how well a couple we can be together day by day then if we succeed we will decide who's going to move to who. Both our hope is that we will reach the point like many others have were one of us is so willing to make it final for the other aka moving. Its very hard not having a definite end time to when we will be together permanently. Like the woman you know 'we work at it' Its going to be long and hard. Edited September 15, 2010 by Omei
aerogurl87 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I am a single mother 1 child (without the father around) in a LDR with a man from another country doing 3 more years of college and then he wants to do UNI. I am grounded right now and so is he. We visit as much as possible and hope we will last the next 3 years with visits every 2-3 months for a week or so and then 1 three month visit in the summer. As grounded as we are we love each other very much and hope for the future. I hope he will transfer here for Uni. Or the plan is for me to spend 6 months wheres hes at once he finishes college. Right now our goal is to stay together till we can try living together nor I or him wants to move till we have tried a temporary living arrangement to test how well a couple we can be together day by day then if we succeed we will decide who's going to move to who. Both our hope is that we will reach the point like many others have were one of us is so willing to make it final for the other aka moving. Its very hard not having a definite end time to when we will be together permanently. Like the woman you know 'we work at it' Its going to be long and hard. Yes but Omei you and your SO have an end in sight, granted it may not be a set date. But you have goals you want to achieve to reach the ultimate goal of being together in close proximity to one another at some point. I think the OP was speaking about couples who have no plans to be near each other ever, not even talking about a basic plan or list of goals to get to that point.
LittleTiger Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) I'd be very surprised if anybody here is in the kind of relationship you talk about. In fact, I'm not sure there is any such thing as a non-temporary LDR. Surely your friends don't intend to stay in this situation permanently - I can't see how it's realistic or even necessary in the long term. If they are genuinely happy living separately forever more, then good luck to them, but to actually want this kind of a life is highly unusual to say the least. Eventually, one of them will be in a position to be able to move and, if they choose not to ....... actually I can't imagine a scenario where two people love each other and that would happen. If they choose not to, then the relationship must be very different from anything within my realm of understanding. Lets face it, they're not likely to still be living the same way when they reach their 70s, 80s or even 90s! (They'd both have to be very healthy and very wealthy!) My SO and I are, at the moment, both rooted on opposite sides of the world and it may be many years before we can be together full time. We can't put a definite time limit on it yet. We still consider it temporary though and we are constantly making plans for our future - however, far away that may be. Edited September 15, 2010 by LittleTiger
folieadeux Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I personally could never swing this kind of relationship, but to each their own! And in regards to the last issue, regardless of how far away you are, if two people are established and one or both parties strays, I'd still consider that cheating.
florence of suburbia Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Some people might prefer the tension that arises when only seeing someone every four to six months (and then having a blast making up for lost time). Seeing each other much less than that and I think it would be hard to maintain a sense of connection. It would be an unconventional relationship for sure, that would only work for very independent people. The couple would also have to be able to trust one another completely.
LittleTiger Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Some people might prefer the tension that arises when only seeing someone every four to six months (and then having a blast making up for lost time). Seeing each other much less than that and I think it would be hard to maintain a sense of connection. It would be an unconventional relationship for sure, that would only work for very independent people. The couple would also have to be able to trust one another completely. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in a relationship and choosing to only see their SO every four to six months - indefinitely. Pretty strange idea of a relationship. I think 99.9% of people on here would be with their SO full time given the chance. .........and, yes, it's cheating if you sleep with someone else. A committed relationship is a committed relationship, long distance or not.
florence of suburbia Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I can't imagine anyone wanting to be in a relationship and choosing to only see their SO every four to six months - indefinitely. Pretty strange idea of a relationship. I know! Crazy, isn't it? I think 99.9% of people on here would be with their SO full time given the chance. And .1% would not.
Romance Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 In the first year/year and a half of my relationship there was no talk of ending it/any end in sight. So, we did just work at it. We're at the 2 year mark now and are making a conscience effort to have it end within the next 2 years. It's possible to be content at that if the relationship is fairly new.
LittleTiger Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 In the first year/year and a half of my relationship there was no talk of ending it/any end in sight. So, we did just work at it. We're at the 2 year mark now and are making a conscience effort to have it end within the next 2 years. It's possible to be content at that if the relationship is fairly new. Just curious, but how old are you guys and how often did you get to see each other during those first two years? I think both may be relevant as to why you were 'content'.
Romance Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Just curious, but how old are you guys and how often did you get to see each other during those first two years? I think both may be relevant as to why you were 'content'. I was 18, he was 21. we saw each other like once every 3 months. we were content because we hadn't made as deep of a bond and all of that. Now I see him once or twice a month and even thats not enough, I dont know how I used to go 3 months and not mind/not cry when he left. imo ldrs get harder not easier.
LittleTiger Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I was 18, he was 21. we saw each other like once every 3 months. we were content because we hadn't made as deep of a bond and all of that. Now I see him once or twice a month and even thats not enough, I dont know how I used to go 3 months and not mind/not cry when he left. imo ldrs get harder not easier. Yes, the depth of the emotional bond does indeed make a big difference and unfortunately, the longer you know someone, the more time you spend with them, the more attached you become, the harder it gets to be apart. The good new is for most of us it's temporary.
susanxo Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I had a non-temporary LDR for more than a year. My boyfriend came to this realization and decided to end it before he "led me on too much." It would have been 2 years until we could even make a decision to be near each other and I guess he didn't think he could do it. We still love each other. But I would do anything to be with him... so I'm waiting for him. He doesn't really know that I am, but on the day he comes back home (to where he grew up in the U.S.) I'll be at the airport asking if he would like to reconsider and try again. It could be the smartest or the stupidest decision of my life.
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