Caliguy64 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Everyone knows my latest story ex....but got something in the mail from my ex ex!. Have not been in contact with her since December. I broke up with her - just was not sure she was what I wanted long term for some reason. Anyhow I received a letter from her....should I respond? Obviously she still has deep feelings and wants to work things out....thinking I should be honest once I decide....and let her know or should I just ignore it, Basically wanted to tell me some things that were on her mind - told me to think about it at som epoint but that she did not need a response right now. Thought we had something very special and told me she would always be there for me if she ever had the chance and would do whatever it took to make me happy. I am like wow - pretty deep. Advice? Ignore or respond?
bobo113 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 If you don't reciprocate the feelings, then you should let her know so she doesn't have false hope. If you do have feelings, then that's a different story....
Don Ho Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Yes. Post the letter or give us more details so we can be helpful.
2sunny Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 what were her chosen words? it would be useful to understand how she explained her position, what she takes responsibility for, and what her purpose of contacting you is... either way - i wouldn't respond immediately. time to digest it and see how it feels for you is imperative. process what your intentions moving forward will be before you put anything like that in writing. it may be useful to make a list. what were the things you enjoyed about her, didn't enjoy? what made you break up? what were her actions along the way? was she a gal of integrity and substance that could be considered a good thing for your future?
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 She just said that she thought what we had was special. She promised to always be there for me if given the chance. She really is a sweetheart. She really did nothing wrong. Maybe I was looking for more of a challenge back then and the fact she really liked me hurt my attraction. Not sure that is a good reason or not cause I think we could be good together. Problem is I am love with my last ex....and I need to get past that before anything can happen. I want to be honest with her. Not sure I can say never. Not sure I can say what will happen. That said I think I should be totally honest and just tell her. I know sometimes people will say just ignore them if they write but I did break up with her. It takes courage for her to be so open and honest. Thoughts?
Don Ho Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 My thought is I'm a bit confused: 1. Which Ex is this that wrote? 2. Which Ex are you still in love with? What happened to her?
daphne Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I wouldn't lead her on, especially since you are in love with someone else. It sounds like you'd like to see down the road how you feel. You may have second thoughts because you think she was better for you in the sense that she was available and sounds like capable of a reciprocal, healthy relationship. But if you're not ready for that, try not to do any damage to her. She needs someone who is. Was your most previous ex someone who wasn't as interested, therefore kept the attraction level higher? I ask for selfish reasons really. I find it interesting and kinda crazy that there are so many people who don't want what they can have and esteem higher what they can't have. Although the objective outsider might see it differently. We're fickle I guess.
Billie The Puppet Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I was confused at first ex ex to me means you back with the ex kind of like an even amount of not's cancel each other out. I am not not hungry. = I am hungry. A previous ex girlfriend would have worked. Else I think my first ex gf would be considered my ex ex ex ex ex ex ex gf. ha ha.
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 This is the previous ex that wrote - I am in love with my ex. Funny enough I sent her a note outlining how I felt but no response. Guess she sis not want to even show me the respect with a response - but hey - she broke up over text so I should not be surprised by her avoiding everything. I don't know what I will do - need time to sort out my feelings. Will probably be hones with her and let her know what is up. I am not like most people - In that I believe in total honesty regardless - it is easier in the long run that way.
daphne Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I am not like most people - In that I believe in total honesty regardless - it is easier in the long run that way. It really is. It's also the responsible way to be and creates less drama.
Don Ho Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Got it. Your previous Ex wrote to you. Your most current Ex dumped you and did not respond to you. Yes Bro, sounds like you want what you can't have and what you have you don't want. WHY are you still in love with your Ex? I don't think your current Ex is coming back. So that leaves the question: why don't you love your previous Ex? Is it because she was too nice like you mentioned or is there another reason like you only like the biatches!? I think you need to do some thinking and soul searching this week prior to writing back to your previous Ex. I would not want you to settle with her, but are you sure she's not a good woman .... and better than all the drama you got from your Ex? I think you need to really think about how you feel about your previous Ex. And YES you should in the next few days let your previous Ex know how you feel. In this case, honesty is the best policy because that is fair to her and how you would want to be treated. So? How do you feel about your previous Ex Bro?
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Well regardless if my current ex comes back - I still have feelings and I am not going to get involved with someone else until my head is on right. I do still have feelings for previous ex. She is showing me how much she cares. I refuse to put her through the BS my last ex put me through with the crazy issues, and lame breakup excuse. I am going to tell her that now is not a good time but that we can be friends and we will see what happens. This is also making me see what a coward my current ex is with the way she has handles everything. I am beginning to think even if she does contact me I will not respond.
Surfer Girl Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 So it has been 7 months since ex ex and how long was your relationship with current ex?.... Perhaps the breakup up of the current ex has not been long enough for you to consider anyone else right now.... The last thing you want to do is carry your feelings of the current ex into any relationship.... Feelings just don't go away and it takes time to grieve... give yourself some time.. It is not fair for the ex ex right now.... maybe in time it will be different....
Am4Real Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I was confused at first ex ex to me means you back with the ex kind of like an even amount of not's cancel each other out. I am not not hungry. = I am hungry. A previous ex girlfriend would have worked. Else I think my first ex gf would be considered my ex ex ex ex ex ex ex gf. ha ha. Tow "X's" (EX's) and you have yourself a Mexican Beer!
Don Ho Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 I agree and I commend you on your character. Why do you still have feelings for your current Ex? Because she dumped you? Wasn't that interested? Why aren't you that into your previous Ex? She was not a challenge? I do understand that you need to clear your head, but that makes me wonder.... if you previous Ex was REALLY the right girl, wouldn't you just go ahead and reconcile with her?
2sunny Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 This is the previous ex that wrote - I am in love with my ex. Funny enough I sent her a note outlining how I felt but no response. Guess she sis not want to even show me the respect with a response - but hey - she broke up over text so I should not be surprised by her avoiding everything. I don't know what I will do - need time to sort out my feelings. Will probably be hones with her and let her know what is up. I am not like most people - In that I believe in total honesty regardless - it is easier in the long run that way. i agree. it seems best then to allow your exex understand that you aren't emotionally available to date her right now.
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 So - let ex ex know what is going on in my life - she understood completely. Told me if the best we can do is friends right now then that is what it is. She asked me if I could say there was not a chance. I was honest and told her I dont have a crystal balls but I dont think I can rule anything out. Just live our lives and see how things go. Funny - that is what my ex told me a month because I asked her if her mind was made up 100% I wanted to know - would make it easier for me. She would not tell me never but not sure I could trust her. We have not spoken for a month - I am proud I have stayed NC. If half of what she told me was true - she has many issues to sort out - or she though the problem was with me. I am proud that I have been completely honest with ex ex.....unlike my ex has been with me. Little does ex know that she is burning any bridges that she may ever want to rebuild
2sunny Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Little does ex know that she is burning any bridges that she may ever want to rebuild oh come on now, you know if she wanted to get back together with you - that you would give it a go... be honest with yourself. you owe yourself the honesty.
Sheppy99 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I feel bad for your ex ex. If she can send you a letter after this long since December, the last 7 or 8 months for her must have been hell. For her sake I hope you figure out what you want soon cause if it isn't her. You need to stress that to her that there is no chance of ever reconciling. It may hurt her a lot but you'd be doing her a favor in the long run. Having her holding onto false hope for this long is not healthy at all for her and is probably affecting her life in negative ways.
Don Ho Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 That's good that you told your previous Ex. I have to disagree a little, I think if you were really into her you would be back with her, regardless of the fact that you're still hung up on your current Ex. Maybe telling her you don't have a crystal ball was not totally honest. I think you may be unsure with her, but when push comes to shove, you're not going to go back with her and you're leading her on a bit?
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I am trying to clear my head believe me. It is funny but all the honesty and courtesy being shown by me to my ex ex has not been shown to me by my which is why I do not think I would take her back. I wrote her a short note (not as direct as the one to me from my ex ex) just wishing her well, etc...never heard anything back. Which is fine...but her actions have gone directly against what she told me during our relationship, which I do not respect at all. Either she made up everything to push me away or she is really messed up. If she did make it up she should be committed because that would be crazy in my book. If not, then way to many issues. She probably ran into the arms of someone else thinking all of her problems would be resolved. At any rate knowing how strongly I feel about her, I would have appreciated more than a text telling me she was overwhelmed and could not think anymore. That is bush league...and frankly something I have never experienced. My ex ex is fine with where things are now...we have been talking and will see what happens. I respect her, which is more than my ex deserves. If she would have texted me and said I do not have feelings and this is never going to work I would have been gone like a flash...rather than the pity card of I am so messed up..which may hav ebeen made up? Who knows.
Don Ho Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Bro, I think you're over analyzing. Your Ex is a mess, not a mess, does it really matter? She dumped you and she's gone. Good riddance! Stop letting your ego get the best of you and move on. I wonder if your previous Ex had dumped you for being so wishy/washy you would be pining away over her too. You never really answered the question: is your previous Ex someone you want to be with or not? I think if you keep saying you have to "clear your head" then the answer is "no".
Author Caliguy64 Posted September 18, 2010 Author Posted September 18, 2010 I hear you Don - just trying to make sense of what the heck happened with her. I guess I expected more honesty. She told me I was the perfect guy....never even told me if anything was wrong - would rather of heard if I did something wrong to her. You think she is the messed up one? And yes....I could see myself with ex ex.
Don Ho Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 I hear you Don - just trying to make sense of what the heck happened with her. I guess I expected more honesty. She told me I was the perfect guy....never even told me if anything was wrong - would rather of heard if I did something wrong to her. You think she is the messed up one? And yes....I could see myself with ex ex. Come on Bro, stop analyzing! People are not usually honest and forthcoming when it comes to breakups. That's the not-so-nice part of people. Yes, she is the messed up one. Not that it really matters, you need to quit pining away and move on. Oh, and you're messed up too for sitting her analyzing and pining for her and wondering what happened. Move forward Bro. And start really thinking and contemplating if you could honestly be in a relationship with your previous Ex (before contacting her). Stop pining. Pull your head out. Move on!
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