lately hurt memories are waking me up at night.

[9Lives]

its about 3am and I'm on LS cause I can't sleep. the painful memroies of him being with someone else has been waking me up. I even cried this time. at the ended of the day, if he really loved me, he would be here. Period

 

ivve been moving on and working on creating a new life without him. enjoying a lot of different things but I still think about him hoping he is going to realize he treated me badly & didn't have to do me that way.

 

I keeping thinking about him being with her and those stupid pictures on facebook.

 

I don't want to run into him or see him. I don't want to connect. I want the pain to stop and the thoughts to go away.i know if he really loved me, he would be here.

Edited September 15, 2010 by 9Lives

[bobo113]

Just go NC and focus on getting yourself better. Pretty soon you'll be posting your own happy pics on FB and won't be giving him a thought! It WILL get easier in time if you focus on your own healing. Be Strong!

[9Lives]

Just go NC and focus on getting yourself better. Pretty soon you'll be posting your own happy pics on FB and won't be giving him a thought! It WILL get easier in time if you focus on your own healing. Be Strong!

 

I have been NC since last month. not trying to make ctc or anythg. its just here lately this been happening. he text me saying hi last week but I didn't respond. I just can't believe my ex. I will be fine. I just don't ynderstand why this is happening right now

[ouch1121]

I'm sorry. Please tell me it will get better. I didn't sleep at all last night. It's been a week since NC for me and last night I found a picture of him on FB with another girl. The night he broke it off with me by accusing me of being overdramatic because he didn't invite me to hang out with him and some friends actually was the night he took her to a baseball game and it's on FB. Not his but with a little detective work I found it. No wonder he hasn't contacted me he's been busy with her.

 

I can't go to work today. I feel like I can barely breathe right now. Please tell me it gets better. I dont' know how much longer I can survive like this....

[benB]

Wow this morning I woke up at 5am because of thoughts of my ex with another man. I guess I am not the only one. I wake up everyday early because of my ex. I hate it, I just want to get over her and be able to sleep like I used to. I also can't believe my ex could do this to me and move on so fast. But it is good to see that I am not the only person who is affected in this way. I just hope we all can get over our exes and regain our lives.

[BeagleGal]

I know all too well what you mean, 9Lives, it is tough.

 

My ex is on his honeymoon now with OW-turn-W and it freakin' just eats at me knowing that, knowing everything he's done to me. THeir baby is due soon and that's another hurdle I have to come to terms with and deal with as well.

 

I almost constantly lose sleep over all this and I'm not sure what to do. I know partly the reason why I feel so sh*tty is because I still have people alerting me to my ex. And its not like I go looking for info, but people seem to think that its okay to give me an update every so often.

 

Anyways, I dont have any words of advice, only to say you're clearly not alone in feeling this way. Its been a month a half of NC for me and 2 months and a half NC for him.

 

Staying NC is the only way to go. Why make a situation worse just because of them?

[YellowShark]

...if he really loved me, he would be here. Period...

 

Never make someone a priority who only see you as an option.

[abust1]

I also wake up early every day. I haven't needed an alarm clock for months! Your sleep cycles get lighter as the night wears on, so I don't think it's a huge problem for fatigue. For me it's nice to lay in bed and grovel for a while before getting up, a transition period. Before my breakup I would sleep DEEPLY all the way until my alarm went off, I'd have to snooze a few times. I can't even remember what that felt like.

 

Ouch and 9lives.. you know it will get better. I can vouch for that. Stay off of that evil website known as FACEBOOK. At least block your ex. It seems Facebook is spiraling this country into unecessary post-breakup depression with its irresistable stalking resources.

 

Ok here's the catch for me... once you start to feel better you will feel invincible and for some reason we have to test ourselves. So back we go contacting our ex, or onto facebook, or through old letters, or through old pictures, or asking a friend about our ex, etc etc. Then you will have a huge setback and go back to feeling like crap. Not a 100% setback, but it feels close. It feels like you'll have to go through another 3 months of misery like you went through the first time, but it won't be as long. I've been dealing with these iterations for at least 6 months. I think these "tests" are natural and necessary to fully heal. With each painful period I learn something new, and when I'm feeling better I'll look back and think "wow, that was pretty intense and amazing". Maybe I enjoy being miserable. Mostly I think these tests should be avoided, especially when you can barely function after a setback.

 

Ok I got a little carried away here. But remember that it will get better. Keep posting and reading.

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

I've been dealing with the same thing...only it doesn't stop when I go to sleep...I dream about him almost every night and waking up after having those dreams really messes with my emotions.

 

I'll be doing fine throughout the day, I mean I still can't stop thinking about him but I seem to keep busy...but it's those really late hours of the night where my mind just goes on overload...and then I dream about him all night.

 

I guess time is the only thing that is going to make me constantly stop thinking about him...and I hope dreaming about him.

[Gironbachs]

I know how this feels - waking up in the middle of the night and those pangs are shotting thru your chest. One of the worst things about having a broken heart is knowing when you go to sleep that when you wake up - nothing's changed.

[Angel1111]

Yea, this is something so hard to get past. And it's all still so new, you can't expect too much from yourself right now. This is a very fresh wound. There was a time when I would wake up in the way they sometimes show in movies. I always thought it was just the Hollywood version of waking up this way until it happened to me several times. I was so traumatized by what my ex had done that I'd wake up crying or sit bolt upright in terror. It was a horrible time. But I did move past it and I'm fine now. Just keep looking to the future because you will get there. Hugs.

[ShannonMI]

its about 3am and I'm on LS cause I can't sleep. the painful memroies of him being with someone else has been waking me up. I even cried this time. at the ended of the day, if he really loved me, he would be here. Period

 

ivve been moving on and working on creating a new life without him. enjoying a lot of different things but I still think about him hoping he is going to realize he treated me badly & didn't have to do me that way.

 

I keeping thinking about him being with her and those stupid pictures on facebook.

 

I don't want to run into him or see him. I don't want to connect. I want the pain to stop and the thoughts to go away.i know if he really loved me, he would be here.

I know how you feel. Imagining my ex with his new girl makes me physically sick. I feel like my ex is MINE and now she gets to have him. Even though he cheated and I am better off without him, I still feel in some way he is mine. He was mine for 8 years so it def. takes some getting used to. Have you stopped looking at Facebook? I hope you have because that piece of sh*t site causes nothing but problems especially for the broken hearted. I don't have a Facebook page and I never will. My ex has one and at the beginning of our breakup, I looked at it a few times, but once he deleted pics of us, I stopped. I didn't want to see it anymore. I haven't looked at it in months and I don't plan on looking at it ever again. I don't need to see pics of the new girl in his life and I don't need updates. It's bad enough I live in a small town and people tell me sh*t.

 

The pain of this and the thoughts of him and the new girl will go away. Just give yourself time. I just recently found out my ex cheated on me with the girl he's with now and it set me back quite a bit. It's been about 3 weeks since I got this last bit of news and I'm AGAIN trying to move forward. Hopefully that will be the last of the updates and it will be the last of the blows to my ego and heart. I can't take anymore sh*t at this point. It would be nice to get a good update. Like my ex got hit by a 18 wheeler! Hahahahahaha that one would actually put a smile on my face:laugh: Keep your head up girl, it will get easier in time.

[ouch1121]

You guys talk about 3 months, 6 months, I don't know how to function like this for that long. It's been a week and I can barely do anything. I couldn't go to work today. I can't keep busy because I have no motivation to do anything. I don't have a lot of friends and I'm a mess. I sit here looking at that damn picture all day. Scrutinizing the body language and his smile. I look at the last picture we took a week ago and he can barely muster a fake smile.

 

All I can think about is contacting her and letting her know what kind of man he really is. I know that sounds crazy but I really want to expose him to her for the cheating rat he is. How can people be so callous? 7 years. He was my best friend, my everything and he tossed me aside like dirt. I don't need to worry about NC because I know he won't contact me because he has her now.

 

Does this make me an awful person? I fantasize about hurting him(emotionally) and humiliating him. He's got a hairpiece from Hair Club for men because he's been balding on top since he was in his 20's. He's 34 now and very self concious about it. I want to go and rip it off his head and expose him. I used to have a picture of him with the hairpiece off but it got deleted unfortunately. I thought about posting it FB. This is awlful. I've never wanted to hurt anyone like this before, but the betrayal i'm feeling is so deep right now...

[ShannonMI]

You guys talk about 3 months, 6 months, I don't know how to function like this for that long. It's been a week and I can barely do anything. I couldn't go to work today. I can't keep busy because I have no motivation to do anything. I don't have a lot of friends and I'm a mess. I sit here looking at that damn picture all day. Scrutinizing the body language and his smile. I look at the last picture we took a week ago and he can barely muster a fake smile.

 

All I can think about is contacting her and letting her know what kind of man he really is. I know that sounds crazy but I really want to expose him to her for the cheating rat he is. How can people be so callous? 7 years. He was my best friend, my everything and he tossed me aside like dirt. I don't need to worry about NC because I know he won't contact me because he has her now.

 

Does this make me an awful person? I fantasize about hurting him(emotionally) and humiliating him. He's got a hairpiece from Hair Club for men because he's been balding on top since he was in his 20's. He's 34 now and very self concious about it. I want to go and rip it off his head and expose him. I used to have a picture of him with the hairpiece off but it got deleted unfortunately. I thought about posting it FB. This is awlful. I've never wanted to hurt anyone like this before, but the betrayal i'm feeling is so deep right now...

Oh girl, you sound exactly like me! I was with my ex for 8 years and he was my everything, my world and he threw me away like a bag of trash for some young skank. You are NOT ALONE!! That Hair Club For Men bit really cracked me up. Wouldn't it be nice to rip that rug right off his head!? I hear you! What you're feeling is anger and that is totally normal. You are not an awful person, by any means. You've been hurt and betrayed and if you didn't feel the way you feel, there would be something seriously wrong with you. It's only been a week. Give yourself time to heal from this mess. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and I was healing quite nicely until I found out (like 3 weeks ago) that he has a new girlfriend and he cheated on me with her. That sent me back to square one with the grieving process. I know this doesn't make sense right now, but be thankful you know right now, what a piece of sh*t your ex is. You know he's a cheating bastard and use your anger to move on from him. I'm using mine to move on from my ex. Before I found out about the cheating, I was thinking he was still someone I wanted to be with and I was pining for him. Not anymore! Now I know what a dirtbag he is and I want nothing to do with him ever again. It will get easier. Give yourself time. If you need to, go talk to a therapist. It helps. I'm seeing one and it has helped me a lot. Good luck:)

Edited September 15, 2010 by ShannonMI

[ouch1121]

Hey Shannon thanks for the response. It sounds like you and I are in similiar situations. I just can't imagine feeling this pain for another couple of months. It's so debilitating.

 

Shannon honestly, what do you think about me contacting the OW and telling her about me and that we were together while he was seeing her. I'm almost positive she does not know about me. Do you think it will backfire on me and she will just think I'm a crazy woman. I just want to know how long this has been going on. I've had my suspicions for a month and I want her to know the truth. I feel like there is some justice in exposing him. Please tell me what you think. It's not to try to get back with him but to kind of stick it to him and let this new woman know he's a cheating rat. She can do what she wants with the knowledge. What do you think?

[ShannonMI]

Hey Shannon thanks for the response. It sounds like you and I are in similiar situations. I just can't imagine feeling this pain for another couple of months. It's so debilitating.

 

Shannon honestly, what do you think about me contacting the OW and telling her about me and that we were together while he was seeing her. I'm almost positive she does not know about me. Do you think it will backfire on me and she will just think I'm a crazy woman. I just want to know how long this has been going on. I've had my suspicions for a month and I want her to know the truth. I feel like there is some justice in exposing him. Please tell me what you think. It's not to try to get back with him but to kind of stick it to him and let this new woman know he's a cheating rat. She can do what she wants with the knowledge. What do you think?

I don't know if it's a good idea to do it. I'm sure the bastard will eventually cheat on her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he did it to you, he will do it to her. She will most likely think you are a "crazy woman" and your ex will back this up with lies. He'll probably embellish the whole thing with a pack of lies to make you sound like a lunatic and he'll come out looking rosey. Don't do it. That's my advice. Others might suggest otherwise. Maybe you should start a thread about it and see what other opinions you get. In the case of my ex, the skank he is with, knew full well about me, but chose to continue to cheat with him. They are two pieces of trash. They are made for each other.

[BeagleGal]

HAHAHA! I'm sorry, that made me laugh. If you EVER did that, take a pic cuz I'd like to see the expression on his face.

 

We're all going thru a sh*tty time right now. You're not alone, it seems like 2010 is the year for heartache... sheesh... I thought it was only me going thru a really tough time.

 

Its normal to feel hurt, anger, pain... but the energy you spent wasting it away on your stupid ex should be refocused onto you. I dont know why I can't follow my own damn advice, but whatever. Focus on you now...

 

Does this make me an awful person? I fantasize about hurting him(emotionally) and humiliating him. He's got a hairpiece from Hair Club for men because he's been balding on top since he was in his 20's. He's 34 now and very self concious about it. I want to go and rip it off his head and expose him. I used to have a picture of him with the hairpiece off but it got deleted unfortunately. I thought about posting it FB. This is awlful. I've never wanted to hurt anyone like this before, but the betrayal i'm feeling is so deep right now...

[ShannonMI]

HAHAHA! I'm sorry, that made me laugh. If you EVER did that, take a pic cuz I'd like to see the expression on his face.

 

We're all going thru a sh*tty time right now. You're not alone, it seems like 2010 is the year for heartache... sheesh... I thought it was only me going thru a really tough time.

 

Its normal to feel hurt, anger, pain... but the energy you spent wasting it away on your stupid ex should be refocused onto you. I dont know why I can't follow my own damn advice, but whatever. Focus on you now...

Hahahahahahaha I know I was literally busting a gut laughing at that quote! Hair Club For Men hahahahahahaha! 2010 has def. been the worst year of MY life. It has sucked some serious a**! Hopefully 2011 will be full of new beginnings and happiness for all of us. We deserve it.

[BeagleGal]

Hey Shannon!

 

Ok, ouch: Don't tell OW anything. Trust me on this one. I have been tempted myself to tell my ex's OW-turn-W about he and I as I think he totally bullsh*tted her about him and I although she damn well knew my ex and I were togehter when she got involved with him. BUT, knowing the liar that he is now, I'm sure he told her crap to justify them hooking up.

Anyways, you do not want your ex or the new girl to talk about you like you're jealous of their love, or them or whatever. That's the last thing you want said about you by those two. That's what stopped me from exposing my rat of an ex to his new girl because I know she'd automatically think I was psycho and jealous. Plus, I'm sure she's totally hooked on him so she would only believe him and no one else. It'll be a matter of time before she realizes what kind of a man he is.

 

Be the "better" person and don't even worry about exposing him to her... it will backfire. And you'll feel worse. Just worry about ripping that hairpiece off his head... LOL.

 

I don't know if it's a good idea to do it. I'm sure the bastard will eventually cheat on her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he did it to you, he will do it to her. She will most likely think you are a "crazy woman" and your ex will back this up with lies. He'll probably embellish the whole thing with a pack of lies to make you sound like a lunatic and he'll come out looking rosey. Don't do it. That's my advice. Others might suggest otherwise. Maybe you should start a thread about it and see what other opinions you get. In the case of my ex, the skank he is with, knew full well about me, but chose to continue to cheat with him. They are two pieces of trash. They are made for each other.

[BeagleGal]

Yes, yes and yes. I totally undestand this point as I felt the same way about Chris before I found out everything and hanging on to his false hopes of reuniting down the road.

 

When someone has betrayed you and f*cked you over in the worse way, use that anger in a positive way. Don't go shoot up or drink your ass off and stupid sh*t like that (although a few cosmos here and there never hurt nobody! ) But, remind yourself that this man has taken advantage of you, betrayed your trust, disrespected you for his own personal gratification. F*ck that.

 

BE kind to yourself, the rest will follow..

 

I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and I was healing quite nicely until I found out (like 3 weeks ago) that he has a new girlfriend and he cheated on me with her. That sent me back to square one with the grieving process. I know this doesn't make sense right now, but be thankful you know right now, what a piece of sh*t your ex is. You know he's a cheating bastard and use your anger to move on from him. I'm using mine to move on from my ex. Before I found out about the cheating, I was thinking he was still someone I wanted to be with and I was pining for him. Not anymore! Now I know what a dirtbag he is and I want nothing to do with him ever again. It will get easier. Give yourself time. If you need to, go talk to a therapist. It helps. I'm seeing one and it has helped me a lot. Good luck:)

[ouch1121]

Shannon, you're probably right, he will probably cheat on her but why should she have to go through the pain I am going through now. should she waste 7 years too.

 

Ok I won't lie, it's not about her and what she will feel or not. It's a way to hurt him and get at him. I know he took her out last Weds. night (via FB pic), the same day he cut off contact with me, didn't technically break up, just never heard from him again. Well I was his gf up until that day. We just went to Vegas labor day weekend for his birthday but I've had suspicions that he's been talking to/seeing someone else for about a month for various reasons. If my gut is right, I'm sure he lied to her about who he went to Vegas with, who he went to SF with this last month. Also I really want to know how long it's been going on and I really want to know if he slept with her. That kills me but I need to know.

 

I'm not trying to get him back which is what everyone thinks and I do want to focus on me but I really want to take away his happiness but exposing what he truly is to her. Yes he will lie to her but I have pics and text from a week ago that will prove he was with me. Since this is only a week ago is why I'm considering contacting her. If it's been 3 months since we've broken up, I wouldn't, but it's been a week. If it's new enough, she may leave him and think it's not worth it and that's justice, he loses her and he loses me. Am I making sense?

[BeagleGal]

Don't do it. She will, unfortunately, find out on her own. Who knows, maybe their relationship might not even last long enough for her to even find out. I'm telling you - just leave it be.

 

I know why you want to do it, trust me, I have felt and do feel the same way for my ex. I want to get him back for the hell he has put me through. Her, to some extent, cuz she knew about me. But really, my anger is directed at him. Thank goodness, I've had the sense to not do a damn thing at all. I'll let reality slap him in the face when things get even more complicated for his sorry as*.

 

If you end up contacting her, its going to be really hard to not come off looking like the crazy jealous ex. I personally wouldnt, but its your call...

 

Shannon, you're probably right, he will probably cheat on her but why should she have to go through the pain I am going through now. should she waste 7 years too.

 

Ok I won't lie, it's not about her and what she will feel or not. It's a way to hurt him and get at him. I know he took her out last Weds. night (via FB pic), the same day he cut off contact with me, didn't technically break up, just never heard from him again. Well I was his gf up until that day. We just went to Vegas labor day weekend for his birthday but I've had suspicions that he's been talking to/seeing someone else for about a month for various reasons. If my gut is right, I'm sure he lied to her about who he went to Vegas with, who he went to SF with this last month. Also I really want to know how long it's been going on and I really want to know if he slept with her. That kills me but I need to know.

 

I'm not trying to get him back which is what everyone thinks and I do want to focus on me but I really want to take away his happiness but exposing what he truly is to her. Yes he will lie to her but I have pics and text from a week ago that will prove he was with me. Since this is only a week ago is why I'm considering contacting her. If it's been 3 months since we've broken up, I wouldn't, but it's been a week. If it's new enough, she may leave him and think it's not worth it and that's justice, he loses her and he loses me. Am I making sense?

[ouch1121]

Beaglegal, I appreciate your input. I know in your situation she knew about you guys and she didn't care so I can understanding saying anything to her wouldn't make a difference.

 

In my situation I know she doesn't know about us. Do you think that makes a difference? She probably thinks he's this great guy right now. I thought about sending her a message on FB to call me and I'm not psycho or crazy, just wanting the truth about some things and willing to give her any answers she may have. How would you respond to that if you were on the receiving end?

 

I don't know, I just feel like he shouldn't get away with this scot free. that my justice would be for him to lose both of us....

[ouch1121]

Oh and if I do it now, won't I not come off as a crazy jealous ex because it's only been a week since we kind of broke up and partially because he lied to me about going out with her?

[ShannonMI]

Shannon, you're probably right, he will probably cheat on her but why should she have to go through the pain I am going through now. should she waste 7 years too.

 

Ok I won't lie, it's not about her and what she will feel or not. It's a way to hurt him and get at him. I know he took her out last Weds. night (via FB pic), the same day he cut off contact with me, didn't technically break up, just never heard from him again. Well I was his gf up until that day. We just went to Vegas labor day weekend for his birthday but I've had suspicions that he's been talking to/seeing someone else for about a month for various reasons. If my gut is right, I'm sure he lied to her about who he went to Vegas with, who he went to SF with this last month. Also I really want to know how long it's been going on and I really want to know if he slept with her. That kills me but I need to know.

 

I'm not trying to get him back which is what everyone thinks and I do want to focus on me but I really want to take away his happiness but exposing what he truly is to her. Yes he will lie to her but I have pics and text from a week ago that will prove he was with me. Since this is only a week ago is why I'm considering contacting her. If it's been 3 months since we've broken up, I wouldn't, but it's been a week. If it's new enough, she may leave him and think it's not worth it and that's justice, he loses her and he loses me. Am I making sense?

Ok....first off, STOP LOOKING AT FACEBOOK! God, do I HATE that f-ing website! You are making sense with wanting to hurt him, but it will backfire on you. Just don't do it. Karma will come along someday and it will take care of that lying, cheating bastard. You don't need to do it. He WILL get his. Why do you want to know if he was sleeping with her before he broke up with you? Don't torture yourself. You don't really need to know that anyways. Actually just to be safe, go to a clinic and get tested for STD's. I know that is the last thing you want to think about, but you need to take care of yourself. Fu*king men! I hate them!!