browncat123 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Long story short, I cheated on my husband with a friend (it happened once). He found out and since has moved out on his own (he paid for a month's rent so far). This all happened recently. He is confused, hurt and angry of course. We've been together for over 6 years and half of those we've been married. It's been about a week and we've kept in daily contact through phone or internet. We've met twice already and spent a night together. We plan to see each other this weekend if not sooner. He hasn't decided if he still wants to be married to me. I am scared he will not be able to forgive me (sometimes he is distant and cold). What can I do to show him that he is the only man I want despite what I did? I realize how much I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with only him. I don't want to push him either but I really want this to work. I even assisted him with his move and all (got him some housewarming items). He didn't take everything from our house, only the essentials and left me with most of his money at home. He comes by to take what he needs. I have cut off contact with the guy altogether. Any advice on how to handle this situation? It is greatly appreciated.
JustJoe Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 With all due respect, you might try being a faithful wife. If he were a poster, I would advise him to divorce you. If you truly want to re-connect, you will have to earn back his trust by being completely at his disposal and refusing him nothing that he might need to get over your betrayal. I'm sorry but that's how it is. You cheated so you will have to do all of the work to reconcile. You have a really funny way of showing that you love him.
Author browncat123 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 The problem was it was supposed to be an open marriage. But when he found out he was not happy and told me it was okay for me to have other guys but not for him to find out...makes it all so confusing...
Stung Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 The problem was it was supposed to be an open marriage. But when he found out he was not happy and told me it was okay for me to have other guys but not for him to find out...makes it all so confusing... This is very confusing, possibly changes everything, and really should have been in the opening post. Your husband agreed to having a sexually open marriage with you, but the sex was supposed to be a better-kept secret? Who introduced the idea of open marriage, you or him? Was it something either of you had to push for, was it reluctantly agreed to? In this scenario, it doesn't sound like you actually cheated, it sounds like he was ambivalent about the open marriage thing and now he's having second thoughts/retroactive jealousy and maybe taking that out on you. Is he saying that you cheated on him?
Author browncat123 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 (edited) He had said that it was okay but I never did anything until recently (it was brought up a few times by him, not myself). His rule was that it was supposed to be kept a secret but when he asked me about it, I truthfully answered him (maybe I shouldn't have but I always want to be honest..which might make me selfish). Also, I am not good at lying to people especially my husband. He is not really saying I cheated on him but it basically is. He says I broke his trust when he found out. If he never found out, everything would've been peachy. But obviously it is not. It's too late now, but I realize neither of us can handle the idea of either of us sleeping with someone else. As well, now we are living separately for the next month. (hopefully that is all...). The only good signs he may come back is 2 days afterward he asked me to hang out two days in a row (one of which I spent the night). He said he will see me on the weekend. He answers my calls and emails. But he is still on his own and can be distant from day to day or even during our encounters which worries me. I am worried he can't trust me again, but out of being stupid I never thought it would lead to this. Also, he didn't take a lot of stuff with him and he like 90% of his cash (which was a couple of grand). I've apologized and written letters to him explaining that I take full responsibility. I want to make it work and regain his trust (which will be hard, but he also has to be willing to get past this and rebuild everything). Edited September 15, 2010 by browncat123
jandilee Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 If you ask yourself, “Do I want my husband back?” and the answer is yes, then you’re one of millions of women who have been through a break up and decided that they didn’t want to go through with it after all. Maybe you didn’t want it from the start, or maybe you did and now you’ve changed your mind. “Do I want my husband back?” is one of those questions that make you consider a great many things. Should you try this article, hoping this article helps you to get him back. http://www.savelovetoday.com/get-ex-back/i-want-to-get-my-husband-back-to-save-our-marriage/
thomasb Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I would talk to him about ending the terms of 'open' marriage and actually committing to only having sex within the marriage. Y
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