Advice for men and women who may be involved with those who are married.

[jester]

While I thank you for leaving me out of those you claim are indulging in mere "Mistress Bashing" I think that you're selectively reading this, seeing any criticism as unwarranted. I think that at least half of the posters here have offered thoroughly constructive criticism. Chanelbelle posted her wisdom, others see fit to question it.

 

You're right, midori, I read selectively and superficially, overstated my case and was too quick to hit the send key.

 

It's a sensitive subject, but that's no excuse for my sloppy posting. I apologize.

[midori]

Originally posted by jester

You're right, midori, I read selectively and superficially, overstated my case and was too quick to hit the send key.

 

It's a sensitive subject, but that's no excuse for my sloppy posting. I apologize.

 

Ca ne fait rien, mon ami.

[Chanelbelle]

I don't feel like the other woman should be critiszied, I am not a bitch, I am a very nice person. I am not woman who goes out actively searching for married men, the man I met just happened to be married. I never thought I would be a mistress, but I am young, pretty, thin and I have nothing to loose. The man I am with is older. When I say he is honest with me, I can say that he never makes promises for the future to raise my expectations. He does not promise me he will leave his wife to get me into bed. He says that there is a chance, but it's a very hard descion to make. If the man I am involved with didn't want to cheat on his wife, he would have never started a relationship with me. I'm not leading him away from his wife, he has free will and choses to be with me. Myself, I am not at a point where I am desperate to find a husband. As for family, I could really care less if I ever had kids (too selfish for them). I just want to have a lot of fun with or without him. As for him cheating on me again, yes there is always that possibility. But the logic really dosn't stand up, atleast now. I am 21, and his wife is in her fifties. The only person he might cheat with me on is someone younger then me, but that would just be ridiculous. Anyways, when I said I would divorce him if he cheated on me, I meant after we were married and I know it sounded a little hypocritical, but I would do it anyway, you wouldn't expect I would stay with a man who cheated on me, would you? I think it's hard to see one side from the other side. I really feel don't feel any pitty for his wife, which I know is really bad, but it is hard when you have never met her. I have to admit, I am a totally different person when I am a mistress.

[moimeme]

I really feel don't feel any pitty for his wife, which I know is really bad, but it is hard when you have never met her.

 

In the grand scheme of things, perhaps one day some woman won't care about your being her lover's wife, either. Like it or not, you are helping to hurt one of your fellow humans. Some folks don't think we need to care about the feelings of folks we don't know. Some folks think we need to behave decently to all our fellow humans, whether we know them personally or not.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I am 21, and his wife is in her fifties. The only person he might cheat with me on is someone younger then me, but that would just be ridiculous.

 

Please don't buy into the myth that people only cheat with partners who are younger or more attractive than the one they are already with. Nothing could be further from the truth!

 

I have many friends and acquaintances who have carried on extra-marital affairs that left me scratching my head as to the affair partners they chose. One girlfriend, in particular, has had many flings with guys who were less attractive than the THREE men she was married to. When I questioned her about the 'appeal'...she simply responded, "he's just different."

 

It doesn't matter how *you* compare yourself to your married partner's spouse. You could have all the admirable qualities in the world and someone with the propensity towards infidelity will always present a measurable risk to your relationship.

 

Do you think Camilla Parker-Bowles was physically more appealing than Princess Diana? Prince Charles must have thought so! (and that’s just ONE example.)

 

While confidence is an admirable trait, I have never felt it wise to become too smug about how we compare ourselves to someone else. That kind of thinking is self-delusional. The truth is, none of us have more to offer than anyone else. There will always be someone younger, prettier, more intelligent, more interesting…or just plain “different.” And unless you are secure in the fact that your relationship is a good, SOLID one and you are confident that your partner shares the same basic values as yourself, there will never be any guarantees that you won’t find yourself an innocent victim of a lover’s painful betrayal.

 

While I applaud your resolution not to have sex with your married man, I don’t know if it will really help you to gain any leverage over him. But I agree, if this is your last bargaining chip, it wouldn’t serve you to toss it out on the table. At the end of the day, your chaste may be the only thing you walk away with.

 

Yet, I can’t help but wonder if the very act of handing out ultimatums, withholding sex, and using various tactics to manipulate someone else’s actions is of itself and indication that one is not so secure about where they stand in a relationship. I’ve never seen these kinds of games being played between two people who are in a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. They just aren’t necessary.

[cdn]

Well said, Enigma.

 

I am also wondering how old your MM is. You mention that his wife is in her 50's and that you are 21. I am thinking that if he is also in his 50's, your relationship is likely to hit lots of stumbling blocks either in addition to or in lieu of his future infidelities.

 

As to this:

 

I really feel don't feel any pitty for his wife, which I know is really bad, but it is hard when you have never met her.

 

The ability to feel as others do or would, even when we haven't met them, is called empathy. It's what allows us to feel bad about all sorts of human suffering, even when we haven't met the victims personally. In this case, you only have to think how you would feel in a similar situation. It's not necessary to know the wife in order to understand human emotion.

[Benedict]

Chanelbelle, you show your age more clearly with each succeeding post. Not that being 21 is a bad thing, or that it means one thing for everyone who is 21, but with years come maturity and wisdom. A direct result of maturity and wisdom is compassion, among many other things, and I do not detect a hint of it in your writings.

 

Also with years comes - obviously - experience. At 40, I am not a graybeard, but I have seen, felt and done enough - and am observant and introspective enough - to measure myself to my morals and to the greater context of society's morals. I know from that how my words and actions compare to my ideals. They measure up pretty well. I am a pretty good guy.

 

By virtue of that very same observation and introspection, I also know that with this issue in particular, I have many strong feelings. Enough so that you can discern what some of my history contains. I also know that I can be sharp and abrasive when provoked. Intentional or not, your postings are provocative. I didn't intend to lash out at you, and while I may feel that indeed I did not, you may feel that I did. In which case I am sorry. Your post had the tone of "How to get your married guy to go with you instead of his wife" to me, and that is a view I will always be diametrically opposed to - no matter how much you and I make nice and discuss things. Instead, I responded to your more overt ideas as to minimizing the hurt in your type of relationship by pointing out the (obvious) fact that not getting involved with such a person is the best way to accomplish that.

 

I think that Enigma, Moimeme (Hi ), and Midori make some excellent points and observations here.

 

I also think that Befuddled and I share a lot of the same feelings on this... some of the same experiences, too.

 

Qgal, nowhere did I see the words (or their eqivalent) "If it weren't for cheaters and their OW/OM, no marriages would ever break up." So... where again are you coming from? And don't you think that with those high divorce statistics you quoted that we as a society do NOT need to help them get higher? Surely you are not saying that since divorce rates are so high, we should just not care about whether spouses have affairs? Sorry, I just don'e see any obvious, critical realism there.

 

Jester, feeling a little defensive here? Hmmm... wonder why?

 

Dyermaker, ummm... ...what?

[Arabess]

I am 21, and his wife is in her fifties. The only person he might cheat with me on is someone younger then me, but that would just be ridiculous

 

Or he could actually leave his oldie-goldie wife.....marry you....then you'll eventually get 31....and THEN he could find another 21 year old.

 

I'm hoping you aren't putting all you hopes on using the 'younger than' card because it will be hard to beat the 'been around longer' card that she has in her favor. If he hasn't left he in all these years...regardless of how unhappy he is.....he isn't going to leave her now.

 

No, I'm not making a judgement call. Everyone on LS knows me better than that. What call I CAN make is this: While you are wasting your time on this older married man....you could be meeting someone who could actually introduce you to his family, plan a future with you and not brag to all his friends that he has a 21 year old mistress (possibly not his real words.....).

 

If you had any real control or could make demands on this man......you would've already demanded he get a divorce. You haven't.....because he won't.

[Chrissy21]

Chanelbelle:

 

Just from reading these one-sided comments on the board, it does seem like alot of bashing. I, like you am in love with a married man. It will be a year in March that we have been together. And I have to say that to quote Benedict's " It's really quite simple," it is has never been simple. In fact, to say that is is the hardest thing I have ever had to do would be an understatement. I am not a lonely, ugly, or in any way a disturbed person who looks for love in all the wrong places. I cannot give a reason why I let this happen and I'm not even going to try to justify this in any way. It isn't right to be with a married man, but when are we so perfect as human beings that we can judge everybody else for their choices or their mistakes? And I think the best part of living is making mistakes and taking chances. I am taking my chances right now with him.

 

I am not afraid to say that I am hopelessly in love with every part of him. And I'm not ashamed of it. Yes, sometimes the guilt is a little overwhelming and there are too many nights that I lie awake and let it consume me until I cannot stop crying. If my pain makes others who judge others like Chanelbelle and I feel some sort of satisfaction-that's fine. I cannot help what I feel inside. I love him and I know that someday soon he will leave her. And he will not be leaving her for me-but for himself. They have only been married for five years and they have been truly happy for even less time than that. He stopped loving her more than two years ago. Why are they still together? Because she got pregnant with his baby in order to make him stay.

 

So if others want to judge me and tell me that I'm just young and naive, that's fine. Just know that I have never asked him to leave his wife. He cares alot about me and I know he loves me as much as I love him. His guilt is sometimes more than he can handle. I've seen him cry real tears and I've seen him look at me with more love than I could have ever imagined anyone could ever feel for one person. When he kisses me, I can feel the passion and I know that it's right.

 

Sometimes we both talk about maybe it was meant to be-like fate. And I kinda believe that. He got married too young and now he realizes that. And basically she won't leave because of the money in his family. She doesn't love him anymore either. So who is more wrong? Her for staying with him for the wrong reasons or me for being with him because I love him?

 

I would like some advice or replies

[EnigmaXOXO]

I would like some advice or replies

 

Why?

 

Chrissy, if you are truely happy with your situation, then what are you hoping to hear?

 

Honestly, if you would consider any advice contrary to your own beliefs as "bashing," than why invite discussion?

 

Perhaps you should wait, and come back when you're truely ready.

[TheFaithfulWife]

For those of you that want to chat with the low down cheaters like yourself

The website for you is

www.gloryb.com

It has the other woman forum and anyone attempting to knock some sense into these woman are basically throttled by the members.

I found this out the hard way while searching for a site such as this, one that has members with integrity.

 

TFW

[jester]

Chrissy21, your best bet is to start a new thread in the"other man/other woman" forum. There, I, and other members of LoveShack, lacking in integrity, will try to respond to the questions you raise--not uncritically, but, I hope, without bashing you either.

 

Don't allow yourself to be run off this site.

 

Enigma, I love your avatar. Very cool.

[moimeme]

Chrissy -

 

What you'll hear from many LSers is that your story is exactly the same as that of thousands of women before you, that the men's stories are so similar that one could almost believe there is a single script from which they all read, and that you will eventually come to grief if you don't make a life for yourself with a partner that belongs exclusively to you. In fact we have a whole lot of threads on this subject that you could read, if you really want to.

[supermom]

You know, I'm sorry if it does seem like I'm bashing, but I am so confused...........

 

When the wife that is in her fifties finds out he's screwing around on her with a kid (21 is a kid to someone 50+) it will hurt even more.

 

You should care about all people, even if you don't know them. Why don't you put yourself in someone else's shoes, and try to have more compassion for people.

 

Remember: what goes around comes around and someday, you may get cheated on and you'll remember how you didn't care when you were the OM. (I did and it bit me in the ass, yeah I got it back) and it hurts. It will get you back, maybe not, but just maybe, and I am not wishing that for you (compassion remember? I don't know you) and I do hope that you understand that if he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, how can you expect him to be honest. I believe that all men are wonderful, honest, etc...until you're actually with them and the "honeymoon" faze is over. Come on, don't you remember dating boyfriends and how wonderful they were at first, then, they ended up changing ( I'm assuming you've been there). Well my advise to you is don't believe a man that say he loves you but is willing to show you the dishonesty from the get go. The only reason why it is not effecting you is because it is to YOUR benefit (maybe not) but if and when the tables are turned, then maybe you'll understand what us wives are trying to tell you, then you'll be pissed, hurt, etc all of what we are feeling. It doesn't go away easily and you should see that, why are we angry (I was) at your post? Because we are the wife, the one who was cheated on (my husband cheated on me with a 16 year old, I'm 25 and felt more of a blow because of her age and mine) well that's how the wife is going to feel when she finds out her husband is messing around with someone she would consider a kid.

 

Find someone available, not unavailable

[lint]

I was the other woman for 4 years & let me tell you it was painful. I married the love of my life & have been married for 20 years. The last 3 years has been pure heck for my husband & I. He had developed 2 emotional affairs & with one woman, he told her he loved her. I had found this out by pure dumb luck. The betrayal that I live with is so unbearable. He tells me he loves me but I can't seem to believe him. Now onto more complicated matters, I had turned my emotional state to my old bf. We have been in constant contact for the last 6 months. We keep playing the "what if" game had I chosen him instead of my husband. I love my husband with all my heart, but can you love without trust? He has lied to me too many x's to count, to protect my feelings of course.

 

I want to build my marriage again & I know that I have to cut contact with the other guy and he realizes it also. I hate to lose him as a friend again but to right the ship, I have to. Now the question I have is: to make a clean slate with my marriage, do I tell my husband that I had developed strong feelings for this old bf of mine. I need to clear my conscience but I know it will hurt him to the core. I tried to tell him back in October & he didn't want to hear the bad news because it upset him & why would I want to hurt his feelings on purpose? (His ? to me). I've felt that I'm committing adultery in my heart because I turned my focus on the other guy & not my husband.

 

My husband does not suspect the feelings I've developed for the old bf. I've been telling him that I just don't feel I'm the right person for him & not good enough for him because that is how I currently feel.

 

So I am asking for advice: do I tell my husband of the old bf or just be silent and try to work on my marriage. I have been to counselling by myself but find that it doesn't work by myself. I am in a jam & would appreciate any thoughts.

[Benedict]

Here is a great example of how stuff just happens to people. I know that is an over-simplification, because there are choices involved. I don't think all people who have affairs are bad people - heck, if I thought that, I would not be staying married to my wife! With both of us making a sincere effort and lots of progress in the direction of a better, stronger marriage!

 

For those of you who think I am a right-wing, bible thumping (<--ROFLMAO at that ) marriage Nazi, it is not so much that the affairs happen that trips my trigger - but more the arrogant callous tone of some of the OW/OM posts here...

 

That said...

 

Lint, your situation is tough; yes. Seems like the husband already answered your question for you: he doesn't want you to tell him. I have also heard the idea spoken that one does not necessarily need to confess an affair - even an emotional one - to a spouse merely to alleviate guilt. It sort of transfers your pain to him, and is seen by some as unfair. Seems like you both strayed. Given your situation, it does not seem all that much of a surprise that it happened like it did to you. You say you want to get past it and move on: then do so. Does your husband feel the same? Get counseling. It was immensely helpful to us. I'll tell you, it is a much better space for some of those secrets to be shown the light of day, too. It is a safer atmosphere - at least it was for us. But one thing is for sure - you guys need help, and a counselor is really effective.

 

Two things that I believe, for what they are worth...

 

1. Affairs are a result of problems, not the primary cause.

2. Emotional affairs are more of a betrayal than sexual ones - so don't let him off the hook over that - or yourself.

 

Really, though, I can't recommend a counselor too strongly; you guys need one.

 

Good Luck

[befuddled11]

So you're 21, and your MM's wife is in her 50's. So I'm going to assume your MM is also in his 50's.

 

You are more than young enough to be his daughter, and he is more than old enough to be your father. That's pretty creepy. But more than creepy, it indicates to me, some kind of deep-seated issue with you......that you're looking for some kind of father-figure. Of course you may disagree and think "oh I'm just with him for the sex"....but any psychologist or psychiatrist would have a field-day delving into what would possess such a young girl to have an affair with a man old enough to be her Dad. And same with what would possess an old fart such as your MM, to have an affair with someone young enough to be his own daughter (the latter is very creepy to me, seems very predatorial, even though you're not a minor).

 

The wife of your MM is likely someone's mother.......would you ever want someone doing this to YOUR Mother? You say you don't feel pity for her because you've never met her.....but can't you dig up the human compassion and empathy, and imagine how you'd feel if your own mother had to contend with a mistress, or her husband (your father or not) betraying her marriage like this?

 

You're young, but hopefully one day you'll be more mature and more able to look outside of yourself and lose your sense of major selfishness.....and you'll develop a conscience and the ability to care about your fellow humans......even if you've never met them.

[cowgirl]

I myself have been in a situation as the OW for a year now. We don't see each other very often and the only good thing about that is that I start to think less of him and start to move on. I saw him today for a little while and for the first time when he left it didn't hurt to see him go. I think in a sense Im slowly realising the reality of it all and how pathetic it is.

I love him terribly but I try to look at all the negatives of the situation Ive put myself in. He has everything Ive ever wanted in life, a marriage, little girl and a lovely home along with a reputation as the great family man. Sometimes I get angry over it all but it does hurt as well. I work at a furniture supplier and he and his wife had purchased furniture from the company I work for which was on order. Once arrived, they came and paid, thankfully it was my day off but something was wrong with it and I took the call the next morning from the wife who was ever so lovely on the phone to me about her problem. Meanwhile I could hear my bloke's little baby girl crying in the background.

 

Anyway, I know Im almost out of this situation Ive ended up in and more and more Im getting closer to ending it all with him and Ive tried several times before to do it. I separated from my fiance 10 months before our wedding and I still can say to this day that I never felt for my x-fiance the way I do this guy. If I could just erase these feelings for him Id walk away tomorrow.

 

I know if he left his wife that I could never trust him because look how I met him. Even if he did leave her he would be on his own for a long time before I could fully commit and be public about it. He'd need time to sort so many things out and if he care's as he says he does than he'll still be there for me when its over. Well, Im kidding myself but thanks for listening to my experience. I could go on all night about it. It feels good to get it off my chest and just put it down how I feel about it all sometimes.

 

I will get through this, because I can, and I will. Feeling better already.

Cheers.

[workinggirl]

Thank you so much for what you said. I have been on both ends of this and I can see both sides, and right now, I am the other woman. Somewhere I never expected or wanted to be. But until you are in the situation, you don't know or understand.

[DebraLee]

We all have freedom of speech. Its just like TV...if you dont like it change the channel.

I wuld not cheat on my husband now but cheated on my first husband. There was no hope in that marriage for happiness.

Each situation is different. Even when it involves cheating.

ALl Im saying is that obviously Chanelbelle needs to talk about her issues, views and feelings and that is what this forum is for. You can dissagree but my advise is if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say it at all.

I leave it at that.

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by befuddled11

OMG. When asked what she'd do if her MM ever left his wife, and married her, and cheated on her:

 

[/b]

 

Lady, you are naive.

 

1) Why would you divorce him if he cheated on you? WHY, because it's WRONG TO CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE and you shouldn't have to put up with such dishonesty/disrespect and unfaithfulness? Well hot damn, I'm guessing his wife would likely feel the same damn way, if only she KNEW her husband was skanking around with you........though the poor woman isn't getting all the facts, or any. How righteous of you, in such an ironic, hypocritical sort of way.

 

2) I'm sure he promised a long time ago to his wife (you know, the woman he likely has wild, passionate, toe-curling sex with on a very regular basis, in their bed of course) that he'd never cheat on her...but GUESS WHAT? He lied. How arrogant of you to think you're somehow more worthy of his faithfulness and honesty than his wife.

 

 

Seek professional help.

 

amen to that! Why is it that the 'mistress' ALWAYS assumes the wife is the bad guy....maybe...just maybe...the guy is an ass, and cheating on her is just one more way he controls their relationship, and one more way he treats her badly. What if she hasn't done a single thing he says she has?

WHY DO OW just assume he has the wife from hell?

 

INFURIATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[saintfrancis]

Speaking as a former OW I can tell you, I never thought my exMM's wife was evil, bad, or any of that. She sounded a little neurotic from what he told me, but again, that's what HE told me. I have never met her, so I don't know. All in all, she sounded like a good person and mother, I don't know what kind of wife she is, however. If anything, he was more the ass in the relationship than her.

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by saintfrancis

Speaking as a former OW I can tell you, I never thought my exMM's wife was evil, bad, or any of that. She sounded a little neurotic from what he told me, but again, that's what HE told me. I have never met her, so I don't know. All in all, she sounded like a good person and mother, I don't know what kind of wife she is, however. If anything, he was more the ass in the relationship than her.

 

thanks, I appreciate your honesty....

 

and the 'neurotic'...well, she probably is, a bit....most of us have just found out that the one person we thought we could trust more than the world, has betrayed us....just suddenly disappeared from our lives, our home, our children's life....

 

the home becomes a tomb of loneliness.....it's beyond description....he's just suddenly 'gone'.....

the spouse doesn't understand, and the kids don't understand (they just know daddy isn't around anymore)

 

I'm not talking about the man who has a wife, who she knows there were problems and they both had seperated, or whatever.....

I'm talking about the one who is one day here, and the next gone, without a good explanation...nothing.

 

suddenly he has made their small problems, a reason to go/cheat

 

she finds out from family friends he's been talking to this OW for months.....

 

it is truly devastating.

 

 

just once I wish the OW who seeks out married men realized the destruction involved, and how he treated his wife to be with her....

 

I wouldn't want a man who deserted his family.

[saintfrancis]

I don't want to thread-jack here, but I do want to respond to what you said, TigerEyes...

 

This is only MY situation, but accoring to what my MM told me, the neuroticism was around long before the affair, and is part of why they grew apart. But who the hell knows, I am well aware that many stories are made up to justify cheating. And I know for a fact that HE is just as much to blame for the growing apart as she is. But his version is that she's been like that almost from day one. They got married very young, at HER request. He didn't propose to her. They were just a bad match and should never have gotten married. That much I DO believe. None of this excuses him, just giving you the background, as it was told to me. Their problems were not small, I guarantee you that.

 

Did hearing this make me feel sorry for him, and therefore get involved with him? Actually, no. I have never felt sorry for him, at least, not regarding his marriage. I originally thought years ago, no matter what his problems were in his marriage, that he was a scumbag for pursuing me. (He originally pursued me many years ago and I politely turned him down.) During my recent involvement with him, however, in moments of clarity and relfection, I HAVE felt sorry for his wife.

 

Without going into my own history (besides, it's on here already in other threads), I got to a point in my life where I didn't care what the consequences were. Not that I actively set out to break some important rules of social conduct, it was more that I just didn't pay attention anymore. It was much more passive. An opportunity presented itself years later with him, and because of my own apathy and having been in a previous relationship that was hell on earth, I just didn't care anymore. I never intended for it to go as far as it did, and I certainly never thought I would fall in love with him. But I did, and even now that the physical involvement is over, I still am. But that is another thread.

 

I don't know what your situation was, but it sounds like your husband left suddenly? Were there any warning signs before that happened? Things that didn't seem right?

[TigerEyes]

Originally posted by saintfrancis I don't know what your situation was, but it sounds like your husband left suddenly? Were there any warning signs before that happened? Things that didn't seem right?

 

First, thanks for responding and sharing your story with me...

 

Of course we had marital difficulties...our fair share of money problems, etc...but mostly he has always been verbally abusive (not when we dated, but over the years he's gotten worse---suffers from major depression)

 

we were/are each others best friend, always tight....always could survive anything....

but thru the years....10 years total....he began to blame me for everything, and anything. My self esteem has plumitted, and yet I still tried to stay on top of everything. Years ago when we had our first child, he wanted me to stay home with her, and we discussed that was a priority to us to never take our kids to daycare....as long as we could swing it. Later he blamed me...saying I have never had any financial worries, then he goes back and forth....with it. So, I began offering to let him stay home...I'd work. He wouldn't allow it. I was jumping through hoops daily...

 

then he took on a new job....without discussing it with me....he suddenly went to working all night long...talking with this work friend on the cell phone (only I didn't know this until the cell bills started coming in, etc.....)

He just took an arguement we had one evening about his work schedule, and turned it into...'I'm leaving-I want a divorce'...he wouldn't discuss it, he wouldn't come home to talk about it....just gone....he stayed 'gone' for over a year....he stayed at hotels, he stayed at home.....he'd pull me in, and then push me away again....all the while talking with this girl.....

I never confronted her, yelled at her, did anything malicious...nothing....

I basically LET her walk in and steal my life.

 

He's home now....but he still controls the marriage....won't re commit to me, won't admit to having an affair, wether emotional or physical(still don't know).....but he's here and one day he talks about our future, and the next he says...you know we're still getting divorced one day, right.

 

for the year he was 'gone'...my life was a dark tunnel....no matter what I did, I couldn't feel normal....the house didn't feel right, nothing....it was hell on earth.....

 

...and to go on....since he won't admit to anything....I must pretend like it didn't happen....

 

I love my husband. I have done my fair share of mistakes ( honest to God not a lot though--my friends are constantly on me about WHY I do everything and he does nothing) but I do want to make it work...

 

I just had an urge awhile ago to let someone out there know....no matter how the husband describes her...you never know what she is really going thru, and what REALLY HAPPENED.

 

because my husband too...told stories to this girl....but she must have figured it out...because she has vanished from his life.

 

anyway, that's my in a nut shell, sob story....

sorry for 'going off'....I have just never healed.