straycat99 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 This is a recent development...I normally am really dependent on men. I get attached very easily, I don't take break ups well, I normally don't ever "get over" anyone completely. But recently 3 separate ex boyfriends contacted me (who don't know one another), all acting schmoozing and cute, these are all guys I had fallen for in the past, one of them really hard. But this feeling of nausea started coming over me, the more they texted or called or emailed, until finally I stood one of them up on Sunday, and another one I called last night and told him to go f-himself and never call me again. I feel like all these guys just want to bone me, it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like puking while writing this. I have been seeing one guy and I still care for him a lot, he's the only one I have respect for. But I suddenly feel like I hate all my exs and the thought of being with any of them makes me literally sick. This is after years of having a terrible time getting over people. What's going on??
denise_xo Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 This is a recent development...I normally am really dependent on men. I get attached very easily, I don't take break ups well, I normally don't ever "get over" anyone completely. But recently 3 separate ex boyfriends contacted me (who don't know one another), all acting schmoozing and cute, these are all guys I had fallen for in the past, one of them really hard. But this feeling of nausea started coming over me, the more they texted or called or emailed, until finally I stood one of them up on Sunday, and another one I called last night and told him to go f-himself and never call me again. I feel like all these guys just want to bone me, it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like puking while writing this. I have been seeing one guy and I still care for him a lot, he's the only one I have respect for. But I suddenly feel like I hate all my exs and the thought of being with any of them makes me literally sick. This is after years of having a terrible time getting over people. What's going on?? The bit in bold seems to be the problem to me... if you're dependent on them, it's a recipe for failure, because it's never going to satisfy you. Then in the end, you'll be resentful and.... hate. Maybe you need to step back and get some independent grounding.
GorillaTheater Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 The bit in bold seems to be the problem to me... if you're dependent on them, it's a recipe for failure, because it's never going to satisfy you. Then in the end, you'll be resentful and.... hate. Maybe you need to step back and get some independent grounding. What struck me is that "hating all men" is a phase you may need to go through in the process of breaking the cycle of unhealthy dependence and attachment. Keep processing. I see a happy ending. But I'm a guy and no shrink, so there's that.
Author straycat99 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 I think maybe it is a phase in the process of becoming less dependent. But the weird part is how suddenly I felt like this. I mean it was only...6 months ago one of these guys really ripped my heart to shreds (the one I told off last night). And suddenly I feel like a sociopath or something. Like, the disdain I feel for these men is revolting. I just feel their creepy, icky vibes and I feel violated. It almost makes me wonder if I've gone gay or something, but I definitely am still attracted to men. I feel somewhat empowered but also very disturbed by this at the same time. I feel like I don't want any guys looking at me. This is just really weird.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I'm glad you said "almost [all men]". After reading it got better--it seems the rest of the sentence is "that I know" as in "why to I hate almost all men [that I know]?". There are a lot of unworthy guys out there just as there are selfish problematic females. Better steering in the future.
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I've gone through this phase too. I still struggle sometimes. I think its subject to experience; if you meet a lot of horrible men, or have a lot of bad experiences with them, you almost become wired to dislike/resent them all because in your experiences most men haven't been that nice. Its kind of a defence mechanism. You have to remember not all men are horrible or will hurt you. Distance yourself from these bad men and learn to trust your own judgement; then you will draw men you can like and respect. Its easy to make it a kind of me vs everyone, us verses them kind of thing, but really its only certain people that irk us. Think of men you respect and admire that are family, friends, celebs, whatever, that can remind you not all dudes are bad news!
bob_333 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 (edited) Umm its interesting I just broke up with my ex and she is being quite nasty towards me. I admit I didn't treat her as well as I should have during our relationship, but now we've separated she seems really angry. She was very dependent on men. I definately think there's a process going on here, something working its way out. Another woman 'yougogirl' said that a woman - once she has power in a relationship will sometimes press the 'self destruct button' - although your out of it, these guys are now the ones chasing - being oily and overly friendly - very un-natural. Maybe when a woman is being chased by someone who may not have treated them well - your natural defenses kick in - you see these men as actually being needy, and especially if you now have some newly discovered independence, a woman doesn't want a man who's chasing them. Obviously if you feel these men are done and dusted, there can be no gain by having sex with them ?? you'll hate yourself for doing it - and in turn hate them. Take some time off of men, or if you dont make sure its nothing heavy, let all this stuff work its way out, live day by day and the mind will resolve all this for you by its own. You will have good relationships (if you take your time and choose wisely). Edited September 17, 2010 by bob_333
Disillusioned Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 It might help if you took time out to figure out what you want in a man, THEN get back into the hunt.
OpenBook Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 What struck me is that "hating all men" is a phase you may need to go through in the process of breaking the cycle of unhealthy dependence and attachment. Keep processing. I see a happy ending. I agree with GT. You're going thru something significant. After what those guys put you through, then they come back around for more like nothing happened before (thinking you'll go along with it)?? That would definitely make ME want to puke. You are right to tell them to go jump off a short pier. You are finally standing up for yourself - what you SHOULD have done the first time around! Men should not make you want to throw up. That isn't the way it was intended to work! If they do, there is something wrong with them (not you). Do not waste one more moment of your precious time on them.
jamesum Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 People in general are bad. Both men and women.
sugarmomma Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 People in general are bad. Both men and women. I agree. They have no class or respect for others time, feelings or lives for that matter. People are selfish, self centered and power driven.
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