In_Repair Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 (edited) How many of you really listened to what your ex was saying while they were on their way out the door? How many did something about it? Guys, remember all of the times she bitched and moaned about you being so lazy, or messy, or "closed off", or complained about you spending too much time doing this or that, or...? Lots, right? How many of those things have you addressed since they broke up with you? Or are you actually expecting them to just overlook all of your shortcomings in the name of "love"? Really? If they really cared about you, then they almost ALWAYS come back at some point, in some form or fashion, even if very briefly and under very innocent sounding circumstances. This is so they can have a look at you. They will expect to see you as you were, but now they will see what, to them, is an "improved" version. That's how you get your foot back in the door. I'm now on the third go around with my girlfriend, and this is a point that she really noticed when she came back. For example: I would have never wanted to go do something like curtain shopping before, but I volunteered to go by myself when she mentioned it. You think I really wanted to go curtain shopping last night? NO... but now my bedroom looks better and I got all kinds of nice rewards from the girlfriend for doing it. I always do this, even when I never expect to see them again. If they give me a valid reason as to why I drove them off, then I try to address their criticisms. I don't do it for them. I do it for me and the next "them". Edited September 14, 2010 by In_Repair .....
AlwaYs257 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I did that When we fell apart,i looked myself in the mirror and accessed my life. I did what I could to improve onto becoming a better person, and within time and ALOT of hard work,i got my second chance, It was short lived tho,due to HER side not grasping the problems, It's also worth knowing she broke up with me both times and left me for another guy,rebound or not,theyre still together and its been like 3-4 weeks. I cant give up on this girl,so i ask you,its clearly possible to be given a 3rd,4th,5th chance,but no one ever tells you what to do past the 2nd chance,any idea?
PixieStix Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I did that When we fell apart,i looked myself in the mirror and accessed my life. I did what I could to improve onto becoming a better person, and within time and ALOT of hard work,i got my second chance, It was short lived tho,due to HER side not grasping the problems, It's also worth knowing she broke up with me both times and left me for another guy,rebound or not,theyre still together and its been like 3-4 weeks. I cant give up on this girl,so i ask you,its clearly possible to be given a 3rd,4th,5th chance,but no one ever tells you what to do past the 2nd chance,any idea? Wow, 3rd, 4th, 5th? Uhm I don't think there is anything you can do until she changes her views. For it to ever work (the 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance) both people have to have changed for the better, moved on and put the past issues behind them.
Author In_Repair Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 Wow, 3rd, 4th, 5th? Uhm I don't think there is anything you can do until she changes her views. For it to ever work (the 2nd, 3rd, 4th chance) both people have to have changed for the better, moved on and put the past issues behind them. Yeah, it takes two. My girlfriend and I are still trying to get over some of our past issues, but we decided to work on them together, because they were never really between us. She is a bit younger than me and we have had to deal with lots of crap from all directions about it. Our families, friends, exes, the age gap... but we enjoy being with each other and we both want to be together. She gave up on our first run at it, and I royally screwed up the second. We owe each other one more honest attempt.
AlwaYs257 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Agreed on both accounts, I screwed up the first time,got complacent etc. But changed for the better and got a second chance,tho things were good,she gave up and bailed when things needed working on,and it's not like she's a random girl,i have history with her,like 3 years i've known her,always looked at it as her wanting to start fresh,and i'm the last thread to her past life,holding her back,maybe it's why I am the way I am now,pinning for another chacne because I dont think she honeslty gave it the effort it deserved,but now she's with some other guy,can't do anything now :/ She also said to her parents,as I work with her dad,that she still wants to be friends,I really do think she's not right in the head sometimes
Andymack Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I was guilty of this. The thing is that she didn't say it very often so I thought the problem was solved when it was probably just festering inside her. The thing that inspires me is that you got your ex's back. Reading a lot of posts on this forum don't seem too encouraging about getting them back so I was just wondering how you guys did it. I have bought a few "get your ex back" ebooks and they all pretty much say the same thing (agree with the break up, don't contact them again for 30 days, work on yourself) but was wondering how you managed to do it.
PixieStix Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I was guilty of this. The thing is that she didn't say it very often so I thought the problem was solved when it was probably just festering inside her. The thing that inspires me is that you got your ex's back. Reading a lot of posts on this forum don't seem too encouraging about getting them back so I was just wondering how you guys did it. I have bought a few "get your ex back" ebooks and they all pretty much say the same thing (agree with the break up, don't contact them again for 30 days, work on yourself) but was wondering how you managed to do it. Mine is married to someone else now only 2 months after leaving a 3 yr relationship. So no I don't have nor want my ex back.
pickle1 Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 2 months after he left you he got married? Thats a bag full of crazy right there.
PixieStix Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 2 months after he left you he got married? Thats a bag full of crazy right there. Yeah, that it is...craziness! The funniest part is he asked her 4 days after he left me. And she said YES. Two nuts in a shell!
Treasa Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 I worked on and improved every thing he complained about, except I couldn't really get over the trust issue. I guess that's what happens when you're dumped four times in the first year alone. Oh, I also couldn't get over the fact that he lived with his mommy at 31 and she did his laundry, cooked his meals, paid for most of his stuff, etc. Oh, and try as I might, I just couldn't quite overcome the fact that he looked at transgender porn sites every night and never had sex with me, no matter what I did for him! I also couldn't improve myself to the point where I was ok with him being a narcissistic piece of ****. Yes, he dumped me. And I am SO FREAKING THANKFUL now that he left (over trust issues, because I found out about the TG sites) that honestly? I don't think I need to work on another damn thing. I'm freaking awesome the way I am. Not everyone who gets dumped has something wrong with them. Sometimes there are just insurmountable odds. Like having a TG boyfriend who claims he's heterosexual and will always live with his mommy.
BeagleGal Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Hey - sounds like my POS ex. He got the OW pregnant though while still living with me, got engaged 2 - 3 weeks after we split and then got married Jul 31. So all sorts of craziness there. Mine is married to someone else now only 2 months after leaving a 3 yr relationship. So no I don't have nor want my ex back.
PixieStix Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Hey - sounds like my POS ex. He got the OW pregnant though while still living with me, got engaged 2 - 3 weeks after we split and then got married Jul 31. So all sorts of craziness there. Yeah it seems to be going around a lot lately, POS exes ditching the LTR for a skank!
Author In_Repair Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 I was guilty of this. The thing is that she didn't say it very often so I thought the problem was solved when it was probably just festering inside her. The thing that inspires me is that you got your ex's back. Reading a lot of posts on this forum don't seem too encouraging about getting them back so I was just wondering how you guys did it. I have bought a few "get your ex back" ebooks and they all pretty much say the same thing (agree with the break up, don't contact them again for 30 days, work on yourself) but was wondering how you managed to do it. You do exactly as the books say. Agree to the breakup and be as civil about it as possible. This might be the last time you get to see them... you don't want their last mental image of you to be a crazed animal throwing her belongings out on the front lawn. Don't contact them, at all. Then get yourself in order. I'm not talking about actually attempting changing who you are, they loved who you are... remember? Besides, people don't really change, they just change the things that they do. All you should feel the need to work on are things like your communication skills, your motivation, your ability to follow through with things, maybe spend less time playing on the computer... just the little things you do that they had such problems with before. If the love of your life had such a problem with it... who is to say that the next woman won't have related issues and you just wind up carrying all of your crap into relationship after relationship, constantly wondering why you can't keep a girlfriend. To a few of the others who posted: This is only relevant if you actually want you ex back. I've had plenty of exes who I would never consider taking back into my life, including my wife of 10+ years. Still though, it would be really far fetched to think that even the most horrible POS ex didn't have at least some insight into your bull****. Regardless of their chances regarding a reconciliation, if they have good legitimate points that would possibly help you with your next relationship... then you should listen to them.
PixieStix Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I worked on and improved every thing he complained about, except I couldn't really get over the trust issue. I guess that's what happens when you're dumped four times in the first year alone. Oh, I also couldn't get over the fact that he lived with his mommy at 31 and she did his laundry, cooked his meals, paid for most of his stuff, etc. Oh, and try as I might, I just couldn't quite overcome the fact that he looked at transgender porn sites every night and never had sex with me, no matter what I did for him! I also couldn't improve myself to the point where I was ok with him being a narcissistic piece of ****. Yes, he dumped me. And I am SO FREAKING THANKFUL now that he left (over trust issues, because I found out about the TG sites) that honestly? I don't think I need to work on another damn thing. I'm freaking awesome the way I am. Not everyone who gets dumped has something wrong with them. Sometimes there are just insurmountable odds. Like having a TG boyfriend who claims he's heterosexual and will always live with his mommy. I agree sometimes it is their screwups and not ours that are the reason things are over. And why should we feel like we are inferior or need fixing?
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