REALLY want him back :-(

[Tinytears]

Hi, heres my situation. If anyone can offer any advice then I would appreciate it.

 

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me 2 weeks ago today, over txt but said he would meet up with me to talk the next day. I told him it would be too upsetting to do it face to face and so he told me on the phone, that he felt I had changed and we just werent going to work anymore. I had changed, as I was on some medication for the last 4 months which had made me turn into a different person, hormonal and moody, I hadnt realised it was so bad but before this we really did have the perfect relationship.

 

I reacted in the complete wrong way, begging and pleading and crying with him for another chance etc. I went pretty crazy, as you can imagine, and then he said he would come over on the weekend and we could do something together like go for a drink and discuss everything, only the weekend came and he cancelled, but him cancelling ismt what it sounds like: He has clinical depression and got so depressed he had a kind of breakdown and didnt go to work or leave his room at all, he lives with his mum and wouldnt even talk to her. I spoke to him on the phone a few times during the week but he said he still wanted to finish and that he is numb and messed up. I asked him if he had been thinking about the positives and he said no, just the bad because he is so depressed. This was not last weekend but the one before and then he told me to come over on Thursday after a lot of begging from me. On the monday night I suddenly realised he DID NOT want to see me, i was forcing him so I sent him a txt and said I thought it would be best of I didnt come over on Thursday as it was clear he needed space, he agreed and we said we would leave it until this week,

 

So I went a whole week with no contact at all, it was the hardest week of my life, and I was ready to carry it on longer until I heard from him, which I did, lastnight!

 

He txted me this:

 

'Hey stranger, thanks for the space, I know it must have been difficult for you. I hope you have been ok, Im going to sleep now, but will be in touch more over the next few days. This has been very sad :-( xxx'

 

I dont know what to make of that. Im hoping by giving him space, hes sorted his head out a bit, started to miss me and wants to try and sort things out. I txted back 'thats ok, i understand why you needed space and that you may need more and it was difficult but it maybe was the best thing for both of us. Ive been worried about u, hope u r feeling better. Goodnight xxxxxxxx'

 

Im in such a mess, cant eat or go out. Sorry this post was so long. My mum says the txt he sent sounded positive but I dunno what to think

[Tinytears]

Oh, also I know this sounds dumb but it still says on his facebook page that we are in a relationship and his profile pic is the 2 of us together. Its his birthday on sunday as well, ive got loads of presengs for him which Ive been saving up for months

[Ajax]

Sorry about what you're going through, and I can sort of relate a little bit. My ex also suffers from depression, is on medication, and shut me out when she probably needed me the most. It just plain sucks.

 

I think that giving him space is the only thing you can do, and you're doing it. The text he sent you does sound positive but I don't want you to get your hopes up. He's probably still confused and has a lot of doubt over what happened. My gut feeling from the information you've given and my own understanding of depression is that he doesn't have confidence in himself, so in reality there's no way he can have confidence in you right now either.

 

I know you care about him, want to be back together with him and be there for him, but right now anything you do to try to get him back will only push him further away. The only thing you can do is give him time, time, and more time. It's going to be tough and you're going to want to reach out to him, but for the time being you've got to find a way to let go and live your life.

 

Keep posting on here and reading what others are going through. It's helped me immensly.

[Tinytears]

Thanks, its so frustrating knowing that the depression is coming into it all as well, I think hes kind of shut off emotionally. Hes on a high dose of medication already as well which kind of numbs things a bit. I feel if I saw him face to face he might feel a bit more but I dont want to force him into anything. I have a feeling he will contact me either tonight or tomorrow night and Im so scared of what he might say. He does say he still loves me though and always will, and that he misses me. This is destroying me it really is, but Im not going to show him that when I talk to him, as it will make things worse. I have things so clear in my head now, I know exactly what I did wrong and how to fix it, it was mainly down to a birth control pill which turned me a bit psycho and I have came off of that now, he thinks everything has just gone too far now though even though nothing terrible happened. I made his depression come back by the way I treated him, which is ironic as when we met, I improved it and he was recovering loads. I just need a chance

[whatadeer26]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is tough to eat, sleep, breathe but NC will ease your transition. Most of all get on with YOUR life. There is no more you two. You shouldn't take that text as being positive, but more of him easing his guilt. He still cares for you, but not in a loving way. Please listen to me when I say you need to explain to him that you can't be friends and must not talk to each other for a while.

[Don Ho]

Sorry you're going through this Tiny and I totally understand. The best you can do is back off. See? He did contact you when you left him alone. You erred in giving him such a response and talking about "space". You probably should have not responded or said "Hope you're feeling better". You cannot act the same as when you were in a relationship even though that's what you want to do.

 

Don't use his depression as an excuse or a reason to contact him or for his actions. While it may be a contributing factor, there is nothing you can do about that and using it to "support" him will only undermine you.

 

DO NOT give him presents for his B-Day and so on!! Put the presents in your closet and leave them for later. If you want to send a text that morning and say "Happy B-Day" that's ok. But do not say anything else or tell him you love him or you miss him. Do not use that day as another excuse for contact. Get it ?

 

I know you're miserable and in pain. However, the best thing to do for YOU is to stay away and not contact him. Get out, go exercise, go clothes shopping, hang with your friends, do your best to get your life back on track.