irc333 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 OKay, I got to talking to a friend of mine who has a female friend that hasn't been active socially because she's been with a guy, she's now recently single and joined a singles group even. Even when she was single, she tended not to go out and socialize, BUT.....she would hang out with people that she grew up with, or perhaps had known for a long time, and "making new friends" or "Meeting new people" isn't her thing. (Wow, imagine a dating profile that says, "I don't like doing new things and meeting NEW people" , she respresents the Anti-dating profile.lol...I guess there ARE people like this, but won't admit to it) They still prefer hanging with people that they grew up with. Anyhow, that's what he told me so she's single, and hangs out with him and his wife and a few other people. He tells me that she avoids certain venues where there are strangers (an environment where you have to get toknow people) because men are always trying to "hit on her" You think this is just a delusion on her part? Or ANY woman who fears going to certain events or something for "fear of being hit on?" Is this a serious phobia? Hm, I wonder, just like the fear of heights or fear of close spaces...that "fear of being hit on" is an actual phobia? I found the CLOSEST phobia that can relate: Androphobia (the fear of men)
BobSacamento Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Some people take dating wayyy to serious. Her ego must be so huge that she only wants perfect men hitting on her. Little does she know being hit on by grenades is one of the hilarious parts about dating.
Author irc333 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Some people take dating wayyy to serious. Her ego must be so huge that she only wants perfect men hitting on her. Little does she know being hit on by grenades is one of the hilarious parts about dating. Let me ask you this, would a woman with a LARGE ego AVOID such places, I figured a woman with an ego...would actually gravitate towards venues where men will hit on her. Makes sense?
phineas Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Nope. She's probably also a drama queen who LOVES to tell her friends about the hidious toads that all want her.
BillieD Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I dunno, maybe it's a phobia but probably a pretty rare one. Obviously nobody likes being hit on by undesirables, unless they have exceedingly low self-esteem. But to actually avoid any place that they may be hit on? That's pretty out there. Maybe she's secretly afraid she won't be hit on.
tincanman99 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 It sounds like she has some kind of issue. Most (not all) like attention like most people including men. Either her ego is so huge that the guy has to be perfect or has issues with men in general. People are just too uptight, sure some undesirables may hit on you but how you handle it is up to you. You can get all bent out of shape and become upset or you can laugh it off. The worst thing that happens most of the time is you have interesting story to tell your friends. You can always use new friends. You never know who you might meet.
flying Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 You guys are harsh. Sounds like social anxiety disorder to me. Pretty much nothing to do being egotistical; she's probably painfully shy.
Author irc333 Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Well, she showed up at a party with some freinds and such, she had more than one guy approach her to chat. Not sure why this would bother her. She's cute, but conservatively dressed. She prefers hanging out with people she's known for a long time, and IF she's in the mood will venture out among strangers as well. You guys are harsh. Sounds like social anxiety disorder to me. Pretty much nothing to do being egotistical; she's probably painfully shy.
Knittress Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 (edited) Uh... yeah. She's shy. It's not at all unheard of. Not that it's the same thing, but 25% of the population are introverts - which means they find social interactions with others draining. ESPECIALLY if she just went through a breakup, she probably doesn't have a lot of excess emotional energy to give away to strangers. Also, if you're used to being in relationships it can be confusing and anxiety-invoking trying to figure out what to say, not look like an idiot, and still be pleasant to the person you're interacting with - ESPECIALLY if they're paying a lot of attention to you. Which, tends to make shy folk nervous. So many snitty comments! Sheesh, are you guys trying to discourage me from leaving the house? Think of all the hate I'm casually racking up on any given day... Edited September 14, 2010 by Knittress
flying Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 She prefers hanging out with people she's known for a long time, and IF she's in the mood will venture out among strangers as well. Yep, this is the classic definition of an introvert.
tincanman99 Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I changed my mind, she could be very shy. I had to reread it. It may be not so much that she dislikes men approaching but rather she is uncomfortable and does not know what to do. I am shy until I get to know someone and as other said it is draining for introverts. It used to be much worse but I decided I had to beat it. I am no where near as shy as I used to. Realize this - when you are having a conversation with a shy person they are having a conversation with themselves. Most of the time they are so focused on themselves that they cant relax on the other person. This is not a negative thing such as narcissism but its just they are inward rather than outward.
Anela Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 You guys are harsh. Sounds like social anxiety disorder to me. Pretty much nothing to do being egotistical; she's probably painfully shy. This is what it was for me - that, and a general wariness of men's intentions where I was concerned (having seen my mother live through several terrible relationships - one guy was a true sociopath, another almost killed me when he lost his temper. That stuff can leave a mark, emotionally.) I was extremely shy and was hit on by a lot of guys, despite not being gorgeous (although now that I look back, I can see that I was prettier than I thought at the time). I've never wanted anything casual, I wanted someone to get to know me, but a lot of guys just wanted to get laid. Also, due to my extreme anxiety and my situation, I was afraid of being seen as a freak and be rejected. (So silly of me - I was young enough that it wouldn't have been such a problem.) I couldn't believe all of the negative comments here, either. I wasn't an am not a princess, but I also don't see anything wrong with wanting to meet someone good, who treats me well (mutual attraction, obviously). I didn't trust *anyone* to treat me well, deep down, although I knew that wasn't rational when it came to *all* men.
WalkInThePark Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 There is nothing wrong with her. She is just someone who feels more comfortable with people she has known for a longer time. I think many people are like her, as a matter of fact, I am exactly like her. And just like for this lady, dating was an absolute horror for. I don't need the constant kick of new people, new places, new things. It's exhausting. That does not mean that I never try something new, meet someone new. But it has to happen in relaxed way. We live in a very superficial and stressed society, this lady is probably hypersensitive and therefore does not feel comfortable in the typical dating situation.
Anela Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Uh... yeah. She's shy. It's not at all unheard of. Not that it's the same thing, but 25% of the population are introverts - which means they find social interactions with others draining. ESPECIALLY if she just went through a breakup, she probably doesn't have a lot of excess emotional energy to give away to strangers. Also, if you're used to being in relationships it can be confusing and anxiety-invoking trying to figure out what to say, not look like an idiot, and still be pleasant to the person you're interacting with - ESPECIALLY if they're paying a lot of attention to you. Which, tends to make shy folk nervous. So many snitty comments! Sheesh, are you guys trying to discourage me from leaving the house? Think of all the hate I'm casually racking up on any given day... Exactly... it would have been easier for me if I'd put myself in an environment in which I could really get to know others. I avoided places totally (I was agoraphobic for a long while), so I shot myself in the foot there. I couldn't deal with the BS that comes along with most guys just wanting to use me, amongst other things. The party/bar scene isn't my scene. I could smile shyly, and maybe gradually get to know someone, but when someone hit on me immediately, my guard would go up, I'd become uncomfortable, and the interaction would be a big *FAIL*. And just like for this lady, dating was an absolute horror for. I don't need the constant kick of new people, new places, new things. It's exhausting. That does not mean that I never try something new, meet someone new. But it has to happen in relaxed way. We live in a very superficial and stressed society, this lady is probably hypersensitive and therefore does not feel comfortable in the typical dating situation Agreed.
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