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To follow 'get your ex back' e-books or not ?


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  • Author
Posted (edited)

Wow, so many thoughful replies - thanks for your persectives.

 

Is our behavior nature or nurture - I believe we are driven by chemicals that in turn are driven by our need to procreate - we are carriers of our genes foremost, our bodies and minds are not our own when it comes to basics of survival, our primary motives are to mate, the pairing process comes further down - our brains have become so complex they defeat the mating process sometimes, obsessive complusive addictive cycles of behaviour towards a relationship are very unhealthy.

 

I now see No contact as the way to break this cycle, maybe No Contact works differently for male and female, but being a male I am told to not be weak and be seen instead as dominant, this is what the female will find attractive. My girlfriend has fallen out of love with me, and to get her back I can see I must spark chemicals that will want her to want me, if I remain in contact I am chasing, looking for validation, does a woman want a man like this, a man looking to be lead - I think not.

 

So if my ex ever decides she wants me back I must let her chase me, if she doesn't then at this early stage I will take control and stop the cycle of chasing I have been in for the last 2 weeks, so if she still doesn't want me back at least I'm a bit down the road to recovery. I may not find someone the same as her - or even as good as her, but I will at least find a partner to enjoy ... instead of being locked in a painful cycle of enticement and then rejection - purely because I've let her have the power. To allow that cycle will be very unhealthy for me, for her she will thrive off it.

 

Pulling this thread back to my situation, I have written at length on another forum about my break up, and will help put my situation in perspective (you will see a continuing saga on other threads prior to that, search for bob_333):

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/girl-lost-that-loving-feeling-just-broken-up-t261444.html

 

In the weeks after she said it was over I tried to open up to her with my vulnerabilities, I have apologised, said I would change (which I have) asked her to marry and that we move into together, I have offered myself up on a plate with unconditional love - the thing she asked for when we got back together at christmas after being apart for over 12 months, but she only seemed to be annoyed at me, no matter what I did or said it was like an open sore, she obviously detected my weakness, my needyness - and it REPELLED her ! I'd like to think that she was annoyed because I was withdrawing, but after someone tells you categorically its over, hanging around will only lead to bad things, you must move on, and not hold onto hope - which I know I have been guilty of.

 

I find it bizarre, only weeks earlier I had had the power and was the dominant one, ok maybe arrogant, but certainly leading and dominant. She previously had asked me to marry her, and professed undying love for me.

What I find confusing is - if someone really loves you deep down would they not stand by you through thick and thin - I know I made some mistakes - but you can forgive, I forgave her to take her back the first time, but she says she cant forgive - and somehow has stopped loving me. I always believed if the flow of the ''attachment' chemicals are kept flowing - that person would never leave you. It is twice this woman has felt 'wronged' by me and dumped me - I personally think she has over reacted to situations - some friends have commented that she was a bit OCD, maybe its her taking control, as she has forced me to. The whole situation seems really crazy though as I was really enjoying the relationship with her, dont know why she's just ended it so abruptly - again ! Last time another man woo'd her behind my back and she jumped ship, now she's working with 100 men (the only female onsite) and she's surrounded by opportunities, she's taken the opportunity to jump again. I just dont want to think thats true, its seems so heartless - after the love she showed me during our relationship.

 

Yes my parents divorced when I was 11, so I probably took that experience into this relationship just passed.

One of her big sticking points was sleeping together - I simply found I had a rough nights sleep when we slept together, and kept it to 3 nights on the weekend. She also didn't like my temper, but as we were both firey fire signs she would stoke the fire, looking back I should have just walked away from any arguments, instead of engaging.

 

Her mail is on redirection with Royal Mail to my address from the house she owns but does not live in, how do I approach getting that changed ? Text email, call ? maybe i should wait until she contacts me, she texted last friday and I simply replied kurtly that I would bring round the last of her belongings - I think she felt that as a sort of rejection - and reciprocated by being short and kurt with me when I dropped them off. If she texts this friday, maybe I could approach the redirection then, but would that be too much rejection ?

Edited by bob_333
Posted
Wow. What a good rationalization for keeping in contact when the truth is you're too emotionally weak to cut ties and move on. I would say your situation is like 98% of the others and, while there are some differences because it is YOUR situation, the basic facts are the same. You are not among the 2% that MIGHT be different.

 

So even though you don't know him or me personally, or anything about our history or our individual situations, or what will happen with us in the future...you honestly feel that you personally have enough knowledge to determine whether or not we're the exceptions to the rule?

 

I'm not even sure what to say to that, LOL.. :laugh:

 

I can guarantee you this, you will wallow around with this "situation" with him.
Actually, I'm not wallowing...I've become quite content with the situation, as it stands. We're both single and free to pursue whatever we want, but still enjoy each other's company.

 

See, you seem to think HE has all the power...err, no. I'm also open to meet and talk to any guy I want, while -still- knowing that he's going to be texting me or IMing me later.

 

So in reality, he's not the only one who has the best of both worlds right now...I do, as well. :)

 

At some point down the road, you will realize you wasted a lot of time on a relationship that is not going to work and you will be forced to do NC because you will want to move on and heal.
Again, with all due respect, it's not really your place to determine whether or not my time spent is a waste. I'm actually quite enjoying myself. If it all ends tomorrow, well, guess what? ANY relationship could "end tomorrow", including ones where people have made vows to love each other until death do they part. MOST of us are on here because someone we loved whom we believed was committed BROKE THAT COMMITMENT. Him saying, "Will you be my girlfriend again?" is sure as hell no guarantee that he'll stick around, nor is it for anyone.

 

I stand by my original statement: NC is not the end-all, be-all solution for every single couple who has broken up. Every situation is different, and what works for some won't necessarily work for others. You can call me weak and a pussy and whatever you want, but that won't change my opinion. :cool:

 

And bob, I am sorry that we have derailed your thread. If NC works for you, then by all means, do it. It's what is important for YOU that counts, not what other people think you should do. :)

Posted
I now see No contact as the way to break this cycle, maybe No Contact works differently for male and female, but being a male I am told to not be weak and be seen instead as dominant, this is what the female will find attractive. My girlfriend has fallen out of love with me, and to get her back I can see I must spark chemicals that will want her to want me, if I remain in contact I am chasing, looking for validation, does a woman want a man like this, a man looking to be lead - I think not.

 

So if my ex ever decides she wants me back I must let her chase me, if she doesn't then at this early stage I will take control and stop the cycle of chasing I have been in for the last 2 weeks, so if she still doesn't want me back at least I'm a bit down the road to recovery. I may not find someone the same as her - or even as good as her, but I will at least find a partner to enjoy ... instead of being locked in a painful cycle of enticement and then rejection - purely because I've let her have the power. To allow that cycle will be very unhealthy for me, for her she will thrive off it.

 

Good for you Bro! I see you are finally getting it! You sound like a different man. No need to explain the whole mating ritual, but you understand it. You do NC for yourself, to start to put an end to your anguish, to give yourself time to change and to heal. If she doesn't come back, you will be in a much better position to attract a new woman. Keep us posted and I'm glad you're understanding!

  • Author
Posted (edited)

One question I'd like to ask is ... up until a week and a half ago when I requested we take a clean break, ie no txts, emails etc she was calling and texting me everyday during the two week separation leading up to that point, she initiated the txt conversation - and it would start well, but she would always try and get a narky sarcastic text in - and frankly I got fed up with it - I also got her to spell out her intentions, which was no second chance.

She seemed terribly confused poor thing, and quite tearful on the few times we met and I know when we met I'm sure she could sense my needyness - and hence thats why she seemed to get annoyed blaming me for things that had caused the breakup.

Yes, thinking about the above, its right - NC, am I right to think she was just looking for support to help her ride out the bad times ... so she could move on, if so NC is well in order.

You know this woman put me in this place two years ago, running off with another man after I'd told her one day that I'd been unfaithul the first week after we'd first met.

She seems a bit random, she has two children who she cared for 50/50 with her ex husband, the kids being ferried back and forth. The ex husband held onto the kids more and more at the weekend, and the kids apparently resented their mother, so she then took off (emigrated) to be with the man she used to run away from me. That didn't work out and she came back to me and the UK, but with little or no contact with her children, how can someone - especially a woman be that cold hearted towards their children.

 

I'm away for the next two weekends so that will take my mind off her, and hopefully build some distance. Should I make any form of contact after that, or leave that for her to decide.

Edited by bob_333
  • Author
Posted

OK, I dropped her mail in on friday night, but didn't see her, I popped in on my way past on the sunday to say hi, but she was out, left a friendly note under the door.

Got a short text from her on Monday thanking me for dropping the post off, I replied saying I was sorting my head out and I wouldn't be such a stranger when the dust had settled, I also asked how she was.

I emailed her yesterday after I noticed a problem with the 'reply' address on my email software - and simply said I'd fixed it, and that if she'd had any bounced emails - I didn't want her to think I was being rude.

 

I get a reply that evening saying:

"Am leaving you alone permanently as we agreed - clean break."

 

I also told her I'd joined a gym, and she replied:

 

"I thought you thought gyms were a waste of money! you always poo poood the idea when I mentioned it.I think its a good thing and you will get a great new lease of life from it and many other things beside."

 

This last week I've been getting my head together, and was ready to re-engage and see if I could make her fancy me again, but she just seems angry. I did suggest the clean break - but not for ever, just while the dust settled.

What should I do ... go NC and fall on my sword, seems so sad as she was trying to maintain contact, but I just batted away her texts. I want to reply and just explain how I wanted the clean break bit to work - a few weeks and then I'd be ok to see her, but now she's challenging me with this word 'permanent' - just realised that maybe she just wants closure now ?? but she always rose to a challenge - is it closure or a challenge ?

Posted

 

This last week I've been getting my head together, and was ready to re-engage and see if I could make her fancy me again, but she just seems angry. I did suggest the clean break - but not for ever, just while the dust settled.

 

What should I do ... go NC and fall on my sword, seems so sad as she was trying to maintain contact, but I just batted away her texts. I want to reply and just explain how I wanted the clean break bit to work - a few weeks and then I'd be ok to see her, but now she's challenging me with this word 'permanent' - just realised that maybe she just wants closure now ??[highlight] but she always rose to a challenge - is it closure or a challenge ?[/highlight]

 

Good day Bob,

 

I’ve posted before and will repeat here, it only takes one of you to break off a relationship but takes two to reconcile. There is no magic, no trick wording, no stunts and no “beefing up in the gym” to win her/him back. Simply after time away he/she will either want to come back or this time allows both of you to move on.

Posted
Actually, I'm not wallowing...I've become quite content with the situation, as it stands. We're both single and free to pursue whatever we want, but still enjoy each other's company.

 

Again, with all due respect, it's not really your place to determine whether or not my time spent is a waste. I'm actually quite enjoying myself.

 

I stand by my original statement: NC is not the end-all, be-all solution for every single couple who has broken up. Every situation is different, and what works for some won't necessarily work for others.

 

No, I do not need the particulars on your situation or to know you personally to know you fall in the 98-99% category and there is nothing unique about it besides the fact that it's you and him. Everyone tries this argument, that their circumstance is unique, and 99% are wrong. It's just a rationalization to continue contact when they should move on.

 

I would say you're floundering in this "relationship" and it's going to go no where. When he meets a woman that rocks his world, he will drop you like a hot rock. If you're content getting the scraps of a "relationship" more power to you. I wouldn't waste the time because I think it's a dead end. You can say I'm wrong, but report back to us in six months to a year and we'll see.

 

NC is correct for 98% of the Dumpees. Situations are not different in that group, only the parties. That's fine if you believe that NC is not an end-all for everyone. That's YOUR opinion. I think you're doing others on LS a disservice when you tell them that, especially when you don't even have full relationship together.

 

 

BOB,

 

Bro you are doing way too much, going by her house, contacting her and so on. I think she's being polite to you, but that's no indication she wants to patch it up with you. Now I think she's making it clear that it's permanent.

 

You asked "What should I do ... go NC and fall on my sword". No, you have the sword already stuck in your side because you're not going NC. I'm not sure what you're doing, I think the majority of us told you to stay away and do NC.

 

NO, you are not going to re-gain her fancy, because you are pushing her away by continuing to contact her! When we say NC, we mean a month or two, not a week and then you contact or re-try. SHE has to be the one to contact YOU. If she does not, you will get shot down. Plain and simple.

Posted (edited)
No, I do not need the particulars on your situation or to know you personally to know you fall in the 98-99% category and there is nothing unique about it besides the fact that it's you and him. Everyone tries this argument, that their circumstance is unique, and 99% are wrong. It's just a rationalization to continue contact when they should move on.

 

I would say you're floundering in this "relationship" and it's going to go no where. When he meets a woman that rocks his world, he will drop you like a hot rock. If you're content getting the scraps of a "relationship" more power to you. I wouldn't waste the time because I think it's a dead end. You can say I'm wrong, but report back to us in six months to a year and we'll see.

 

NC is correct for 98% of the Dumpees. Situations are not different in that group, only the parties. That's fine if you believe that NC is not an end-all for everyone. That's YOUR opinion. I think you're doing others on LS a disservice when you tell them that, especially when you don't even have full relationship together.

 

 

BOB,

 

Bro you are doing way too much, going by her house, contacting her and so on. I think she's being polite to you, but that's no indication she wants to patch it up with you. Now I think she's making it clear that it's permanent.

 

You asked "What should I do ... go NC and fall on my sword". No, you have the sword already stuck in your side because you're not going NC. I'm not sure what you're doing, I think the majority of us told you to stay away and do NC.

 

NO, you are not going to re-gain her fancy, because you are pushing her away by continuing to contact her! When we say NC, we mean a month or two, not a week and then you contact or re-try. SHE has to be the one to contact YOU. If she does not, you will get shot down. Plain and simple.

 

 

 

In response to bolded part 1:

 

This is absolutely true. My ex invited me to come down and visit her, maybe she wanted reconciliation, maybe she didn't, that is up for debate.

 

I was not willing to give it to her because none of the underlying problems in our relationship had changed.

 

2 weeks after I left she was seeing someone. So when I ask myself whether it was a good or bad move to not put myself in an awkward long distance situation with a relationship that wasn't going well, the answer is obvious.

 

If you are dating someone, and your relationship is going poorly, and you decide to keep it casual, when someone finally comes along that meets your opposites fancy, they will ditch you.

 

There are 2 downsides to that, firstly that it's a direct shot at your pride, secondly that it pretty much rules out any opportunity to get back into a relationship with them in the future (in my opinion)

 

I mean really, why would they want to stay in a relationship that isn't going well, with you being miserable and upset, when they could get an 'upgrade'? (Whether they are actually an upgrade is debatable)

In response to bolded part 2:

 

Much like my response to the first one, the more and more you hold on the more and more annoying you get.

 

The worst thing you can do is hold on. This is because if you hold on, and she is meeting new men, she WILL compare you to them.

 

Since she dumped you, I have no doubt you will come out on the losing side of that comparison more often than not.

 

Do yourself a favour, back off. Give it a few weeks, months, maybe even a year. That way it will come as a big surprise as to how awesome you are.

Edited by durkadurka
Posted

To be honest I haven't read your post but I wanted to comment on the thread because of the subject.

 

I bought all of that stuff the first week after my break up and it was all just a bunch of sales hype.

 

When your in pain you will believe anything and if I tell you to drink pee and it will make the pain stop you probably will try it. :p

 

These marketers literally prey on the suffering of people and although some of the stuff is OK because it stops you from doing stupid things like drunk dialing and stalking etc... It will NOT help you get your ex back because people are not machines.

 

Sure some emotions are universal and we all react to them but LOVE is very different.

 

LOVE is very individual and specific to the people involved.

 

All snow flakes look the same from 3 feet away but they are all very different under a microscope.

 

Bottom line is SAVE YOUR MONEY and just go NC.

 

This forum is way better then any ebook.

Posted

Well this thread has made me think. I have a situation where my boyfriend broke up with me like two weeks ago. He had just lost his job(layoffs), and his car, about a month before. He has not been able to find work, and is now trying to get a new business up and running. We broke up because (1)..he thinks we are not on the same page "spiritually..and thinks i need time to "get on the same page" and (2)..he says he is so frustrated with not having a job, no money, no car, and trying to get his life back in order that this is all he can concentrate on right now.

 

He doesnt want us to have the "title" of boyfriend/girlfriend because he cant let the emotions of that get in the way of him trying to rebuild his life, so he says. He says his emotions over me led him to lose focus on trying to get his life back on track. However, he says he still wants us to be close friends, and continue to grow, and see what happens down the line.

 

Now, HE is the one who wants the contact. He calls me several times a day, everyday. We go to church together, we go to the gym together, we have still gone out with friends together. He still wants me to be involved in the business that he is trying to start up (we had plans to do that before we split), he still encourages me to hang out with his sister and do things with her. He has asked me not to tell his sister that we broke up. Only a few people know we broke up. This is what HE wanted. Someone in the church just asked him how he and i were doing..and he told them that we are taking things one day at a time. He did not tell them we broke up.

 

This confuses me, because i dont know if i should tell him that when he gets his head on right, and his life back on track, and he thinks we are on the same page "spiritually (im working on that..bible studies, etc) then he should call me. But until then..no contact.

 

Like Silviria, my ex is kind of weird. He just doesnt see things the way some people do. I also felt that if i told him dont call or talk to me that would shut him down and he would think im not supporting him, that he is going through a crisis and im pushing him to be in a relationship that he cant concentrate on right now. He will think that im not showing him support, etc.

 

Sure this guy does all the calling..he hangs out with me..we have been to the movies with friends since we broke up, to a function at some friends house, stil go to gym/church together, and he has invitied me to a place where he was doing volunteer work and had shown me around an introduced me to people. (though he didnt introduce me as his girlfriend..just by name).

 

But..im thinking also..who knows if he will want to get back together. Am I in the wrong for allowing this contact that we have?? This contact is HIS idea, not mine.

 

He says he is not looking to date anyone else, and he is a christian and we have not even slept together yet. (A few of my friends and I are christians and dating christians..im a new christian though). He has told me that he hopes i dont go screw someone while we are going through this. but then on the other hand he has questioned me about what i am doing, and then when i tell him in not doing anything, he has said oh well you are single now, you can do what you want. But, this has always come at a time when he has been questioning me about where i have been if i dont answer the phone, etc. I dont know if he is just trying to save face and be macho or what. It sounds like it, but who knows.

 

Im wondering if he is using me to drive him places..but then he has a ton of friends that will drive him around with no problem since he lost his car. He told me last night that he is so frustrated with where he is at in his life, with no job, no car, no income coming in, that he cant even think about trying to maintain a relationship right now. I can understand how that must be, so that is why I didnt object to the contact. I thought he was being sincere. but reading this thread..i dont know. I mean I KNOW his job status is a legtimate concern, but he ALSO thought i was not on his level spiritually, and that i needed time to catch up.

 

After reading this thread, i dont know what to think. Im confused because he wants to hide the fact we broke up..he still wants a lot of contact.on phone and in person..and he still wants me to be involved in his business, his family..and he still wants to do things with me. This is why i was hoping that there was a good chance of us getting back together after a while..but am i blowing this by not going NC?

Posted

I read one called "Making up" or something like that and it was useful in some way because the author didn't sugarcoat a thing. One section had me just bawling because of its reality. I think that those books are only useful if they are not telling you to change yourself to get him/her back, or to adapt some philosophy that isn't true to you. I guess it is individual, but reality is what is best during those times. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the "need to hunt" concept in that book. (If I act needy and clingy, then he doesn't want me; but, if I act like I don't need him, then he will be intrigued to chase me because he wants me to need him but he doesn't really want me to need him because then he wouldn't want me...*brain explodes*). See what I mean?:bunny:

Posted

I should also add that i help this guy out with money from time to time. Not huge amounts..like between $10-$60 bucks once in a while..usually around 10 bucks.

Posted

Yes Blueridge, YOU are having way too much contact! And it is YOUR doing because, while he asks, you are allowing it. This does nothing to improve your situation, it only makes it easy and comfortable for him. There is nothing that says you have to respond, meet him or go places with him.

Posted
Yes Blueridge, YOU are having way too much contact! And it is YOUR doing because, while he asks, you are allowing it. This does nothing to improve your situation, it only makes it easy and comfortable for him. There is nothing that says you have to respond, meet him or go places with him.

 

Thanks Don

I needed to hear some different perspectives because I just didnt know what to do....

Posted (edited)

Bob it sounds like you will follow your heart on this one and no body can tell you not to do what you feel is right but a lot of these comments are from people that regret not letting go sooner. I beat myself up the last few months over a breakup and my health suffered,time is a great healer and now I'm thinking about me again and thinking less about her and when I do think about her it's so much easier ! This only worked after No Contact and realising it was time for me to move on.

 

Check this Out it helped me when I was Stressed !

Edited by brainblox
Posted

Those books are nothing more than a way to make money off of vulnerable people in bad situations. I've read the ex2 system and the magic of making up and honestly they all just repeat the same things in different ways and none of them have worked for me. As others have said you can't force someone or manipulate someone into wanting you back and if you could, would it last? Probably not.

 

As others have said, it's quite simple. Start NC immediately and focus on moving on and bettering yourself. If it was meant to be she'll realize on her OWN that she wants you back and at that point you can discuss why it's going to be different this time around and what has changed.

 

When it comes to your heart, you can't follow a set out play book. It's nearly impossible. You are who you are.

 

Granted there are some obvious tips in these books that are decent like the "accepting the break up" and no text terrorism or calling all the time or emailing but I mean that all could be summed up in 2 words and save yourself 29.95. NO CONTACT. lol

 

Anyways good luck.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Ok, I consider there has been very little contact in the last few weeks. She emailed me 2 days ago to thank me for dropping her post in, I replied with simply 'No prob.'

 

In the last week i have started to lose most of the panic I felt, I have arranged a date with another girl tomorrow, who i think I will get on with quite well and am really looking forward to it. I have a full diary of social events for the next month, and instead of feeling dread, am looking forward to it all, seeing my mates, something always difficult with my GF.

I've been down the gym and have got my strength back and are sleeping better, I feel totally different to how I felt a few weeks ago (cant believe how ill I became). My over view now of things is completely different, and are happy to accept her moving on. I have reams of emails I thankfully have not sent. When I look back at what I did send it makes me cringe a bit, she must have thought me quite weak, which maybe I was at the time.

In hindsight, looking back I wish now I'd just walked, and gone NC - not argued, courted, tried to reason, plead, manipulate, the simplest thing, but somehow madness took over.

Saying that I am surprised at how quickly this change in my head has occurred, I feel very pleased with myself somehow.

 

With all this in mind - when we broke up (and before that) she really wanted us to go to a concert at the Royal Albert Hall - that is on the 10th Oct, next Sunday. She seemed to have some romantic connection with us doing that, even when she'd told me a week after we'd broken up. Last time I saw her she seemed very angry, I wonder if she still feels that. Well, I have just bought us tickets before they sell out, and would like to ask her if she'd like to go. I owe her some money which she refused to take, so it would be like a way of paying her back. If she doesn't want to go, I'd like to give them to her and if she now has someone instead, she'd like to take him.

 

Am I being a fool ? In many ways I think I know the relationship is dead, maybe on both sides, I pulled out some pictures of her the other day, and I wondered what I really saw in her, so I know my emotions have calmed down quite drastically to what they were. I'd like us to push the boat out into the river and set it free, so to speak, rid ourselves of all the hurt we've done to each other, and leave on good terms, I want to see her smile instead of grimace. This almost feels like a curiosity thing, just see whats going through her mind, maybe deep down I'm still harbouring desires, and I still badly miss her, but then again maybe not.

 

I'm going to ask her next Wednesday night if she'd like to go, I'll be upfront and tell her I bought the tickets a few days ago, why be dishonest, enough manipulation, I feel no need, explain to her it will be my way of paying her back - and for us just to leave on good terms. I dont know whether to call or email - I'm happy to tell her I accept that its over (after all I'll be onto other things too, I'm not one to wallow too long, there's lots of fun to be had with others).

 

I'd like us to just have a normal night, no relationship talk, just go see a gig.

 

Has anyone done this, I'm worried it may feel really weird - will it bring back all that bad stuff I felt, how would she feel I wonder - and how was it for you if you have done this sort of thing ?

 

OR is this all BS, and I'm just trying to prove I'm a 'nice guy' and hope she see's the light ?.

Edited by bob_333
Posted

What's the point? Forget it. Find another woman to take. Let it go.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Hats off to you Don, yep she cut me down - just as predicted - made me feel ****ty and sad again, she says it would be a fab evening, but that she 'cant go' ... I dont know why not, whats the worst that could happen, its at a top venue - Royal Albert Hall, and a top band, Ocean Colour Scene - even a free ticket for her. I gave her a lift the other day and she still seems quite raw and angry. I think she now wants a total cut. I was told she would hold on for a while, while she moved on - and thats what she's being doing. Wish I'd been more aware of what was going on around me instead of holding onto hope.

Time now to really put it down and move on, funny how you still dabble though, but enough hurt and pain for me, time to get MY head together properly and stop being ****ed around by this mad woman. I've decided I want to be single for a bit and lick my wounds, I think it will be good to have a clear out, no rebounds or sticking plasters for this man. Enough of relationships and their complications for while.

 

I could assume she now has another man, but I'm not going to entertain that idea in my head, and dont want to know either.

 

I'm reading a book called 'Make Up, dont breakup' - its brill, I wish I'd read it months ago, and maybe we wouldn't have broken up. Some of the things in the book I've been trying since we split, but now I realise that I should have done that stuff when i was in the relationship, that person has actually moved on a few months ago - the spell i had on her has long since gone, and I've been clinging on. I need to fully let go, as I knew I should do, and you all told me to do, but I couldn't. I doubt that person will ever come back, but i will hold a glimmer of hope. As I distance myself and get stronger I guess I will look back at this love object just as I do now at all the other women I have loved and lost, and they become just a pleasant memory, with out all the pain and the hurt - I have no need for these other women, and will hopefully feel the same for this one. Please bring that on - ASAP. :)

I am a good catch, I just have to continue this brief journey of sadness in my life for bit longer before I get back to a good place. Just amazed how one person can wreak such havoc on ones everyday life for what will be several months, not just weeks or days.

Edited by bob_333
Posted

Bro, you're at that point with your Ex that she does not want contact with you and will start to get nasty. That's what happened to me with my Ex. Do yourself a favor and don't contact her again. BTW, you should have listened to me and not asked her to the event you dumb prick! :laugh:

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Yes I know your right, my ego got in the way of straight thinking I guess.

This last contact put me right back in that bad place again, proper rejection.

She sent me a nice last text saying she 'couldn't go', but ended it 'love and light' - she is not a nasty type of person.

 

I'll have to imagine she's died and gone for good though, that will be very hard !

 

Dont know why with this one I have felt such pain and loss, I have read women are very flexible and adaptable, and maybe she tried hard to be the woman I wanted in the hope I would marry her - but all the time was really some one else, maybe she was just good at being who you wanted - I have found ex girl friends seem to change once were split.

Edited by bob_333
Posted
but all the time was really some one else, maybe she was just good at being who you wanted - I have found ex girl friends seem to change once were split.

 

I couldn't agree more on this one. When I see my ex now it's hard to believe that is the same person I used to know. It makes me wonder if this new person is real her or the one I knew before.

Posted
Bro, you're at that point with your Ex that she does not want contact with you and will start to get nasty. That's what happened to me with my Ex. Do yourself a favor and don't contact her again. BTW, you should have listened to me and not asked her to the event you dumb prick! :laugh:

 

Bob,

 

Do yourself a favor and re-read the quote above 100 times until it sinks into your head!

 

You write you feel better after following good advice and then do something really dumb and ask her out. What's going on in that head of yours...come'on you're better than that, we know it. Pick yourself up and move on...there's a hottie out there who will gladly accept an invitation from you one day in the future!!!

 

Am4Real

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Your all right - sorry to be such a clutz, I'm just holding onto hope, I see the good in everyone, my big failing.

 

OK, well its been six days since she knocked me back texting saying she couldn't go to the Concert, and wished me a great time and to ask someone nice. I texted back a few times saying the tickets would be wasted, and she was the only one I wanted to take, probably a bit 'pleading' on my side ... I regret sending those last two texts, she never responded.

In these six days I've been building myself back up and feeling a bit of light at the end of the tunnel, acceptance is maybe setting in.

 

BUT ... today I get a text from her "Lovely Day. Makes you feel good." do I ignore it or respond politely, why is she sending me that. I dont want to engage in manipulation 'do respond' or 'dont respond' - its just a game we play - I just want o communicate without all that but know I cant do it now.

 

Don ho said:

"Bro, you're at that point with your Ex that she does not want contact with you and will start to get nasty."

 

She's not a nasty person - and she's contacted me, what does she want from me ? Since the break she's initiated quite a bit of contact, I engage but then get narky texts back. She says she wants the break up, why is she contacting me. Maybe she is now indifferent, and its just a light hearted text, no more ... but for me its difficult.

 

In a months time when my emotions have cooled, if I still feel the same I want to tell her I am willing to commit and marry, she feels right, and she is the one, but right now she would just use it to knock me back again, she still seems full of emotion. Why does she feel all that. Guess we both need to get to the point of indifference, but then maybe I or she wont care anymore - that seems sad.

Edited by bob_333
Posted

Do not respond. She just wants to keep in touch to make herself feel better, she doesn't want you back. What I was trying to explain is that when you keep pursuing them or pushing or they have another guy, then they will get nasty. I was trying to save you some additional grief. She already broke up w you and said no to the concert. Don't just tell us you "get it", behave like you do. Move on.

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