heylady Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I’m 25 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. Our relationship is great, we have a new dog that we love, and have been living together for almost 3 years. Somehow we’ve been a step ahead of each other in certain decisions...In the beginning he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I was...later he wanted us to move in together when I wasn’t ready. Now, I’m ready for marriage and I’m not sure about him. We’ve brought up once how our wedding would be so much fun and we’ve already talked about kids and our future home. He’s not the type of guy that when marriage is brought up he runs to the door. The issue is that I would like to bring up marriage again, but I think that he’ll feel pressure and ask me to marry him only to make me happy. It’s not a matter of finances either...I would get married in a backyard and bake our own wedding cake if needed It’s not such a big deal with me given where we’re at in our relationship. But I think he feels that he’ll have to deal with a lot...big ring, big wedding, big babies lol j/k. I understand that marriage shouldn’t matter, but it’s just something (that my slightly old-fashioned self) wants. Should I bring up marriage again?
atlnay Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Is he working in the field he sees himself in 10 years? If you're a backyard/bake my own cake kinda chick, why do you think he thinks you'll want a big wedding & ring? Have you been watchin bridezillas with him? I tease, . You say he's not a run for the door guy, but fear he'll propose to make you happy if you bring it up? (kinda lost me there) I'll say this, don't talk about it like you need the date, as most women tend to do. Plus you dont seem to want that as much as to reassure him you are simple right? If you've talked about the day before, start having the costs discussion by pointing out how inexpensive it can be and and low maint you are. Now I asked the first question of his career path & future because if he is nowhere near his career plan for him, getting married and providing for his family maybe one of the last things on his mind till he feels more stable. And he may very well WANT to give you a dream wedding.
Author heylady Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 Thank you, that suggestion sounds good. Yes, I'm simple, but do want to get married. The part about "making me happy"...I think he'll only ask because of me and not think about himself ... like he'll ask me to marry him to make me happy, but in reality he's not ready. His career plan is good...college is at its end for him. I've been thinking about that too ... maybe he's waiting for college to be over for him? Regardless, I've been thinking that I should probably wait til he's ready...or at least til our 5 year anniversary and see then lol
atlnay Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I had a small feeling he was still in school I hope a few more guys should chime in to give you their take, but from what I've been told, a man needs to feel like he can provide & protect for his family. A college student just doesn't see that far, but knows if you get pregnant now...then what? He has nothing to offer you or a newborn. So long as you two have a future plan you feel secure in, give him a little more time to at least graduate & get his foot in the entrylevel door. Realistically in your case, it *may* be 3 more years, give or take, so don't get caught up in, "it's been 7 years now!!" lol That's par for the course when you meet your Mr. Right so young good luck to you both, you sound like a sweet girl!
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Thank you, that suggestion sounds good. Yes, I'm simple, but do want to get married. The part about "making me happy"...I think he'll only ask because of me and not think about himself ... like he'll ask me to marry him to make me happy, but in reality he's not ready. His career plan is good...college is at its end for him. I've been thinking about that too ... maybe he's waiting for college to be over for him? Regardless, I've been thinking that I should probably wait til he's ready...or at least til our 5 year anniversary and see then lol It's really hard to get married when your still in school. My xwife wanted to get married really bad... So I married her at 21. We originally planned a really small wedding because we didn't have much money, but somehow it still cost $13,000... which didn't get paid off, and eventually passed on to me when we divorced along with an extra $20,000 from other stuff. The years 24 and 25 were miserable. Weddings cost money... there is really no attractive way to make them cheap.
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