I am at my wits end with waiting

[jessie's girl]

Hi everyone! I am so happy that I found this site.

 

I have been dating a married man for a little over 3 years now (it was 3 years in June).

 

I am at my wits end with him though. He tells me he has a very unhappy marriage, he loves me, he wants a life with me. Yet, he continues to stay married. He has three kids, with the oldest being 19 (boy), then 15 (girl) and the youngest is 13 (girl). He has been married for 21 years. He is 49, his wife is 42. I am 34, I have 2 kids from my first marriage. I have been divorced for 5 years. He lives about an hour and 15 minutes away from me.

 

He and his wife have done well for themselves. They do not struggle financially, but are not super rich. The oldest boy is in college and has worked for the last 2 years (trying to explain that while they are doing well financially, the kids are not handed everything and are expected to get jobs for extra, like wanting the new iphone4 vs the iphone GS).

 

We worked together for the first year and then he transferred to another office (they did not move as where they lived it was kind of in the middle of where the old office and new office is). People at work found out about us and I decided I could not continue to work there and be though of as the "home-wrecking wh*re" that I am sure they were thinking (although no one ever called me that to my face).

 

I do not see him as much as we used to see each other. My ex has moved to another state and has remarried and has a new baby. He does pay support although is it ever enough? Jessie (the married man) helps me out every now and then, with giving me cash to help pay for groceries or so I can go get a manicure or pedicure. I just miss him. He never seems to have time for me anymore. He knows I love him so very much and want to be with him, he says to give him time and let him work things out and we can be together. I am just tired of waiting.

 

I have only read a few threads, so I will go read now and see if anyone else is experiencing what I am going through. I just love him so much. We talk all the time, text when we can and when we are together, it is as if we are meant to be. I just hate the waiting and the wondering and hate knowing that he and his wife still share a room, and a bed. He tells me that nothing is going on and I believe him. Why would he lie to me when he has no reason to. He is just as unhappy as I am that we are not together.

 

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Star_Bright]

Has he given you any timeline as to when he will leave?

[sugarmomma]

He tells me that nothing is going on and I believe him. Why would he lie to me when he has no reason to. He is just as unhappy as I am that we are not together.

 

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

Please stick around and keep reading. MM lie. I'm sorry but they do. They don't want divorces. They want affairs and that's what you're giving him while he goes and live a LIFE with his family.

 

Best wishes.

[whichwayisup]

He tells me he has a very unhappy marriage, he loves me, he wants a life with me. Yet, he continues to stay married. He has three kids, with the oldest being 19 (boy), then 15 (girl) and the youngest is 13 (girl). He has been married for 21 years. He is 49, his wife is 42

 

This man isn't going to leave and divorce his wife. This is a man who is happy enough having an affair. He isn't looking to start over, and re-marry, have a blended family, have more babies. This is a man who is nearly 50 and is enjoying having his cake and eating it too.

 

His words do not match his actions. He tells you one thing, but does another.

 

If he was SO UNHAPPY, he'd be divorcing.

 

Sure, after 21 years of marriage, it may not be as passionate and sexual as it once was, but he has a long history with his wife, inlaws, friends, family, KIDS, a life with her. He isn't going to give all that up all because his marriage isn't perfect and happy 24/7.

 

You are wasting YOUR life with this MM. Do you want to be 40 and still hoping he'll leave his wife and kids, get divorced and be with you?

 

Please, take the time to read other threads and also, take a step back, see this MM for who he is. A selfish person who wants what he wants and will do/say/give you what you want to keep you interested, keep your hopes up.

[jj33]

Sadly the reason is because he wants to keep seeing you, just not enough to leave his family.

 

I hate to say it, but its that simple.

 

Could things change for him? Sure. He may decide to leave in the future but that could be a long way off.

 

You have to weigh whether you are happy now. Not whether you are willing to be unhappy for an unknown period of time because maybe possibly in the future things will change.

[WowReally]

Im so sorry to hear about your situation...you have hung around because you have hope and Im sure the advice may help you but you're going to do what you're going to do. Just dont be shocked when he doesnt follow through the lines he's thrown at you.

 

I guess I was fortunate that my xMM never lead me down a path that couldnt be.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Please have enough sense to not post such detailed information. If a wife suspects her H is cheating and googles infidelity she will end up here just like you did. It has happened before and threads are generally not deleted. Just giving you a heads-up.

[jessie's girl]

Hi!

Thank you everyone for responding to me. I have a minute before I have to go, so I wanted to respond.

 

He hasn't lied to me. He's has always been honest about their marriage. We love each other so much. He has no reason to lie to me, so he doesn't. He tells me he wants to be with me, and I believe him.

 

I miss him so much and can't wait for us to be together. It's just the waiting that is so hard!

[bentnotbroken]

Hi!

Thank you everyone for responding to me. I have a minute before I have to go, so I wanted to respond.

 

He hasn't lied to me. He's has always been honest about their marriage. We love each other so much. He has no reason to lie to me, so he doesn't. He tells me he wants to be with me, and I believe him.

 

I miss him so much and can't wait for us to be together. It's just the waiting that is so hard!

 

 

He can wait, that's why he isn't with you. You have made your choice, so deal with it like a big girl.

[daisy love]

Hi Jessie!

I'm in the same boat too. We've been together 5 years and he has no kids. He doesn't want any, and she does.

He says he's leaving next year! I love him sooo much, but yeah, the waiting is so so so hard!

 

I just try to enjoy every minute we can be together, and we really make them count, you know? When he's not around, I just keep myself really really busy.

[Confused4Now]

All I can say is if and when he's ready to leave he will leave and no matter what you do or say will make him complete all the things he needs to do to be with you any faster. Please read the stories here on LS there are very few success stories....but they can happen.

 

I'm just curious were you married when you met MM?

 

It's always been about actions and not words...just remember that. Good luck and keep posting.

[2sure]

You are a younger single available woman without restrictions and you adore him. You changed your job for him (to keep the affair quiet) and live within a perfect distance for him to see you while also maintaining discretion. It also sounds as though you are being exclusive to him although he is still sharing a life and a bed with his wife. The perfect OW.

 

You should be getting a lot more than some money for groceries.

[stillafool]

I am at my wits end with him though. He tells me he has a very unhappy marriage, he loves me, he wants a life with me. Yet, he continues to stay married.

 

Now why would he stay married when his kids are almost grown and gone?

 

He never seems to have time for me anymore. He knows I love him so very much and want to be with him, he says to give him time and let him work things out and we can be together. I am just tired of waiting.

 

If he is as in love as you why can't he see you? Why must you wait?

 

He tells me that nothing is going on and I believe him. Why would he lie to me when he has no reason to. He is just as unhappy as I am that we are not together.

 

If he is as unhappy as you say, why does he have to share a bed with his wife? Seriously, does it make sense that the marriage between them in so bad yet he still sleeps with her? DO NOT believe that they are not having sex because they are.

 

He hasn't lied to me. He's has always been honest about their marriage. We love each other so much. He has no reason to lie to me, so he doesn't. He tells me he wants to be with me, and I believe him.

 

I'm afraid that he has lied to you as he has lied to his wife. It is SICK how these cake eaters only do what is best for them. They aren't concerned about the wife, kids or OW. They only care about what makes them feel good. Don't fall for it or you will look around and you'll be 50 wondering if he will ever leave her.

[jessie's girl]

sorry if I goof up; trying to figure out the quote stuff.

 

Has he given you any timeline as to when he will leave?

 

As I am sure you can guess, it has been various answers. First it was when the oldest graduated, then his wife had a non-life threatening sickness, then it was the holidays, now it is "just give me some more time"

 

Please have enough sense to not post such detailed information. If a wife suspects her H is cheating and googles infidelity she will end up here just like you did. It has happened before and threads are generally not deleted. Just giving you a heads-up.

 

His name isn't really Jessie; it is kind of a joke between us about something she would not know. As far as I know, his wife has no reason to suspect he has cheated on her. But thank you for the warning! I will make sure I am careful.

 

Hi Jessie!

I'm in the same boat too. We've been together 5 years and he has no kids. He doesn't want any, and she does.

He says he's leaving next year! I love him sooo much, but yeah, the waiting is so so so hard!

 

I just try to enjoy every minute we can be together, and we really make them count, you know? When he's not around, I just keep myself really really busy.

 

5 years!!??!! Oh my goodness, I couldn't wait that long!!! How do you do it? Do you see him often? There is no way I could do a long distance affair; this distance is bad enough!!

 

You are a younger single available woman without restrictions and you adore him. You changed your job for him (to keep the affair quiet) and live within a perfect distance for him to see you while also maintaining discretion. It also sounds as though you are being exclusive to him although he is still sharing a life and a bed with his wife. The perfect OW.

 

You should be getting a lot more than some money for groceries.

 

Well, to be fair, I do have 2 kids who keep me pretty busy and I really doubt a single guy is going to come along and want to be "daddy" to my kids. Yes, I have been exclusive to him because he gets jealous if I tell him about seeing a cute guy or flirting with someone. I don't tell him to make him jealous, but I guess maybe I do deep down inside because I want him to want me enough to make a life with just me.

 

Oh, and he gets me holiday gifts and birthday gifts and stuff; what I mean is he helps me out if I am running a little low because of expenses with the kids.

 

 

Now why would he stay married when his kids are almost grown and gone?

 

If he is as in love as you why can't he see you? Why must you wait?

 

If he is as unhappy as you say, why does he have to share a bed with his wife? Seriously, does it make sense that the marriage between them in so bad yet he still sleeps with her? DO NOT believe that they are not having sex because they are.

 

I'm afraid that he has lied to you as he has lied to his wife. It is SICK how these cake eaters only do what is best for them. They aren't concerned about the wife, kids or OW. They only care about what makes them feel good. Don't fall for it or you will look around and you'll be 50 wondering if he will ever leave her.

 

The kids are not almost grown and gone; his youngest is 13. That is at least 5 more years until 18; although she will not finish with primary schooling until she is 19. I wait because he has promised me he wants to be with me. We talk about the future, what we want, where we want to go, all that stuff.

 

I told him I am only waiting until our next anniversary and then I am going to start dating. He says they share a bed because there are no other beds in the house and he isn't going to sleep on the floor or on a couch. He feels he is as entitled to the bedroom as she is.

 

Sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier, I was at work and do not have access to this site while there (at least I do not want to access it because I do not want our Computer/Technology department to know what sites I am visiting during the day).

[Confused4Now]

I told him I am only waiting until our next anniversary and then I am going to start dating. He says they share a bed because there are no other beds in the house and he isn't going to sleep on the floor or on a couch. He feels he is as entitled to the bedroom as she is.

Wow...how is it that when WS's say things to the OM/OW it all sounds the same. My xMW said H was blowing up a air mattress and sleeping in the living room. Then when things didn't add up I threaten to knock on the door and she came clean and said he was sleeping in the bed but their was a big body pillow separating them. Then she told me she herself was sleeping on the sofa.....yeah right. Do I look stoopid? Fool me once shame on you' date=' fool me twice shame on me. I don't think so.[/b']

[Star_Bright]

Ok, I'm going to give you a little tough love and that's what's worked for me... I hope it will help you figure some stuff out too... I'm by no means an expert and just trying to get out of my own affair with an MM.

 

As I am sure you can guess, it has been various answers. First it was when the oldest graduated, then his wife had a non-life threatening sickness, then it was the holidays, now it is "just give me some more time"

 

Honestly... this makes me glad I'm not waiting around on my MM. Our PA has lasted 3 months and in the beginning he told me he would leave when his youngest child, who is 13, goes to college. He didn't tell me in terms of he would leave for ME, because we had just started up. He told me this is when he envisions himself leaving on his own. But I think if I had bought into it he'd be telling me just wait five years and then we can be together. Well when those five years come around who's to say he hasn't changed his mind? What if his wife is sick or he's sick? What if his child doesn't go to college or his oldest child comes back home or his children are not okay with him leaving even though they're out of the house?

 

Look, I'm sure he MEANS well and in his mind it feels good to give you these random dates but the bottom line is, words don't mean anything until he's actually taken action. That's what I've been learning. As I told my (ex)MM, there's been a lot of talkie talkie and no walkie walkie! How long does he really expect me to sit around and wait? For me it's been three (very intenst) months and that is far too long. I have a life to live too!

 

5 years!!??!! Oh my goodness, I couldn't wait that long!!! How do you do it? Do you see him often? There is no way I could do a long distance affair; this distance is bad enough!!

 

No offense but haven't you already waited three years? How do you know you couldn't wait another two, especially when his deadlines keep changing? The only way you can make sure is to get out now and let him find you when/if he does get out! Believe me, it's been three months and I'm realizing that if he means all the things he says to me, he will leave! If not, he isn't worth any more of my time. If he knows (our affair was EA first for a good year or so) and loves me enough to tell me he loves me all the time, then he loves me enough to make a real life with me.

 

 

Well, to be fair, I do have 2 kids who keep me pretty busy and I really doubt a single guy is going to come along and want to be "daddy" to my kids. Yes, I have been exclusive to him because he gets jealous if I tell him about seeing a cute guy or flirting with someone. I don't tell him to make him jealous, but I guess maybe I do deep down inside because I want him to want me enough to make a life with just me.

 

It sounds to me like you are undervaluing yourself. You think no guy would want to be a "daddy" to your kids, but if they love you, they will accept the kids. You would accept your MM's kids, right? I would accept my (ex)MM's kids if he were single, and I don't have any kids of my own. If someone really loves you then kids won't stand in their way.

 

 

 

The kids are not almost grown and gone; his youngest is 13. That is at least 5 more years until 18; although she will not finish with primary schooling until she is 19. I wait because he has promised me he wants to be with me. We talk about the future, what we want, where we want to go, all that stuff.

 

I'm learning that talk about the future is cheap! If they don't back it up with actions then there is no future, only the wasted present and past time.

 

I told him I am only waiting until our next anniversary and then I am going to start dating. He says they share a bed because there are no other beds in the house and he isn't going to sleep on the floor or on a couch. He feels he is as entitled to the bedroom as she is.

 

Sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier, I was at work and do not have access to this site while there (at least I do not want to access it because I do not want our Computer/Technology department to know what sites I am visiting during the day).

[Star_Bright]

I told him I am only waiting until our next anniversary and then I am going to start dating.

 

Good for you! But why wait until your next anniversary? What will really change by then if you don't force a change or just accept being on your own?

 

He says they share a bed because there are no other beds in the house and he isn't going to sleep on the floor or on a couch. He feels he is as entitled to the bedroom as she is.

 

Whatever! If he really didn't want to sleep in the same bed with her, because he would rather be sharing a bed with you, or sleeping alone, then he would move out.

[Star_Bright]

And how can he be jealous of you when a cute guy flirts with you, when he's been sharing a bed with another woman (his wife) the whole three years you've been together?? I really am starting to not like this guy!

[Ellin]

...she came clean and said he was sleeping in the bed but their was a big body pillow separating them...

I'm sorry C4N... I hope you can see the funny side of it now... Because that's one of the most hilarious things I've heard for a while...

 

If a lie can be funny, this one is... Quite unusual..

[Ellin]

Ok, I'm going to give you a little tough love and that's what's worked for me... I hope it will help you figure some stuff out too... I'm by no means an expert and just trying to get out of my own affair with an MM.

 

 

 

Honestly... this makes me glad I'm not waiting around on my MM. Our PA has lasted 3 months and in the beginning he told me he would leave when his youngest child, who is 13, goes to college. He didn't tell me in terms of he would leave for ME, because we had just started up. He told me this is when he envisions himself leaving on his own. But I think if I had bought into it he'd be telling me just wait five years and then we can be together. Well when those five years come around who's to say he hasn't changed his mind? What if his wife is sick or he's sick? What if his child doesn't go to college or his oldest child comes back home or his children are not okay with him leaving even though they're out of the house?

 

Look, I'm sure he MEANS well and in his mind it feels good to give you these random dates but the bottom line is, words don't mean anything until he's actually taken action. That's what I've been learning. As I told my (ex)MM, there's been a lot of talkie talkie and no walkie walkie! How long does he really expect me to sit around and wait? For me it's been three (very intenst) months and that is far too long. I have a life to live too!

 

 

 

No offense but haven't you already waited three years? How do you know you couldn't wait another two, especially when his deadlines keep changing? The only way you can make sure is to get out now and let him find you when/if he does get out! Believe me, it's been three months and I'm realizing that if he means all the things he says to me, he will leave! If not, he isn't worth any more of my time. If he knows (our affair was EA first for a good year or so) and loves me enough to tell me he loves me all the time, then he loves me enough to make a real life with me.

 

 

 

 

It sounds to me like you are undervaluing yourself. You think no guy would want to be a "daddy" to your kids, but if they love you, they will accept the kids. You would accept your MM's kids, right? I would accept my (ex)MM's kids if he were single, and I don't have any kids of my own. If someone really loves you then kids won't stand in their way.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm learning that talk about the future is cheap! If they don't back it up with actions then there is no future, only the wasted present and past time.

Star Bright this is brilliant advice!

 

Glad to see you've become so strong and learning life lessons so quickly. I hope you're proud of yourself.

[Ellin]

Hi everyone! I am so happy that I found this site.

 

I have been dating a married man for a little over 3 years now (it was 3 years in June).

 

I am at my wits end with him though. He tells me he has a very unhappy marriage, he loves me, he wants a life with me. Yet, he continues to stay married. He has three kids, with the oldest being 19 (boy), then 15 (girl) and the youngest is 13 (girl). He has been married for 21 years. He is 49, his wife is 42. I am 34, I have 2 kids from my first marriage. I have been divorced for 5 years. He lives about an hour and 15 minutes away from me.

 

He and his wife have done well for themselves. They do not struggle financially, but are not super rich. The oldest boy is in college and has worked for the last 2 years (trying to explain that while they are doing well financially, the kids are not handed everything and are expected to get jobs for extra, like wanting the new iphone4 vs the iphone GS).

 

We worked together for the first year and then he transferred to another office (they did not move as where they lived it was kind of in the middle of where the old office and new office is). People at work found out about us and I decided I could not continue to work there and be though of as the "home-wrecking wh*re" that I am sure they were thinking (although no one ever called me that to my face).

 

I do not see him as much as we used to see each other. My ex has moved to another state and has remarried and has a new baby. He does pay support although is it ever enough? Jessie (the married man) helps me out every now and then, with giving me cash to help pay for groceries or so I can go get a manicure or pedicure. I just miss him. He never seems to have time for me anymore. He knows I love him so very much and want to be with him, he says to give him time and let him work things out and we can be together. I am just tired of waiting.

 

I have only read a few threads, so I will go read now and see if anyone else is experiencing what I am going through. I just love him so much. We talk all the time, text when we can and when we are together, it is as if we are meant to be. I just hate the waiting and the wondering and hate knowing that he and his wife still share a room, and a bed. He tells me that nothing is going on and I believe him. Why would he lie to me when he has no reason to. He is just as unhappy as I am that we are not together.

 

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hi Jessie's Girl, I'm so sorry to hear you're hurting like this and I know exactly what you're going through.

 

You've come here because you're ready to change something and you'll have a lot of thinking to do in the next days and weeks.

 

There is no easy way out of this situation, no magic wand to wave and live happily ever after.

 

You cannot avoid feeling hurt either way but you'll feel better if you regain control of your life because at present he has all the control as you have given it into his hands.

 

It's probably overwhelming for you to read all that advice so don't set yourself too high targets but take little steps and you'll get there one by one. Start by doing something just for the day or the hour to have more control of the situation, for example don't answer all his calls, be unavailable the next time he wants to see you (say you're sorry but you have x or y to do and it's important or you have an outing with your BFF - but don't make stuff up, really PLAN something).

 

Then you will know that it's up to you what you decide to do and if you decide to see him, it's not because you can't help it even though you're hurting, you know?

 

All the best.

[jessie's girl]

Wow...how is it that when WS's say things to the OM/OW it all sounds the same. My xMW said H was blowing up a air mattress and sleeping in the living room. Then when things didn't add up I threaten to knock on the door and she came clean and said he was sleeping in the bed but their was a big body pillow separating them. Then she told me she herself was sleeping on the sofa.....yeah right. Do I look stoopid? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I don't think so.

 

oh dear!! Hhmmm...now, I will not admit he has lied about anything he has told me, but since I am never at their home (because there is no way in heaven I will ever go there!!!) but I guess I need to really ask a more direct question to him about this. If I knew he had sex with her, even ONCE, I would be very angry. I would not put up with this!!!! He tells me he just isn't attracted to her "like that" anymore and hasn't been in a long time.

 

Ok, I'm going to give you a little tough love and that's what's worked for me... I hope it will help you figure some stuff out too... I'm by no means an expert and just trying to get out of my own affair with an MM.

 

Honestly... this makes me glad I'm not waiting around on my MM. Our PA has lasted 3 months and in the beginning he told me he would leave when his youngest child, who is 13, goes to college. He didn't tell me in terms of he would leave for ME, because we had just started up. He told me this is when he envisions himself leaving on his own. But I think if I had bought into it he'd be telling me just wait five years and then we can be together. Well when those five years come around who's to say he hasn't changed his mind? What if his wife is sick or he's sick? What if his child doesn't go to college or his oldest child comes back home or his children are not okay with him leaving even though they're out of the house?

 

Look, I'm sure he MEANS well and in his mind it feels good to give you these random dates but the bottom line is, words don't mean anything until he's actually taken action. That's what I've been learning. As I told my (ex)MM, there's been a lot of talkie talkie and no walkie walkie! How long does he really expect me to sit around and wait? For me it's been three (very intenst) months and that is far too long. I have a life to live too!

 

No offense but haven't you already waited three years? How do you know you couldn't wait another two, especially when his deadlines keep changing? The only way you can make sure is to get out now and let him find you when/if he does get out! Believe me, it's been three months and I'm realizing that if he means all the things he says to me, he will leave! If not, he isn't worth any more of my time. If he knows (our affair was EA first for a good year or so) and loves me enough to tell me he loves me all the time, then he loves me enough to make a real life with me.

 

It sounds to me like you are undervaluing yourself. You think no guy would want to be a "daddy" to your kids, but if they love you, they will accept the kids. You would accept your MM's kids, right? I would accept my (ex)MM's kids if he were single, and I don't have any kids of my own. If someone really loves you then kids won't stand in their way.

 

I'm learning that talk about the future is cheap! If they don't back it up with actions then there is no future, only the wasted present and past time.

 

I told him I am only waiting until our next anniversary and then I am going to start dating. He says they share a bed because there are no other beds in the house and he isn't going to sleep on the floor or on a couch. He feels he is as entitled to the bedroom as she is.

 

Sorry I wasn't able to respond earlier, I was at work and do not have access to this site while there (at least I do not want to access it because I do not want our Computer/Technology department to know what sites I am visiting during the day).

 

And how can he be jealous of you when a cute guy flirts with you, when he's been sharing a bed with another woman (his wife) the whole three years you've been together?? I really am starting to not like this guy!

 

Thank you Star_Bright for the time you have taken to respond. In no way did I find your post mean spirited and no offense has been taken by me. I really appreciate what you wrote and it really has given me kind of a 'wake up' to things. I need to think about some things; like what I want, and what I need. Yes, I am happy with him; but I do not want to continue to wait and hope and dream, if that is not going to happen. You are really right on when you talk about actions vs words. When I need him, he comes; for the most part. He is very good to me and keeps me happy for the most part.

 

But the waiting is horrible. I hate thinking that I am putting my life on hold for "one day". I don't know how I have been able to stand it this long.

 

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and advice. I have a lot of thinking to do.

[jj33]

As I am sure you can guess, it has been various answers. First it was when the oldest graduated, then his wife had a non-life threatening sickness, then it was the holidays, now it is "just give me some more time"

 

Well, to be fair, I do have 2 kids who keep me pretty busy and I really doubt a single guy is going to come along and want to be "daddy" to my kids. Yes, I have been exclusive to him because he gets jealous if I tell him about seeing a cute guy or flirting with someone. I don't tell him to make him jealous, but I guess maybe I do deep down inside because I want him to want me enough to make a life with just me.

 

 

JG you are only seeing what you want to see. You dont believe there willl be anyone else so you are pinning your hopes to someone you love who may leave in time. But it may always be something. First graduation, then the sickness, then this then that.

 

There is always a reason not to leave if you dont want to leave.

And to actually end a marriage you have to REALLY want to leave. REALLY REALLY want to leave. Marriages arent ended lightly nor should they be.

 

And you are playing games with him. Why would you tell him about other guys? What you do is your business. Hes sleeping with his W. You dont need his permission to see whoever you want to see.

 

At some point if he doesnt actually leave first, you will start to believe in the possibilities for your own future beyond waiting for him to divorce.

 

Its all about how you see your possibilities. If you think YOU have options you wont hang onto him as tightly. And thats not true of everyone, I am writing your own words back to you (noones going to want to play daddy to my two kids) And that is not true. Many people remarry when they have kids.

 

The choice is yours. But you know what they say. You have to enjoy the journey not just the endpoint. It doesnt sound like you are enjoying the journey.

[Confused4Now]

JG you are only seeing what you want to see. You dont believe there willl be anyone else so you are pinning your hopes to someone you love who may leave in time. But it may always be something. First graduation, then the sickness, then this then that.

 

There is always a reason not to leave if you dont want to leave.

And to actually end a marriage you have to REALLY want to leave. REALLY REALLY want to leave. Marriages arent ended lightly nor should they be.

 

And you are playing games with him. Why would you tell him about other guys? What you do is your business. Hes sleeping with his W. You dont need his permission to see whoever you want to see.

 

At some point if he doesnt actually leave first, you will start to believe in the possibilities for your own future beyond waiting for him to divorce.

 

Its all about how you see your possibilities. If you think YOU have options you wont hang onto him as tightly. And thats not true of everyone, I am writing your own words back to you (noones going to want to play daddy to my two kids) And that is not true. Many people remarry when they have kids.

 

The choice is yours. But you know what they say. You have to enjoy the journey not just the endpoint. It doesnt sound like you are enjoying the journey.

AMEN to this whole post....DEAD ON.

[fooled once]

JG you are only seeing what you want to see. You dont believe there willl be anyone else so you are pinning your hopes to someone you love who may leave in time. But it may always be something. First graduation, then the sickness, then this then that.

There is always a reason not to leave if you dont want to leave.

And to actually end a marriage you have to REALLY want to leave. REALLY REALLY want to leave. Marriages arent ended lightly nor should they be.

 

And you are playing games with him. Why would you tell him about other guys? What you do is your business. Hes sleeping with his W. You dont need his permission to see whoever you want to see.

 

At some point if he doesnt actually leave first, you will start to believe in the possibilities for your own future beyond waiting for him to divorce.

 

Its all about how you see your possibilities. If you think YOU have options you wont hang onto him as tightly. And thats not true of everyone, I am writing your own words back to you (noones going to want to play daddy to my two kids) And that is not true. Many people remarry when they have kids.

 

The choice is yours. But you know what they say. You have to enjoy the journey not just the endpoint. It doesnt sound like you are enjoying the journey.

 

Excellent post jj!!! especially the bolded.

 

Jessies girl --- I am someone who remarried with a child. I found a great guy who also happened to have kids. We came together and formed our own family. So yes, there are guys out there who have NO ISSUE with taking on a woman with kid(s).

 

You can and will get through this. You need to really sit back and think about things and decide if this is how you want the next year to be. Do you want to be alone at Christmas again? Do you want to spend New Year's alone watching the ball drop? Start doing for YOU - continue to love him, but begin to really live your life as a woman. If you want to meet someone who is actually available, then do it. Join a gym, go to community events, not sure if your kids are active in sports or whatever; but get out there -- heck, get on the internet. Many people meet and marry people they meet on line; but be careful -- there are many MM posing as "separated" men on line. Make sure the next guy you meet IS single and if previously married, is actually 100% divorced

 

AMEN to this whole post....DEAD ON.

 

I agree with you Confused - jj did a great post!!