sctrojan Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Ok, so here's my story. I haven't been confused about me and my ex's breakup until now, when we are finally back to school after the summer and have classes together/see each other regularly. We were together and very close for 2 years, but some tensions from outside sources in both of our lives made us grow apart and eventually lose a lot of the attraction we had in the first 1.5 years of our relationship. She was a virgin and took sexual commitment very seriously, and I was her first. She said she only wanted one guy to sleep with in her life, and I think we honestly did luck out that we were so good for each other even though we're only 20 years old. We had a mutual breakup right before summer, and honestly I was mostly fine with it the first month or so after it happened. However, over summer I re-evaluated what I want in life, and could really see me and her having another chance to make it work. We only briefly talked about something serious like engagement at the very end of our relationship, and it was pretty casual. She always had to apologize for things she wasn't even doing wrong, and I know there were a lot of times she didn't feel up to my "standards" (which was kind of ridiculous, she was great). I pretty much acted like a needy and desperate wuss over summer once I realized what I had lost, and that pushed her very far away. I tried my best at NC, and was pretty much forced to it when she got a new boyfriend (who she said just wasn't working for her, and she just wants to be single and focus on herself now). Now that we're back at school though, she acted weird and very distant because she said it is so weird for her to see me, because during the summer it was easy for her to get over the breakup because "out of sight out of mind". We've had some talks since then, and she always makes it a point to say she's moved on, let go, doesn't have feelings, etc. I even went to a party and saw her making out with some random guy all night, in front of me, and I'm pretty sure it was too coincidental to not be on purpose. He was also a pretty big tool, and not attractive, but she had the guts to tell me he was "soooo cute". I'm always the one to initiate contact (in a non-desperate way), and she definitely doesn't talk like we're comfortable friends at all, but she keeps agreeing to see me "in the form of ok hm let's just see", which sounds to me like some sort of feelings? The thing I'm most confused about is she STILL gets annoyed if I say any small thing that she interprets as me being arrogant or "above her". I'm seriously just trying to have a straight conversation with her because we agreed to put the past behind us and start over. And after each conversation we have she unblocked my facebook, then my phone number/texts, which she had blocked over the summer. I told her she doesn't have to feel bad around me anymore, and then she said that she doesn't feel bad at all and that's arrogant for me to think she does. But it's pretty obvious to me something is going on, because if she really was done and moved on wouldn't she stop talking to me about us and stop accepting to hang out for short durations? I'm not saying there is attraction, but what do you think she's holding on to? Or does she really just think she's moved on and that she has no feelings/desire for a second chance? After almost every time we talk she apologizes for being a jerk and says she's not trying to be one. She also says the fact that we were so close doesn't matter to her anymore, when even the other day she's saying that she doesn't want to erase me from her life past present or future and she remembers all the good times too. Please help me understand this girl's behavior!
lvixen Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Simple - ask her if she wants to reconcile straight up. She might. If she says no cut her out of your life completely. Be courteous if you see her face to face but otherwise no more phone calls, chit chats, nothing. If she doesn't want to reconcile she's probably just saying those things as an ego boost - to keep you interested to feed her own ego with no intentions on getting back with you. If she is says, "maybe, I still love you, but I need to think about it" or something similar to that, cut her out of your life then too. If she wants you back she will make sure that you know it. Don't put up with her head games, for your own sake. Been there, done that, it's NOT fun. Good luck.
Author sctrojan Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 What do you mean by reconcile? I've made it clear that I don't think it's a good idea to get back together now because we obviously aren't like giggly/happy attracted right now, but I would be interested in a second chance because things in my life changed and I think it could work long-term because we both want the same things in life. She's really not showing any signs of actual interest in me or anything, whether it be friends or boyfriend, although she keeps claiming we are friends. When I tell her I've been going out to parties I can sense some sort of curiosity of who I was with. She's told me she doesn't care if I get another girlfriend. She's been verbally very clear in saying she doesn't feel the same anymore and doesn't want a second chance "just because I don't want to!". I'm having a very hard time seeing her act so sensitive when we are together and then so stand-offish when we aren't. She is the kind of girl that can be very hard to read her true feelings, as I've seen her put up strong walls before.
lvixen Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 "when even the other day she's saying that she doesn't want to erase me from her life past present or future and she remembers all the good times too." From that I thought she was stringing you along a bit. If she is not showing any interest in you, as boyfriend or friends, then you need to move on. If she says she's not interested then you need to take that at face value and not think, "oh maybe she's just saying that because she's being difficult" because that is just wishful thinking. Go straight NC (no contact) with her.
brainblox Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 No Contact seems to be the holy grail of the breaks and breakups thread and I have to question if it's just said to shut people up ? NC is not for everybody and I honestly feel that trying to get someone back using NC is hopeless ! NC should be about you and you alone, seems the incentive leans towards winning back of your ex and not healing your own wounds !
shayan Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 Buddy she made out in front of all night and you are wondering what she is thinking? Where has your logic gone? She is being verbally and emotionally abusive and you are wondering what she is thinking? Where is your self worth in all of this, your dignity, your honor. What are you thinking? This girl is a type a BIACTH! BI- ACTH-ACTHHHHHH!!!! Please don't waste your time or lower yourself trying to get back such a lowly valued individual. I would never do that to one of my exes, that is just cruel. Let me tell you what she is thinking, this guy lets me walk all over him so why should I stop, oh and I can just say sorry at the end and everything will be ok. OMG F this girl! Don't give her anything, don't even acknowledge her presence cause she does not deserve such an honor! What a C-bag! Oh this just makes me angry beyond belief man, where is your anger men should get angry sometimes its ok, you don't have to take this **** and be so nice. AHHHHH!!!! But off-course be cordial you never want to treat anyone bad even if their are d-bags like your ex.
Author sctrojan Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 haha, yeah I was pretty angry with her over that. I should have just left her alone and moved on, she claimed it was not on purpose but honestly I don't even care. Thanks for the encouragement though, it's appreciated I was able to get to a mental state to decide to go full NC with this girl tonight, I owe it to myself for sure... she seemed stupidly oblivious to the fact I still showed feelings and if she really was the right one obviously she would have known not to treat me like she has been (aka, a bitch). Honestly it's been 4 months since our breakup and NC doesn't seem quite as hard when all the pictures,notes, every little reminder is gone and blocked. I texted her some thing about oh yeah it was nice to have learned from you, we had good times together and good luck in everything blah blah (cuz I think it's important to not be dramatic since we will be seeing each other), but then told her not to contact me. And no we cannot be friends. There's still a hole in my life where she was, but I'm committed to filling it with me and MY own happiness, and then moving on with life without her. I'm just wondering where the heck she's going to find a new boyfriend that's gonna put up with any of that **** haha . Life's good when you're laughing about those crappy moments
lvixen Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 No Contact seems to be the holy grail of the breaks and breakups thread and I have to question if it's just said to shut people up ? NC is not for everybody and I honestly feel that trying to get someone back using NC is hopeless ! NC should be about you and you alone, seems the incentive leans towards winning back of your ex and not healing your own wounds ! I'm not sure if you were referring to me or not, but I never suggested NC as a means to get your ex back, but only to heal. And almost all threads I see that suggest NC are for the same reason, so I'm not sure what you're talking about??
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