CailinPig Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 i feel like im the other woman, but i'm not really. I dunno. I'm 26. This guy was my bf for three years, and then we split and he had a new gf and i was the ow, because i was so depressed and into him. we started seeing each other and then he had to leave the country with his parents (hes from russia) and we split, and now he's with someone else, and we have such great converstaions over skype, he tells me he loves me yet hes with another girl and wont leave her. we havent physically done anything at alll, and nothing sexual, no pictures or anything, but i feel like i don't know what to do anymore. why am i the ow? what's the advantage of being the ow anyway?
Owl Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Do a google search on the term "emotional affair". That should help you figure out if you're in one or not. As far as the "advantage" of being an OW...odd question. I'm not sure what you mean?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 why am i the ow? what's the advantage of being the ow anyway? there are tons of advantages to you being the OW........for him. he gets to have his cake and eat it too. he gets to have at it with 2 women.....and why?....cuz you allow it.
Author CailinPig Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 owl, thank you, i just found a great article on emotional affairs. eeeek. so why would a man choose to confide in his ex, instead of his new gf? Booo. I don't wanna be the OW, I suppose who does?
Author CailinPig Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 dexter, Why would a guy want 2 women?? It;s not like he's gettin any sex or anything. I mean, it just causes problems, it's not very advantageous for him either.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 dexter, Why would a guy want 2 women?? It;s not like he's gettin any sex or anything. I mean, it just causes problems, it's not very advantageous for him either. its not advantageous to a decent man. but to a cheating man, having women that will allow themselves to be used that know he already has another woman works great for them. anytime a cheater can get women to fawn all over them, even when said women know he already has someone else on the other side, its great for them. why would a guy want 2 women? why would anyone cheat in the first place? if this is the kind of guy you want, then have at him.
freestyle Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 dexter, Why would a guy want 2 women?? It;s not like he's gettin any sex or anything. I mean, it just causes problems, it's not very advantageous for him either. Because it's a huge ego boost for him. Knowing that you're still pining over him makes him feel important.
Author CailinPig Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 but he was such a good bf, why would he suddenly turn into someone who abuses that? i give up. i wish i could let go.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 but he was such a good bf, why would he suddenly turn into someone who abuses that? because you only THOUGHT you knew him. all I have to say is, if you stay with him knowing how he is, you have only yourself to blame when he ends up breaking your heart. I'd advise losing this jackass, and finding a good man.
Author CailinPig Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 well we broke up about 2 years ago and i haven't found a good man since. it's very hard to have faith and move on, when I've looked everywhere, and only had a 4month rel that I ended cos the dude was unthoughtful and not for me. and so all i'm left with is memories of a three year rel that i had with the original guy. i feel if i had met someone else and fallen in love, this might be different, but i've know this guy 6 years, since i was 19. i know nothing else, and i've tried so hard to find a good man. i'm exassperated. i feel like a failure. of course i go back to this guy, he's the only reliable. even if it's in a bad way.
Confused4Now Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 well we broke up about 2 years ago and i haven't found a good man since. it's very hard to have faith and move on, when I've looked everywhere, and only had a 4month rel that I ended cos the dude was unthoughtful and not for me. and so all i'm left with is memories of a three year rel that i had with the original guy. i feel if i had met someone else and fallen in love, this might be different, but i've know this guy 6 years, since i was 19. i know nothing else, and i've tried so hard to find a good man. i'm exassperated. i feel like a failure. of course i go back to this guy, he's the only reliable. even if it's in a bad way.This is where I am kinda....Being that I got of a marriage and I've pretty much grieved that and done the work....I'm still doing the work for my xMW. I know what she did to me was pretty bad....I can't find that one person and I'm really have trouble just trusting anyone.
fooled once Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 No, I don't think you are the other woman. I think you are an ego boost to a conceited man. Why are you even interested in some guy who only uses you for when he doesn't have a 'real' girlfriend'? Stop talking to him; he doesn't deserve your friendship or your respect because he certainly isn't showing YOU any respect!!
Author CailinPig Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 the reason im in contact with him, FooledOnce, is cos I spent three and a half years with him, he was my first everything, he knows me inside out, and we have really good conversations, and he really understands me, and is good to talk to. i can't rip myself from him, cos i don't want to. if i was happy, i might be able for that, but life gets me down anyway i guess. my main aim in life is love, and i just can't find it. and i know im only 26 but i feel like i never will.
quankanne Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 you're never going to find what you're looking for if you refuse to leave behind the past. And that's all he is – a former boyfriend you had a good relationship with. There's no present, there's no future with the guy yet you've convinced yourself this is the best it'll ever be. I say walk away from the memories of a "wonderful" boyfriend who isn't now – or ever will be again, from the sound of it – in your life. You only drag out the hurt by staying in contact. And you don't really get anything from the relationship that's positive. you kind of remind me of my ex, who was crazy mad in love with this woman he used to work with back in the 70s. Mind you, she used him every which way since Sunday – including getting knocked up while she was separated from her husband, then marrying X because she was pregnant by him, but then divorcing him as soon as their baby was born. He admitted that they never really got along but he still had her up on this pedestal and put up with all kinds of BS from her after they were divorced. Because he's idealized her so much, no one can live up to that ideal ... not even her. Sad, when you think of all the opportunities he missed out on by refusing to open up his heart to the possibility of someone else to truly love. do you really want to be that 60-year-old person hooked on someone you once had, and alone because you refused to allow your heart to grow?
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