LoveTNT Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) Internal sorrow, External expressions Fear, alone, confused, Doing it over and over Praying for the healing, Trusting the sunshine, my hearts sunshine shall return, me myself and I The covers lay over my face, It's so bright through the dusty storm, I calm my nerves, Inhale new beginnings, Exhale fragile broken pieces putting it all back together again, picking it all up one by one, bleeding fingers, sharp sorrow, and it all crumbles down again, broken pieces become smaller and smaller, picking it all back up again one by one, greater love, you've been here all along, peace, like tidal waves washing it all away Love me, love me I say to the person in the mirror because you're greater than the pain you're stronger than the chains breaking through the agony A queen thrives through the pain.. - Me Inspired by Corrine Bailey- I'd do it all again Edited September 13, 2010 by LoveTNT spell check
Shakz Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Love me, love me I say to the person in the mirror because you're greater than the pain you're stronger than the chains breaking through the agony A queen thrives through the pain.. This bit is quite good. The rest of the poem should be designed around the metaphor of a queen in chains, which is very powerful.
Author LoveTNT Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 This bit is quite good. The rest of the poem should be designed around the metaphor of a queen in chains, which is very powerful. I'm spilling, I'm exposed and it's going to be better than ok... Thank you...
Shakz Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I'm spilling, I'm exposed and it's going to be better than ok... Thank you... Yes, I got that and it is lovely in it's sincere expression of a sort of delicately painful purging. Then I read this last stanza and thought perhaps you were trying to express something more or different. I'm not saying it's incongruous. In fact, I liked the entire poem. Just this last part really resonates with me on a slightly different wavelength.
ShannonMI Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Internal sorrow, External expressions Fear, alone, confused, Doing it over and over Praying for the healing, Trusting the sunshine, my hearts sunshine shall return, me myself and I The covers lay over my face, It's so bright through the dusty storm, I calm my nerves, Inhale new beginnings, Exhale fragile broken pieces putting it all back together again, picking it all up one by one, bleeding fingers, sharp sorrow, and it all crumbles down again, broken pieces become smaller and smaller, picking it all back up again one by one, greater love, you've been here all along, peace, like tidal waves washing it all away Love me, love me I say to the person in the mirror because you're greater than the pain you're stronger than the chains breaking through the agony A queen thrives through the pain.. - Me Inspired by Corrine Bailey- I'd do it all again This is beautiful
Author LoveTNT Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Thank you Shannon I'm sure you can relate...
ShannonMI Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Thank you Shannon I'm sure you can relate... Yes absolutely
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