Mombot Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Had a long discussion with separated man- he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. He will not finalize until he retires 2 years and nine weeks from now. He plans to quit working and not draw his retirement. He would use savings to live on and spin his cash down in case she likes things the way they are. That way she will get less. He said he didn't want to say much before because that is a long time to wait. He bought himself a corvette, used, 1700 miles on it on Sunday.
Owl Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Had a long discussion with separated man- he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. He will not finalize until he retires 2 years and nine weeks from now. He plans to quit working and not draw his retirement. He would use savings to live on and spin his cash down in case she likes things the way they are. That way she will get less. He said he didn't want to say much before because that is a long time to wait. He bought himself a corvette, used, 1700 miles on it on Sunday. Wonderful...so he's got another 3 years before he has to demonstrate any real action to indicate he's really planning on being with you. And spinning things down so she gets less... Yep, he sounds like a heck of a catch! I can't imagine why he doesn't have women just standing in line waiting to be with him...
thomasb Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Had a long discussion with separated man- he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. He will not finalize until he retires 2 years and nine weeks from now. He plans to quit working and not draw his retirement. He would use savings to live on and spin his cash down in case she likes things the way they are. That way she will get less. He said he didn't want to say much before because that is a long time to wait. He bought himself a corvette, used, 1700 miles on it on Sunday. Wow, you have a real upstanding charmer there! He is not only betraying her physically, he is planning to betray her financially also. Good luck with that one.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Two years and nine months is not a 'definite plan' for anything except the date he intends to retire. That is pretty much all you can count on for right now. A lot can happen in 2+ years.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 if it were me - i'd get busy dating other available men for the next three years. IF he becomes free of her (notice i didn't say divorced) then you should consider him a viable dating partner then - and ONLY then. don't waste the next three years waiting and wondering - you've got plenty of living you can be doing without him.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Had a long discussion with separated man- he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. He will not finalize until he retires 2 years and nine weeks from now. He plans to quit working and not draw his retirement. He would use savings to live on and spin his cash down in case she likes things the way they are. That way she will get less. He said he didn't want to say much before because that is a long time to wait. He bought himself a corvette, used, 1700 miles on it on Sunday. FYI - if he's in CA - she can potentially still get half of his retirement money...
Confused4Now Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Two years and nine months is not a 'definite plan' for anything except the date he intends to retire. That is pretty much all you can count on for right now. A lot can happen in 2+ years.That's exactly what this tells me...amazing. So much for moving mountains for someone you love.
Author Mombot Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 He lives in Washington State.
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Alot can happen in the next 2-3 years. I really hope that you aren't putting your life on hold for a "possibility" of a future with this man. If you truly believe him, and are happy about this, good luck. I mean that in a good way because you're going to need it.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 he's told you what works for HIM. what did you respond with? what did you tell him works for YOU?
scatterd Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 This is not meant bad but he sounds like hes going through mid life crisis.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 He bought himself a corvette, used, 1700 miles on it on Sunday. did he buy it with 1700 miles on it - or he put 1700 miles on it in one day?
GorillaTheater Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 did he buy it with 1700 miles on it - or he put 1700 miles on it in one day? Probably the former. Even I'd be hard pressed to pull off the latter.
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Probably the former. Even I'd be hard pressed to pull off the latter. that's what i thought... trying to make sense of the way the sentence reads...
Author Mombot Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 I am not sure about what I think about this.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Had a long discussion with separated man- he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. He will not finalize until he retires 2 years and nine weeks from now. He plans to quit working and not draw his retirement. He would use savings to live on and spin his cash down in case she likes things the way they are. That way she will get less. wrong. she is entitled to 1/2 the marital assets. doesn't matter if he quits working or draws from his retirement or not. She will get 1/2 of what has been accumulated during the marriage. actually, waiting 2 more years while adding to retirement gets her more:) And not only is she entitled to it, she deserves every penny.
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I am not sure about what I think about this. You must have some sort reaction and thought to this. Do you believe him? That he is going to divorce and be with you in the next 3 to 4 years? Are you willing to put your life on hold for a pipe dream?
2sunny Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 You must have some sort reaction and thought to this. Do you believe him? That he is going to divorce and be with you in the next 3 to 4 years? Are you willing to put your life on hold for a pipe dream? i didn't read it as he stated absolutely he would be with Mombot - did he say that? he has a definite finish tp the marriage in mind. does it say he wants her? who's to say he won't meet other gals through the next few years.
whichwayisup Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 i didn't read it as he stated absolutely he would be with Mombot - did he say that? does it say he wants her? who's to say he won't meet other gals through the next few years. I'm reading between the lines here and I have a feeling that because MB's MM has given her abit of a timeline, it's getting her hopes up. Yes who knows what will happen in those next few years. He could meet someone else, or decide not to divorce. Or divorce and still decide not to be with MB.
Author Mombot Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 The car was in a collection. He did not pit the miles on it. Is there anyone out there that got a long timeline like that and it worked out?
carhill Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 OP, how old is he and does he have a competent family law attorney and financial planner on his team? I see some signs of a plan B at work. Most of my business colleagues have such plans in place to keep their businesses solvent and employees working if such issues as divorce were to befall them. It's about priorities. There are ways of structuring 'equitable' distributions to make everyone happy. If he is living in his own home alone (not apartment or condo) and has title to it in his name, that would be a good indication to me that he's moving down the road to divorce. The guys dating stbx can easily look up the tax records and see she owns her own place and I'm not involved at all (transmuted it) and our MSA will merely solidify reality. Look for stuff like that. Signs that he's seriously divorcing. Don't listen to talk. Look at actions. I can say, with the genders reversed, stbx has had no issues with men pursuing her in the 18 months we've been separated, pending divorce. Interesting how that works. Just one more stereotype at work.
2sunny Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 The car was in a collection. He did not pit the miles on it. Is there anyone out there that got a long timeline like that and it worked out? i don't see any big reason to put YOUR life on hold for several more years when he's really only shown words that make you think he will be with you. how much do you really have SOLID proof of anything? he still doesn't invite you to his gatherings with his adult kids (in fact he warns you not to expect a call from him while he's with them) even though he's stated that he's been separated for MANY years... and you've been seeing him 2 years now. how long are YOU willing to be his secret? why do you need to still be a secret? i still get so many indicators that he's not being honest with anyone here. too much stuff doesn't make sense. then when you leave he starts promising all these big plans to you. tell him to start taking action - then there might be something believable. hard evidence will mean everything at this juncture before you make a commitment for another 3 years. maybe he could have his wife call you to confirm that they plan to divorce, that shouldn't be so hard if it's been in the works for 9 years. when i was divorcing - i told my stbxH's GF that yes, we were definitely getting a divorce. she deserved to know he would be free - and she wanted to know from me - i had no problem with that, she deserved some peace of mind and i was willing to give her that. IF he was showing firm EVIDENCE that certain things are DEFINITELY moving in the right direction for it to actually LOOK like he was divorcing - it might be believable - but he's not, so it's too hard to believe him at all. he's only given you words - and we know how that goes in the end... i hate for you to throw away three more years to be left with empty promises.
jennie-jennie Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 [/b] i don't see any big reason to put YOUR life on hold for several more years when he's really only shown words that make you think he will be with you. how much do you really have SOLID proof of anything? he still doesn't invite you to his gatherings with his adult kids (in fact he warns you not to expect a call from him while he's with them) even though he's stated that he's been separated for MANY years... and you've been seeing him 2 years now. how long are YOU willing to be his secret? why do you need to still be a secret? i still get so many indicators that he's not being honest with anyone here. too much stuff doesn't make sense. then when you leave he starts promising all these big plans to you. tell him to start taking action - then there might be something believable. hard evidence will mean everything at this juncture before you make a commitment for another 3 years. maybe he could have his wife call you to confirm that they plan to divorce, that shouldn't be so hard if it's been in the works for 9 years. when i was divorcing - i told my stbxH's GF that yes, we were definitely getting a divorce. she deserved to know he would be free - and she wanted to know from me - i had no problem with that, she deserved some peace of mind and i was willing to give her that. IF he was showing firm EVIDENCE that certain things are DEFINITELY moving in the right direction for it to actually LOOK like he was divorcing - it might be believable - but he's not, so it's too hard to believe him at all. he's only given you words - and we know how that goes in the end... i hate for you to throw away three more years to be left with empty promises. Mombot, are you putting your life on hold? Are you throwing away days and years? Or are you living your life to the fullest enjoying the relationship you do have today? My MM and I have a long timeline. I am well aware that nothing might change at the end of that timeline, thus I have to get enough out of our relationship today to make it worthwhile. Ask yourself if you are where you want to be today and go from there. From what I have understood you are happy with your MM, and definitely happier with him than without him. So what's the problem really?
2sunny Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 jennie - you know what the problem is... that is why she's is here asking. your MM may be a bit different than others. from what Mombot has said - this MM hasn't promised her anything except to wait another 3 years to see when he gets divorced - and has lied to her and keeps her a secret... what is it about that which she should be happy about? i can't see how any of that would be even remotely happy.
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