KarmasTestDummy Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Is that when the man cheats only once when he realizes he no longer wants to be in his marriage, so he no longer has any guilt about being faithful? If so, that's what happened to me'. Doesn't change his unavailability status until he actually exits. Are these likelier to have happy endings? Do they often change their minds and decide to stay? I simply can't help holding out this ridiculous hope that our NC while he gets his **** taken care of will bring him back in my arms. I don't think I'll be able to move on with the possibility and promises lingering over my head. This is the only time in my life that things being over never felt over. It's killing me' because I haven't for a moment stopped loving him and wanting the happily ever after, but should a relationship be this damn hard?
WowReally Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Did he use that term or did someone else use it? The bottom line is his actions speak volumes! I hate to be the bearer of reality but what makes you think he's working on getting out of his marriage?
Confused4Now Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Did he use that term or did someone else use it? The bottom line is his actions speak volumes! I hate to be the bearer of reality but what makes you think he's working on getting out of his marriage?I'm a prime example of a exit affair. Before I met my xMW I had already made trips to my attorney regarding getting a divorce started. He basically told me to wait another 2 years till my middle son turned 18. Being that my xW worked offshift it really wasn't a struggle to stay in it we only saw each other on the weekends really. About that time I met my xMW..It wasn't hard to prove myself to her I was planning on leaving when I did. However she spoke the same words and never did leave or filed. I did know when I did leave I was prepared to lose both of them. Which I'm good with. I did get caught up in the whole fantasy things and I did struggled but time has put me in a better place. Again time and time again if you see guys hedging on leaving...bottom line is the guy has to had every intention of leaving which I already was there. My xMW just gave me the the tiny push if anything that I needed.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Did he use that term or did someone else use it? The bottom line is his actions speak volumes! I hate to be the bearer of reality but what makes you think he's working on getting out of his marriage? No he never defined anything we had. The term was Something I saw posted here on LS. It just made me curious. There's clearly Different types of affairs. Ones where the guy is meeting a sexual shortage with no ties or desire to leave, one that is strictly emotional, ones that started out emotional and turned physical, leaving everyone confused. Then there's ones like mine I think where the guy legitimately is not happy, just hasn't figured out the specifics to leaving yet. I never indicated he was leaving to be with me', he's leaving because that was his plan all along.
TinaniT Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 When I met my MM, he had already been to the attorneys and figured out the details of the divorce, what to expect, etc. He was planning on waiting... quite a while. He met me and it was very short term before he started the ball rolling (Actually he gave me longer expectations along the line than it actually took, part a small amount of luck and part he wanted to make sure not to disappoint me or not meet his word even to the slightest degree. He told me he was going to leave regardless of me and I just changed the timing - and later, that even if I backed out at that point (because I was feeling guilty) he would be proceeding once he had made the decision. I think he had decided his marriage had been over a long time and needed something to tell him that wasting any more time was not acceptable... I think he was looking for an exit. I don't know if I was looking for an exit, but it sure provided me an exit from my abusive H. Even still, we are together now and I don't think it's because he needed someone to be with but luck of the matter of who we are and that we found each other. Otherwise it would have crumbled in the stress of the D's and aftermath.
jj33 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Not necessarily. This isnt the happiest example but I know one guy who had an A on his way out of the marriage and when he left he left OW too said he needed a fresh start... Hes now married to someone else. There are no absolutes.
datura_noir Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Not necessarily. This isnt the happiest example but I know one guy who had an A on his way out of the marriage and when he left he left OW too said he needed a fresh start... Hes now married to someone else. I think that from reading around the internets, this was the perception that I got of an exit affair. Soft landing type of thing.
SidLyon Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) I had an exit affair. I was very young and had a 4.5 year long boyfriend (my first) who was cheating on me. I was on my way out of the relationship and had a brief fling with someone on the way out. I didn't leave for this other guy and had no plans to be with him. The fling didn't survive the exit and I never expected it to. It was another 15 years before I married my H and we've been married 17 years so my exit A was more than 30 years ago. Edited September 14, 2010 by SidLyon
siuys Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 I, too, had an exit affair about 10 years ago. I was married, but was unhappy. I exited the M emotionally long before I did physically. I met a guy whom I liked and we had an affair, that turned into a 9-year relationship which ended about year and a half ago. When I look back, I should not have jumped into the new relationship so fast. I was trying to avoid the pain of D, but in the end, I still had to grieve and handle everything while I was with the new boyfriend. It was unfair on him, and unhealthy for me. I think going slow is a must for someone in that situation. If your MM has decided he is going to leave, his actions will tell you. If no action, he's probably undecided, or too scared to do it yet (not enough pain yet). My MM told me that he wish he had met me after he's gone through this process. I told him I am not so sure he would be where he is at (separated, working on himself) if we hadn't met. We will never know I guess. I think for him, it was not an exit affair. Best of luck.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 As much as I love him my intent is to leave him alone and do his own thing. We both have said we wished we had met under different circumstances, but it didn't work out that way. I guess neither of us know what the future holds, but perhaps we're both exactly where we are meant to be...apart. I like to think that if he doesn't come back then I can accept that it was just one more stepping stone in my life and journey to where I do actually meet the guy I am meant to ultimately be with. For now I am taking a good friends advice and not looking for love any time soon. Skeptics will say I'm still hold g out for his return, but I know if I am not good with me', I can't be good for anyone else either. I'd like to avoid toxic relationships in the future, which means I have to first figure out why I'm drawn to them.
OWoman Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Is that when the man cheats only once when he realizes he no longer wants to be in his marriage, so he no longer has any guilt about being faithful? If so, that's what happened to me'. Doesn't change his unavailability status until he actually exits. Are these likelier to have happy endings? Do they often change their minds and decide to stay? I simply can't help holding out this ridiculous hope that our NC while he gets his **** taken care of will bring him back in my arms. I don't think I'll be able to move on with the possibility and promises lingering over my head. This is the only time in my life that things being over never felt over. It's killing me' because I haven't for a moment stopped loving him and wanting the happily ever after, but should a relationship be this damn hard? Has he left his M? If there's no exit, it's not an exit A.
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