Faruiza Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Ok, I am sure countless people have experienced this but it's new for me and feels horrible. I was on a second date with a new guy and bumped into my Ex boyfriend with a new girl. I broke up with him a year ago exactly, but I haven't found anyone that I get on with as well as him and so I'm still not facing up in my heart that it's over. It's possibly wrong, but in my head, it's completely natural - I have this feeling that if I don't find the right match for me I should go back to him. I am nearly 31 and I want a family with a good guy who I can spend time with happily, preferably feel that it is forever in my heart, but failing that...I should go with the best one. Anyway, it was awful because I don't feel anything for the date I was with. I had to introduce him and it must have looked like he was my new man, but it's far from the truth. The horrible bit was that my ex seemed unfriendly and was very casual with me. I have since looked up the girl on his facebook - there is a picture of them together and he met her abroad, so she is staying in London with him. Ie, it's pretty serious and he must really like her. In conclusion, I feel that there isn't anything to do or say. I am just left with nothing and no one, just a date I don't want to see again. And a horrid feeling of his withdrawal of affections - before I could harbour his friendship and regard in my heart. Even if they are imagined it was better than this - seeing him with someone else! I don't know where to go with this. He was one of my best friends. I ended it because I never saw our relationship as going the distance, instinctively, but it was hard because I loved his friendship and caring ways. I will call him, because I want to speak to him normally rather than that weird meeting. But I guess not make a big deal out of it - be a strong girl. What do people think? Am I experiencing normal feelings? Do I deserve to suffer because I ended it? Ie, am I being punished? If I truly loved him, would I have asked him to take me back, rather than hold him in the background, thinking that I may get back in touch some time? I just know that love is precious and it's so rare. What if I don't find this long lasting love in time? Before I am too old and can't have kids? (I am nearly 31)What if I have to be a single mum or marry someone I don't love? Any advice much appreciated, thank you xxxx
HopeLove Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Remember why you dumped him. You didn't see a future together. Do you see one now? and if yes, why? just because you saw him with someone else and realize you lost him? If he truly loved you he had a miserable time after the breakup so he deserves now to be happy. Don't call him if you don't want to get back together. Don't reopen his wounds and give him false hope just because you didn't like your last meeting. If you care about him, don't hurt him. You still have plenty of time so settle down with someone you don't truly love.
Meaplus3 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 What do people think? Am I experiencing normal feelings? Do I deserve to suffer because I ended it? Ie, am I being punished? If I truly loved him, would I have asked him to take me back, rather than hold him in the background, thinking that I may get back in touch some time? I just know that love is precious and it's so rare. What if I don't find this long lasting love in time? Before I am too old and can't have kids? (I am nearly 31)What if I have to be a single mum or marry someone I don't love? Any advice much appreciated, thank you xxxx Of course you do not deserve to suffer.. who does? But, it's painful when you go through a break up.. and it's VERY normal to feel like your suffering for a while. You need to grieve and get past the relationship. Look, you have plenty of time to have kid's and there are also PLENTY of fish in the sea. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Mea:)
pandagirl Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I don't know where to go with this. He was one of my best friends. I ended it because I never saw our relationship as going the distance, instinctively, but it was hard because I loved his friendship and caring ways. I will call him, because I want to speak to him normally rather than that weird meeting. But I guess not make a big deal out of it - be a strong girl. What do people think? Am I experiencing normal feelings? Do I deserve to suffer because I ended it? Ie, am I being punished? If I truly loved him, would I have asked him to take me back, rather than hold him in the background, thinking that I may get back in touch some time? I just know that love is precious and it's so rare. What if I don't find this long lasting love in time? Before I am too old and can't have kids? (I am nearly 31)What if I have to be a single mum or marry someone I don't love? Any advice much appreciated, thank you xxxx So... the reason you broke up with him, was because even though you loved him, you didn't see a future with him? Why is that?
Author Faruiza Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Thank you Hope Love and Meaplus 3, you've given me some good advice there. Pandagirl, the reason is hard to remember now, but I just knew that to go on would have been dishonest to him as for whatever reason, I never had the respect you need in a relationship. I always felt the stronger one in control and for that reason did not look up to him as a man. I want to share the trousers. It's really reallly hard to put into words Pandagirl. When I put a reason down it looks stupid. All I did was do what my heart was telling me to do and I reassessed it so many times. I have to trust I know what I am doing, especially because a life of analysis and backwards looking is making me miserable and worried. I have to trust my heart and spirit know what they are telling me. Thanks guys. xxxx:rolleyes:
bboy Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Those are harsh words Faruiza. I believe you're the only one who can answer why you had those feelings once and if it was because of you or him. If you want a man to look up to, do you let yourself have a man that looks down on you? Apparently you two didn't have the right combination then, so you would probably not have it now if nothing has changed. What you could have felt was jealousy of a situation. Didn't have much to do with him I believe. But what do we know? You're the one who were there...
Author Faruiza Posted September 14, 2010 Author Posted September 14, 2010 I did not mean to say harsh words at all. I am just trying to say something better than I just knew I wasn't serious about it. I really don't remember my feelings because time has passed. Sometimes - please God say this is true - sometimes you know what is right and wrong, they don't have to be a chainsaw murderer or an anger issue for you to think it should end. I'm just going on gut instinct. Surely that isn't wrong.
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