jholt Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 Me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 2 years. The two years we spent together were fantastic, we barely ever faught and we got along great. He is such a great guy and me and him just click. Everyone would always tell me about how great we were together and how you could tell that we really love eachother. But recently, whenever we would go out to parties etc, he would always leave me alone/ditch me for the whole night. Even when we were at a wedding that he invited me to, he would just leave me alone. At first, I tried to not let it bother me, but it would always make me upset. I tried to tell him that I didnt mind that he went off and did his own thing for a while, but I would like if he could just come find me every once in a while... but he never did. I would always end up crying and we would fight. I know that he does this because he is unsure if he wants to have a girlfriend, but it is really not fair to me. Just this last Saturday we broke up because he said he kept having these feelings at times that he didnt want to have a girlfriend. I understand because he is young (we are only 19) and I know that if he isnt sure that he wants to be together, its better to be apart. We agreed that we would give eachother space to figure out what we both wanted. It has been very hard for both of us to not talk to eachother since we both have strong feelings for one another, and we have ended up talking to eachother, briefly but almost daily. So clearly, the no contact thing isnt working. In a sense, I am glad that we are taking time apart, but then there is a part of me that misses him so much. I want to figure stuff out so that we both get what we want, i know that comprimise is very important in a relationship. Now I am miserable without him and I wish i could just tell him how much I want to be with him, but i know thats the wrong thing to do. I want to stay strong, but I dont think I can.. my feelings are so strong. Im so lost and confused. Im trying to keep busy, but I cant stop thinking about him. I know that he has to be alone so that he can realize what he wants. If anyone could give me advice, or any sort of similar personal experience.. that would be great... I want to stay strong and be patient, but its so hard. I just want him back
whatadeer26 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 I think you know exactly what you need to do, but won't allow yourself to do it. You need to explain to him that you should go No Contact and take time apart. I know how hard this is, but you need to do this for yourself. If he is unsure he wants a girlfriend you talking each day is only going to push him away. He has to realize what he is missing you can't show him. My ex has been told by many people that she is stupid for breaking up with me, but she has to realize this.
Ilovecake Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) Ummm he doesn't sound like a great guy at all he sounds like a guy who is seeing someone behind your back. comprimise is very important in a relationship. WRONG! Happiness is very important in a relationship. If you're en making compromises then you're being a doormat. You'll know when you're with the right person because you will not have to compromise anything to be happy with them. Edited September 13, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author jholt Posted September 13, 2010 Author Posted September 13, 2010 Im his first girlfriend, i mean he has been with other girls before me, but never in a relationship. I think he might be feeling a little overwhelmed that we have been going out for so long and so strong. He seems like he wants to get back together at some point, but he is unhappy that he is not making me happy. Until he figures out what he wants and what its like to be without me, he will not be able to be completely devoted to me as a boyfriend. From talking to him, he made it clear that he is having an equally as hard time without me.. I just wish he could figure it out sooner! I know that we have to do the no contact thing, so im going to do it. I just need distractions.. I cant stop thinking about him!
Trovador Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 he would always leave me alone/ditch me for the whole night he is having an equally as hard time without me One of the above sentences is false... which one? I'd never leave a gf alone even if I didn't love her... that's plainly rude, why would you want to keep a bf like him? You are young and beautiful, soon a nice man will find his way towards you...
whatadeer26 Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 You are both very young. I am 23 and consider myself young also. My ex was my first real relationship and I am having a hard time letting her go. As for compromise, don't be a push over. I was and regret it. You feel like if you're nice and the best boy/girlfriend they will realize what they are missing. NOT TRUE. You may feel that you won't love anyone like you love him, but that is not true. One of my good friends has been a key example of that to me. My ex and I tried to work on us, but it ended up being only me working.
lvixen Posted September 13, 2010 Posted September 13, 2010 As others have said, no decent guy will ditch his girlfriend at a party, wedding or other social outing. Even if he is not in love with her anymore. That's just straight up wrong. Sounds like during those 2 years you were quite happy and in love with no problems. But that doesn't mean he was equally as in love with you and as happy. As painful as this might be, he might not have ever have loved you, unfortunately. Or maybe he once did, but people fall out of love ALL the time and often times it's not the fault of the person who is still in love. It probably wasn't your fault at all, actually. I know you want him back, it's hard, I've been there. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want YOU back, there's nothing you can do about it except for heal. You said you're having a hard time taking your mind off him even with keeping busy. Yep, love will do that to you! At the beginning not much will take your mind off your ex but you HAVE to keep at it! Be strong and stay No Contact (NC)! Just wait, eventually the thoughts of him will fade and so will your feelings. When me and my ex first broke up I was thinking of him about 64 times a day (yes I counted hehe) but now after 5 months I think about him maybe once or twice a day. No Contact DOES work, you just have to be strong at the beginning and stick with it. And don't think you can be "friends" with him either, you can't! BE STRONG, I know you can do it! Good luck.
Tinytears Posted September 14, 2010 Posted September 14, 2010 My heart goes out to you. Im going through a hard time right now as well. Havent seen my boyfriend (or possible ex) in nearly a month and have just done no contact for 7 days and he contacted me lastnight, not sure if it was a good thing or not but my advice would be to not contact him for a week, he cant miss you if you contact him, and may start to wonder what you are doing. Thinking this got me through the week. Good luck, I know its so hard
Recommended Posts