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I really wish i can believe her, but deep inside I know its a lie...

p0w3r

By p0w3r
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

Posted
Posted

[sorry i posted this on the wrong forum so this is a repost. But any advice appreciated :)

 

This morning my girlfriend became sick with a flu/cold. She went to class this morning while being sick, and after her first class she felt she was too ill to go to anymore classes for the day and went back to her apartment. Now, she is very good friends with a guy who lives in the same apartment building as her, and went to his apartment almost immediately. (He almost never turns up to classes and stays home all day). My phone was broken all day, so I bumped into her on facebook in the afternoon and then she told me thru facebook that she was sick, having lots of pain and soreness etc etc and she was at this guys apartment (in his room obviously), because she was scared to stay home alone by herself. Then she asked me if she was able to see me soon. I said along the lines of: "aww you're sick, of course Im going to come see you and make you feel better (after i finish my classes)". She said something along the lines of:"yep ok we'll see if u can make me feel better, come see me after your class and we can go dinner" And then she told me she was gonna take a nap in his room after she got off Facebook.

 

Well, I got to that apartment building and headed to that guy's apartment. This was around 6.30pm. She opened the door and then I went in and me and her just sat down in that guy's living room and just chatted. (I thought, when I got there, she would take me and her back to her apartment and then we would hang out at in her apartment, but she just sat down on his couch and didn't seem to have any notions of going back to her apartment. Well, I thought it was bad of her and wrong for her to not take me back to her own apartment and talk there, (anyone agree?) but I didn't try to make a big deal about it and so we just talked in his living room.

 

I asked her a few random questions like, "what were you doing before here", "what are you doing now(just before I arrived)"?" "what was he doing all this time?" etc etc and she said she took a nap on his bed and then after was played video games on her PSP (Handheld Gaming Console); and he was just watching movies and playing PSP with her. I'm not actually suspicious of anything here, because I do realise that I can't stop her hanging out with him when they live so close to each other and it's better that she had someone to keep her company and she's scared of being home by herself. So even though I asked about it, I didn't ask with an intention to try to find out any "bad" things she did while being in his room, but more as in "hows your day" kind of way.

 

But the next part is really what has been making me annoying and bugging me:

 

After we chatted in his living room for about 30 or 40 mins, she randomly says to me: "go home." Now, I was very taken by surprise when I heard this!! I said.."oh..you want me to go home now?" She replied.."yeah..you havent been home for two days (I had slept over at hers and a friends house in each of the previous 2 nights), you should go home and take a good shower and go sort your car out and rest early."

 

Then at that moment I had a sudden rush of angry emotions coming up to my head. I thought my head: "whoa, @*#$&!!! wat the hell?!!!!!!!!! You tell me you are very sick and very painful and to come see you, and now 30 mins later you are telling me to go home?!!!!! WTF????!!!!...Do you ACTUALLY want to hang out with this guy (and not me) in his apartment and the your actual wants are you don't actually want to hang out with me, except other than u just want me to come up here so you can say hello to me and then tell me to *** off afterwards whenever u want?!!!!!!!"

 

Even though at this point I was angry and felt a sudden hollow feeling collapsing inside me, I decided not to get angry at her and just test out her real intentions nicely. I just asked her things like.."why are you so keen on staying in his apartment." She says she doesn't want to be home alone and they are going to finish off their PSP game together" I got a bit mad and asked her sternly"so you want to hang out with him?!!!!" She says..no no I just have nothing to do at home so here I can at least play games, and there is always someone to chat to." Now as this went on and on I couldn't control my emotions and got mad at her...( I didn't yell or raise my voice tho as there were other flatmates) I just became really serious and angry and thought..if you really just want someone to keep you company..aren't I the guy thats best for that?!!!! Why don't we go back to your apartment and we can hang out there?!!!! Then you won't be home alone ?!!!! I think you just really want to hang out with him and you just want me to leave asap!!" ( I didn't say any of this out loud to her at this point)

 

So I said to her..you go home too..she said:"no..I will go home later on when I need to go to sleep" I paused for a few minutes and said.."no you gotta go home, no joke, you are sick and you need rest and if you want to finsih your game come back later when you are feeling well" she heard this and became visibly annoyed...she said:"no no its fine i told you..you go home first...and then im gonna stay here until 9 and then i'll go home and sleep"..I repeated myself and said :"no no you are sick..you should go home early and rest and you don't actually have anything important to do here so you really should go home..seriously." She said .."do I have to? "

 

As this went on and on I got seriously annoyed and angry...I said to her in a angry boice (but not loud)...mate!!!!!!!!...why did you even tell me to come here??!! whats the point of me coming here to see you?!!! If you wanna hang out with him then Im fine with that..but then dont ask me to come !!!!!!!!! I don't want you be you guys' lightbulb!!!!!! You should do what you want to do...if you want to hang out with him??!! ok I am fine with that...but then just go hang out with him and don't ask me to come!! I told you I am not a backup !!!!!! If you want to hang with me?!!!!!!....ok sweet no problems we'll do that!!! But then we should go hang out ourselves and not hang out in some other dude's house!!!!!!" I don't want you to drag me there and then its like while I'm there im interfering with what you guys are wanting to do!!!!!!! Next time if you wanna hang out with him then don't get me!!!!!!! Get me to come see you only if you WANT to hang out with me!!!!!!!!!"

 

 

 

Well thats the story, I then told her its bad for us to hang out at someone elses place and we went back to her apartment. When we got back I asked her...why did you tell me to come and then tell me to go home?!!! she said..Its because its gonna be cold and you will have trouble finding a bus if you go home any later, if you drove your car today then I wouldn't have told you to go home." (all of this I think is purely an excuse she made up)

 

I have a few questions:

 

Was I right in getting angry at her?

 

Was I demanding too much or being too selfish when for having the mentality that "shouldn't see take us back to her own apartment once we got there instead of staying in his apartment?!".?

 

Do you guys think she wanted to stay with him and not me?

 

I think that "I want you to go home because there won't be many buses left later and it will be cold" reason she put forward is just utter bull***** she made up to try to make me leave early. You guys agree?

 

What should I do and say in future situations like this?

 

Is this relationship over? She wants to hang out with the other guy more than she wants to be with me? Is this correct?

 

THanks in advance.

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

Posted
Posted

You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be O.K. with this? It seems pretty obvious she is probably hot for this guy. I would not be surprised if they are not already involved.

 

She has a perfect excuse to stay in other men's apartments because she is afraid to be alone in an apartment.....Oh please. Don't waste your time on her. She is playing you and seems very immature. You go do better.

  • Author
p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

Posted
  • Author
Posted

she is indeed very immature. im her first "proper" boyfriend. she is 19 and while she had other boyfriends before, I would have exactly called them "boyfriends". None lasted for more than one month.

 

What do you think I should do now?

 

-take revenge on her by hanging out with other girls and ignoring her and treating her like a stranger?

 

-confront her again and get mad at her?

 

-plain dump her next time i see her

 

-should i try to save this relationship but telling her what I demand from her and see if she changes? Or is there no point

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted

Dump her... She was probably ****ing the guy all day long.

abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

Posted
Posted

You did well my friend. Got to be stern with her. If she wants to hang out with this guy all day, leave her to it. Don't text her, call her or anything. Seriously...she's hanging out in a another dudes place?

 

I had this **** with my ex. (with her ex). I finished it with her. It's going to drive you mad (like it hasn't already!) The borderline between boyfriend and "friend" is becoming increasingly blurry these days.

  • Author
p0w3r Established Member

p0w3r

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You did well my friend. Got to be stern with her. If she wants to hang out with this guy all day, leave her to it. Don't text her, call her or anything. Seriously...she's hanging out in a another dudes place?

 

I had this **** with my ex. (with her ex). I finished it with her. It's going to drive you mad (like it hasn't already!) The borderline between boyfriend and "friend" is becoming increasingly blurry these days.

 

You just straight up dumped her? You didn't try to explain to her and make her change?

abouttoloseit Established Member

abouttoloseit

Posted
Posted
You just straight up dumped her? You didn't try to explain to her and make her change?

 

You can't change anyone man. C'mon...you can't. Really think about it. No one is going to change, at least not for you. I didn't straight up dump her. It took a while. I don't like any gf of mine hanging around (let alone calling them their best friend) a guy she used to f*ck. That was my situation. It caused much grief. Then I had the pleasant experiences of bumping into guys at exhibitions and clubs that she'd alreayd had sex with, and there she was chatting with them. Don't ask why I know all this.

 

Ur gf and my ex live in different worlds.

 

I think the perfect world is one where everybody f*cks each other and is best friends with everyone Or at least thats where I think my ex lived. At least in her head.

lebbis Member

lebbis

Posted
Posted (edited)

The problem is with you.

 

You are too passive, and this girl is now walking all over you. I wouldn't be surprised this sort of dynamic carried over into other parts of your relationship.

 

So she's hanging out with another guy in his apartment? And you are fine with that? No you are not, at least you shouldn't be.

 

Look at what happened here, she told you to beat it so she could hang out with another guy. This violates the most basic of territorial claims in nature and it is an assault on your manhood. It is an insult to you as a human being, and you are letting it happen.

 

She's probably an immature brat, but your attitude has nurtured the growth of a beast. There's no way she can respect you as a man, so take charge, my friend!

 

Command respect, and if she doesn't give it to you, get rid of her. Your new found swagger will get you a better woman anyway.

Edited by lebbis
wicar1 Established Member

wicar1

Posted
Posted
[sorry i posted this on the wrong forum so this is a repost. But any advice appreciated :)

 

This morning my girlfriend became sick with a flu/cold. She went to class this morning while being sick, and after her first class she felt she was too ill to go to anymore classes for the day and went back to her apartment. Now, she is very good friends with a guy who lives in the same apartment building as her, and went to his apartment almost immediately. (He almost never turns up to classes and stays home all day). My phone was broken all day, so I bumped into her on facebook in the afternoon and then she told me thru facebook that she was sick, having lots of pain and soreness etc etc and she was at this guys apartment (in his room obviously), because she was scared to stay home alone by herself. Then she asked me if she was able to see me soon. I said along the lines of: "aww you're sick, of course Im going to come see you and make you feel better (after i finish my classes)". She said something along the lines of:"yep ok we'll see if u can make me feel better, come see me after your class and we can go dinner" And then she told me she was gonna take a nap in his room after she got off Facebook.

 

Well, I got to that apartment building and headed to that guy's apartment. This was around 6.30pm. She opened the door and then I went in and me and her just sat down in that guy's living room and just chatted. (I thought, when I got there, she would take me and her back to her apartment and then we would hang out at in her apartment, but she just sat down on his couch and didn't seem to have any notions of going back to her apartment. Well, I thought it was bad of her and wrong for her to not take me back to her own apartment and talk there, (anyone agree?) but I didn't try to make a big deal about it and so we just talked in his living room.

 

I asked her a few random questions like, "what were you doing before here", "what are you doing now(just before I arrived)"?" "what was he doing all this time?" etc etc and she said she took a nap on his bed and then after was played video games on her PSP (Handheld Gaming Console); and he was just watching movies and playing PSP with her. I'm not actually suspicious of anything here, because I do realise that I can't stop her hanging out with him when they live so close to each other and it's better that she had someone to keep her company and she's scared of being home by herself. So even though I asked about it, I didn't ask with an intention to try to find out any "bad" things she did while being in his room, but more as in "hows your day" kind of way.

 

But the next part is really what has been making me annoying and bugging me:

 

After we chatted in his living room for about 30 or 40 mins, she randomly says to me: "go home." Now, I was very taken by surprise when I heard this!! I said.."oh..you want me to go home now?" She replied.."yeah..you havent been home for two days (I had slept over at hers and a friends house in each of the previous 2 nights), you should go home and take a good shower and go sort your car out and rest early."

 

Then at that moment I had a sudden rush of angry emotions coming up to my head. I thought my head: "whoa, @*#$&!!! wat the hell?!!!!!!!!! You tell me you are very sick and very painful and to come see you, and now 30 mins later you are telling me to go home?!!!!! WTF????!!!!...Do you ACTUALLY want to hang out with this guy (and not me) in his apartment and the your actual wants are you don't actually want to hang out with me, except other than u just want me to come up here so you can say hello to me and then tell me to *** off afterwards whenever u want?!!!!!!!"

 

Even though at this point I was angry and felt a sudden hollow feeling collapsing inside me, I decided not to get angry at her and just test out her real intentions nicely. I just asked her things like.."why are you so keen on staying in his apartment." She says she doesn't want to be home alone and they are going to finish off their PSP game together" I got a bit mad and asked her sternly"so you want to hang out with him?!!!!" She says..no no I just have nothing to do at home so here I can at least play games, and there is always someone to chat to." Now as this went on and on I couldn't control my emotions and got mad at her...( I didn't yell or raise my voice tho as there were other flatmates) I just became really serious and angry and thought..if you really just want someone to keep you company..aren't I the guy thats best for that?!!!! Why don't we go back to your apartment and we can hang out there?!!!! Then you won't be home alone ?!!!! I think you just really want to hang out with him and you just want me to leave asap!!" ( I didn't say any of this out loud to her at this point)

 

So I said to her..you go home too..she said:"no..I will go home later on when I need to go to sleep" I paused for a few minutes and said.."no you gotta go home, no joke, you are sick and you need rest and if you want to finsih your game come back later when you are feeling well" she heard this and became visibly annoyed...she said:"no no its fine i told you..you go home first...and then im gonna stay here until 9 and then i'll go home and sleep"..I repeated myself and said :"no no you are sick..you should go home early and rest and you don't actually have anything important to do here so you really should go home..seriously." She said .."do I have to? "

 

As this went on and on I got seriously annoyed and angry...I said to her in a angry boice (but not loud)...mate!!!!!!!!...why did you even tell me to come here??!! whats the point of me coming here to see you?!!! If you wanna hang out with him then Im fine with that..but then dont ask me to come !!!!!!!!! I don't want you be you guys' lightbulb!!!!!! You should do what you want to do...if you want to hang out with him??!! ok I am fine with that...but then just go hang out with him and don't ask me to come!! I told you I am not a backup !!!!!! If you want to hang with me?!!!!!!....ok sweet no problems we'll do that!!! But then we should go hang out ourselves and not hang out in some other dude's house!!!!!!" I don't want you to drag me there and then its like while I'm there im interfering with what you guys are wanting to do!!!!!!! Next time if you wanna hang out with him then don't get me!!!!!!! Get me to come see you only if you WANT to hang out with me!!!!!!!!!"

 

 

 

Well thats the story, I then told her its bad for us to hang out at someone elses place and we went back to her apartment. When we got back I asked her...why did you tell me to come and then tell me to go home?!!! she said..Its because its gonna be cold and you will have trouble finding a bus if you go home any later, if you drove your car today then I wouldn't have told you to go home." (all of this I think is purely an excuse she made up)

 

I have a few questions:

 

Was I right in getting angry at her?

 

Was I demanding too much or being too selfish when for having the mentality that "shouldn't see take us back to her own apartment once we got there instead of staying in his apartment?!".?

 

Do you guys think she wanted to stay with him and not me?

 

I think that "I want you to go home because there won't be many buses left later and it will be cold" reason she put forward is just utter bull***** she made up to try to make me leave early. You guys agree?

 

What should I do and say in future situations like this?

 

Is this relationship over? She wants to hang out with the other guy more than she wants to be with me? Is this correct?

 

THanks in advance.

 

Seems she has chosen him over you and she is trying to let you know indirectly. Watch out...

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