I really wish i can believe her, but deep inside I know its a lie...

[Angel1111]

Either way, it works.

[p0w3r]

I wouldn't do that until you talk to her. And, then, delete away...!!!!

 

 

 

Ah, I have just deleted her as my girlfriend on facebook. and I scheduled a meeting with her in a few hours time on facebook with her as she started a conversation with me 1 hour ago(before I deleted anything) asking me to remove her as my "children" on it.

 

Does this affect or impact anything? (or how is this better or worse than if I had talked to her first and then did it?)

[Angel1111]

Ah, I have just deleted her as my girlfriend on facebook. and I scheduled a meeting with her in a few hours time on facebook with her as she started a conversation with me 1 hour ago(before I deleted anything) asking me to remove her as my "children" on it.

 

Does this affect or impact anything? (or how is this better or worse than if I had talked to her first and then did it?)

 

Don't worry about it. In the great scheme of things, it's not relevant.

[p0w3r]

after she realises I deleted the relationship status over facebook, shes like, "oh, you deleted the relationship status..."

 

I said, "isnt this what you wanted?"

 

She said:" i told you to delete the children status, and you deleted relationship status...its alright...if thats what you want...I guess you wanted to delete the relationship status ages ago.......

 

 

 

 

the chatlog that took place:

 

 

 

Me

 

2:06pm

her

 

and u deleted the relationship

oh well

2:06pm

Me

 

Isn't that what you want?

2:06pm

her

 

its altight

2:06pm

Me

 

buddy

 

we need to meet one more time.

2:06pm

her

 

?

2:07pm

Me

 

To make arrangements about the scarf, phone, my stuff, your stuff, etc etc.

And if you have anything to say to me and ask me u can do it when we meet.

2:08pm

her

 

oh thanks

man

now i cant do my test anymore

2:08pm

Me

 

What do you mean?

2:08pm

her

 

i have a test 2nite

2:09pm

Me

 

If meeting you at 3 is too soon then ok we can meet at 9. Or maybe even 10.

2:09pm

her

 

and thx cuz of this

i cant do any study now

2:10pm

Me

 

Isn't this what you wanted?

2:11pm

her

 

hehe i think you wanted to delete the relationship long time ago

i cant say anything abt it

2:11pm

Me

 

It would be good if you can answer my question.

2:11pm

her

 

wat question

2:12pm

Me

 

Isn't this what you wanted?

2:12pm

her

 

do you bliv me ?

if i say anything

cuz if i say anything and you dnt bliv me then i wont say it

cuz no point

2:13pm

Me

 

Say what you want to say.

Me and you are over.

It doesn't really matter if we believe each other anymore.

2:13pm

her

 

ya

over

thx.

2:14pm

Me

 

no.

I think, you, think its all my fault.

2:14pm

her

 

no

its all my fault

i kno it

2:14pm

Me

 

But as I said, I don't want to talk about any of this on Facebook.

2:14pm

her

 

and im sry abt dat

2:14pm

Me

 

Thats why I say u and me meet in person .

2:15pm

her

 

ok ok

mister

2:15pmMe

 

Whatever you say, I hope its what you really think.

2:15pm

her

 

ok

ok

listen

2:15pm

Me

 

But it doesn't matter to me anymore.

So.

2:15pm

her

 

oh

..

ok then no point for me anymore

=]

dont worry

2:16pm

Me

 

You should say it in person.

2:16pm

her

 

dw i wont say it anymore

but one thing. i never blamed you

i mean

i never think its ur fault

and i was thinking abt this for the whole week

and its all my fault

dats it.

im not a good girlfriend

sorry for that

2:21pm

her

 

as u sed

time for party

for you.

 

 

2:25pm

Me

 

well

whether its party time for me or not

you are not affected by that

right?

2:26pm

her

 

hehe dont worry about me

2:26pm

Me

 

I'm not

I'm not worrying about you.

2:26pm

her

 

if im happy or not , u dont want to know anyways

2:28pm

 

2:30pm

Me

 

You hate me.

I know.

2:31pm

her

 

you can just pretend i hate you

its alright

2:32pm

Me

 

Not pretending

2:32pm

her

 

i dont hate you. im telling you that

so you can just pretend i hate you

or you can hate me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But anyways, even though I was about to delete it before, I've deleted everything now.

should I continue this conversation with her? or just say, listen, why the hell are we talking about this??!!!! its over. get u and my stuff sorted out and goodbye.

 

someone please help me out with what just went on and what i should do. im confused. truth to be told i still want to talk to her. but i want to man up and get over this and be man that dont put up with what she did.

[p0w3r]

Also, be prepared for major grilling on the scarf.

 

yea. the drama hasnt come to end yet.

[counterman]

Just stop that FB conversation with her. Meet her in person to work out what's happening with your stuff and her stuff. Then, after all that is settled, go straight to no contact. You know you're not going to get anywhere if this drags out any longer.

[Angel1111]

This is exactly why I said to stay off of facebook. Now you just broke up with her through the internet. Way to go. This just keeps getting worse by degrees.

 

Decide on a time the two of you can meet and stop talking on facebook, text or anything else that doesn't involve a face-to-face conversation!

[Cracker Jack]

That conversation made me dizzy.

 

Were you guys in a sexual relationship? For some reason, it just doesn't seem all that serious--even though I'm sure it was.

[p0w3r]

Just stop that FB conversation with her. Meet her in person to work out what's happening with your stuff and her stuff. Then, after all that is settled, go straight to no contact. You know you're not going to get anywhere if this drags out any longer.

 

so should I discuss any of the relationship stuff with her like whos fault it is and im sorry etc that kind of things??

 

i ended the convo with her at the end of that message log by just not replying. was it better to just suddenly stop replying? or should i have told her to stop talking about all this to me and stopping have this convo with me (because I had replied to her other messges I think I gave an impression I was still friendly with her and was willing to talk about it).

 

her latest facebook status was, :"its finally over for me. are you satisfied are you satisfied are you satisfied?"

 

how do i analyse that?

 

thanks

[p0w3r]

That conversation made me dizzy.

 

Were you guys in a sexual relationship? For some reason, it just doesn't seem all that serious--even though I'm sure it was.

 

No. we had no sex as she was very serious bout no sex before marriage. there was making out and touching etc but it wasnt a sexual relationship AT ALL.

 

should I have had that conversation? or just stopped at . "lets meet tonight and sort things out one last time."

 

what made u think its not serious?

[p0w3r]

This is exactly why I said to stay off of facebook. Now you just broke up with her through the internet. Way to go. This just keeps getting worse by degrees.

 

Decide on a time the two of you can meet and stop talking on facebook, text or anything else that doesn't involve a face-to-face conversation!

 

How is breaking up with her over facebook affect things? She deleted tht children status thing there so I thought she was already over with me having me in her life.

 

Explain please

[p0w3r]

sorry, I dont think I get this. But what was the significance of me breaking up with her on facebook?

 

She had already deleted the "children/parent" section of me and her on facebook, which I thought meant that she was not willing to see me as a friend/boyfriend anymore. What I did I thought was simply just cutting the last remains of whatever remained after I told her I'll disappear from your life and her deleting the children thing.

[Angel1111]

How is breaking up with her over facebook affect things? She deleted tht children status thing there so I thought she was already over with me having me in her life.

 

Explain please

 

I don't know because I'm not her. Despite what SHE did on facebook, if you had just stayed off of it until this was resolved in person, you wouldn't have gotten sucked into that discussion and you wouldn't have ended up breaking up with her in that manner. But no point in crying over spilt milk. I'm sure it'll all get resolved....eventually.

 

If it's possible, you need to walk or drive or whatever yourself over to her place right now and TALK. If it's not possible, then see her as soon as it's possible because this does not need to be hanging in the air. In the meantime....

 

Stay. Off. Of. Facebook. Let me know when it sinks in.

[p0w3r]

I don't know because I'm not her. Despite what SHE did on facebook, if you had just stayed off of it until this was resolved in person, you wouldn't have gotten sucked into that discussion and you wouldn't have ended up breaking up with her in that manner. But no point in crying over spilt milk. I'm sure it'll all get resolved....eventually.

 

If it's possible, you need to walk or drive or whatever yourself over to her place right now and TALK. If it's not possible, then see her as soon as it's possible because this does not need to be hanging in the air. In the meantime....

 

Stay. Off. Of. Facebook. Let me know when it sinks in.

 

Ok, so was it THAT BAD that the breakup was done on facebook? how did it affect things?

 

she has a test this evening. I don't think I should go over when she has a test. Maybe see her straightafter the test?

 

what should we be talking about in the talk? should it be a discussion? what should I be saying? topics?

[Cracker Jack]

No. we had no sex as she was very serious bout no sex before marriage. there was making out and touching etc but it wasnt a sexual relationship AT ALL.

 

Interesting. How long were you guys together for, again?

 

should I have had that conversation? or just stopped at . "lets meet tonight and sort things out one last time."

 

I think you should've just suggested the meeting and left it at that. Now, continuing wasn't the worse thing, since most guys would've probably did the same--but at this point, was it really worth it? She answers questions in the worse possible way, too.

 

what made u think its not serious?

 

I dunno. Everything, from your chats, to how you guys interact (Based on what you've elaborated on) just makes it seem...so, lacking; like it's not even real or worth fighting for.

[counterman]

That's the thing... It should have never happened on Facebook. It has happened already, so nothing you can do now. I think what you should have done was make an excuse to go somewhere and tell her that you will see her later to discuss the arrangement for things.

 

However, if the things are not worth that much value, I would just let her have it and drop a box of her things are her place (or get someone to do it). Then, I would not contact her again.

 

And, the talk... My last break-up, I didn't even get the chance to talk. I realised that she was never going to be straight up with her answers. And, what do I achieve with talking about what went wrong and whatnot? Nothing. The issues are still there and we've broken up. Just end it and move on. Start you're healing as soon as possible by not letting this drag.

[p0w3r]

Interesting. How long were you guys together for, again?

 

4 months and 3 weeks.

 

 

 

I think you should've just suggested the meeting and left it at that. Now, continuing wasn't the worse thing, since most guys would've probably did the same--but at this point, was it really worth it? She answers questions in the worse possible way, too.

 

Ok. Why did she answer questions in the worse possible way? what do you mean when you say that?

 

 

 

 

I dunno. Everything, from your chats, to how you guys interact (Based on what you've elaborated on) just makes it seem...so, lacking; like it's not even real or worth fighting for.

 

I'm not sure what you meant by serious. But we weren't THAT close. I knew, and she knew, that this wasnt going to last til marriage, even though we never said that out obviously. Ok, in a sense it wasn't like a very serious thing. But we thought this could develop into 2 or 3 years.

 

 

 

 

The question I want to know now, if you can help me with it, is that, I admit I got sucked into what happend over facebook. I WANTED to meet in person and sort things out. By she initiated my actions by deleting me as a "family member" on her facebook relationships sections. That to me showed that if I didnt do anything until we met she'd probably already have deleted the relationship status herself before we meet. (because I had already made clear to her a few days ago that I was gonna disappear from her life).

 

So what did breaking up on facebook meant?

[p0w3r]

That's the thing... It should have never happened on Facebook. It has happened already, so nothing you can do now. I think what you should have done was make an excuse to go somewhere and tell her that you will see her later to discuss the arrangement for things.

 

However, if the things are not worth that much value, I would just let her have it and drop a box of her things are her place (or get someone to do it). Then, I would not contact her again.

 

And, the talk... My last break-up, I didn't even get the chance to talk. I realised that she was never going to be straight up with her answers. And, what do I achieve with talking about what went wrong and whatnot? Nothing. The issues are still there and we've broken up. Just end it and move on. Start you're healing as soon as possible by not letting this drag.

 

Yes, I now realise it should have never happened on facebook. I guess I just wanted to jump the gun as soon as possible and panicked when she deleted me as her family member on facebook before she deletes the whole thing including being in a relationship.

 

Was it that bad tho? So if we meet then should I pretend the facebook chat never happened and talk about the things in person?

 

I think I should have dumped her in person. But that "family member" deletion really struck me as her wanting to end this too. So I dumped her asap.

 

WE've already set up a meeting. What should we be discussing about in the meeting? Does that facebook chat affect any thing we say in the meeting?

[Cracker Jack]

Ok. Why did she answer questions in the worse possible way? what do you mean when you say that?

 

What I mean is that she comes across as someone who's immature when it comes to having a convo. I know not much can be understood through online chatting, but the "hehe", and "ok ok mister", and many other things just makes her sound silly and not serious when it comes to your relationship. Maybe it's just me.

 

I'm not sure what you meant by serious. But we weren't THAT close. I knew, and she knew, that this wasnt going to last til marriage, even though we never said that out obviously. Ok, in a sense it wasn't like a very serious thing. But we thought this could develop into 2 or 3 years.

 

It's not just about the seriousness of your relationship, but like I mentioned above--her entire demeanor. She just doesn't sound like someone who's even close to being mentally ready for something serious; let alone a working process that should develop in a few yrs. So, in short, it just seems like you were wasting time here.

 

That's why the Facebook convo didn't need to last long. It's obvious what you say to her will not matter, nor garner any sort of real response from her.

 

 

 

 

The question I want to know now, if you can help me with it, is that, I admit I got sucked into what happend over facebook. I WANTED to meet in person and sort things out. By she initiated my actions by deleting me as a "family member" on her facebook relationships sections. That to me showed that if I didnt do anything until we met she'd probably already have deleted the relationship status herself before we meet. (because I had already made clear to her a few days ago that I was gonna disappear from her life).

 

So what did breaking up on facebook meant?

Considering the circumstances, I don't think it meant much of anything. Dude, if she really wants to meet up, let her arrange things. My opinion? You need to seriously just walk away from her and just not contact her at this point. What's done is done; no use in literally driving yourself insane over "what this or that could mean", since it's fruitless right about now.

 

Not trying to be harsh or anything, man. I'm just saying you need to let this entire thing go.

[p0w3r]

What I mean is that she comes across as someone who's immature when it comes to having a convo. I know not much can be understood through online chatting, but the "hehe", and "ok ok mister", and many other things just makes her sound silly and not serious when it comes to your relationship. Maybe it's just me.

 

 

 

It's not just about the seriousness of your relationship, but like I mentioned above--her entire demeanor. She just doesn't sound like someone who's even close to being mentally ready for something serious; let alone a working process that should develop in a few yrs. So, in short, it just seems like you were wasting time here.

 

That's why the Facebook convo didn't need to last long. It's obvious what you say to her will not matter, nor garner any sort of real response from her.

 

 

 

 

Considering the circumstances, I don't think it meant much of anything. Dude, if she really wants to meet up, let her arrange things. My opinion? You need to seriously just walk away from her and just not contact her at this point. What's done is done; no use in literally driving yourself insane over "what this or that could mean", since it's fruitless right about now.

 

Not trying to be harsh or anything, man. I'm just saying you need to let this entire thing go.

 

Yes, she is very immature. Everyone has made fun of her being a 12 year old. She looks very young too and she dresses very young. ALl the previous arguments I've had with her she did not have mature proper responses to me.(I thought as long as she got my message that was the goal).

 

I, not her, have asked her to have one last meeting. (to talk about the scarf and discuss the things we discussed in that facebook chatlog in person). So I'm the one whos asking her to meet and have one last convo. I was originally gonna breakup with her during that in-person convo, but llooks like I've already jumped the gun on that one and did it over facebook.

 

I asked her, can we stop talking on facebook? and do you want to have this one in-person talk? She said, yes, I think its good for both of us"

 

So should I just cancel the meeting?

 

As seen, I've already broken up with her on facebook. (not sure how bad that was but it was done.)

[counterman]

Well, what is done is done. It doesn't matter anymore. For example, my ex girlfriend set up a date and time to meet up with me to break-up with me...but it was like a week later. So, during that week she went partying and you know, the usual with her friends but she left me hanging and left our relationship in limbo. I felt I was worth more than that... and after being a relationship with her, I thought I deserved better. So, I just called her and said look, if you want to end it, then go ahead. But seriously, she should have met up with me asap to break it off. In your case, I think, no matter what happens, it's always better to break-up in person. That's my opinion anyways.

 

The bottom line here is that you've broken up with her. There doesn't need to be a talk, unless you're trying to salvage something. The lessons that are learnt will be for your benefit. If she doesn't learn or understand what went wrong or what her mistakes her, so be it. It is not of your concern anymore.

 

I'll turn the question around, what do YOU want to discuss? It seems as though you want to get it into your head that what she did wrong.

 

Let me tell you this, there's no point to it. Only be realising herself can she learn from her mistakes. As I have learnt from mine, I don't think my ex has learnt from hers... and if there's ever a chance,in years time, she realises how badly she treated me and wants to make amends, it's way too late.

[that girl]

I WANTED to meet in person and sort things out. By she initiated my actions by deleting me as a "family member" on her facebook relationships sections. That to me showed that if I didnt do anything until we met she'd probably already have deleted the relationship status herself before we meet.

Why would you even care if she deleted you when you were planning on dumping her? You did the whole thing as preemptive childish strike.

 

Then you try to guilt her with the whole test thing. And then you didn't even end the conversation with something like "We should just talk about this in person." You just left her hanging.

 

ALl the previous arguments I've had with her she did not have mature proper responses to me.(I thought as long as she got my message that was the goal).

 

Dude, you basically threw a hissy fit at her repeatedly with your screaming "Him or me!" You need to recognize your own issues or you are just going to do the same thing with the next girl.

 

Try this. Imagine you are your girlfriend. You don't like being in your apartment alone so you start hanging out with a neighbor who your girlfriend knows. There is no flirting or anything, you just hang out together. Your girlfriend isn't all that avaliable anyway since it takes a long bus ride for them to get to your place and you're both busy with classes. Your girlfriend goes a little cold when it comes up, but doesn't say anything so you figure it is fine. Until she blows up at you and starts screaming how you have to choose.

 

Doesn't that sound a little crazy and immature?

 

I'm not saying she isn't immature too, but you're the story of the crazy, manipulative college boyfriend she will be telling in 5 years.

[p0w3r]

Why would you even care if she deleted you when you were planning on dumping her? You did the whole thing as preemptive childish strike.

 

Then you try to guilt her with the whole test thing. And then you didn't even end the conversation with something like "We should just talk about this in person." You just left her hanging.

 

 

Dude, you basically threw a hissy fit at her repeatedly with your screaming "Him or me!" You need to recognize your own issues or you are just going to do the same thing with the next girl.

 

Try this. Imagine you are your girlfriend. You don't like being in your apartment alone so you start hanging out with a neighbor who your girlfriend knows. There is no flirting or anything, you just hang out together. Your girlfriend isn't all that avaliable anyway since it takes a long bus ride for them to get to your place and you're both busy with classes. Your girlfriend goes a little cold when it comes up, but doesn't say anything so you figure it is fine. Until she blows up at you and starts screaming how you have to choose.

 

Doesn't that sound a little crazy and immature?

 

I'm not saying she isn't immature too, but you're the story of the crazy, manipulative college boyfriend she will be telling in 5 years.

 

Um, first of all, there was MAJOR flirting.

 

She and this guy flirts ALL THE TIME. Like when he teases her about things, she'd go up to him and playfight with him. In front of me. I mean if I have to tell her to stop flirting with him and sleeping in his bed and telling me to go home, then I probably have to tell her everything about how to be a girlfriend. And that's kinda like converting someone. It wont work unless she is on approximately the same page.

 

She got angry at me when I was flirting with our girls in front of her too. I avoided trying to flirt in front of her. But once this girl was crying after being drink as we walked along the street to take her back to her house, I said something to my (ex now) like hey i cant talk to u now I gotta make sure this girl is okay and I walked with the girl while she walked with another (male)friend. Shes suddenly erupted and screamed :"go take care of her then!!! why the @$@ you want to care about me!!!"

 

And whenever I talked to a girl or flirted with another girl she'd always mock me like..."skux huh skux..." and she'd become visibly displeased.

 

She never said in words that she's not comfortable with that. She just got angry.

 

I went clubbing once with another girl and she found out. She instantly became angry. She didn't tell me how she felt but she just became angry for seemingly no reason until I HAD TO ASK why are you angry and she mumbled a few words.

 

I am not manipulative. Or did not try to be. I did go angry to her a few times. But there were times I told her in a normal (although annoyed) manner the things I had an issue with. She just said a few words like :' you are the most important person to me and they are just substitutes". I mean, I wasnt gonna force her to make a long statement about what she really thinks, but its not me being manipulative. You do expect me to be calm and act like nothing happend when she did all those things?

 

I acted nice to her. But I have feelings too and I showed them.

 

 

 

 

I'm a harsh critic ofmyself, but this time I'm willing to give myself the benefit of the doubt. After all, she lasted 2 or 3 weeks with her ex this year and did not last for more than one month with any of her other ex's (although those were at school ).

[p0w3r]

I'm going to meet her for one last time in 2 hours, and I would like someone to give me some answers to what exactly I should do in that meeting.

 

After me already dumping her on facebook, what kind of things should we be discussing in the meeting? Should I act like a serious person or should I act like a angry person or should I act like a friendly person?

 

Should I treat her like a friend or should I treat her like a stranger or should I treat her like an enemy?

 

Shall we discuss what went wrong in the relationship and what we think about each other? Should I try to put the blame on her by telling her what she did wrong? Or just talk about the very basic things like when I can meet you nexttime for the scarf and keep it very brief.

 

Thanks so much.

 

[that girl]

She and this guy flirts ALL THE TIME. Like when he teases her about things, she'd go up to him and playfight with him. In front of me. I mean if I have to tell her to stop flirting with him and sleeping in his bed and telling me to go home, then I probably have to tell her everything about how to be a girlfriend. And that's kinda like converting someone. It wont work unless she is on approximately the same page.

 

She got angry at me when I was flirting with our girls in front of her too. I avoided trying to flirt in front of her. But once this girl was crying after being drink as we walked along the street to take her back to her house, I said something to my (ex now) like hey i cant talk to u now I gotta make sure this girl is okay and I walked with the girl while she walked with another (male)friend. Shes suddenly erupted and screamed :"go take care of her then!!! why the @$@ you want to care about me!!!"

I don't think you mentioned the flirting before, but I really don't see how helping a drunk girl is flirting. The bottom line is that you are both immature.

 

I think you need to consider you own behavior so you don't make the same mistakes again.

 

-You keep bringing up how she doesn't have much relationship experience and implying you have more experience as if this gives you the upper hand. It really doesn't matter. Some people date only a little but make a great partner when they meet the right person and some people have multiple immature relationships. This girl is immature, but so are you.

 

-If you have a problem, you need to present it clearly and discuss it. You seem to have switched between letting it drop and screaming at her. You cannot force anyone to do what you want them to do. What you can do is bring up an issue, geniunely listen to their side, and suggest solutions. Things might not work out and you often need to be willing to bend. Saying "I don't feel comfortable with you napping in some other guy's bed no matter where he is. Would you agree to not do that again?" is a reasonable. Screaming at her "It is him or me!"

is not reasonable.

 

-If a problem starts on IM, Facebook or texting call the person.

 

-Don't hang up or just dissapear from IM conversations. It is rude.

 

-If something is important to someone else and you lose it or damage it, it doesn't matter whether or not you think it was valueable. You screwed up.

 

Should I treat her like a friend or should I treat her like a stranger or should I treat her like an enemy?

An enemy? Your whole mindset is warped. This isn't war.

 

Should I try to put the blame on her by telling her what she did wrong?

This will only lead to drama. It would be one thing if she cheated on you, but really you have both acted badly.

 

Or just talk about the very basic things like when I can meet you nexttime for the scarf and keep it very brief.

Yes, if she will go for it. That doesn't mean running out on her if she wants to talk.

 

Try to end things reasonably well.