Counselling

[worlybear]

Just had my 2nd counselling session today and sadly have to say I am not impressed.

After filling in the obligatory "Are you suicidal form" (multiple choice ,so you know which boxes to tick to keep you out of the funny farm) the counsellor filed my responses without looking at it.

She then proceeded to tell me how wonderfully well I am doing (WTF!)

Actually I'm not doing well at all.

I am seething with anger that STBXH has waltzed into a job (maternity leave teacher didn't return.)

I looked on the school website to find that the school prides itself on "family values" and how great that Mr X was staying. (This is the same man who walked away from his previous job in school and had to be pursued by the CSA to support our 8 yr old daughter.) What a paragon of virtue he is!!

I long to bust his new idyllic bubble as I am so angry.

The counsellor told me that "anger is good!"

No, its not actually- its exhausting, debilitating and counter-productive.

I feel like I'm on a mental hamster wheel.

I know there's no magic wand but I had hoped for some constructive advice from someone supposedly trained as a counsellor.

What have other people's experiences with counselling been like?

Or should I just pray for karma?

[ShannonMI]

Just had my 2nd counselling session today and sadly have to say I am not impressed.

After filling in the obligatory "Are you suicidal form" (multiple choice ,so you know which boxes to tick to keep you out of the funny farm) the counsellor filed my responses without looking at it.

She then proceeded to tell me how wonderfully well I am doing (WTF!)

Actually I'm not doing well at all.

I am seething with anger that STBXH has waltzed into a job (maternity leave teacher didn't return.)

I looked on the school website to find that the school prides itself on "family values" and how great that Mr X was staying. (This is the same man who walked away from his previous job in school and had to be pursued by the CSA to support our 8 yr old daughter.) What a paragon of virtue he is!!

I long to bust his new idyllic bubble as I am so angry.

The counsellor told me that "anger is good!"

No, its not actually- its exhausting, debilitating and counter-productive.

I feel like I'm on a mental hamster wheel.

I know there's no magic wand but I had hoped for some constructive advice from someone supposedly trained as a counsellor.

What have other people's experiences with counselling been like?

Or should I just pray for karma?

If you don't like your therapist then maybe try a new one. You really need to find one that you are comfortable with. BTW anger is normal at this stage in the game. You are still trying to process what your ex did and how he seems to be "waltzing" through his new life with the OW. I would be pissed too! Especially if I had a child with this jerk and he wasn't paying support. I know being angry is exhausting and all that, but you need to feel the anger. If you didn't, there would be something wrong with you. In time the anger will pass. Look into getting a different therapist that you feel comfortable with and that gives you good advice. That will make all the difference in the world.

[Spiral70]

Hi, I'm sorry that your counselling isn't helping, I think counselling can help, but (and this is an obvious point, sorry!) it will only help if the counsellor is good at their job plus is supportive and understanding towards you, some counsellors have no empathy and you have to wonder why they are in that profession I've seen good and bad counsellors.

I found Relate helpful (relationship therapy), but maybe I was lucky that I saw someone empathic.

She listened to me, gave me feedback so I could get things clear in my head, she didn't give advice as such, but she did say things like ''that sounds positive."

I don't agree that anger is good, it's natural to feel it of course, and maybe a little anger is ok IF it's directed to changing things in a positive way, but NOT if it's eating a person up and making them ill (I'm good at that!).

Is it possible to see someone else? Don't let this person put you off, it can take a while to find the right person, whether you get free counselling or not you have the right to say you are not happy with who you are seeing.

Although seeing a counsellor helped after my break up, and it gave me some perspective on things, helped me believe things would get better, as did talking to my friends, it was me who eventually turned things around as I got to the point, a few months post break up, where I realised I was the only one who could move forward out of the misery and depression, I realised no-one could take it away for me, which was scary as it was down to me, but at least I knew what I had to do and that it was in my hands.

I don't really do the revenge thing Although 'revenge' which happens naturally, ie you don't have to do anything to get back at someone, not my style, I've got too much pride plus I'm not the sort of person who wants to make someone feel bad, although when a horrible ex of mine years ago happened to see me hand in hand with my new bf, that was satisfying and totally unplanned. The best outcome really is your ex seeing how well and happy you are without them

I think wanting any sort of retribution just keeps you feeling angry and that harms you, not him, people who treat us like crap aren't worth us getting worked up over.

Wishing you all the best hun.

 

 

 

Just had my 2nd counselling session today and sadly have to say I am not impressed.

After filling in the obligatory "Are you suicidal form" (multiple choice ,so you know which boxes to tick to keep you out of the funny farm) the counsellor filed my responses without looking at it.

She then proceeded to tell me how wonderfully well I am doing (WTF!)

Actually I'm not doing well at all.

I am seething with anger that STBXH has waltzed into a job (maternity leave teacher didn't return.)

I looked on the school website to find that the school prides itself on "family values" and how great that Mr X was staying. (This is the same man who walked away from his previous job in school and had to be pursued by the CSA to support our 8 yr old daughter.) What a paragon of virtue he is!!

I long to bust his new idyllic bubble as I am so angry.

The counsellor told me that "anger is good!"

No, its not actually- its exhausting, debilitating and counter-productive.

I feel like I'm on a mental hamster wheel.

I know there's no magic wand but I had hoped for some constructive advice from someone supposedly trained as a counsellor.

What have other people's experiences with counselling been like?

Or should I just pray for karma?

[worlybear]

:)Thanks guys! Much better advice on here than the counsellor gave! I will look into getting someone different. Its just tricky trying to make sense of everything at the moment and its frustrating me that my progress is so slow towards "recovery."

Will keep posting.

[Spiral70]

You're welcome try not to get frustrated with yourself, recovery can be slow and painstaking, there will come a time though when you think "I've had enough of this!" That's how it was for me as I said, I had enough of feeling like that and realised I couldn't keep on going through every horrible emotion possible indefinitely, it scared me thinking I could go on suffering like that long term if I didn't make a massive effort to push through it.

Yes, please keep us posted

 

 

 

:)Thanks guys! Much better advice on here than the counsellor gave! I will look into getting someone different. Its just tricky trying to make sense of everything at the moment and its frustrating me that my progress is so slow towards "recovery."

Will keep posting.

[TaraMaiden]

Just had my 2nd counselling session today and sadly have to say I am not impressed.

...

 

What have other people's experiences with counselling been like?

Or should I just pray for karma?

 

I attended counselling sessions with three counsellors.

all were short lived.

in no particular order:

one tried to tell me that if I put my faith in Jesus, he would bring me comfort and make me whole. all I had to do was to confess I was a sinner and come back to him. he was my only saviour and there was no other way for me to gain peace of mind...

 

Another ended up being counselled and supported by me, as her relationship with her H was failing.... we spent at least three sessions discussing her feelings and advisable actions (!) and

 

another told me quite plainly that she really didn't like me at all, and thought it was a weak person who went for counselling. Counselling was for snivellers, and people with no backbone.

As far as I know, this woman was dismissed the same week, because it seems other clients had reported similar experiences....

 

It would, in the end, appear that counsellors are just people, and people finding their own way, at that.

The divorce rate amongst counsellors is no different, as a cross-reference, to any other strata or sector of society.

Counsellors and therapists are obliged, as part of their education and training, to undergo counselling themselves.

Quite what the aim is, I'm not sure. But I would say some counsellors are just as messed-up - if not more so - than some of the people they are supposed to be supporting.....

An old acquaintance of mine is a youth counsellor. She counsels children and teenagers, and is resident counsellor in three different schools, as well as running her own independent clinic for people seeking private counselling/therapy for their children.

 

She gladly confesses to having run rings around her training counsellor, while she herself was studying to qualify, (her tutorial counsellor was half her age) and she has 3 children herself, all of whom could be said to have 'certain personality quirks'. And that's putting it mildly.

 

All this said, there are some pretty good counsellors around. If you feel the need to meet with someone on a one-to-one basis, keep looking. You will undoubtedly find one who suits your persona, input, character and needs.

 

Or else, keep posting on here.

While none of us here (who are indeed unqualified or inexperienced as counsellors) would ever say our advice is sacrosanct and top dollar, we can on the other hand empathise, and equate with your situation more closely, because we remember the absolute sheer hell you went through in your first, long and convoluted thread.

That was agony for you.

I remember it well.

 

Take heart, Worlybear. We're all manning the pumps for you.

 

as for praying for Karma, (because I take this seriously - in fact, many would say I'm anal about it, but being Buddhist...meh...can you blame me?! )

 

Karma comes to everyone, and can also be beneficial, positive and good.

Karma is not only negative.

Karma is being kicked in the ass by our misdeeds, not for them.

And tragically (and I really do hate to rain on people's parades with this one) don't forget nobody is immune.

We all have karmic consequences. Good, bad and neutral.

he has, or will have, his karma.

As will you, as will I as will everyone.

 

Good, bad and neutral.

Edited September 13, 2010 by TaraMaiden

[skydiveaddict]

[quote=worlybear;2994551

I feel like I'm on a mental hamster wheel.

I know there's no magic wand but I had hoped for some constructive advice from someone supposedly trained as a counsellor.

What have other people's experiences with counselling been like?

Or should I just pray for karma?

 

 

 

I don' think you should rule out a psychiatrist. You may need drug therapy as well

[TaraMaiden]

That's interesting.

What makes you say that, exactly?

 

I don't get that impression.

[TaraMaiden]

Thinks..... *skydiveaddict is unusually silent......*

[denise_xo]

Why don't you just try another counsellor? I've been to a few different ones, one who was a bit useless and a couple who were excellent (your line on the suicide multiple choice tests made me laugh, deja vu. They're quite hilarious if you're in the mood to laugh at them). Part of it is professional competence but there's also an element of personal compatibility that has to be there, IMO. I think you have to expect that parts of the process is exhausting, though.

[worlybear]

Thank you for all your support. Made a few decisions today.

1. Decided that even if it affects my legal aid I'm going to supply teach whilst I look for f/t work- its not doing me any good not working- too much thinking time. I was so relieved to help with gym club tonight I practically elbowed the kids out of the way so I could get in 1st!

2. I am cancelling the counsellor.

3. Going to wear an elastic band on my wrist so that every time I start to re-live events and get angry I'll twang it to remind me to think positive thoughts.

4. Going to make more effort to help other people even if I don't feel like it!

5. Have bought a hamster- figured a nocturnal friend is probably better for me than meds when I can't sleep.

[on edge]

you need a new therapist.

 

therapy really helped me to become the person that i am today.

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you for all your support. Made a few decisions today.

1. Decided that even if it affects my legal aid I'm going to supply teach whilst I look for f/t work- its not doing me any good not working- too much thinking time. I was so relieved to help with gym club tonight I practically elbowed the kids out of the way so I could get in 1st!

 

Nice! Did you get to the equipment first? I used to love the ropes!

2. I am cancelling the counsellor.

Providing you're happy doing this. And if they ask why - bloody well tell them!

3. Going to wear an elastic band on my wrist so that every time I start to re-live events and get angry I'll twang it to remind me to think positive thoughts.

Excellent strategy. Swap wrists regularly. At first, you'll be twanging so much, people might think you're into self-harming. Trust me. 2 bruised wrists later, it was worth it....

4. Going to make more effort to help other people even if I don't feel like it!

3 reasons.

It does you good.

It does them good.

It does good, full stop.

Be glad of that.

 

5. Have bought a hamster- figured a nocturnal friend is probably better for me than meds when I can't sleep.

 

Ooooh! What's his name?? or hers? mine loved peanuts.....!!

[worlybear]

Really wanted to call him Nigel but was over-ruled by daughter. As he squeaked indignantly when 1st picked up he's now called Pipsqueak(or Pip for short.) Don't think he's got the hang of being a" hamster relief strategy" yet. Its 10.30 pm and he's still asleep- I'm dying to poke him awake but I won't!

Well at least he's made me laugh!

[TaraMaiden]

Trust me.... come 3am, just as you're dozing off.....

 

drrrrrrrr!! hamster wheel in overdrive!!

 

 

I'd clip him to a generator and run your laptop off that.....

[skydiveaddict]

Thinks..... *skydiveaddict is unusually silent......*

 

 

I was just thinking that drug therapy, might be an option as well. I don't know, I'm not a doc. But drug therapy probably saved my sanity. Just tossing out an opinion.

[ShannonMI]

I was just thinking that drug therapy, might be an option as well. I don't know, I'm not a doc. But drug therapy probably saved my sanity. Just tossing out an opinion.

Drugs do help in conjunction with therapy. I've been on anti-depressants since I was 15 because I suffer from clinical depression. Through the years I have had to see a therapist a few times when my depression has become bad. I've had a few bad bouts of it. For the most part, though, I can manage my depression with anti-depressants. My depression hasn't limited my life in any way, really. After my breakup, I've had to see a therapist again because my depression came back with a vengance. Therapy has helped a lot.

 

Anti-depressants aren't bad by any means. When you are first put on the drugs, your doctor will most likely suggest therapy as well. Also, not everyone has to take these drugs forever. They may just be perscribed to you while you are going through this difficult time and once you are over the hump, you can stop taking them. I, personally, have to be on anti-depressants for life because I have a chemical imbalance.