How do I deal with feelings of jealousy and insecurity in a LDR?

[mia_grace]

Hello, all! I'm new to this forum. My name is Mia. I am a sophomore in college and currently in a long distance relationship. I love him, but lately there have been a few issues and it's really bumming me out.

 

1.) I have become somewhat insecure. He assures me that he loves me, and I know I love him more than anything, but before this semester started a month ago, he claimed that an LDR was becoming really hard and taking a toll on him. Then, not even a month into the semester, he had sex with one of his girl "friends" on campus. It really hurt me a lot, not to mention that he has cheated once before. I feel like the situation made me really insecure. Any advice with dealing with insecurities after being cheated on??? I'd appreciate it soooo much!

 

2.) I am also a little jealous. I am living off campus at the school I am at now, (taking community college classes when I can), because I am busy helping with my grandfather and working. I'm not involved in much else besides helping with him, and working and the few classes I am taking. On the other hand, he is involved in a lot of on campus activities and is always o busy. I used to not know why it bothered me, but after being honest with myself, I think I am jealous. Any help to deal with jealousy issues and ways to occupy my mind so I won't be so jealous????

 

Sorry for such a lengthy post, I had a lot on my mind and I don't really have anyone to go to, so any opinions / advice would be so sincerely appreciated! Thanks so much everyone! God Bless xo Mia

Edited September 13, 2010 by mia_grace

[Omei]

You say this man cheated on you with one of his friends and then also in the past imo you can't get over your insecurity in this relationship hes already broken the trust more than once with you showing you that he cannot stay committed to you at all. I believe in second chances but it sounds like this guy already got his! It doesn't sound like you're too important to him and I know you prolly love him a lot but hes only hurting you I would move on you need truck load of trust in a LDR and this guy has already said loud and clear "You cannot trust me to be committed to you"

 

Please find someone that deserves your love.

[aerogurl87]

Then, not even a month into the semester, he had sex with one of his girl "friends" on campus. It really hurt me a lot, not to mention that he has cheated once before.

 

I didn't even need to read beyond this. He doesn't love you, he just says that to keep you with him. Break up with him, find a guy who won't cheat on you, and be happy.

[skip2mylou333]

even tho he has cheated on you twice, u still strongly want to work it out? its up to you, you have try to work it out and deal with the drama that has entered into your relationship but it will be hard because u can forgive him but u will never forget. you happiness is everything, when ur happy your positive and when ur positive u are successful. you need to do what is best for you, not anyone else. look at this from outside the box, look into your future, how do you want ur future to be? its your life u can live it anyway you want? do you think ur wasting ur time right now? or do you seriously see urself marrying this guy? everything happens for a reason and u may not understand it now but sumtimes u have to learn things the hard way and when you do it gives you wisdom so you dont make the same mistakes twice. you deserve to be treated like a queen, and there may be a guy out there that wants that chance and if u stay u will just be settling rather then if u left him for a real man, in the long run u would be like dam wtf was i thinking staying with that loser when i got a real man right here. hope this helps

[LisaLee]

Bah, I would have dumped the guy after the first time he cheated on me. Sorry, I have no advice, he doesn't seem like someone you should be wasting your time on.

[Eeyore79]

Any advice with dealing with insecurities after being cheated on??? I'd appreciate it soooo much!

 

Yes... dump him and find a guy who won't disrespect you by cheating.

[mia_grace]

Thanks for the help ... it definitely gives me something to think about .

[carvidep]

Yeah... he's definitely not worth fighting for, because he's not fighting for you. He already gave up twice. If he really did love you, he wouldn't have done that.

 

You deserve to be treated with more respect, especially by the one who says he loves you.

[Lovebone]

Listen, it makes me sick that everyone here jumps to the same goddam conclusion...

 

"dump him"

"get out of there"

 

yeah i get that cheating is horrible, etc, etc.....

 

but only people that are involved in a long-distance relationship should reply to posts about long distance relationships.

 

long distance relationships are hard.

men need sex. not just sex...intimacy.

its what we are biologically preprogrammed to do.

many of us cannot control this in a relationship that dictates we have to be celibate until the next time we see you, which could be a year, a month...whatever.

 

women need to deal with this....

 

/rant.

[USMCHokie]

1.) I have become somewhat insecure. He assures me that he loves me, and I know I love him more than anything, but before this semester started a month ago, he claimed that an LDR was becoming really hard and taking a toll on him. Then, not even a month into the semester, he had sex with one of his girl "friends" on campus. It really hurt me a lot, not to mention that he has cheated once before. I feel like the situation made me really insecure.

 

Insta-LAUNCH...like 10 minutes ago...

 

 

long distance relationships are hard.

men need sex. not just sex...intimacy.

its what we are biologically preprogrammed to do.

many of us cannot control this in a relationship that dictates we have to be celibate until the next time we see you, which could be a year, a month...whatever.

 

women need to deal with this....

 

And these same people aren't meant to be in long distance relationships, and they need to deal with it...

[Omei]

Listen, it makes me sick that everyone here jumps to the same goddam conclusion...

 

"dump him"

"get out of there"

 

yeah i get that cheating is horrible, etc, etc.....

 

but only people that are involved in a long-distance relationship should reply to posts about long distance relationships.

 

long distance relationships are hard.

men need sex. not just sex...intimacy.

its what we are biologically preprogrammed to do.

many of us cannot control this in a relationship that dictates we have to be celibate until the next time we see you, which could be a year, a month...whatever.

 

women need to deal with this....

 

/rant.

 

Okayyyyy im sorry but some people out there think there is a hell of a lot more to a relationship than SEX. Intimacy is important but its not needed to have 'love' and this girl like most girls on this planet want 'LOVE' and they do look for a man that will love them deeper than being intimate.

 

And not all men 'need' sex there are men out there that want committed relationships. And this girl seems to want to be in a real relationship judging by her post thus yes the advice to dump the guy and move on.

 

"men need sex. not just sex...intimacy.

its what we are biologically preprogrammed to do.

many of us cannot control this in a relationship"

 

^^^Those type of men shouldn't be in relationships.

 

I have read some of your posts and no offence but you're starting to sound more and more like a player for love.

[LisaLee]

men need sex. not just sex...intimacy.

its what we are biologically preprogrammed to do....

women need to deal with this....

 

Right, and women don't need these very things as well.

 

Agree with Hokie... if you can't wait to have sex until the next time you see that person then you shouldn't be in one at all.