my situation

[Am4Real]

i beleive you are right. i just got another txt from her "got my stuff thanks". from her txts last night, it was like she was leaving the door open for me to start a conversation, but she left, so i'm just going to presume it's over (easier said than done) until or if she ever tells me she made a mistake and wants to work things out. this is going to be hard.

 

 

Yes, they're all hard -- that's why most are here.

 

Reach out to any of us at any time, we all understand the feeling!

[ataloss_08]

Well, it's been a week with NC, and as hard as it is, it's seems to be helping me anyway? From what i'm hearing from mutual friends, she's pretty much miserable right now. Doing a lot of drinking, not her normal pleasent self. I feel so bad for her right now and want to reach out to her, but from what i've learned on here i know it's not my responsibility any more. I guess only time will tell.

[Don Ho]

Good job on one week Bro! I'm sure it has to be a little less emotional for you. Who cares how she is doing? Ok, I'm sure you do, but really, it isn't your concern anymore and that's just second hand so you really don't know. Just keep on with the NC Bro, time heals all wounds.

[Am4Real]

Well, it's been a week with NC, and as hard as it is, it's seems to be helping me anyway? From what i'm hearing from mutual friends, she's pretty much miserable right now. Doing a lot of drinking, not her normal pleasent self. I feel so bad for her right now and want to reach out to her, but from what i've learned on here i know it's not my responsibility any more. I guess only time will tell.

 

 

Keep us posted daily if you like. We've all been through it and it really does change with time.

[ataloss_08]

Can someone tell me why she can't go for more than a week or ten days without contacting me? She ended up coming over on Sept. 27 because she was worried about me. Made the stupid mistake of telling her how i felt about her again, as that was one of our biggest issues was my lack of communication about what i wanted for us. She had no problem experessing her feelings to me. So, i thought i was doing the right thing and had been working on this among other things. She proceeds to tell me she doesn't know how she will feel a month from now, but she still cares for me. I tell her that i am not going to be in contact with her because i have some healing to do.

 

13 days later(today), she texts me, "do you mind if i get my mail"

i text back "it's n the mailbox"

she texts back again " ok thanks. i need to get my coats i think they are there sometime. How are you?"

me - no reply

 

my mistake, i let her keep her address at my house, as she doesn't even have her own place. She's staying with her best friend and her husband and child.

 

i know that i'm probably just reading too much into this, and should ignore it. What sucks is that this coming weekend i was going to propose marriage to this woman.

 

any thoughts?

[Billie The Puppet]

Can someone tell me why she can't go for more than a week or ten days without contacting me? She ended up coming over on Sept. 27 because she was worried about me. Made the stupid mistake of telling her how i felt about her again, as that was one of our biggest issues was my lack of communication about what i wanted for us. She had no problem experessing her feelings to me. So, i thought i was doing the right thing and had been working on this among other things. She proceeds to tell me she doesn't know how she will feel a month from now, but she still cares for me. I tell her that i am not going to be in contact with her because i have some healing to do.

 

13 days later(today), she texts me, "do you mind if i get my mail"

i text back "it's n the mailbox"

she texts back again " ok thanks. i need to get my coats i think they are there sometime. How are you?"

me - no reply

 

my mistake, i let her keep her address at my house, as she doesn't even have her own place. She's staying with her best friend and her husband and child.

 

i know that i'm probably just reading too much into this, and should ignore it. What sucks is that this coming weekend i was going to propose marriage to this woman.

 

any thoughts?

 

That proposal date is going to hurt big time, I flew out of town for my planned proposal date and it still hurt. However my planned proposal date changed due to other circumstances of which I had a "break" followed by a "break up" after the "break" in which she reconciled I changed the proposal date to a trip to Italy next year. Shortly before the initial proposal date I had accused her of cheating after reading an email and we have been broken up ever since. So not only did that date hurt the next one will too seeing as I had two planned dates. I still plan on going to Italy but it may be just as emotional hopefully I am fully healed by then though.

 

Now I see "breaks" for what they really are break ups in which the ex wants you to take the guilt by breaking up with them.

[Am4Real]

Can someone tell me why she can't go for more than a week or ten days without contacting me?

 

i know that i'm probably just reading too much into this, and should ignore it.

 

any thoughts?

 

Reading too much into this?

 

Thoughts?

 

Well my friend we can all keep repeating the same thing to you over and over and over untill you get it, but let me spell it out for you in bullets so its easier to follow:

 

1. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU IN HER LIFE
    
   
2. SHE IS HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH HER GUILT
    
   
3. SHE WILL DROP YOU LIKE A HOT POTATO AS SOON AS SOMEONE ENTERS HER LIFE AND PROVIDES EMOTIONAL AND POSSIBLY FINANCIAL SUPPORT
    
   
4. You continue to cling to hope
    
   
5. You do not appear to be moving on and drift in and out of some form of your own version of NO CONTACT
   

The above bullets are cyclical and will continue until you finally determine you have had enough by going full blown NO CONTACT, boxing up her personal crap and throwing it in the garbage, and having the postal service re-direct her mail or other communications to her friend’s address.

 

Do you understand my thoughts now?

[Am4Real]

I had accused her of cheating after reading an email and we have been broken up ever since.

 

Was she cheating?

[ataloss_08]

Reading too much into this?

 

Thoughts?

 

 

Well my friend we can all keep repeating the same thing to you over and over and over untill you get it, but let me spell it out for you in bullets so its easier to follow:

1. SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU IN HER LIFE
   
2. SHE IS HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH HER GUILT
   
3. SHE WILL DROP YOU LIKE A HOT POTATO AS SOON AS SOMEONE ENTERS HER LIFE AND PROVIDES EMOTIONAL AND POSSIBLY FINANCIAL SUPPORT
   
4. You continue to cling to hope
   
5. You do not appear to be moving on and drift in and out of some form of your own version of NO CONTACT
   

The above bullets are cyclical and will continue until you finally determine you have had enough by going full blown NO CONTACT, boxing up her personal crap and throwing it in the garbage, and having the postal service re-direct her mail or other communications to her friend’s address.

 

Do you understand my thoughts now?

 

I guess i needed it put to me like being hit in the head with a 20lb. sledge hammer, lol!

 

Over the time we have broken up, i have come to realize that i have not been happy with myself for a while. It didn’t have anything to with her and I or our (now failed) relationship, or her at all for that matter, although, it had a direct effect on the end result of our relationship.

 

My unhappiness had a lot more to do with my attitude and approach to everyday things in life, and my "goal setting" type personality. And if you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect someone you love to be happy with you! So, i am working on making myself happy again, and i am feeling better about it already. And the kicker of it is, it was not hard, just realizing it and making some simple changes. I had to let go of some things that I thought were way more important than what they actually are.

 

As far as the NC, i think i've been doing well. One "it's in the mailbox" text in 13 days seems like progress to me. In my defense, I didn't have any clue that anything belonging to her was still at my house, though.

 

Yes, i made a mistake when she asked me if she could leave her address at my house, and i told her yes. But, on the other hand, she can come and pick her mail up at any time and i would not have to see her. The mailbox is at the end of the drive, and that's a good 50 yards from the actual house.

 

Initially, yes i did do the address change with the wrong motives, hoping that she just needed some time and would be back.

 

Looking at the situation from a different perspective now, it was actually me needing time to get my priorities in life straight. NOT for her, but for me. I am realizing now that i don't "need" her like i first thougt when she broke it off. If it were “to be” in the future, now i'm looking at it as it would just be icing on the cake. Does it make it any easier, I’m thinking now somewhat. But I know I’m not out of the woods just yet. One thing that I’ve read DonHo imply and I’ve been taking to heart: “man up, grow some balls, quit being a pu**y” . Thanks to all who have replied, this has helped me out tremendously.

[Billie The Puppet]

Was she cheating?

 

The weekend previous to accusation:

 

My sister was flying into town for a visit, my ex is supposed to come over to greet my sister and spend a weekend at my place, she calls and says work exhausted her she doesn't feel like getting a weekend bag ready and busing out she just wants to relax at home. I'm a bit disappointed but understand. An hour later she calls and is at a female friends house and apologizes saying her friend called and picked her up. I said that's fine have a girls weekend I'll just spend the weekend with my sister and we'll just hang out the following weekend.

 

Well Sunday frees up for both of us, so I stupidly decide Id surprise her and Bus to her place. She calls while I am on the bus and acts all happy and surprised. I get to her place and spend that Sunday with her, her sister and her sisters fiancé. We go to a flea market. However this whole day my ex is completely giving me the cold shoulder. I dismiss it as perhaps time of the month. I couldn't even kiss her. So her sister brings up a theme park trip that we were planning and my ex has plans to spend that weekend or part of it with coworkers. I jokingly said well I'll still go with you guys.

 

Sunday night comes and usually the ex wants me to stay the night but this night she didn't care in fact it was more of a burden because it was easier for me if I stayed.

 

Well that Monday morning she has a new shift in a job I helped get her. She was so tired out of love I decided I'd make her her lunch.

 

She appreciated thus but I still got dwindled affection like just a hug.

 

During the week thus whole Sunday bothered me so I thought I'd give her space. She and I end up talking on msn and I ask her if she thought we got back together to soon from the " break " we had a month prior when she was unemployed. She says we will talk later.

 

I'm still getting cold shoulder but it's ****ed up because during the break we discussed engagement and she was like I'd still say yes.

 

Well mid week comes I boot up my computer and msn loads in the system tray I right click check mail and open an email that's entitled re:

 

J read it and it's all mumbo jumbo until I read my ex's phone number. I realize she was the last one signed in or atleast msn defaulted to auto sign in her but I was in her account. Stupidly I reread the email notice that it was sent the day my sister arrived when she was at the female friends house. Basically this email was from her to her current boss and seeing as I was a previous boss to her it's all reminiscent of how she met me. It's also apologizing how she got his email wrong and couldn't hang that weekend.

 

So I Terrorize in almost every form of communication I can to get ahold of her. I end up discussing this with her sister before I can her. Trust me I made so many mistakes here I know.

 

I finally get ahold of her but by then I already was too insecure and needy.

 

Since the break up July 26th to sept 3 we were on LC and as far as I know she hasn't acted that email but I have gone NC after misread signals she gave me in LC.

 

In short I don't know if she cheated or if she is with this new person. However I broke her trust though accidental.

[Nkognito]

I just wanted to step in and say that the issue and the people replies to it have helped enlighten me. I am perhaps on the first month of NC and as well I should continue because of my Heinz 57 of a story.

 

I wanted to thank Don Ho, Billie, Am4Real for their input. I troll this forum often as do others, just seeking input and analyzing different situations that might outline mine or her actions. I found this one close to it and its replies are truly helpful. Just thought I would show some appreciation to you guys for helping each other out.

 

As for ataloss_08, it's going to be a tough battle but this forum is a good place for a lot of people. I think in time as you read some of the other threads you'll find that more than one person lost someone they wish they had not. For now your reply was spot on and incredibly close to how I examine myself and my issues. I jumped into something a year after getting out of a 12 year relationship. It was too early and, I did not give myself enough time to examine what I want and to get confortable with myself. But I have found out in your recent post that you and I need to do the same, it just took the replies of these good forum members to help you come to that conclusion as it also helped me to do the same.

Edited October 12, 2010 by Nkognito

[Don Ho]

Thanks for the props Bro. Hang in there.

[Billie The Puppet]

It's funny seeing my name thanked for if I give advice it's usually based of the situation I am still not over myself, Don has nickednamed me Billie The Hijacker or Was it Billie The Terrorist? which I did do in this thread replying to Am4Real. I reply to add my story which must be in every thread since sept 1st .

However my replies may be useful to others.

 

Still pining? Yes I am, I'm falling backwards like Collegeguy_24 is. However I think it is due to not ready to date/move on relationship wise but like I keep saying other aspects of life are looking good. I weighed 205 lbs I'm now 164.2 lbs, not to far off my targeted weight. The majority of that I lost in the first month. Still though why is the beer belly the last place weight is noticeably lost? I swear I lost love handles, flabby arms and in the face but a tiny gut sometimes still shows through T's. I'm starting to look a lot like when my ex and I first met.

Looks like another highjack

[Don Ho]

Billie! You HiJacking Prick!